@knottieamusements Eh. I used mine a bit last time but never really liked it. It didn’t stay put and was always rolling up. I think I jumped ship to maternity pants around 4ish months (which I was never a fan of, so there’s that). I probably won’t bother with it this time once the hair tie trick stops working.
I used mine once my belly reached that tight stretched skin feeling, probably around the start out the second trimester? and it feel like it was holding me together lol
@knottieamusements I have one that has a little opening in the middle with a button and buttonhole and found that it stays in place a lot better. that being said, it also had an elastic band at the top (which goes above your stomach) that I got rid of after wearing it once with my last pregnancy. after that I wore it a ton.
Do you have any ideas for handling a parent who is full of love and means well, but is a little self centered and doesn't understand boundaries?
Warning for a long post lol
First off, my mom is amazing and caring and will do anything for me and my husband. I'm lucky to have her and extremely excited to announce the pregnancy to her and my dad. This will be their first grandchild and I know they are going to be so overjoyed.
That being said, my mom is also going to go a little insane lol. She will call me every single day and want to talk for 2 hours to give unsolicited advice, opinions, and horror stories on pregnancy, birth, etc. She is just one of those people whose stories are always negative. If she talks about growing up on a farm, it has to include how her father killed her pet rabbit for dinner. If she talks about a nice Christmas they had, it has to include how her parents beat the kids the week before. I've always hated her stories because of this and would try and steer her back on topic, but being a very emotional pregnant woman now, I really won't be able to handle it if she talks like that nonstop.
She attended a baby shower I threw for a friend a few weeks ago and she spent the whole time talking about her own pregnancies 30 years ago and telling the mom-to-be that everything from the baby class she took was silly. I know my mom was probably just trying to be relatable talking about her own past experiences and just meant to tell my friend not to worry too much and she would be fine, but it came out condescending. I felt bad my mom monopolized the conversation and probably scared this poor girl.
While she means well, she just gets in her own world where she thinks she's always right. She already ignores the few rules I set for my dog (which I think are pretty basic - no feeding my dog "people food" from the table and I ask my mom to leave her collar on), so if she can't respect my wishes there, I already know my rules for parenting are going to go out the window because "she knows better than me." So I'm nervous for what's to come.
I also know she will buy whatever she wants for the baby regardless of whether I tell her we need it or not because she's excited and wants us to have everything. I think that's so sweet and I appreciate any help my parents want to provide but they are not in a place to do that financially. They are on one fixed income (my mom isn't working and my dad is on social security) and they have always been bad with money and budgeting. They have no savings account, no 401k, no retirement anything. Even though I don't (and shouldn't) have a say in how they spend their money, I will feel awful when they blow their whole income on things for us and the baby while I know they barely have enough to get by.
I love her very much and know she's coming from a place of love and excitement but I'm scared she's going to accidentally make the next 7 months miserable. How do I still make her feel included, welcome and not hurt her feelings while setting some boundaries?
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@sarahzett that can be a tough one, because on the one hand you need to be firm about what boundaries you want, and on the other hand you don’t want to hurt your mom’s feelings. My best suggestion would be to sit down with her right after you tell her about the pregnancy, and just be honest with her that while you respect her opinions and stories from her experience, you have your own opinions about how you want to raise your child, and if she doesn’t respect those wishes, then you may have to limit the time she can spend with her grandchild. My mom can be the same way sometimes about listening to the rules that I set about things to do or not do with my son, but I told her it’s very important to me that she doesn’t go against the things that we say for our son, and after I made that very clear to her, she mostly understands and listens. Obviously I don’t know your mom personally to know how she’ll react, but I always feel like being open and honest is the best way to actually see the result you want. Not sure if this helps, but good luck!
Regarding the phone conversations- can you schedule a weekly catch up? You can quite honestly tell her that you are too exhausted during the week to be able to talk long, and would rather catch up on Sunday afternoons. And if her stories upset you- tell her that you are hormonal, they upset you, and you will be sure to discuss X with your OB if appropriate.
Regarding finances- maybe try talking to your Dad? He should have as much say over how the household money is spent as your Mom. I’d like to say that their finances aren’t your business, but I know that the reality is that you may eventually have to assist your parents if you aren’t already.
Regarding parenting- treat your mom like a two year old- she only gets the treat (time with baby) if she follows your rules. If she can’t, cut her off. It sounds cruel, but you are the parent. Yes- some rules might slip because grandma spoils the grandkid, but the important ones shouldn’t.
@pumpkinpancake Thanks! Great ideas. It sounds so... logical... and my mom is definitely more emotion than logic, but I'll give it a try haha. I've always cherished the idea of more open communication. Our family talks A LOT but it's hardly ever about anything of substance. I think it might be time to start having real discussions and being honest about things that are important to me or if things upset me, instead of brushing it under the rug. I want her in my village, and want my kids to love her and listen to her rules too, but ultimately, the big decisions need to be up to me and my husband and she needs to respect that.
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Random question... DH and I will have a chance to take a nice week long trip to Mexico when our LO will be about 6 months old. We would love to do it and leave LO with grandparents but I know I will be a wreak leaving first child. Other than doing mini trips away to get me used to it and LO used to it are there any other major (there are a million minor!) things to think about? Trip will need to be booked in a few months so decision will have to be made soon.
