@Wishilivedinflorida answering your question from randoms here. My son (21 months) is a low sleep needs kid, so it's always tricky managing his day/night sleep. I ST'd around 6 months but didn't night wean until 11-12 months. He has had regressions since that time and also many teeth have come in which throws off sleep for a short while. He loves to throw curve balls at us all the time! But we try to remain as consistent as possible with bedtime routine and how we respond at night and that probably has the best impact at minimizing regressions for us.
So in short, toddlers are meant to push boundaries and they will do so when you least expect it. Generally, the best recommendation is to stay the course and not give in to their pleas. You know, the whole "I don't negotiate with tiny people" thing .
@Wishilivedinflorida my toddler has always been a terrible sleeper, always. I gave up on sleep training at 7 months when he screamed for at least 5 hours, to the point of throwing up, several nights in a row. We made zero progress, so after a week of getting nearly no sleep and cleaning up puke of feeling like the worst mom ever, I gave up. I'm sure it didn't help that we didn't have a stable living situation or a comfortable room for him until he was 16 months old, when he moved for the second time.
He hasn't given up on night feeds yet, and though I know he doesn't need them, it's easier on us to do it. He nurses and goes back down in 15-20 min, or I can send husband in, and it takes like an hour to chill him out enough so that he'll sleep (we do put him in bed awake, no matter who puts him down, but there is some comforting if he's screaming bloody murder. I keep thinking we need to send him to bed with a cup of water, but then I figure it's more about snuggles.
Naps didn't get easy until 12 months old. We switched to one at about 15 months, and at least they're consistent now, unless he's sick, teething, or sleep deprived (or it's daylight savings time, which I've just learned is the devil). Once he gets all out of sorts it's takes us at least a week if not two to get back on track.
For nearly two years now people keep arguing with me and presenting simple solutions and telling me they must work-which at first made me feel like a failure, now it's just infuriating. Do you think I haven't tried everything? I am a terrible sleeper and unfortunately so is my son.
So in short he has slept through the night less than three weeks total (not even consecutively) of his life. No reason for me to think that your kid will suddenly change from an OK sleeper to an awful one.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
My daughter is 22 months, and she's always liked sleeping at night, but couldn't always do it easily! The best advice I ever heard about sleep training was "if it's working for you, then it's not a problem". I nursed her to sleep until she was around 1 year old, and put her down asleep a lot of the time. But we got to the point where she would cry when you put her down (when she was littler, we'd just pick her back up, comfort her, then try again), and cry when you left the room, etc. So we did sleep training. Not picking her up to comfort her was soooooo tough, but every night it got easier and I swear, it took like 4-5 nights and we could put her down, and just slowly leave the room. Basically, with no picking her up, we'd stay and comfort her for about 10 minutes, then leave the room, and come back in 5 min...then 10 min...then 20 min...then 30 min.... etc. Until eventually she'd fall asleep. Same thing when she'd wake up at night. She had like 5 sleep regressions after that, though, it was tough! But we just stuck to our guns as long as she wasn't sick or something. And now she usually sleeps great. We put her down by 7:30, and wake her up just after 7am. It's blissful.
Naps were ALWAYS hard when she was on 2 naps/day. We switched her to 1 nap soon after 1 year, and life has been better for all of us. She sleeps roughly 1-3pm at home (12:30-2pm at daycare). We usually have to wake her up at 3pm, because we want her to sleep at night, too.
@Wishilivedinflorida DD started STTN at 2.5 months when we started using Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit and moved her to her crib, stopped at 5ish months when we stopped using the Sleepsuit, we sleep trained around 7 months which lasted a little while then she got sick and regressed, then we retrained her around her 1st birthday when I couldn’t handle the 4am daily wake ups anymore. Now she STTN pretty well (other than last night... I am le tired) but on occasion we’ll change her or rock her back to sleep. It really just depends on the kid.
@Wishilivedinflorida I know some kids have regressions but for my 3 the one who was a bad sleeper was always the bad sleeper. 6 yo and 18 month are are both fine for now. It’s my darn 4 year old. At least she’s cute when she climbs into our bed with her little stuffed animal at 2am.
DD1 6.2011 DD2 4.2013 - vbac DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green Baby #4 due 9.2018
When do you start being concerned about toddler ‘routines?’ My DD has so many things that have to be done exactly the way she wants (putting her down on the same spot on the floor, the order we put shoes, coat, hat on, the way she gets out of the car). If something is done out of order and not repeated the ‘right way,’ it’s a full on meltdown. I don’t know if I’m just worrying for no reason or if this might be an early indicator of ocd tendencies? Opinions and knowledge greatly appreciated.
