Just venting letting out stress — The Bump
November 2017 Moms

Just venting letting out stress

I am a stay at home mom going on two years now, with recently adding our second daughter I just get frustrated so easily. My husband works from 2:45-10:45 with possible mandation of two hours over. He does not help much I do all the house cleaning alone everyday laundry dishes cooking vacuum mopping sweeping you name it I do it. I do all the child care as well from feedings to diaper changes baths all the night time waking everything even on the weekends when he is home it still all falls on me I get absolutely no time to myself unless by some miracle I get both our girls down for a nap at the same time in the day but usually doesn't happen. Last night our 3 month old was up every hour she would wake up sucking her hands so I would bring her down warm up a bottle of milk and she wouldn't touch it this happened all night long every hour on top of this I'm an exclusive pumper so I have to wake atleast twice to pump so I don't get engorged and sore. So I did not get much sleep so I asked my husband after getting our 3 month down for her morning nap if he would get up and hang out with our two year old so I could lay down for a bit he said just try to have her lay down with you I said she doesn't want to so he said wake me up at noon i said no because I know he wouldn't get up anyhow even though he slept all night long so I just said forget it thanks anyhow. I just feel like a maid in my own home I do everything to make sure my husband is happy and rested that's why I don't make him get up in the night I understand it's a privilege for me to stay home but he seems to think that because he works it releases him of Daddy duty I just don't even know what to do anymore I can feel my mental health just taking a toll just feeling down more often patience is lower so I anger more easily I don't have a babysitter or anything to give me a break nor do I want to send my children away I love them I love spending time with them but of course it would be nice to have some down time where I'm not needed or touched or bothered. Sorry this is long just ranting

Re: Just venting letting out stress

  • @ShortStuff5

    I'm here for you, Mama.  The only suggestion I can give is for you to share some of this frustration with your husband (at a time when you're not in the midst of feeling the anxiety, if that is possible).  Perhaps speaking candidly about your need for even just a brief break may help him understand the reason you are asking him to help share parenting.  Perhaps start with a dedicated day where he is able to commit to minding your girls for a few hours on his own.

    And if not, come here, vent, and we will be there for you.
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  • Thank you I have expressed my feelings many times he just asks what he can do to help but basically when I say anything he tries to act like he does help or does that already I'm just at a lose so I just say nothing im used to doing it on my own he just doesn't understand even though he says he does he doesn't know what it's like to be a 24/7 mom because I never make him do anything the times when I have left him with our 2 year old which is never basically when I was in labor is all I made it easy on him laid out clothes made sure there were meals in the fridge and snacks had everything ready and laid out. I'm done complaining thanks for reading im going to try to just focus on the positive that my girls are with me and happy and healthy and I get to teach them everything and be here for all the first and sister moments to come.
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  • @ShortStuff5
    I'm sorry you have to go through that! I feel for you as I go through a lot of the same. I'm home with my 4 year old and the baby. My fiance leaves at 6:15 am and doesn't get home until 7-8 at night and he works 5-7 days a week. I don't make him do any night feedings and I do all the housework, cooking, errands, etc. We actually got into a big fight last week and almost ended it because I'm so exhausted and snappy. I told him I need more help when he is home and now he is trying so we'll see how it goes. Having an infant is hard!
  • @shortstuff15 sorry that you are struggling with finding an equitable balance. Staying at home with children all day and doing all the housework is like two jobs and would be exhausting. Hopefully your DH will be able to understand that dynamic soon and help out more. 

    On another note, have you joined our facebook group? We are more active on there and its private. 
  • @shortstuff5 I feel the same way. My husband has slept in our spare bedroom, which should be the nursery, since the day baby and I came home. He doesn't like to be bothered by baby crying at night, though he will never admit it, but I know. And our baby doesn't even cry at night; wakes up at midnight for feeding and goes back to sleep! My husband still doesn't change diapers, does not know how. He works all day 5am-6pm, so I was like you, considerate of him. Until the day I got fed up and had to call him out on his lack of being a father. I had to say some mean words to get to him, even threatened to find a substitute, but it worked. He now helps with making a bottle, even at midnight if baby doesn't want to latch on or I'm low on supply, and holds and plays with baby. If talking doesn't work for your husband send him a text or write him a note. He has to be reminded that what you do and YOU should be considered too.  
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