@SweetSweetTooth I feel like that’s a really hard one. No way was I ready to leave DS at six months. But I know plenty of others who were beyond ready for that break. It’s defintley a personal decision. I think it’s hard to know beforehand how you’ll feel.
The only big logistical I can think of would be if your planning to breastfeed. Pumping on vacation, having enough frozen milk, etc. But other than that, I think it mostly comes down to what you’re ready for. LO will be just fine.
@SweetSweetTooth - Also, be sure to check with the grandparents if you haven’t already. My Mom made it perfectly clear that she wasn’t available for overnights until Blast is potty trained.
@SweetSweetTooth plus 1 for checking with grandparents. At 6 months there is a chance he/she is not sleeping through the night yet, which can be overwhelming for grandparents who haven’t had to deal with wake ups and night feedings in years.
Thanks ladies! DH is all for the trip but said I won't be able to do it lol I think it will be super hard on both of us but yes, the kid will be fine! Will be running by the Gparents soon! Wanted to try and think things though before I brought my parents into it as my mom is the queen of worry.
@sweetsweettooth - I had friend that recently went on an all-inclusive to Mexico and brought their 6mo old with. I asked her a few questions about it and from what she says it all went well.
@kimberbeep it had crossed my mind for a short time, but I don't think i would want to subject someone so young to another country if I could be avoided. And, well, vacation. So being kid free for a little might be a nice break. might.
Re: Questions 3/9
i do have a pregnancy tank that I'm loving because it holds it all in.
@knottieamusements I have one that has a little opening in the middle with a button and buttonhole and found that it stays in place a lot better. that being said, it also had an elastic band at the top (which goes above your stomach) that I got rid of after wearing it once with my last pregnancy. after that I wore it a ton.
Do you have any ideas for handling a parent who is full of love and means well, but is a little self centered and doesn't understand boundaries?
Warning for a long post lol
First off, my mom is amazing and caring and will do anything for me and my husband. I'm lucky to have her and extremely excited to announce the pregnancy to her and my dad. This will be their first grandchild and I know they are going to be so overjoyed.
That being said, my mom is also going to go a little insane lol. She will call me every single day and want to talk for 2 hours to give unsolicited advice, opinions, and horror stories on pregnancy, birth, etc. She is just one of those people whose stories are always negative. If she talks about growing up on a farm, it has to include how her father killed her pet rabbit for dinner. If she talks about a nice Christmas they had, it has to include how her parents beat the kids the week before. I've always hated her stories because of this and would try and steer her back on topic, but being a very emotional pregnant woman now, I really won't be able to handle it if she talks like that nonstop.
She attended a baby shower I threw for a friend a few weeks ago and she spent the whole time talking about her own pregnancies 30 years ago and telling the mom-to-be that everything from the baby class she took was silly. I know my mom was probably just trying to be relatable talking about her own past experiences and just meant to tell my friend not to worry too much and she would be fine, but it came out condescending. I felt bad my mom monopolized the conversation and probably scared this poor girl.
While she means well, she just gets in her own world where she thinks she's always right. She already ignores the few rules I set for my dog (which I think are pretty basic - no feeding my dog "people food" from the table and I ask my mom to leave her collar on), so if she can't respect my wishes there, I already know my rules for parenting are going to go out the window because "she knows better than me." So I'm nervous for what's to come.
I also know she will buy whatever she wants for the baby regardless of whether I tell her we need it or not because she's excited and wants us to have everything. I think that's so sweet and I appreciate any help my parents want to provide but they are not in a place to do that financially. They are on one fixed income (my mom isn't working and my dad is on social security) and they have always been bad with money and budgeting. They have no savings account, no 401k, no retirement anything. Even though I don't (and shouldn't) have a say in how they spend their money, I will feel awful when they blow their whole income on things for us and the baby while I know they barely have enough to get by.
I love her very much and know she's coming from a place of love and excitement but I'm scared she's going to accidentally make the next 7 months miserable. How do I still make her feel included, welcome and not hurt her feelings while setting some boundaries?
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
her experience, you have your own opinions about how you want to raise your child, and if she doesn’t respect those wishes, then you may have to limit the time she can spend with her grandchild. My mom can be the same way sometimes about listening to the rules that I set about things to do or not do with my son, but I told her it’s very important to me that she doesn’t go against the things that we say for our son, and after I made that very clear to her, she mostly understands and listens. Obviously I don’t know your mom personally to know how she’ll react, but I always feel like being open and honest is the best way to actually see the result you want. Not sure if this helps, but good luck!
Regarding finances- maybe try talking to your Dad? He should have as much say over how the household money is spent as your Mom. I’d like to say that their finances aren’t your business, but I know that the reality is that you may eventually have to assist your parents if you aren’t already.
Regarding parenting- treat your mom like a two year old- she only gets the treat (time with baby) if she follows your rules. If she can’t, cut her off. It sounds cruel, but you are the parent. Yes- some rules might slip because grandma spoils the grandkid, but the important ones shouldn’t.
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.
After much more of the same...
DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.
After much more of the same...
The only big logistical I can think of would be if your planning to breastfeed. Pumping on vacation, having enough frozen milk, etc. But other than that, I think it mostly comes down to what you’re ready for. LO will be just fine.