Family at the first appointment?

dlcnette · April 2018

So, my first appointment is this week. My Doctor wouldn't see me until atleast 9 weeks. First time pregnancy. I'm prepared for my husband to go with me, and my sister, she will be there for a first time breast exam due to her own health concerns. Now my in laws are asking to come. They're really excited, which I truly appreciate, but I feel bad, I am only prepared enough for it to be my S.O. to be with me. Is it wrong that I want the first appointment to be just him and I? I just really want to get through this trimester and then I'm happy to have them come along. Should I suck it up or be selfish?

mamachameleon · April 2018

I wouldnt want anyone but my bf honestly. Its his baby and mine. Nobody elses. They can enjoy from what i choose to tell them

lurvleybunchococonuts · April 2018

Hells no. Those rooms are small enough. I want MH to be there (when he can be) and that's it.

ETA: ugh... I shudder at the thought of my in-laws being at one of my appointments. I don't even want my own mother there let alone MH's mom. Boundaries man. I get that they're excited, but share an ultrasound photo and leave it at that. Also just to note, based on everything I've heard the 1st appointment is usually long and includes a pap exam so no way, no how, nah uh... aint happening. You are mom. You are allowed to say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with that." Or if you don't want the guilt/blame, tell them your doctor's office will not allow anyone but your SO in the room. Or better yet, tell your SO to get their crazy family under control and tell them NO.

lifesabeach85 · April 2018

Sounds like your in laws have boundary issues. My suggestion is to nip it in the bud. Next thing they’ll want to be at the anatomy scan or worse, the birth! I would have your husband tell them that you want it (and other milestones) to be a special moment for you.

jengibre_zorro · April 2018

*lurking from October* my first appointment involved a pap smear and STD testing. Would not want my family there for that!

soehlerk · April 2018

Every family is different, but I'd vote a definite no. My husband and I are already starting to discuss how to lay down boundaries--his family lives 5 hours away, but they're already talking about coming and staying with us for a week when the baby comes? No, thank you; I'll need my space.

firsttimespartanmom · April 2018

I would check with your doctors office too - mine is very specific that you can have one person with you, no children.

middleschoolmommy · April 2018

As others mentioned, first appointments typically include a pap smear. Also, if there is an ultrasound there is still a chance it will be trans-vaginal. I can't imagine anyone besides DH there for that... awkward!

You probably also need to use this to set some boundaries. If they are asking to come to your first appointment, they will most likely expect to be there for the birth! Think about just how involved you want them in your pregnancy and stick to those limits.

MamaMunn · April 2018

It’s not selfish at all for you to want just the two of you there! Plus at ge first appt you will have a vaginal and breast exam. I would have not been comfortable with my in laws there. This is a great time to start setting boundaries with them I think

runningyogimama · April 2018

Heck freaking no to anyone but my husband being there! Also, definitely a good time to set some boundaries with the in laws!

tessiesmom26 · April 2018

+1000 for eff no to ILs being there. Also agreed that you need to start talking boundaries NOW to avoid any issues down the road.

therealfrizzle · April 2018

Looks like this has been answered, but just want to add that the first ultrasound is usually a vaginal one. It was awkward for me when DH was watching (due to the way the room is set up, he couldn't sit next to me, but had to by my legs). There is absolutely no reason for anyone other than your SO to be there.

kecoff01 · April 2018

My MIL asked if she could come to my first appointment this Friday. This is my third baby. I didn't let her come to any of my appointments with my last two pregnancies. Since this will likely be our last baby, and I know how bad she wants to see the ultrasound (even though it will just be a gummy bear baby), I decided I would let her. A little bit has to do with the fact that my husband won't be able to make it and I really don't like going to my first appointments alone, just in case something isn't right. I will probably have her wait in the waiting area or leave when I meet with the midwife though. In the past I would have said no way, but I'm trying to work on repairing my relationship with my MIL that has become strained after my first was born because of my postpartum depression and the way it kind of changed the way I perceived her.

***BUT*** you should do what YOU feel comfortable with. I agree with what others have said - it is super important to set boundaries early on. I'm letting my MIL come to this appointment but it will probably be the only one, and when it's time for baby to come I won't want her in the delivery room with me either (which I have a feeling she's going to ask for next).

goldie987 · April 2018

Nope. My view is if you weren't there for conception, you don't get to come to the appointments unless the initiative to invite is taken by the woman painstakingly growing the teeny tiny human.

Also, I don't know what your relationship with your ILs is like but I personally wouldn't want my ILs to be in the room with me if, God forbid, something was wrong and we found out during the appointment. Show then an ultrasound pic, record the heartbeat on your phone if your doc allows it, give them a rundown of what happened but there really is zero reason for them to be there. After all, they aren't the ones having a baby.

eahayes · April 2018

Hell no. I love my in laws but no way. That was a super special moment with my husband and I and I wouldn't have wanted to share that with other people that I automatically hesitate on (meaning I probably would have been happy to have my mom there, but not my in laws)

MouseMama817 · April 2018

Its up to you, but +1 for checking w/ your doctors office about the amount of people allowed in the room.
If you don’t want them to go, just explain about wanting privacy since there will most likely be moments when you’re practically naked. Send them a photo of the u/s, a recording of the heartbeat, and maybe even tell them you’d love for them to come to a subsequent trans abdominal u/s in the future (if you actually would like that lol).

vrj0522 · April 2018

Oh heck no! First of all, that's way too many people in a tiny u/s room. And second, there is a very good chance that you'll need to strip down for both the u/s and the appointment with the doctor. Plus like everyone else has said, boundaries.

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