TTCAL Week of 4/9

dpjennifer · April 2018

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be?

dpjennifer · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. unexplained RPL. 4 MCs.

Status: CD 25. WTO.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? O is taking forever this month... by forever, I mean approx. 4-ish days longer than normal. Really just want to O and get into the TWW. Waiting... waiting... waiting...

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? Probably Hermione. I love her brains and love of learning!

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/28

Status: CD3 / WTO.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm just so tired right now. I don't want to function at life at all. AF is really beating me down. I have nothing exciting going on.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nuthin

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? Also Hermione. I think she's the whole package.

@dpjennifer anything longer then the normal day is forever while WTO.

KristoKekerooni · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses. Who knows why?

Status: Benched, I guess

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I think I finally stopped bleeding. Last time I had a loss, I bled from the loss, and then two weeks later got my period. I wonder if it all ran together and part of that was actual period? I dunno what I should expect. Right now we are just trying to decide what to do. We have two more embryos frozen. We will transfer those in May/June. But if that doesn't work... I guess another ER. I've briefly looked into gestational surrogacy. It seems stupid for me to keep getting pregnant, when clearly it doesn't really work too well. So I guess we need to decide before another ER if we want to transfer to me, someone else, or just start over elsewhere (adoption? I dunno...)

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Taking this cycle off. Getting another HSG done next cycle, I guess.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? OMG. I, too, love Hermione, but I think, since I already relate so much to her, I'm asking for much of the same thing. I feel like Hermione has overwhelming anxiety, and I know I don't tolerate my own very well. So I think I'd choose Ginny (Book Ginny, not move Ginny) Because she's a badass with just the right amount of Hermione-like character, or Luna, because no one can say she isn't happy... happiness/contentedness is something I find really enviable.

clbness · April 2018

@dpjennifer WTO is just as frustrating as TWW...hoping you O very soon!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC at 8 weeks in February

Status: CD26 TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? I'm just trying to keep a positive mind and trying not to be too let down if AF comes. I tend to get too upset about things that are out of my control.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Maybe a FRER tomorrow

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? I'm prepared to be flamed...I've never seen any of the movies! I've always said I wanted to read the books before I saw the movies and I only read the 1st book years ago...and then stopped there.

Not because I didn't like it, because I really did...but I guess I just got lazy.

galactickates · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Ectopic pregnancy diagnosed at 9 weeks that resulted in laparoscopic surgery with my LO and left tube removed. We had heard a heart beat a few days prior and told everything was great so it was extremely shocking at my dating appointment to see a heart beating and then have surgery that night.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
We've been really busy with house stuff on the weekends so I haven't had much time to think about it. It's during the work week when I really struggle and it's on my mind the most. There is a ton of fear that this is going to be a long road for me. At this point I know that my other tube can sweep over but it's starting to feel like that's a fairy tale people tell me to give me hope. We had perfect timing last month but yet AF showed and it was all for nothing. It's extremely disheartening.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Opks at the end of the week

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be?
I'd want to be Harry! He has a ton of responsibility and went through such a tragic thing with losing his parents but he can do anything and is so well loved.

eleven_ · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses this year.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’ve been feeling lately that I won’t ever have another baby and contemplating what life would be like if we were just done. It’s made me feel really numb about everything.

I read this quote and loved it so much so I thought I would share.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/js/0x7bi1v4gc5f.png

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I was supposed to get a saline sonogram this week, but I was so sick. It will have to be next month.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? I’d want to be Harry Potter. Then I could hang out with my favorites (Ron and Hermione).