DS was a terrible sleeper from day 1. He was up every 1.5 - 2 hours to nurse. We started sleep training around 5 months, but he was still getting up 3-4 times a night for nursing. After that we were at least able to put him down awake though so it only took half an hour instead of an hour. He didn’t sleep through the night for the first time until 13 months. Even now, at 2 he still wakes up once a night at least half the time. Plus he gets night terrors. Fun. People keep trying to give me overly simplistic advice as well, like it’s never occurred to us that we should try different techniques. It’s really annoying. If the pediatrician has run out of ideas, your random internet article probably won’t help. On the brighter side (?) his sleep is so bad we don’t really notice the sleep regressions. And fortunately he naps ok still. @stothi DS took a header out of his crib in January. It was awful. We were able to put the mattress on the floor inside the crib and stick him back in a sleep sack. Those two combined keep him from climbing, but we’ve been preparing him for a toddler bed since then. He’s excited about it now, so we’re trying in a week when all of our company leaves.
@arbell615 how old is your DD? I have limited knowledge about worrying about any kind of OCD tendencies, but I do know that most toddlers thrive on routine and consistency. Hopefully someone else can chime in with some more helpful advice!
@arbell615 I think most toddlers are sticklers for routine. Mine has a fit if I don’t pour his Cheerios in the correct order or if his stuffed animals aren’t in the right place before bed. I think it’s pretty normal, but if it starts looking unhealthy maybe run it by the pediatrician?
@nackie That sounds like something I could have written, other than I'm so not interested in toddler bed yet, but he's not two yet either. Planning on keeping new baby in our room (pack and play or our bed, we'll see how it goes) for quite a while, hoping to transition son into a twin mattress on the floor before it's time to put baby in crib. hoping this one sleeps better.
I'm so so tired of parents with good sleepers trying to troubleshoot our son. look, we're done fighting him, he just is. It's much less emotionally difficult for me to just accept him. Hoping he'll be sleeping most nights by 2.5 or 3. Because 21 months isn't the magic number for us.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Ah I could have written so many of these posts about toddler sleep! My 15 month old still gets up 1-2 times a night screaming and standing in his crib! We sleep trained a couple times and have just given up! My husband mostly goes in and sleeps with him in the guest bed for 20-30 min and then puts him back in his crib. I'm at a loss and this seems to be the path of least resistance...he also still uses a paci at night...whomp whomp!
the daylight savings time change, coupled with my daughter moving to the 2's class at school is just a nightmare. she went from being a totally happy morning person to screaming every single morning when I wake her up for school. she's rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. we are trying an earlier bedtime but it's just not making sense to her for her to go to bed if it's bright and be woken up when it is still dark. the sun is just coming up at 7:15-7:20 when she is getting to school. then the meltdown ensues because she's misses her old teacher and her old class.
oh, and we were supposed to be moving her into her toddler bed this weekend so i'm sure we will all be getting even less sleep! lol
@Wishilivedinflorida my son has never been a good sleeper. My husband sabotaged my early attempts at sleep routines/hygiene and also later couldn't stick to any sleep training. He's all or nothing and very impatient, so big picture stuff, like routines and sleep training just aren't his thing. Also he loses his shit when he gets woken up at night. No patience. So I have been the one doing all the things in regards to setting schedules and sleep stuff. From birth to about 4-6 months my son would scream (not cry, but soul shattering scream) for 8 hours a night and wouldn't sleep unless someone held him and would still only sleep 20 min - an hour at a time most nights. I checked with his pediatrician many, many, many times and she said it wasn't medical. Around 4 months I started not sleep training, but practicing good habits like baby has to sleep in his own space and forced my husband to do the same. It took about a month to get baby to sleep (when he slept) in his own space. Next I started on getting him into his crib in his own room. That took about a month. Somewhere between 6&9 months I started on actually sleep training and did a Ferber type method with short check ins and soothing baby in the crib but not taking him out. Naps were the next struggle. My husband insisted on holding the baby for naps because baby wouldn't take one otherwise according to my husband. I put my foot down on the morning nap first and said I don't care if he cries the entire time, he goes in his crib, by himself for an hour and that's it for nap and we move on with the day. I allowed that he could still be held for the afternoon nap to make sure he got at least one. Once he started sleeping ok-ish alone for the morning nap I put my foot down on the afternoon nap and lo and behold my baby was able to nap alone once given a chance to do so. At a year I stopped night feeds and bedtime bottle. I slowly offered less and more watered down formula/milk until buddy just wasn't interested, so it was a slow easy transition. Anyhow, just lots and lots of slow and steady changes like getting on a better schedule, using better sleep hygiene, ect. Not sure who was harder to train, my toddler or my husband...
