October 2018 Moms
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Not/faking drinking in public

I'm sure I'm not the only one with this quandary. I'm supposed to have cocktails with work people one evening this week. Everyone knows I love my wine, so for me to not drink is very suspicious. But I'm barely seven weeks along, so it's way too early to tell anyone. 

So what are your strategies? Lying about antibiotics? Tipping the server extra to bring you fake cocktails? I already used the no alcohol detox month excuse in February, so that one is out for me. 

Who's got genius ideas? 
***TW***
DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.

After much more of the same...

Re: Not/faking drinking in public

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    I met with friends recently and they wanted to go out for drinks. I suggested coffee instead. I implied that I had given up alcohol for lent (I’m not religious at all but they didn’t know that). That will only work for a few more weeks, but it buys us some time!
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    You don’t have to tip the bartender extra to make you a non-alcoholic drink, they will do it anyways (although you should always tip your bartender.) I’ve had lemonade with blueberries, virgin mojitos, cranberry juice with a splash of tonic water, or just stick with a sprite and say your stomach is a little upset.
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    My friend brewed me chamomile tea and cooled it when I had dinner at her house, it looks exactly like white wine! That works when at home or with a close friend. I’ve also put my cold brewed tea in a juice bottle and used it at a party. I also swop wine glasses with my husband. So I had fake sips of my wine, but he was actually drinking it for me (as well as his own :) which works at a dinner party.  otherwise virgin cocktails as mentioned above. Just get to your drinks early and chat to bartender/waiter. 
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    Seltzer with lime looks like a vodka soda (or cranberry for a vodka cran.) If it’s a larger group, I just order the wine and hold it all night...people just assume I’ve refilled.
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    I've had multiple similar situations with my coworkers thus far.  So far, what's worked best for me is either 1) ordering an n/a beer that's not one of the usuals (like clausthauler/O'Douls), so that no one immediately recognizes the name.  Of course, that only works if you happen to be at a place that has specialty n/as (and like beer). Or, 2) most recently I let people get a little bit ahead of me and arrived after they'd already ordered and found a table.  Then I grabbed our server at the bar and asked for juice and selzer away from everyone else so no one was the wiser. 

    I also love wine, but luckily no one has called me out on my lack of wine drinking thus far.  If they're suspicious, they haven't mentioned it.
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    I’ve pretended to have a headache before... don’t want to drink and make it worse.  The migraine sufferers immediately sympathize with it.  Plus it’s a great excuse for drinking a lot of water and multiple bathroom breaks.
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    @BabyRobbinsAdventure I meant tipping extra to being you n/a drinks while calling them cocktails. I think servers get extra tips for lying on your behalf. :)
    ***TW***
    DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.

    After much more of the same...

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    @muchwanted ah I see. If you’re asking them to lie for you, extra would be appropriate!
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    I told everyone I gave alcohol up for lent which I figured would buy me time until Easter at which point I will probably be ready to tell most of them. I have another friend who is pregnant as well and she said she either has a headache or her stomach has been bothering her. Those both worked well!
    Me:29 DH:30
    Married:10/2012
    TTC #1: 12/2017
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    I said I gave up alcohol for lent. Also, please don’t flame me for saying this, but after speaking with my OB extensively about it, she is not opposed to having a few sips of wine or a mimosa on occasion. So maybe you should speak with your OB about it and make your own informed decision, but you could always order a glass of wine and take a few sips (maybe trying something new/different), then claim it isn’t your favorite if anyone asks why you aren’t drinking much of it.
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    With this pregnancy we just told everyone pretty much immediately so there wasn’t any need to fake my drinking habits, but with my previous pregnancies I’d just say I was on a diet. “Mmm I shouldn’t. Trying to slim down and I had two glasses last night” or something like that.
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    I partake in an occasional half glass of wine or beer, but not until late in the 2nd tri/3rd tri.