@kristokekerooni The cycle after loss is such a mind-f*ck! I hate wondering what my body is going to do. You guys have a lot of big decisions ahead. I hope that whatever option that you decide on brings you peace
@clbness You should try the Harry Potter audiobooks. Jim Dale (the narrator) does an incredible job.
@galactickates Hugs, friend. I can’t imagine what you are going through (after an EP), but I do feel like this road has been and will continue to be a long road for me too.

dpjennifer · April 2018

KristoKekerooni Good luck figuring out the path forward. RPL is a biotch. Also, book Ginny is awesome! You are right about Hermione and anxiety and it being more of the same of what we face already. Le sigh.

galactickates Post loss (especially the first one) is difficult with each passing month because there's this huge desire to be PG NOW, you don't usually qualify for testing yet, and there's like nothing you can do besides BD at the right time frame, and maybe work to exercise and eat as healthy as you can. That's pretty much it. And it can be super frustrating! Just try to keep hope... if you are here for a long journey, there will be some of us with you long-term as well! If not (and hopefully you won't be here long-term), you'll be moving on in no time!

clbness OMG!?!?
gary oldman seriously GIF

But for real... they are awesome.

Pick them back up! (In fact, the audio books read by Jim Dale are equally amazing)
Harry Potter GIF by emibob

galactickates · April 2018

@eleven_ I really love what you posted about grief. You always find things like that, that capture what I can't find the words to say. I really connected with the unfurling part. We just planted a couple Japanese maples and their leaves have been unfurling so that visual tied with feelings is pretty strong right now. Thank you for sharing that.

@KristoKekerooni - I don't even have the right words to say to you. I would be giving the middle finger to the sky and now on top of it you have major decisions to make. It seems crazy that the world doesn't stop when something like this happens. It's so hard to deal with what's happened in the past while trying to look at and plan the future. I don't really have anything constructive to add because I'm still struggling myself. I really wish I did.
Can we get Harry Potter's wand up in here? I think some of us could really use some of that magic.

lin0442 · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 2 losses- one cp, one in wk 13

Status: WTO, cd9

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are ok. Had a long chat with a friend this weekend- she’s 30 and not sure she wants to have kids, but also knows from her medical/family history it will be tough for her if she does, so she’s trying to plan for the future. It was a really interesting conversation, and I hope whatever she decides will work out well for her.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have unofficial results back from my MRI, and it looks like I have a small uterine septum (it’s borderline if it even counts, from what I’ve seen online). Waiting to hear from the RE as to whether they want to do anything about it, or if it’s not worth the risks of surgery.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? I didn’t read the last couple of books, but Hagrid always struck me as a cool dude who was trying to live a chill life. He kept neat magical animals and was a good, friendly person to those around him and who did a lot more to help than people gave him credit for. Hermione is really cool, though, as a nerdy bookworm she was my favorite character when I read them.

zamoraspin · April 2018

@KristoKekerooni I am so sorry for all of the uncertainty and that you may have to continue to explore options after so much heartache. It's incredibly unfair how long this journey has been for you already. I hate to be that person who suggests things because I know you guys have already done so much, but I'm going to anyway. Have you talked to your RE about: (1) suppressing your immune response with heparin or lovenox; (2) intralipid infusions (I admit I don't know a lot about intralipids but they are all the rage I guess, you may have tried these already) (3) did you do an endometrial receptivity test to make sure your dr is transferring at the right time?

Talking with my RE, she basically has given me two reasons for unexplained RPL. One is genetic issues with the embryos (i.e., in my case, DH and I are genetically healthy, but our embryos are not so good), the other is that my body may be attacking the embryo, some kind of immune response that hasn't come up on any tests (she thinks there is an immune component to some RPL patients' cases that currently is not well understood). So her pitch to us is that we should do IVF with PGS so that we know that we are transferring a good embryo. She said if we transferred one PGS normal embryo that did not result in a successful pregnancy she would put me on heparin. Apparently heparin quiets the immune system. It's a serious drug with possible risks so she would not prescribe it unless she knew I had lost a pregnancy with a normal embryo. eta on the receptivity test - my RE seems to be of the mind that you either get pregnant or you don't, and if you get pregnant there is not a receptivity problem meriting an ERA, however, I have heard some RE's think differently about this which is why I mentioned it.

