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June 2018 Moms
izza2
member
Mental Health Check-In (March)
izza2
member
Considering this journey is effecting not only us, but our s/o's, feel free to use this thread to discuss your s/o's mental health issues and get support for their struggles as well as your own.
***This thread has a general trigger warning.***
***This thread has a general trigger warning.***
This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.
This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread.
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?
How are you/your S/O feeling?
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread.
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?
How are you/your S/O feeling?
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Re: Mental Health Check-In (March)
I went non-contact with her last pregnancy and via hormones gave in and let her back in postpartum. I do regret doing that. Ultimately, she's pushed and pushed and made me uncomfortable enough that I've dialed back significantly lately. Earlier this week she kind of forced my hand. I woke up one morning with calls, texts, voicemail, and fb messages galore. I turned off her ability to send me further messages on fb and she blocked me on fb. Okay then. I decided to stop beating around the bush and just blocked her on my phone and removed her husband from my friends' list. Less than 24 hours later she tried to friend me again and I blocked her again. She's just so much drama and so unpredictable.
I could write you a novel explaining why and how we got to this point. But in case you're tempted to feel sorry for her, this person left when I was four years old and I've never lived with or depended on her. Our relationship consisted of very few interactions my entire life and for whatever reason now that I'm an adult she wants more. I don't. She wasn't a mother to me and I don't have daughterly feelings toward her. Sorry. Anyway, last time I attempted to remove her she upped the ante harassing me by showing up at my house and banging on the doors and windows, calling my father (her ex-husband of nearly 30 years) so much he took his landline off the hook, calling my elderly grandparents over and over and leaving messages, sending police to my house to check on me. Love bombing me with unwanted gifts, etc. She even attempted to force her way into the NICU when my son was there and the nurses had to call security. It's like I'm either a prisoner to the relationship or a prisoner to her antics if I don't put up with the relationship. Anticipating the drama she might pull has really been getting me down.
My anxiety is really bothering me and making me feel rotten, some of which is of the above and the other is just hormones. It was bad last pregnancy too and this time it's just expressing itself differently. It's leaving me feeling just so off. I was laying in bed earlier just dwelling on little things that bother me about everyone I know. Why? And the whole time I'm doing that my chest is just getting tighter and tighter. People's opinions, their arguing, their misunderstanding each other and me? It's making me so nervous and stressed out. I'm taking my buspar and it's helping some, but I think I'm going to talk to my OB about it some more when I see them face to face. It's really uncomfortable being this displeased with everyone.
The other thing is how emotional I am right now. Last weekend DH said something sharply to me and it ruined my entire Saturday. It didn't matter that he immediately apologized sincerely, I cried all day, wouldn't go run errands with him, and drew it out until we had a stupid argument at 12 am. I'm still upset about something that was misunderstood on my other BMB last Sunday. It know it's me, I know that I'm the problem but I'm just not capable of controlling it right now. I'm a hormonal, stress ball right now and it feels like I've been through the emotional wringer. Today I feel like everything awful has happened and here's the thing, literally nothing has. Today's been a quiet, uneventful day and I'm just a wreck for no reason. I'm hoping things get better soon because honestly I just need a break from myself. Thanks for reading my vent if you made it this far, friends.
ETA: not saying you make things up or angrily rant, that’s just what I was doing. Regardless, it felt good to get things on paper and out of my head.
On another note, I also just read Rising Strong by Brene Brown and recommend it to anyone going through some kind of setback or feeling of failure.
I've had to cut a lot of people out of my life (aunts, uncles & cousins mostly; but my MIL is also "half-cut"). I'm assuming you felt a lot better when she was not a part of your life before; focus on the fact that you felt better previously and don't let any obligatory guilt eat at you.
Definitely talk with your OB (if you haven't already) about your anxiety. If colouring seems to be a good distraction technique for you, go for that if you realize you're starting to feel anxious or think about things that build your anxiety. Are there any other distraction techniques that have worked in the past (reading, listening to music, journaling, positive focus tasks, etc.)? This could be a good time to try and get back in to those habits/hobbies to help with your anxiety.