My son is capable of sttn and does randomly, but had never done it reliably. He goes down for naps easily (now) most of the time but takes very short naps. He no longer screams at bedtime/nighttime and just normal cries. He does all the sleeping that he does do in his crib in his own room. On a good night we do his bedtime routine and here's in bed and asleep in under 40 minutes, and only wakes up once or sttn. On a bad night? He can take 3-4 hours to fall asleep and wakes up 1-3 times a night. I have never been able to find a cause for what makes a good night and what makes a bad night. And I took notes and made charts! I've been told many times that I'm "doing everything right," and that's it's just behavioral on my kid's part and to keep doing what I'm doing and he'll eventually get it. Well... He's 2.5... still waiting... But we have made huge progress considering where we started.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm terrified this next baby won't sleep either and that I'll have an actual psychotic break. There were some scary ugly times when my son was really small and my husband was away for work and my baby was screaming, full forced screaming, at me for the 6th hour after the 5th wake up, kinda moments when I hadn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep in 20 minute intervals and I remember thinking, "oh. This is why people lose their minds and kill their kids." When those nights happened, I would carefully check my baby for fever, illness or injury(like take his pajamas off and make sure there wasn't a hair wrapped around a toe, or any bug bites, or any other visible physical cause for why he was crying.) Change his diaper. Offer him a bottle if appropriate. Once I had checked him over and made sure there was no obvious physical fixable cause for the crying, and that all his needs had been met, I very softy and gently put his screaming self into his crib, closed his bedroom door and took myself to the farthest corner of the house and just sat by myself until I could get my shit together. I never hurt my baby, didn't even ever yell at him, but you better betcha I learned real fast that sometimes I HAD to put him down and walk away for his safety and mine. It was so bad. So bad. I get really bad anxiety thinking about how bad it was and how long it took to get anywhere even close to ok. I didn't ever do any full on CIO, at least not on purpose, but there were times when I'd leave his room to go get myself together and accidentally fall asleep (read- pass out from exhaustion) and I'd wake up an hour later and he was still screaming
TL:DR My kid has never been a good sleeper. I'm fairly traumatized by it. I tried all the things. We've made huge progress but it's still not great. I'm f-ing terrified my new baby won't sleep either and that I'll actually lose my mind this time.
Once I had checked him over and made sure there was no obvious physical fixable cause for the crying, and that all his needs had been met, I very softy and gently put his screaming self into his crib, closed his bedroom door and took myself to the farthest corner of the house and just sat by myself until I could get my shit together.
I think this is hugely important for people to lean/know. It is ok to put down your baby down in a safe place and walk away. As you experienced some babies just cry. If baby's needs are met and he/she is in a safe place, it is totally ok to walk away. It can be so important to give yourself a break.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
@pourmeamocktail I’m not too excited about the prospect of a toddler bed either, but he’s about half an inch from being able to climb out with the setup we’ve got. And with my new baby bump, I’m not bendy enough to reach the floor mattress anymore and he knows it. This morning he didn’t want to get up when I went in to get him (Still haven’t adjusted to the time change) so he laid down, laughed at me and just kept repeating “can’t reach me”. I had to have DH come pick him up
@stothi I am also terrified about baby #2’s sleeping habits. It took me a very long time to even be willing to consider the idea of a second for that very reason and I’m pretty sure if this one is as bad as DS I won’t survive it. At least DH is supportive, but he sleeps like the dead so he’s no real help in the middle of the night.
@nackie yup! My child's sleep habits were a huge reason we were waiting to have another and maybe weren't going to have another. If this one doesn't sleep either I'll sell a kidney or something so that we can get a morning nanny right away. If I can get 4-5 consecutive hours of sleep, I can handle the non stop screaming. I just have to have that light at the end of the tunnel, that help is coming, that I will get to sleep at some point. The never knowing when or if I'd get any sleep, any kind of real break, was just so defeating.
@nackie and @stothi I'm so so so glad I'm not the only one. I have yelled at my son in my weaker moments, but never seriously wanted to harm him or felt I was going to. But I have walked away from him in his crib.
He now sleeps in his crib, in his room, which didn't happen until he was a bit over a year, but that was the right time.
He goes down easy ish, generally, meaning we lay him down and he talks or whines or gently cries to sleep, no more murder screams.