    I had my 10 year reunion when I was pregnant with DD and just went to the bar for my drinks.  My drink of choice is vodka water, splash of cran so I just ordered a water with a splash of cran.  
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    Sometimes I just say I drank too much the night before and the thought of another drink is a bit much for me. Also explains the paleness and nausea lol
    DS  12-1-2014
    DD 10-29-2016
    #3 due 10-13-2018
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    Sometimes I just say I drank too much the night before and the thought of another drink is a bit much for me. Also explains the paleness and nausea lol
    Yepppp I used this with my first pregnancy when I was still pretty wild!
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     Maybe tell them you're pregnant so you don't have to drink or lie? 
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    Gizmo1231 said:
     Maybe tell them you're pregnant so you don't have to drink or lie? 
    Muchwanted pretty clearly explained that she's only 7 wks along and isn't comfortable sharing yet. Some people don't want to tell others, especially co-workers that soon, and that's completely understandable. So is developing a game plan for avoiding the questions surrounding abnormal behavior if you're not feeling secure enough to spread the news yet.
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    nasalot188nasalot188 member
    edited March 2018
    If you drink beer, try asking bartender for non alcoholic in a pint glass :)
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    I said I gave up alcohol for lent. Also, please don’t flame me for saying this, but after speaking with my OB extensively about it, she is not opposed to having a few sips of wine or a mimosa on occasion. So maybe you should speak with your OB about it and make your own informed decision, but you could always order a glass of wine and take a few sips (maybe trying something new/different), then claim it isn’t your favorite if anyone asks why you aren’t drinking much of it.
    I still take sips of DH’s drinks here and there. It helps with my cravings - a sip really does take care of it. 
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    I'll definitely have a drink or two during my pregnancy, but not in the first tri. Right now it really just sounds terrible, too, which says a lot!
    ***TW***
    DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.

    After much more of the same...

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    I've just been holding glasses of wine or beer and pretending to take sips, then switching with my husband later on. I keep worrying that people won't notice the level going down in the glass, but I really think they only notice if you're holding it. If I were to turn down a drink people would start wondering, but once they see me ordering it or holding something it seems like they let it go. I'm the worst at lying.

    I'm actually having to go to a wedding AT A WINERY this weekend. Kind of bummed. 
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    You have lots of options! :)

    You can go the antibiotic route, but be prepared with the name of an actual medicine and reason for it in case someone asks what's wrong and you're taking.

    I suffer from migraines so no one would question it if I say I tell them I have a headache and I don't want it to get worse with alcohol so I'm just not drinking that night. If that's an option that people won't question, you can use that as well.

    I also am always working out trying to lose a few pounds so it's not unlike me to say I'm on a diet and alcohol is empty calories so I'm not drinking. That's the one I'm using right now. I told my friends in January that I'm not drinking until I lose 15 pounds. I actually lost 10 pounds before I found out I was pregnant lol. Now I tell people I lost 10 so I'm really close and sticking to my goal of not drinking until I hit the 15 pound mark.

    In the past, I've also gotten to the bar early, tell the bartender my situation, and ask for seltzer and lime (to look like a vodka tonic) or a cranberry juice with lime (to look like a vodka cran). They're always happy to oblige and I think they enjoy being in on the secret! If someone questions why you're not drinking your usual wine, you can say you gave it up for Lent so you switched to vodka for the time being.

    Since your coworkers know you're a wine gal, you could also hold a glass and pour out some each time you go to the bathroom to make it look like you're drinking it. But I would hate paying for a glass I wasn't drinking haha. And it's more fun to actually drink something so I would go with a mocktail.

    If you go the fake drink route, in my experience, most people are not paying attention enough to notice exactly what you're drinking, why, and how much. Just have something alcohol-looking in your hand and your story ready just in case, and you're good to go!

    Me: 33 DH: 31
    Location: Castle Rock, CO
    DD: 10.13.18
    baby #2 due: 7.14.20

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    I think I fooled our friends through a weekend of St. Patrick’s Day festivities. On Friday, we went to a party at a friend’s, where I held a glass of wine and occasionally sat it down next to my mom’s, where she would take a sip pretending it was her glass and finished it that way. Yesterday, told friends I had “too much green beer” the night before so needed to start off with water. Eventually was able to grab the server and ask for a soda water with lime in a rocks glass without anyone else listening. I think it worked like a charm! 
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    I tried to arrive early to order fake drinks, but failed. Went the "I'm on antibiotics" route instead. Not sure how convincing I was.
    ***TW***
    DD born April 2015 after many rounds of IVF and losses.

    After much more of the same...

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    As long as nobody said anything, you were fine. You might get a few annoying “I knew you were pregnant when you said you were on antibiotics!” Statements, but it’s really them just guessing that you might be.
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    This happened to me last week. I told everyone I couldn't drink because I had more work to do when I got home. I said if I had a glass of wine I worried I'd get too tired to finish my work. 
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    Best thing about living in Italy- Obgyn's have no problem with red wine while pregnant. Obviously not to get tanked, but they recommend 2 glasses a week. I usually have a quarter glass with dinner at night and so far socially no one has noticed anything! Plus it's Sooooo nice!

    Side note: obviously every pregnancy is different as are cultural norms. This is in no way advising women to drink red wine or any wine while pregnant. It is to say that it's socially and medically acceptable here and I'm fine with it! 
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