As for your hormonal swings/reactions with YH/others -- I can completely relate, and all I can say is that if you can try to start a "positivity journal" to do when you're having one of those swings, it may help. (Unless writing of any kind doesn't work for you, in which case; ignore me!) If you notice you're in a horrible mood and end up lashing out, grab your journal (or just a piece of paper, even) and write down 3-5 things that are positive in your life, and if you can, be specific to your spouse or whomever else has you aggravated. It may be hard at first, but if you keep at it it'll end up easier. It'll help you get in to a more positive mindset and be able to see YH's perspective or even have a more calm conversation with him about what set you off not only so he can avoid it in the future, but so that he understands what's going on in your head.
MH pisses me off on almost a daily basis, mostly over something stupid/small. I'm slowly starting to acknowledge that the anger I'm feeling isn't an appropriate level for the "wrong-doing" that occurred, and as a result I'm (sometimes) able to calm myself down and react more appropriately. It's a learning curve, and it'll be the same for you - but I'm confident you'll figure out a way to bring yourself back down from that reaction.
That got really long, but in the end, even if you don't think any of this will work for you - know that we're here and happy to lend an ear for all of your frustrations.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@pupsicle23 - How are things with you and YH? How are you doing?
@marcus7676 - How are you? Last month you were having issues related to sleep and couldn't fathom starting meds. Are you doing better?
@MissKittyDanger - How's your claustrophobia been doing?
@sabby2 - You've been on Zoloft for a week now; how is it going?
----
AFM:
Several issues related to stress and stress management. My usual methods for stress management aren't cutting it right now and I'm going in to "shut down mode" slowly but surely. Trying not to, but it's starting. H is recognizing it as well. I re-started my Zoloft a week and a half ago, and I'm really hoping that'll help a bit at some point as well. I think I may start doing some light yoga exercises or meditation/relaxation at some point in the hopes that will help. We'll see.
H was doing great with his drinking, and now the past few days he's started drinking more again. So, at this point, it's the same pattern as every other time we've talked about his habits. Last night I blew up because I came home to him tipsy, SS's homework not finished (he said he wasn't taught it - which usually means he didn't pay attention; and H tried to figure it out for 2 seconds and didn't get it immediately so he gave up, too), and being asked when we would watch our movie and eat dinner. No time to unwind from my day or even take my jacket off. So that was entirely a bad night, and we'll be right back to having a repeat discussion tonight when he gets home. I'm done dealing with him choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism like his mother has always done. She doesn't get a free pass for her choices, and neither does he.
God forbid anything happened to my mother last night and I was too distraught to drive, I'd be riding with my father while H sat home with SS because he wasn't capable of driving. God forbid anything happened to me and I wasn't able to drive, he'd be calling my dad explaining that he's too irresponsible to drive me to the hospital. I'm done worrying about those kinds of things because of his choices.
Other than that I'm "okay". Stressed about my last semester of school, passing that, my mother's health, preparing for baby, etc.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I'm really glad that YH is reacting positively to your praise, though.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I’m sad to hear you’re struggling, but happy that you’re dealing with your own mental health proactively. I’m sure it’s frus feeling like YH doesn’t “get it.” It being that you need him to be mostly a sober companion on this journey. I think it’s hard for a lot of people to grow up and think about the consequences all the time. I know sometimes even I daydream about vacations and think like “oh yeah and wouldn’t it be fun to go tequila tasting in Mexico?” But then remember oh right, will have baby lol can’t be drunk with baby unless sober baby sitter is with us. I think for guys for whatever reason it’s like that every day, especially because it’s such a part of culture. Every tv show shows a guy coming home from work and having a drink. And then once you’ve had a drink, what’s one more? And with each one your judgment becomes skewed. And then it ESPECIALLY sucks to be the pregnant stressed partner who comes home sober to an artificially relaxed partner, and its like fuck you I can’t even drink if I want to, and I’m the one with the better reason to, and can you just be supportive right now. I work freelance at home now, so DH gets home after I do, but I remember when he was in law school when I’d get home and he’d be drunk with his friends because it’s a Thursday. There’s something just extra terrible about being the second person home and the first person has already started drinking. I’m sure if I weren’t pregnant and DH got home from a shitty day and I were drunk it would annoy the shit out of him too. It sucks you can’t give him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe tell him you’re keeping a journal of every day he’s the irresponsible partner and you expect compensation when you can be irresponsible again? Lol hugs though girl. I hope things improve.
Yes, to all of that. I would love to have a glass of wine or a Henry's when I'm stressed! Granted I'd be tipsy after like 3 sips right now, most likely (I had one sip of cider around Christmas and felt slightly tipsy, so...), but still.