I keep telling myself that my husband is great at falling and staying asleep, so there's a good chance that this one won't be as bad as my son.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeamocktail and @mamab2under2 many hugs to you both! I know how frustrating lack of sleep is, it is a serious form of torture. Without offering myself up for sacrifice, I will say that I don’t consider my son to be a good sleep naturally, I’ve had to work with him a ton and be ridiculously consistent with everything I do with him to be in the place that I am now. I’m part of a sleep group on Facebook and I regularly help parents troubleshoot sleep problems. You probably wouldn’t want to hear the advice that I would give, but I don’t give advice without being asked for it! When I do give advice, it’s honestly coming from a place of wanting to help make your life and your sleep more enjoyable. To me, it’s not about pointing out what you’re doing “wrong” but identifying what isn’t working because I hate the thought that bedtime/night time gives parents of toddlers anxiety over not knowing what they’re in for that night. Like I said, I’m not about to offer any advice and I offer you grande sized cups of coffee. Please don’t exile me from the group because I really like chatting with all of you
I don’t have an advice and can only slightly commiserate, but am sending all the hugs and coffees to you sleep-weary mamas! Dd has decided to give up naps this week. I was really banking on keeping them a while longer for my sanity. She’s always been a good sleeper, with spells of sleeplessness. Like once in a bluemoon, she’ll be up every hour, then make up for it the next night by sleeping solid, and spend a few nigjts up a few times before going back to sttn. I homestly blame the cf, her little body wears out and needs the rest. Plus, managing it well required routines and healthy habits right off, and her gerd/reflux was so bad I was told to stop nursing at night and at 7 months old she could only have liquids w solids to keep it from sloshing up.
Sidenote: 7months was dd’s first hospital stay. We were in for 10 days for a cough and weight concerns. At the end the feeding plan was a spoon fed meal packed w fat and calories then topped off w nursing, 7 x a day, never overnight. ...and i wonder why she hates eating...
Also, I will be like a ftm w this one if it doesn’t have cf...absolutely no clue what to do! Ha!
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
@nlc8424 I don’t mind talking about DS’s sleep issues with people who have been there done that and hearing about what worked for them. The thing that really irritates me is when friends that don’t have kids or who have the kind that magically started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks asking things like “have you tried sleep training? I hear that works really well” or sending me lame listicles about the best way to sleep train your child. Like it never once occurred to me in two years of sleep deprivation to try even the most basic solutions.
@nackie yup that’s not me haha, DS was a boob addict who didn’t STTN until 13ish months when I totally weaned from nursing. Our nights are not all perfect, but I really appreciate knowing what to expect now so that’s great. Like I said, I’m always willing to help if it’s wanted and/or rec my FB sleep group!
Thanks everyone. I guess DS has always been a high sleep needs baby (DH and I also are). He took forever to give up his third nap and has no signs of going to one nap anytime soon. It definitely complicates daytime activities, because he won’t nap on the go and loses his shit if he’s even 15 minutes past his nap time. However, the plus is he is a great night sleeper. Sure, we deal with wakings due to night terrors or teething, but overall it’s not bad. I guess I’m very lucky, and realize this. I feel for parents of poor sleepers...I know you try all the tricks and it must be so hard to get such flippant “advice.” I’m fully expecting some sort of regression around baby time due to the changes, and anything better than that will be welcomed!
ETA I forgot to hit post and then posted and caught up on additional comments. My heart just goes out to all the sleep-deprived mamas! I think all these comments prove that kids will be how they are wired to be. Sleep training has its place but isn’t a universal solution for every kid. (And night weaning...I caught so much flack for “letting” my son night feed past 3 months...he obviously needed it in some way and dropped it when he didn’t!) I hope so much all the struggling moms here catch a break soon.
From my 3 kid experience... Here's my story. #1 slept great, still sleeps great and needs quite a bit of sleep.. #2 didn't think she needed sleep even as a baby and was gassy. Is sleep trained (#1 was too but for #2 it was different and took longer) and almost needs less sleep than her almost 3yrs older sister and still knows how to keep herself awake at night... #3 slept too much as a baby (yep... happens... wouldn't recommend it...) as she had a nasty cold for the first 2 months of her life and still sleeps pretty good. I would say like @Wishilivedinflorida my husband and I both like our sleep so that I think comes into consideration as well.
Summary: Every kid's different... as if we didn't know that already...