Again, I am so sorry.

KristoKekerooni · April 2018

@zamora_spin , I'll talk all the suggestions I can get!
So, To answer all those, my doc is of the opinion that it either implants or it doesn't, so they didn't recommend an ERA, especially since a couple of my losses were later (past 8 weeks), so it seems implantation was pretty strong. I sorta have to agree, based on my limited research, but I might try it because why not? As far as intralipids, we are adding them in to this next transfer, but doctor doesn't think it's the make it or break it kinda deal. I was already on the full immune protocol, and the only thing I didn't do on the protocol was intralipids, due to back ordering issues. Together, it all makes a difference, but individual components of the protocol shouldn't make it or break it. Part of that protocol was baby aspirin and lovenox, so I have tried that part of it.

zamoraspin · April 2018

@KristoKekerooni Argh. Well, how frustrating that you've already tried the immune protocols. I do know (also from my RE), sometimes even PGS normal embryos just don't work out for unknown reasons. How helpful, I know.

oaklandava · April 2018

@galactickates I have a Harry Potter wand from Universal Harry Potter World in Florida. I took my cheerleaders on a trip over Christmas because they performed in the halftime show of the bowl game. We went to HP world and all got wands and walked around doing spells. Sadly, it hasn't worked since we left...

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss 5 days ago. BFP 2/26, miscarriage 4/4.

Status: Benched I guess

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Currently still bleeding from the MC. Wondering when it will stop. Wanting to try again. The baby was sort of a surprise as we didn't expect to get pregnant that quickly and I have wrapped my head around there being 4 of us now in our family. DH doesn't seem as convinced but I am working on it.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? I am a SUPER Harry Potter fan! I'd say probably Molly Weasley. I know she's not the most popular character of the book series, but the fact that she cares so much for Harry and Hermione as though they were her kids (when she already has a brood) is endearing to me. Also, she takes care of everyone and everything and was pretty bad ass in the last book up against Bellatrix.

holly321 · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MMC 2/12 MMC molar pregnancy 8/17

Status: benched/wto

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
My body acted like it was going to O then changed it's mind. I had another near positive opk today, so hopefully things will work out. I am glad O delayed, because I was O-ing early and that would make me most likely out for next cycle too. but I am nervous that whatever was making me not menstrate or ovulate last year is happening again. I wasn't temping or using opks for the first few cycles, but I was definitely having symptoms like I was about to ovulate, and it was happening a few times each month.
Emotionally, I keep finding myself excited to hopefully get pregnant again, which excited is not a feeling I have really been allowing myself for a while, because at the same time I feel excitement, I almost instantly get upset because we can't try for what is still undetermined time, plus I am terrified it will be another loss.
DH and I have been talking, he really doesn't want to try if we have a loss again. He says he hates to see how I am, and he hates that o have all these sad anniversaries (he gets sad too, but knows the dates bother me more and he feels helpless). We did discuss things in detail, and he did say if it is early, he would probably try again if we do have another loss.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
I had to take a pregnancy test to get a script from my doctor, I was aggravated because I told them my period ended the day before. I was surprised how much that bothered me.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be?
I don't really know much about harry Potter, so I have no clue. Maybe. I will take a BuzzFeed quiz and let you know what they think, lol.

lokibear89 · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Mmc at 9 weeks followed by d&e

Status:tww

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Feeling positive which is good we will see how crazy I get over the next ten days.
**tw pregnancy mentioned*** got a message from DH sister because we hadn't realised the landline wasn't working and they live on the other side of the world. Turns out his 16 year old sister is accidentally pregnant. As a horrible person my first thought was how unfair on me that was. Followed by the sense that it's going to be a hard life for her now. I just feel with all the announcements lately that I am everyone else's pregnancy good luck charm. ***tw ended ****

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Will be waiting til the 20th to test.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? Newt because I want the creatures and that amazing suitcase!

clbness · April 2018

@eleven_ Thanks for the rec! I actually just downloaded the Sorcerer's Stone on Amazon to reread, but I may have to do the audiobooks on my commute to/from work (almost 2 hours roundtrip).
@dpjennifer I know, I know, I'm missing out! But, y'all lit a fire under my arse.

lokibear89 · April 2018

@KristoKekerooni First cycle after a loss is awful, its not like there is a definitive 'this is what it should be' so you just get to hang around waiting.

