Hello, new here from the N18 board, wondering if you ladies could help me out...
A bit about my history, had 3 high risk, but otherwise good pregnancies in 2005/2007/2009. Divorced, remarried and had a surprise pregnancy early last year. No symptoms of miscarriage other than a scant amount of brown spotting, but it was enough for me to worry. Scans at 7 and 8 weeks showed baby never developed past 6w2d and we never saw a heartbeat. Dr. gave me Misoprostol which I administered at home. It was heartbreaking, but generally textbook and I passed the gestational sac about 5 hours after inserting the pills. After that, we tried a year of no birth control, to see what would happen. Turns out, nothing, my 36 bday was the cutoff, and that passed in Feb. We made peace with that and were OK. Then, Mar 7/18, BFP! Nervous and excited, we waited. My PGAL brain had me at the dr a week in asking for some reassurance. She ordered blood work and ultrasound. HCG was good and rising well. Scan showed baby about a week behind, no heartbeat and suggested "possible embryonic demise" repeat scan ordered in one week. HCG was still good. I went into the second scan already crying. Results showed growth, healthy baby and HB of 112! A week and a half later was my first OB-GYN appt at 8 weeks. Scan there showed growth on track, HB of 154, and we got a new due date. Feeling a little more confident, we told our blended crew of 5 kids age 8-13. They were so excited! Especially my DD who started talking to the "little bean" in my belly and my SD who said this was an answer to her prayers.
Around Wednesday this past week, my anxiety was starting to build again. Still experiencing the glory of first tri symptoms, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Tried to be more positive, pray, shake it off. Couldn't. I found out on Thursday night that you can book a private heartbeat scan for about $20. Called on Friday morning, they got me in on Saturday afternoon. DH was home with our crew, so I asked my mom to come with. 30 seconds in I was already starting to cry and I said there's no heartbeat, is there. She's not a medical/diagnostic tech, so she said all she could say was that she saw a baby of 8-9 week size and she couldn't see what she should be seeing. There was no flicker, no HB. She said to go to ER or call my Dr, there was no charge for the scan, and take the time I needed before leaving. Mom started driving while I paged my Dr. When I reached her, she checked to make sure I was safe and well-supported, but that since I wasn't experiencing any physical symptoms, that I should come in fasting on Monday morning to see her in fetal development, and we would decide what to do from there. I asked if I should confirm the findings of the clinic since they aren't diagnostic, but she said they are still well-trained sonographers and she trusted what they saw.
I'm devastated, my family and kids are being fantastic and supportive, though my daughter just cried with me for a good long while. My heart knew first, now my brain does, but my body is betraying me by still feeling very much pregnant. It's just so awful. I feel stupid for allowing myself to hope and dream that this might end differently.
Finally my questions: I'm assuming that since she specified I should be fasting, that she wants to be ready for a D&C? What should I expect? (I am 36, 9w2d, and have a complicated medical history) How long is it likely to take? How much time should I plan to take off work? Am I OK to go alone and drive myself about an hour home? (DH has a job that is tricky to book off from, and is working on Monday) Any help/advice/guidance is welcomed. Thanks for taking the time to read