Suggestions for FTM - do you have your husband reading anything?

SweetSweetTooth · March 2018

Have you given your husband anything to read to help prep him for, well, everything? Anything you did early on other than just letting him deal with the crazy hormones?
My DH asked me the other day if there is anything he should be reading or doing. I said he can start researching safety and reviews on car seats if he wanted something to do.
Other than cleaning or cooking any things to help him feel more a part of the growing a kid stage?

kiwi2628 · March 2018

My H likes to research, so instead of me scouring info, I am letting him take the reigns in researching strollers, carseats, toys and all that stuff. I mean, since I will be using them more I get final say as to which stroller is comfier for me etc..., but I am gonna let him research the best and then we will pick them out together based on his picks

SawyerRichardson · March 2018

I knew my H wasn't going to read anything I gave him so I never made him. Not that he didn't care, it's just not his style. I didn't really want to go to a birthing class but I knew he would really benefit from that, so that's what really worked for us.

theglitteredpterodactyl · March 2018

I got my partner a copy of Rad Dad which had some really solid ways about parenting. He really liked it and there was actually a really powerful piece he referred back to a lot when later be had to confront his best friend about domestic abuse. Not all the pieces were that heavy but it was a nice way for him to really absorb the responsibility of being a parent in a way that i think the partners not actively growing the baby sometimes can struggle with.

Also the first time around we joked a lot about how catering to my emotional messiness and whininess and insomnia and constant need for foot rubs was like a good practice run for taking care of an inconsolable newborn so there's also that.

muchwanted · March 2018

I definitely think assigning him some of the shopping list is helpful. Video monitors is what my hubby geeked out on for a long time.

If you're at all interested in an unmedicated birth, then The Birth Partner is fantastic.

Also, we read the week-by-week pregnancy chapters together as the pregnancy counted off. Helped him to get invested.

mama2boffour · March 2018

SawyerRichardson said:

I knew my H wasn't going to read anything I gave him so I never made him. Not that he didn't care, it's just not his style. I didn't really want to go to a birthing class but I knew he would really benefit from that, so that's what really worked for us.

I could have written this myself!

tinattt23 · March 2018

DH isn’t a reader. Researching baby stuff isn’t interesting to him so I did most of that. We did a pretty intensive birthing class together (10 weeks, 1.5 each) which taught him a lot about both birth and newborn care and also sparked conversations between us. He did read parts of Mind Over Labor with me so he could guide my meditation homework.

But realsitically, he was thrown into the deep end. And he did just fine. He wasn’t super into the newborn stage. Not that he didn’t do his fair share, but he just wasn’t super connected. But now that DS is one, they are best buds. It’s awesome to watch. I think a lot of dads have a hard time early on. They don’t have the same hormones flooding their systems that we do. There’s only so much they can help with (especially if your breastfeeding). And let’s face it, newborns are kind of lumps that give you no feedback for your hard work. Once DS got more interactive (maybe 6-9 months), then DH really started bonding and engaging by choice rather than feeling like it was something he was supposed to be doing.

knottieamusements · March 2018

My support person is awesome and actually offered to look into daycares for me, but he realized pretty quickly that isn’t a place that he can really help since I need to make those decisions for me and baby.

That said, he has been absolutely awesome at some of the things that fall under his area of expertise- like researching some of the legal questions I’ve had and helping me find lawyers to address them (estate planning & guardianship, paternity issues, etc.). He also decided he wants to buy the crib, so he is doing that legwork.

I haven’t asked him to do any research on labor, but he has a labor class blocked on his calendar, and is also going to a parenting class with me.

legalmamanyc · March 2018

My DH recommends the Expectant Father. ( I never really considered if I should have him read anything because the only way he knows how to cope with anything is reading, he bought 5 books on Amazon the day of the BFP, lol.)

BrittanyCupcakes · March 2018

My husband enjoyed “The Caveman’s Pregnancy Companion” with our first.

mama2boffour · March 2018

@tinattt23 yeppppp

klpv415 · March 2018

I sent my hubs a link to this blog post titled “10 Reasons it Sucks Being Married to a Pregnant Woman” because like many of your DHs, he doesn’t read, and I found the article hilarious and wanted to let him know that for now I haven’t lost my sense of humor.

SweetSweetTooth · March 2018

@legalmamanyc who is the author? I see a few books out there with that title.

legalmamanyc · March 2018

@SweetSweetTooth armin brott and jennifer ash. This may not be most recent edition but here's a screen shot.

sliztee · March 2018

@legalmamanyc Yep, that's the one I got my husband. He seems to be just fine with it.

concreteayngel · March 2018

I didn't have him read anything, but what he did find immensely helpful was the birthing class we took through the hospital. He was unsure of what his role would be during the birthing process, and he felt a lot more prepared and less nervous after taking the class. He also got to commisserate with the other nervous dads-to-be.

cdepperschmidt · March 2018

I didn’t have DH read anything. But we did take some classes together and that was beneficial. We took the birthing class and the breast feeding class.

sunnyknightsarah · March 2018

I asked him to read the "For the Dad" paragraphs in What to Expect When You're Expecting. I don't know if he will because I know he thinks it's for the mom, but I'm not really concerned with it and not going to push him. He did say he is going to take classes with me and I think that's awesome. Maybe I'll pick up The Expectant Father for him and give him a book of his own.

DunkinDecaf · March 2018

When we were expecting our first I had him read “what to expect” and “dr dans guide to babies and other humans”, which were the same books I read. The latter in particular is spectacular and I highly recommend it. We tried a couple “for dads” books, but DH generally found them very pandering and often a little insulting. According to him they tended to assume men had no regular household responsibilities or inclination to help with things like that, and spent a solid chunk of time reminding them not to be lazy shits.

gracehopper27 · March 2018

mama2bofthree said:

SawyerRichardson said:

I knew my H wasn't going to read anything I gave him so I never made him. Not that he didn't care, it's just not his style. I didn't really want to go to a birthing class but I knew he would really benefit from that, so that's what really worked for us.

I could have written this myself!

Same. We went to a Lamaze class and I felt like that's when he really started to connect and become especially interested in what would happen during labor & delivery. He referred to a lot of things from the class later on and tried to do some of the birth positions/exercises with me, which was cute. I think for some people physically being in a class, hearing an instructor, and being able to discuss really helps.

Lisa3379 · March 2018

I bought DH "The Expectant Father" and he maybe read two pages. I'm gonna echo a few people here when I say that the childbirth class that we took went a lot further in informing him (and me of course) about things. He figured things out pretty quickly once DS was born.

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