It pisses me off for two reasons: one, because I can't enjoy that fake-calmness with him, and two because when he drinks he doesn't help with anything. If he comes home and has a "horrible day" (which usually means one person made some comment to him - usually the same person that makes the same comment on a weekly basis), he'll crack open a beer and just sit and watch TV the rest of the night. He leaves parts of SS's homework for me to help him with or check on, he doesn't switch laundry or do dishes, doesn't let the dogs out, does zero/zilch. He'll wait until I'm home, and say that X needs to be done and Y needs to be checked and Z still hasn't been finished...
I'm just over it.
But, I'm glad that YH was good for a bit! Forgive me if I've asked/you've mentioned it (I'm sure you have!), but does he take a Vitamin D supplement or anything? H has started to feel better since I made him start taking his. I'm obviously not there and don't know everything that goes on, but it sounds like his misery may be originating from his work place.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@Austenista I agree with all of the ladies above. I cut my mother out of my life about 7 years ago, and I can understand the toll it is wearing on you. Many days I think about how she never attending my college graduation, wedding, and knows nothing about her one and only granddaughter. It is such a mental mind f**k and then adding all of the emotions of pregnancy on top of it just escalates everything. Please know though, that it is so true - just because people are "blood" doesn't mean they deserve a place in your life. I hope you are able to find the peace you are looking for and are able to find an outlet. I wanted you to know you are not alone
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
Sometimes I feel like we would have to kidnap our own husbands and tie them to a chair or table to get them to have their health care needs attended to. *eye roll*
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
That was a major struggle for me PP with dd and I had noticed some less intense ones starting again so, nip it in the bud is my theory.
So on the 27th I ended up making an appt with my GP to talk about the anxiety issue. She confirmed what was assumed, I'm not use to my growing size and that's triggering claustrophobia.
She mentioned that's not the concern she's worried about, she's thinking more about the anxiety-depression hamster wheel.
Nothing is set in stone - she wants me back in spring when I've been wearing a thinner coat for a bit - to update, but the possibility is that I'm going back on Celexa after the baby's born and not breastfeeding.
As she said, baby will be fed - there's lots of options - but my mental health shouldn't take a backseat. Sounds like my dr - who's had kids of her own - is definitely on the "fed is best"
We have good moments. I sleep with Benadryl and have done well on Prozac. Zoloft made me sick and I had multiple anxiety attacks while on it.
I hate that I can’t just enjoy my pregnancy and have really cut back on social media, because everyone’s stupid happy families annoy me.
But, we are pressing on.
Glad things are getting better @sabby2!
TL;DR for me: not doing well in college, today was especially horrible, I'm mentally exhausted.
AFM, I'm having an extremely horrible day. Full disclosure is that I'm not doing well in college at the moment.
I had a great start to the semester, and the past month has been horrible. I started to turn around after having one bad exam grade, but with everything that happened to my mum and her back and forth recovering over the past few weeks, I wasn't able to keep on that good path.
Today was my breaking point. Lots of little things adding up this morning, and not getting a good enough grade on the exam today, and I've spent most of the day crying.
H has been incredibly supportive and has been trying to make me feel better, but, it's not working. He keeps saying it's on the teachers for changing how they're teaching the class (the majority of the class is doing worse overall this semester than last semester; all the same students and the same two teachers), and that I've been under extra stress because of things with my mother, but in the end if falls on my shoulders.
We have a contingency plan, but I don't want to go to that contingency plan. I want this to be over with.
I'm just mentally not in a great place right now. I'm exhausted, I'm strung out, I'm worn down.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Second, what are we talking about here? Are we talking about you potentially actually failing this class (and if so, it impacting graduation) or are we talking about a grade you personally are unhappy with?
I've found out that there are ~5 other people in the class (there's 15 of us total) who are also failing it right now.
I have 2 more exams worth 10% of my grade, a final worth 20% of my grade, and an 8-page paper worth 5% of my grade left for this semester. There's a chance I can ace the last 3 exams, but I'm not confident with how the semester has gone overall that that'll be the case.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Thank you, though. I'm trying to remind myself that no matter what happens, we'll be okay and I can re-take the class next semester. It puts our plans back 6 months, but in the end, it's not the end of the world. If nothing else, silver lining would be that I'd get to come back from mat leave and not worry about starting a new position, so!