@holly321 I think that would bother me too, although I understand they might have a protocol they have to follow. But a period a few days before is a pretty clear sign you aren't preggers

cassafrass15 · April 2018

For those of you I didn’t respond to after my intro last week, I so appreciate your support and kind words. Had some anxiety over the weekend that kept me off of the internet.

@KristoKekerooni After this last loss (or on-going loss) I keep thinking: is it insanity for us to keep trying to get PG only to lose it every, damn time? I’ve been pregnant 5 times in my life and I have no children. IVF with PGS is likely our next step, but even that terrifies me at this point. I guess don’t have any good advice for you, but I wanted to say that I feel some
of your pain.

@eleven_ Thag quote really resonated with me, especially since I tend to minimize my grief.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 4 early losses in the last 13ish months. Endo dx, but otherwise unexplained RPL.

Status: Benched after D&C last Thurs.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had a decent weekend recuperating and binge-watching “Queer Eye,” but I had these really sad moments after DH had gone to bed where I just couldn’t hold back my tears. I’m usually great at holding it in, but I think I’m feeling more defeated lately. We can’t really make any decisions until after we have the results of the placental tissue pathology (if we even get results) in 4 weeks. But my brain is so programmed for TTC that it’s impossible to avoid worrying over what the next step will be basically every minute of every day.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have a follow-up with RE on Thursday to see how things are moving along post-D&C. I’ve been bleeding heavier the past two days, hoping that is normal?

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? I admire Hermione, but her high-achieving and slightly controlling nature also remind me too much of myself. I’d like to be more like Luna - loyal, eccentric and super chill.

galactickates · April 2018

@cassafrass15 - I do the same thing. I hold in my feelings until I'm alone, in the car or when DH runs to the store, or in the shower. There is something about being by yourself that your forced to sit with your thoughts and feelings. I'm sorry you're going through this again. I really am.

KristoKekerooni · April 2018

@cassafrass15 , Yeah, exactly. It feels crazy. Especially because my last loss was a PGS-tested embryo. So like, why bother if nothing will work ?
I really hope whatever you try works for you.

CraftyG · April 2018

@dpjennifer I was waiting ages for O too, apparently it's to do with two planets being in retrogade and it affects some people. Not saying i believe it but hey it's always nice to have some sort of answer!

@prpl11butterfly I agree, sometimes adulting sucks and i just want to take all the naps

@KristoKekerooni I hate that first cycle after you have no idea how it's gonna be and it can be different each time, i hope that you both can come to an agreement that you can agree on

@clbness I'm totally with you on letting things that you can't control have too much control in your emotions

@galactickates Grief is such a difficult and confusing thing and i think that this type of grief is so much more confusing because it's so incredibly personal than any other type *Hugs and dog gifs sending your way*

@eleven_ That quote is absolutely beautiful! I want to write it out and frame it, it's exactly right and so many people think that grieving should be done privately when in reality it needs to be shared!

@lin0442 Hope that you get some more answers soon!

@oaklandava Oh i'm so sorry for your loss, take care of yourself

@holly321 That's such a difficult conversation to have with your partner, me and Fi have had it a few times and it's just sad knowing that you're not on the same page and that that conversation even needs to happen

@lokibear89 I wouldn't even know what to say in that situation!

@cassafrass15 Oh i'm so sorry for your loss, sounds like duvet days are exactly what you need right now. Have you thought about opening up more emotionally with your partner?

