3rd IVF miscarriage

helloitstrisha · January 2018

Hi all,

I’m new to this community and I’m a first-time poster. I just found out today via ultrasound that my baby no longer has a heartbeat and stopped growing about a week ago. I was supposed to be 8 weeks today. This will be my third IVF loss in less than a year. First IVF transfer ended in a MMC at 7 weeks and I had a d&c which revealed I had a minor case of endo and the embryo was normal. Second loss from from my 3rd transfer and was a chemical. This last loss just hurts the most because we actually saw a heartbeat. I’ll have a d&c and will have the tissue tested. I’m on all the auto-immune drugs bc the doctor thought maybe my body was rejecting the embryo. I just don’t know where to go from here. I still have 3 untested embryos left, but I think I just need a break. Anyone have a similar story and eventually end up having success? I should say that I have PCOS and I’ll be 35 in April, but my eggs were retrieved when I was 33. Thanks and sorry for the long post!

c-town18 · January 2018

helloitstrisha. Ugh, I'm so sorry. I know what you are going through and how horrible it is.

(*TW* M/C mentioned)
I got pregnant with twins my first IVF cycle, heard both heartbeats at 7 weeks, then had a missed M/C of both at 8 weeks. Got pregnant with one my second IVF cycle, heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks, was released from my RE's office at 8 weeks, only to discover a missed M/C at the OB's office at 10 weeks. Each time we were able to test the POC after the miscarriages and all were genetically abnormal. Third IVF cycle we PGS tested the few embryos we had and both were abnormal, so no transfer.

It sounds like even though we've both been through a similar horrible experience, our issues are different. My problem is that I am a poor responder, and the few embryos we get each cycle are always genetically abnormal. We've had all the testing in the world done, and it seems the problem is my egg quality even though I'm 36 which relatively speaking isn't that old. So my situation isn't really comparable to yours as it sounds like genetic abnormality with the embryos may not be the problem for you.

If you find out that this most recent embryo which you lost is genetically normal, maybe you should consult with a good recurrent pregnancy loss specialist? They can do all kinds of testing to see what is going on, unless you have done so already. Your body will need time to recover before trying again anyways (and I know you said emotionally you need a break too, which is totally understandable), so that should give you time to meet with someone and perhaps get some helpful information.

roisis · March 2018

helloitstrisha I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine 3 losses in a year - that is so tough. I had a loss @9wks after ivf last year. We only had the one good embryo so had to start ivf again - which we did last month and got 3 embryos - currently waiting on an FET. It does sound like you should give yourself a break. You still have 3 embryos - which is great! But you need to be in a good place when you get these transferred. I asked my own RE about how long to wait to start a new FET if the first doesn't take and he said straight away - but if and only if I felt positive about it. He was quite adamant that it is still unknown how much our mental state can affect the outcome of ivf, and so he really impacted on me that I should feel ready to go ahead with it. I gave myself a few months away from ivf before considering going back after my loss. Could you and your partner go away for a break or just take some time to yourselves for a while? I can only imagine what 3 losses in a row could do - be kind to yourself. Good luck in your next steps

prpl11butterfly · March 2018

@helloitstrisha I am so sorry for your loss. I have no experience with IVF but wanted to back up what the other ladies have said regarding emotional state. I defiently think if you feel it's time for a break, then it is. Give your self time to heal and grieve how you need. 3 losses is a lot for anyone to handle but (from my perspective) having gone through the whole IVF process each time and then having a loss must be so draining. My heart breaks for you. Hopefully, when you feel ready, you will get your rainbow.

Kabazaba · March 2018

I am so sorry for your losses @helloitstrisha my heart breaks for you. You are so strong for having gone through all of that. You are allowed to take a break. I have no experience with IVF but agree with everyone else that you should take whatever time you need to heal yourself emotionally until you’re ready to try again. I have seen women on this and other boards with 3+ losses go on to have happy and healthy babies (in my personal life, several friends and family members with 3+ losses reached out to me to share their stories after my MMC). I also know people who have adopted, done surrogacy, or decided to be the best aunts/godmothers they can. There are many paths to motherhood, and there is no reason for you to lose hope.

knottie7b4e61387771ddf2 · March 2018

Trisha,
I read your post yesterday and since have been constantly thinking of you and the journey you’re on.

Unfortunately I don’t have the answers or knowledge to tell you what to do next- what I can say (you probably already know) So many people are going to give you advice you’re best to just try and listen only to yourself and your doctor-if you feel right now is the time and your doctor agrees then go for it if not get busy and imurse yourself in something you love, get away with your significant other and try to love yourself and find positivity around you.

I want you to know I think your story is heart breaking, but also your resilience is so admirable- you are one strong woman! Keep fighting your day with a baby in arm is coming, don’t give up hope. In trolling the internet, i’ve found there are so many success stories that come from hardships. Since you’ve had D&cs the doctors have something to investigate and research so rest assured answers are coming.

I recently had MC- first pregnancy no fertility issues, so no experience to provide- just want send love and warm thoughts.

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