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I just don't know what to say/do anymore. I try to help him see the silver linings and he jumps down my throat, I try to commiserate with him and it doesn't help, I try to leave him alone and he says I'm ignoring him. I think the reality of the baby coming soon is adding to his stress, but sometimes I just want to shake him and remind him that our life isn't bad at all! We have a great house, surrounded by family that loves and supports us, and we both have jobs that pay well enough for us to not have to really worry about budgeting. But I know that with mental illness, it's hard to see the good. He mentioned today about going back on antidepressants (he stopped taking them when we started TTC) and I would support that, but he didn't really do well on them. They made him physically ill and added to his feelings of failure. He is also working on getting his medical card so he can start smoking again, which I know will help, but idk, I just feel so helpless and sometimes it's hard not to take his rants about how much his life sucks personally.
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020
ETA tag
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020
If YH feels that you two will put the kid(s) before yourselves and your relationship, I suggest making a sort of game plan or agreement for helping that not happen.
I remember reading an article at one point while TTGP that talked about how relationships change, and that the one thing a couple shouldn't do is put their child before their relationship. Not in a "screw the kid, we'll do whatever we want" kind of way, but in a way that you can put your relationship first, and not feel guilty about it. Making time (not "finding time") to do "couple" things still, choosing to cuddle on the couch with H instead of playing connect 4 for the 10th time -- stuff like that. Telling them to wait a minute to play with dolls so you can have a 5-minute conversation with YH about his day.
[For example: H and I have "bath time", which is the 10-15 minutes at night where H takes a bath and I'm in the bathroom with him. We talk about our days, how things are going, what new gossip/news we have, etc. It's usually while SS is doing his homework, but he knows that those precious 10-15 minutes where H is taking a bath are "our time". We fully intend to keep that going once LO is here and growing up, unless something is happening that we can't leave him alone.]
It keeps your relationship strong, but also teaches your child(ren) that you and YH are still in a loving relationship. It also helps keep them from being self-centered later in life. I've learned that parents who put their kids before anything else in the world, including themselves, usually end up with kids who think the world really does revolve around them.
To think about it in another way - you absolutely love your child, and you will always love them, but in 18 years they're going to be adults, with their own lives, their own hobbies, and potentially even their own spouses. Off to college or to find themselves or just to explore the world. If you spend the next 18 years putting every ounce of your focus in to your child, and ignore yourself and your spouse, then once your kid has grown up and moved out, what are you left with? A broken relationship (if any relationship at all) and no sense of "self".
All that to say; definitely talk about how you'll keep your relationship separate but also integrated, and also how you'll make ways to put it before LO.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
and totally agree - in fact, I’d argue putting your relationship first IS putting your children first. It may not be that you’re putting their immediate happiness first, but you’re putting their ultimate well-being first.
To the bolded: yes, absolutely! That's the main point of the articles (but, verbose venter over here; I can't just state the point and GTFO) I've read regarding the topic. It may seem selfish or whatever to some people, but showing your kids that your relationship is strong, that you still love your spouse, and you value your time with them, etc. - it's showing your kids not only what a healthy relationship looks like, but helps keep them in a two-parent household.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@izza2 thanks for the advice. We really need to have a good game plan in place to keep our relationship strong. He is a very needy person in general, so I think he's extra worried that I won't have time for him once the baby comes. I really don't think it'll happen, but it is a legitimate fear so I'm trying to be extra understanding about it.
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020
{my dr asked me to try and track what could be the causes}
back pain on bus -
I've noticed when the bus is busy, my back hurts more. I'm thinking it's likely because my body is tensing up because I'm nervous, so it's causing more pain on my back.
The bus does clear out after a certain point, but I think once it's nicer out I may just take advantage and get off the bus and wait for the next one if I can't handle it.
anxiety trigger {other than bus} -
We can't do anything with the baby's room! Tomorrow I'll be 29 weeks and I keep running through my head how much still needs to be done {stuff moved, painting, set up what we have ... etc}
Plus we have baby stuff EVERYWHERE because of this!
I get anxious when our house is cluttered, so I was talking to my H about getting things done and it may help. He agrees, and we both know the reason things haven't been able to get done is because we've been so busy. So that's no one's fault really.
Hopefully cleaning and organizing will help me feel better.