July 2018 Moms

Inattentive Husband

Hi ladies, I'm looking for advice or to see if anyone else is experiencing this.  I'm 20 weeks and my husband went out of the country for 3 weeks to visit family.  I asked him to call me everyday but he has not.  He barely calls (totally has access to internet and WhatsApp), views my messages but doesn't reply and when he does call, he only talks about the family drama, does not even ask about me or the baby.  My pregnancy hormones have me spiraling to the point that I am planning our divorce in my head.  What would you ladies do in this situation?  Side note: when he was home he was doing household chores, cooking dinner (because it made me nauseated) and made sure I didn't fall on the ice going to my car but he doesn't talk to the baby or really ask about how I'm feeling or how she is.

Re: Inattentive Husband

  • Hi, I see you’re new here. Welcome! Please take the time to introduce yourself in our intro thread and take a look at the pinned **read first** thread for some guidance on how we keep our board organized. We like to get to know and support eachother around here, and threads like this out of the blue aren’t always so welcome. I hope you stick around and hop in some of our ongoing community building threads, we have some great ladies on the board. 
    As far as your question, it’s hard for anyone to say what they would do in that situation. I’m sorry you’re in that headspace, I know I get a little nutty when I’m away from any husband too long and it seems like he’s ignoring me. While I’m not giving him an excuse to not call at least daily, maybe he does have family things going on that are taking his attention away? You didn’t say how long he’s been gone. It sounds like he was a good husband while he is present from what you’ve said, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s important you make your feelings heard whether he’s out of the country or not. Tell him how you feel, see what he says, and go from there.   
  • Everything @acunamatada said! Also men are different with pregnancy. It’s something hard for them to connect to since their moving along as normal for the most part. Many don’t connect until after birth. It’s important to talk and share your feelings. Maybe get him involved with planning or doctor appointments. 
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  • Sorry about that ladies, I kinda wish I could delete this now.  Didn't want to step on any toes.  Thank you for your thoughts and congrats everyone.
  • @desai0607 It's okay you are new :) we are glad you are here! Relationships and pregnancy aren't easy and we all experience ups and downs. I hope you continue to participate here and get to know all of us and vice versa. we are agreat group and really supportive. we have just had some people come and post just to get feedback in the past but never stick around so that is where some of concern around posts like this come from. don't worry about deleting. also make sure you check out the FTM check in there you can find everyone else who is a first time mom :) 

    my husband never asked about the baby with my first and hates talking on the phone buy is amazing with our first daughter. he doesn't ask about this pregnancy mainly because he doesn't really feel connected until the baby is here. share with him what would be helpful for you maybe a list of ideas that would make you feel more cared for? 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


  • @desai0607 you’re new, it happens! No need to delete it, it’ll get pushed down eventually. Hope to see you on some other threads! 
  • One thing I heard recently is to not do anything drastic (divorce, etc.) while pregnant/in the first year of the baby's life. That made sense to me. Obviously there are extenuating circumstances (like if he was abusive, neglectful, cheating, etc.) but it's kind of a tough time for everyone and not really indicative of how real life is going to be. IDK, my 2 cents. Good luck!!!
  • I think you're being a tad overboard, but it's probably the hormones. Agree with previous posters. Talk it out.
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