Daughter #1 - Feb 2012 Daughter #2 - Oct 2014 Daughter #3 - Nov 2016 Baby #4 - Sept 2018
@nlc8424 I don’t mind talking about DS’s sleep issues with people who have been there done that and hearing about what worked for them. The thing that really irritates me is when friends that don’t have kids or who have the kind that magically started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks asking things like “have you tried sleep training? I hear that works really well” or sending me lame listicles about the best way to sleep train your child. Like it never once occurred to me in two years of sleep deprivation to try even the most basic solutions.
Yes! This! Or when someone gives you their best unsolicited advice and it's so, so, so bad... Someone once told me that they struggled with getting their kid to learn to sleep and their doc finally suggested full on CIO because the mom just couldn't cope anymore and was at the end of her rope...
At 6 weeks.
At 6 weeks she went to full on CIO, leave the infant in the crib and don't go back for 8 hours. She'd go sit on the neighbor's porch and let her 6 week old scream cry himself to sleep. Yeah... No. I'll not be taking that sleep training advice. Please stop talking.
@Wishilivedinflorida oh, he's so f-d up. Mental, emotional and physical health issues out the wazoo. And she always talks about how good he turned out! o_0 Good!? Compared to what!?
@stothi Oh I can't imagine. Like you had said earlier, I definitely had moments when DS was an infant where I just had to calmly place him in his crib or in his pack n play and go outside or somewhere that I couldn't hear him as well, but only for short periods of time. Poor thing.
DS didn’t sleep through the night until I stopped nursing him at 18 months. He then started sleeping through the night but it wasn’t consistent until he took to a stuffed animal that played music (Scout).
Me (29) + DH (30) | Dating 2003 | Married 2008 DS - 02/21/2016
@xxkberxx you know, my kiddo started sleeping a little better once he decided to like a stuffed animal too. His is one of those lovey dolls that a head and a blanket body. Everyone always said to give him one when he was little bit he wanted nothing to do with any sleep comfort toy until he was almost 2 yesterday old. Would either ignore them or throw them out of the crib immediately. He's still not a great sleeper but I think part of why he didn't scream as much is because he cuddles with his lovey now.
When do you start being concerned about toddler ‘routines?’ My DD has so many things that have to be done exactly the way she wants (putting her down on the same spot on the floor, the order we put shoes, coat, hat on, the way she gets out of the car). If something is done out of order and not repeated the ‘right way,’ it’s a full on meltdown. I don’t know if I’m just worrying for no reason or if this might be an early indicator of ocd tendencies? Opinions and knowledge greatly appreciated.
I meant to get back to this earlier and got side tracked. I used to babysit a little guy who did have OCD amongst other things. In his case, his big thing was zoning out and moving really slow. At least that's what it looked like to us. Sometimes I think he was actually really concentrating though. Like doing homework if he needed to erase something he would use almost the whole pencil eraser and almost put a hole in the paper to make sure it was really earased and then spend a full five minutes brushing all the bits off the table to make sure they were all off. I wish I had better insite to share about it, but unfortunately I was pretty young at the time and his parents were just medicating and not doing any kind of therapy, so I don't think any of us learned much. Toddlers in general thrive on routine and can be very, very sensitive. I know my son loses his mind when he's tired/stressed if I don't do something the "right" way. Does your daughter get upset even when she's well rested and feeling mellow? Is she able to sometimes do things differently? Or does it always every time have to be just so? I think the one of the deciding factors in a good time to bring it up with your pediatrician is if it is interfering with your/her life or causing her a great deal of distress. It could very well just be normal toddler pickiness and control issues, but if you feel it's upsetting her or you to a level that is disruptive, I think it's worth checking in with your pediatrician.
Guys. My toddler did a thing. I'd normally post this in randoms but I guess all toddler stuff goes here? Cause we might want to talk about this more? I don't know. Anyhoo... He asked for his robot water bottle so I handed him the water bottle that we had in his room. He then very clearly pointed out that it was not his robot water bottle and he only wanted his robot water bottle. Nooooooooooooooooooo!!! I know that's a total normal toddler thing but so far I'd lucked out and not had the whole "I only want the blue cup," temper tantrum stuff. I don't want to start doing the whole only a certain color/pattern/whatever will do thing! I don't wanna!
@stothi I completely forgot that giving DD the lovey at night was what made the difference in her STTN again! I was hesitant to give her anything in her crib but my parents let her have it overnight and she slept so well for them that now we let her have it too. Her sleep has improved soooo much since then!
@yosemite2018 I was really resistant to letting him have anything in the crib. It just made me so uncomfortable. Honestly, he's 2.5 and I'm still nervous about him having a pillow and a blanket. He has them and has been totally fine, but it makes me nervous.