Intro urself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Loss at 13 weeks Jan 16, loss at 9 weeks Oct 17

Status: CD 26, TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Any testing coming up/any recent results? Rant - Started this week feeling like poo for a number of reasons, one was i went onto Facebook and ofcourse the first thing was a friend announcing she had a little boy and it completely caught me off gaurd as i had no idea she was even pregnant. Rave - Had a bit of an epiphany moment where i kinda thought well why am i so unhappy and put so much pressure on myself? I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard, money in my bank account, a fiance that loves me and i'm only 24. I'm incredibly lucky despite all the sadness in my life.

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? Oh lord, no one! I would love the magic but i just want a happy life and i don't really think any of them are that happy!

dpjennifer · April 2018

holly321 Sorry for all the emotions. I wish your DH had a crystal ball that could tell the future! I’d love to know if/when I will get PG with a take-home baby! To know if all these losses and heartbreak are worth it. And I’m sure you’d love to know too! I know what you mean about getting excited but also terrified. For the last few losses I just felt like I could NOT go through this again and was thinking about giving it all up. But as time went on, I started to feel apprehensive about trying again. Then I get excited like you’re feeling… and hopeful to be PG again. Although still terrified about having another MC, I am hopeful for the future. It’s this cycle of suck! Good luck working through all the emotions that come with it. Also, URGH to the doctor making you take a test when you KNOW you’re not PG! I went to have an x-ray at the dentist last year and they asked if I was PG before I went to do it and I laughed at them… because I was on CD 3, still bleeding, the first cycle after MC… and I’m a depressed crazy person.

lokibear89 Ugh. Sorry about the irresponsible oops PG after DH’s sister. It sucks to see the injustice that surrounds who can become and keep a PG, and who can’t. Any chance she’d have it and you could adopt it? (sorry if this is too bitter or presumptuous.)

clbness YES!!!! Glad I could influence someone for good. I’m usually just a BAD influence. Hehe.

cassafrass15 Ugh, 4 weeks must seem like forever to wait for the testing news. I’m sorry and am sending you patient vibes. (God knows I’d need them in your situation!) Remember that you probably still have PG hormones in your body and you’re dealing with all of these emotions with those hormones that are making everything worse. I often felt more depressed after DH went to bed, when I just couldn’t sleep or do anything else. I just felt numb and depressed. I hope you can start to feel a little better and lighter soon.

lokibear89 · April 2018

@dpjennifer Apparently this is also her second pregnancy but she wants to keep this one, also the guy who got her pregnant has also got a 15 year old girl knocked up around the same time. DH is pissed and doing his level best not to take out his own disappointment on her. Easier because we only message or skype as they are on the other side of the world.

nmbrcrnchr1 · April 2018

@KristoKekerooni I’m so sorry you find yourself having to make this type of decision. Please know I’ve been thinking about you and I hope you have the peace of mind to make the right choices.
@galactickates I’ve read your story many times but every time my heart breaks for you. Unfortunately you and I have a special bond (#1tubeunite)

but I hope and pray your right “picks up” the most perfect egg. (Hugs)
@eleven_ I’m sorry you are having a hard time, I have also had to think quite a bit lately of not having another child. It’s so frustrating and I’m trying to be strong but some days...not so much! Love the quote/passage!
@oaklandava I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here. I hope your body starts to heal quickly so emotionally you can heal. I found my loss so much worse when my physical symptoms were high.
@holly321 I’m sorry your body is not being clear in what it’s doing. I’m also sorry your DH may not want to “maybe” try again, but I’m in the same situation. The day of my surgery I wasn’t sure I wanted to and my DH was completely okay with that. I’ve since decided I wanted to but I’m not sure my DH does, mostly bc those days were dark...and he cares so much for me. I hope you and your husband can come to the same understanding and that you both are comfortable with the decision. It is a team effort, and I have to remind myself of that daily!

I’m sorry I haven’t been more active. Easter weekend was rough (see below) and then work has been crazy. But I’ve been lurking and love titing and rooting for you all!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. TTC since Jul/Aug17. Ectopic feb18, ending in right tube removal and benched status for 6 months (4 months left!!!)