My son is very attached to his lovey. Despite that he woke up/cried out at 450 so I guess that's my wake up time this morning, I'll leave him in his crib though and he'll probably fall back asleep so I can drink my coffee in peace.
@stothi little guy has a preference! Don't you know that water tastes different from his robot cup?
My 2.5 YO DS has been having these internal crises where he wants something but also doesn’t want it simultaneously. He works himself up into a fit and we just calmly help him through it. It must be rough being 2...
Most if the time he’s the easiest, happiest kid but these toddler struggles are really throwing him for a loop!
Re: bed, DS has three stuffed animals that he needs in bed for naps and sleeping: Bear, Monkey, and Puppy (whose full name—I kid you not—is Pup Pupadupolous and HE made that up). If he has the three amigos, all is well. Admittedly, I haven’t converted his bed yet because I love that he can’t get out of it, but my spring break is in a few weeks and I think the plan is to make the transition then. FX it goes smoothly!
@stothi hahaha. My son is so particular about his cups. If I give him the wrong color he has a fit and makes me go get one in the “right” color and repour it. 2 year olds are rough
He did come up with his first joke this week though. He’s so proud of it, it’s adorable.
nlc8424
member
Re: STM/Toddler thread March
So in short, toddlers are meant to push boundaries and they will do so when you least expect it. Generally, the best recommendation is to stay the course and not give in to their pleas. You know, the whole "I don't negotiate with tiny people" thing
He hasn't given up on night feeds yet, and though I know he doesn't need them, it's easier on us to do it. He nurses and goes back down in 15-20 min, or I can send husband in, and it takes like an hour to chill him out enough so that he'll sleep (we do put him in bed awake, no matter who puts him down, but there is some comforting if he's screaming bloody murder. I keep thinking we need to send him to bed with a cup of water, but then I figure it's more about snuggles.
Naps didn't get easy until 12 months old. We switched to one at about 15 months, and at least they're consistent now, unless he's sick, teething, or sleep deprived (or it's daylight savings time, which I've just learned is the devil). Once he gets all out of sorts it's takes us at least a week if not two to get back on track.
For nearly two years now people keep arguing with me and presenting simple solutions and telling me they must work-which at first made me feel like a failure, now it's just infuriating. Do you think I haven't tried everything? I am a terrible sleeper and unfortunately so is my son.
So in short he has slept through the night less than three weeks total (not even consecutively) of his life. No reason for me to think that your kid will suddenly change from an OK sleeper to an awful one.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
My daughter is 22 months, and she's always liked sleeping at night, but couldn't always do it easily! The best advice I ever heard about sleep training was "if it's working for you, then it's not a problem". I nursed her to sleep until she was around 1 year old, and put her down asleep a lot of the time. But we got to the point where she would cry when you put her down (when she was littler, we'd just pick her back up, comfort her, then try again), and cry when you left the room, etc. So we did sleep training. Not picking her up to comfort her was soooooo tough, but every night it got easier and I swear, it took like 4-5 nights and we could put her down, and just slowly leave the room. Basically, with no picking her up, we'd stay and comfort her for about 10 minutes, then leave the room, and come back in 5 min...then 10 min...then 20 min...then 30 min.... etc. Until eventually she'd fall asleep. Same thing when she'd wake up at night. She had like 5 sleep regressions after that, though, it was tough! But we just stuck to our guns as long as she wasn't sick or something. And now she usually sleeps great. We put her down by 7:30, and wake her up just after 7am. It's blissful.
Naps were ALWAYS hard when she was on 2 naps/day. We switched her to 1 nap soon after 1 year, and life has been better for all of us. She sleeps roughly 1-3pm at home (12:30-2pm at daycare). We usually have to wake her up at 3pm, because we want her to sleep at night, too.
DD2 4.2013 - vbac
DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green
Baby #4 due 9.2018
People keep trying to give me overly simplistic advice as well, like it’s never occurred to us that we should try different techniques. It’s really annoying. If the pediatrician has run out of ideas, your random internet article probably won’t help.
On the brighter side (?) his sleep is so bad we don’t really notice the sleep regressions. And fortunately he naps ok still.
@stothi DS took a header out of his crib in January. It was awful. We were able to put the mattress on the floor inside the crib and stick him back in a sleep sack. Those two combined keep him from climbing, but we’ve been preparing him for a toddler bed since then. He’s excited about it now, so we’re trying in a week when all of our company leaves.
I'm so so tired of parents with good sleepers trying to troubleshoot our son. look, we're done fighting him, he just is. It's much less emotionally difficult for me to just accept him. Hoping he'll be sleeping most nights by 2.5 or 3. Because 21 months isn't the magic number for us.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married 5/2015
BFP 11/27/2015 - EDD 8/4/2016
BFP 1/6/2018 - EDD 9/19/2018
oh, and we were supposed to be moving her into her toddler bed this weekend so i'm sure we will all be getting even less sleep! lol
So I have been the one doing all the things in regards to setting schedules and sleep stuff.
From birth to about 4-6 months my son would scream (not cry, but soul shattering scream) for 8 hours a night and wouldn't sleep unless someone held him and would still only sleep 20 min - an hour at a time most nights. I checked with his pediatrician many, many, many times and she said it wasn't medical. Around 4 months I started not sleep training, but practicing good habits like baby has to sleep in his own space and forced my husband to do the same. It took about a month to get baby to sleep (when he slept) in his own space. Next I started on getting him into his crib in his own room. That took about a month. Somewhere between 6&9 months I started on actually sleep training and did a Ferber type method with short check ins and soothing baby in the crib but not taking him out. Naps were the next struggle. My husband insisted on holding the baby for naps because baby wouldn't take one otherwise according to my husband. I put my foot down on the morning nap first and said I don't care if he cries the entire time, he goes in his crib, by himself for an hour and that's it for nap and we move on with the day. I allowed that he could still be held for the afternoon nap to make sure he got at least one. Once he started sleeping ok-ish alone for the morning nap I put my foot down on the afternoon nap and lo and behold my baby was able to nap alone once given a chance to do so. At a year I stopped night feeds and bedtime bottle. I slowly offered less and more watered down formula/milk until buddy just wasn't interested, so it was a slow easy transition. Anyhow, just lots and lots of slow and steady changes like getting on a better schedule, using better sleep hygiene, ect. Not sure who was harder to train, my toddler or my husband...
My son is capable of sttn and does randomly, but had never done it reliably. He goes down for naps easily (now) most of the time but takes very short naps. He no longer screams at bedtime/nighttime and just normal cries. He does all the sleeping that he does do in his crib in his own room. On a good night we do his bedtime routine and here's in bed and asleep in under 40 minutes, and only wakes up once or sttn. On a bad night? He can take 3-4 hours to fall asleep and wakes up 1-3 times a night. I have never been able to find a cause for what makes a good night and what makes a bad night. And I took notes and made charts! I've been told many times that I'm "doing everything right," and that's it's just behavioral on my kid's part and to keep doing what I'm doing and he'll eventually get it. Well... He's 2.5... still waiting... But we have made huge progress considering where we started.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm terrified this next baby won't sleep either and that I'll have an actual psychotic break. There were some scary ugly times when my son was really small and my husband was away for work and my baby was screaming, full forced screaming, at me for the 6th hour after the 5th wake up, kinda moments when I hadn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep in 20 minute intervals and I remember thinking, "oh. This is why people lose their minds and kill their kids." When those nights happened, I would carefully check my baby for fever, illness or injury(like take his pajamas off and make sure there wasn't a hair wrapped around a toe, or any bug bites, or any other visible physical cause for why he was crying.) Change his diaper. Offer him a bottle if appropriate. Once I had checked him over and made sure there was no obvious physical fixable cause for the crying, and that all his needs had been met, I very softy and gently put his screaming self into his crib, closed his bedroom door and took myself to the farthest corner of the house and just sat by myself until I could get my shit together. I never hurt my baby, didn't even ever yell at him, but you better betcha I learned real fast that sometimes I HAD to put him down and walk away for his safety and mine. It was so bad. So bad. I get really bad anxiety thinking about how bad it was and how long it took to get anywhere even close to ok. I didn't ever do any full on CIO, at least not on purpose, but there were times when I'd leave his room to go get myself together and accidentally fall asleep (read- pass out from exhaustion) and I'd wake up an hour later and he was still screaming
TL:DR
My kid has never been a good sleeper. I'm fairly traumatized by it. I tried all the things. We've made huge progress but it's still not great. I'm f-ing terrified my new baby won't sleep either and that I'll actually lose my mind this time.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
And with my new baby bump, I’m not bendy enough to reach the floor mattress anymore and he knows it. This morning he didn’t want to get up when I went in to get him (Still haven’t adjusted to the time change) so he laid down, laughed at me and just kept repeating “can’t reach me”. I had to have DH come pick him up
@stothi I am also terrified about baby #2’s sleeping habits. It took me a very long time to even be willing to consider the idea of a second for that very reason and I’m pretty sure if this one is as bad as DS I won’t survive it. At least DH is supportive, but he sleeps like the dead so he’s no real help in the middle of the night.