Status: netflixing, but no chilling

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Where do I begin? Mentally/emotionally I’m better than last week. **TW we would have announced on Easter weekend so it was a pretty emotional weekend for me **end TW
work has been ridiculous, 12+ hours thenlast week, including the weekend, and no end in sight. I should be working right now but I said enough and am having a glass of wine

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I’m not sure if I ever posted (and too lazy to look back) but my hcg went back to 0 so everything is good on that end and now we wait....4 more months we wait, to see if my left tube even performs!

GTKY: If you could choose to be anyone from the Harry Potter Universe, who would you be? Um...little early for FFFC but I’ve never seen the HP films nor have I read the book

dpjennifer · April 2018

lokibear89 UGh, she and her future baby daddy sound like real winners! Glad you don't have to physically interact with them. I couldn't even deal with that. I totally couldn't keep my mouth shut if I had to deal with her, even on an irregular basis... I've got way too much rage/depression/anxiety issues, especially with RPL. She seems to embody everything wrong and the injustice of reproduction in the world. Good luck with that situation!!!!

nmbrcrnchr1 Sorry Easter was so emotional for you. That had to have been rough. It sucks when holidays/events/etc are ruined because of MC. Glad you're feeling a bit better. Also, WHA!?!? with not seeing HP. Seriously, listen to the audio books by Jim Dale. They are excellent. And you could listen to them while you're driving/cleaning/contemplating stabbing someone/etc.!!

cassafrass15 · April 2018

@galactickates Thanks - and you hit the nail on the head, especially about letting my feelings flow when I’m in the car. With sappy music. Ugh.
@KristoKekerooni This might be totally creepy, but I’ve been following your journey for a while and I have been and will continue to root for you.
@dpjennifer Patience is a virtue I do not possess, so thanks for the good vibes. I have a suspicion that I’m going to google myself into a stupor while waiting for those results...

dpjennifer · April 2018

cassafrass15 Patience is definitely something I lack as well! Big time. Good luck with Dr. Google and I hope you can try to remain sane for a few more weeks!

KristoKekerooni · April 2018

@cassafrass15 , not creepy at all, when I'm posting on a public forum.

. But thank you, I appreciate that so much.

eleven_ · April 2018

@holly321 I’m so sorry your DH said he doesn’t want to try again if you experience another loss. I sometimes feel so bad for my DH because I know that seeing me so depressed makes him feel helpless. I know men feel deeply about going through a loss, but it’s so much easier for them to not think about it all the time. I’m sometimes jealous that DH gets to live so carefree.
@lokibear89 Ugh, I hate hearing about accidental pregnancies! Especially when they are unwanted. It makes me feel rage, bitterness, envy… basically just every negative emotion possible. I’m sorry you are feeling like everyone else’s good luck charm. FX that you are your own lucky charm this cycle
@cassafrass15 4 weeks is such a long time to wait. You are completely justified to feel worried and defeated. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so sorry Easter was so hard for you. I really wish that I could forget all the triggering dates. I have the hardest time remembering my own anniversary, yet I will have pregnancy milestone dates engraved in my head forever. Your work always sounds so crazy! How many hours do you work a week?

oaklandava · April 2018

@CraftyG Thanks. I know what you mean about realizing you're lucky. I kind of had that epiphany last night. After losing my parents and grandparents and being the oldest in my family at the age of 26, I kind of just went through this period where I felt so down and out. Then I realized, I have a job, a husband, a house, food, clothes, money...etc. I'm so much luckier than so many people and I felt bad. But it's normal, we all do it girl.

@lokibear89 I totally get it..the "why not me" thing. I've been horrible about it lately and I feel like such a bad person, but I don't think we're bad people for wanting something so badly. You definitely are not alone in that<3

TTCAL Week of 4/9

Re: TTCAL Week of 4/9

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