He now sleeps in his crib, in his room, which didn't happen until he was a bit over a year, but that was the right time.
He goes down easy ish, generally, meaning we lay him down and he talks or whines or gently cries to sleep, no more murder screams.
I keep telling myself that my husband is great at falling and staying asleep, so there's a good chance that this one won't be as bad as my son.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Dd has decided to give up naps this week. I was really banking on keeping them a while longer for my sanity.
She’s always been a good sleeper, with spells of sleeplessness. Like once in a bluemoon, she’ll be up every hour, then make up for it the next night by sleeping solid, and spend a few nigjts up a few times before going back to sttn.
I homestly blame the cf, her little body wears out and needs the rest. Plus, managing it well required routines and healthy habits right off, and her gerd/reflux was so bad I was told to stop nursing at night and at 7 months old she could only have liquids w solids to keep it from sloshing up.
Sidenote: 7months was dd’s first hospital stay. We were in for 10 days for a cough and weight concerns. At the end the feeding plan was a spoon fed meal packed w fat and calories then topped off w nursing, 7 x a day, never overnight. ...and i wonder why she hates eating...
Also, I will be like a ftm w this one if it doesn’t have cf...absolutely no clue what to do! Ha!
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
**Psalm 139:16**
ETA I forgot to hit post and then posted and caught up on additional comments. My heart just goes out to all the sleep-deprived mamas! I think all these comments prove that kids will be how they are wired to be. Sleep training has its place but isn’t a universal solution for every kid. (And night weaning...I caught so much flack for “letting” my son night feed past 3 months...he obviously needed it in some way and dropped it when he didn’t!) I hope so much all the struggling moms here catch a break soon.
Summary: Every kid's different... as if we didn't know that already...
Daughter #2 - Oct 2014
Daughter #3 - Nov 2016
Baby #4 - Sept 2018
Or when someone gives you their best unsolicited advice and it's so, so, so bad... Someone once told me that they struggled with getting their kid to learn to sleep and their doc finally suggested full on CIO because the mom just couldn't cope anymore and was at the end of her rope...
At 6 weeks.
At 6 weeks she went to full on CIO, leave the infant in the crib and don't go back for 8 hours. She'd go sit on the neighbor's porch and let her 6 week old scream cry himself to sleep.
Yeah... No. I'll not be taking that sleep training advice. Please stop talking.
DS - 02/21/2016
I used to babysit a little guy who did have OCD amongst other things. In his case, his big thing was zoning out and moving really slow. At least that's what it looked like to us. Sometimes I think he was actually really concentrating though. Like doing homework if he needed to erase something he would use almost the whole pencil eraser and almost put a hole in the paper to make sure it was really earased and then spend a full five minutes brushing all the bits off the table to make sure they were all off. I wish I had better insite to share about it, but unfortunately I was pretty young at the time and his parents were just medicating and not doing any kind of therapy, so I don't think any of us learned much.
Toddlers in general thrive on routine and can be very, very sensitive. I know my son loses his mind when he's tired/stressed if I don't do something the "right" way.
Does your daughter get upset even when she's well rested and feeling mellow? Is she able to sometimes do things differently? Or does it always every time have to be just so?
I think the one of the deciding factors in a good time to bring it up with your pediatrician is if it is interfering with your/her life or causing her a great deal of distress. It could very well just be normal toddler pickiness and control issues, but if you feel it's upsetting her or you to a level that is disruptive, I think it's worth checking in with your pediatrician.
He asked for his robot water bottle so I handed him the water bottle that we had in his room. He then very clearly pointed out that it was not his robot water bottle and he only wanted his robot water bottle. Nooooooooooooooooooo!!! I know that's a total normal toddler thing but so far I'd lucked out and not had the whole "I only want the blue cup," temper tantrum stuff. I don't want to start doing the whole only a certain color/pattern/whatever will do thing! I don't wanna!
@stothi little guy has a preference! Don't you know that water tastes different from his robot cup?
Most if the time he’s the easiest, happiest kid but these toddler struggles are really throwing him for a loop!
Re: bed, DS has three stuffed animals that he needs in bed for naps and sleeping: Bear, Monkey, and Puppy (whose full name—I kid you not—is Pup Pupadupolous and HE made that up). If he has the three amigos, all is well. Admittedly, I haven’t converted his bed yet because I love that he can’t get out of it, but my spring break is in a few weeks and I think the plan is to make the transition then. FX it goes smoothly!
He did come up with his first joke this week though. He’s so proud of it, it’s adorable.