PGAL Checkin Week of 2/7-2/13

treeofcheem · February 2018

How’s everyone doing this week? I know we’re kind of overlapping since last week’s was so late, but let us know how things are going!

This is a check in for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!

Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

danee-crane · February 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

9-10 weeks? MC at 8 weeks last time.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Nauseas, constipated, a little cramping.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

Very anxious. Had my doctors appointment on the 7th, all he did was a ultrasound with a hand held device and was like yea there’s a baby and there its heartbeat. I was like gee thanks.

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

March 7th

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

Very very angry about the doctor that I chose as soon as I get my new insurance I will be changing doctors. He knew about my previous miscarriage and all he did was it ultrasound with a handheld device it was like yup there’s a baby there’s its heartbeat OK bye see you in a month. He didn’t measure the baby didn’t get the heart rate nothing. This was my first appointment. I even questioned the 10 weeks thing because in my calculations I’m only nine weeks. And he was like nope around 10 weeks. the whole appointment lasted a whole 20 minutes.

No plans for Valentine’s Day yet unless the hubby has something planned that I don’t know about

jhjocelyn · February 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

7w 5d, milestone is the appt on the 14th.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Constantly unsettled stomach, sore boobs, easily tired, mood swings...

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

Sometimes I feel great, other times, not so much...

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

Annoying pre-visit w the nurse at 1 then get to see the doc and hopefully ultrasound at 2 on the 14th. Finally getting close!

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):

DH has been superman lately, planning & making dinner, cleaning up my messes, plus dealing w snow removal and his bosses giving him crap. Last night, he actually got annoyed and complained because we had some food go bad that I just hadn’t used up or put away well. I nearly burst into tears, and this am realize the poor guy deserves some slack.

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

Mil thinks she is coming to babysit so dh and i can have a date, really he is coming to the appts w me. And if all goes well we’ll tell her after. I’m a little nervous, we haven’t had her babysit for 2 months and she seems to be getting more forgetful than ever, dd has special health needs and I can never predict which something mil will forget or confuse or be distracted from. Like last time she missed one of 4 pills at mealtime, for no reason at all. She knew the dosage, she had texted me a question a few minutes before, she just somehow didn’t complete the full dose. I’ve been teachin DD more so she can start recognizing when something is off, but, she is still 4...

sclarke7 · February 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 7 W 3D passed the milestone of my loss.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Some new symptoms appeared this week. Nausea comes and goes, certain smells really bother me, co workers perfume and new body wash I bought.... UGH! and so tired.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I didn't have many symptoms prior to 7 weeks, so I feel a little bit reassured that this pregnancy is progressing. I had my first ultrasound this week and all looked good no warning signs. I feel like I should be more relieved than I am though... hopefully in time.

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment? Had one Wed, RE said all looked good and I have graduated! Then I went home and goggled fetal HR's because I have convinced myself my lil ones was too low ( 125 at 7W 1D ) after reading the 7 week fetal HB thread on here. I should know better! Next up is the standard first pre natal visit on Feb 20th with my Dr.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): RANT! Well... I carpool into work and my co workers perfume is making me ill.. also shes not ready when I show up in the mornings. ( even though I text when I leave my place.... ) and she's old and slow. Going to have to politely put an end to that and the end of this month. I lasted only since January. I never should have said yes.. i'm too nice!

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day? DH is cooking a meal of my choice ( we will see what sounds good to me next week, right now its toast and jam which is too bad. He's amazing in the kitchen ). I feel too bleh to put on normal clothes and go out for dinner at this point

@jhjocelyn I hope your appt goes well on the 14th. Sending positive vibes your way and hope you can tell your DD. What a precious moment . Yeah.. my stomach is constantly unsettled at well.. no food really sounds good to me anymore.. come on March and hopefully end of the first tri feeling like crap!

@danee-crane Congratulations on passing your milestone. I'm so sorry about your experience at the Dr's. I would have been loosing it. What awful bedside manor. I wish some docs would be a lot more sensitive to a woman who has experienced a loss. I know they see it often. But treat each patient like they matter ya know... SO happy you will be changing doctors and I wish that you have a MUCH better experience at the next one. I remember crying in the RE's office after I found out I would miscarry and him telling me " have a good day " on my way out. like seriously???!!!

episcowitch · February 2018

@danee-crane that sucks. I would've been livid! Hope you find a doc with a better... everything.

@sclarke7 Polite is overrated. Tell the truth. Her inability to get ready in time is a deal breaker.

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

9w 5d I've passed the milestone of previous loss.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Everytime I have to get in a car, I feel like I'm going to lose my lunch. My boobs look amazing, but hurt so much.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

I'm a mess. US went well, and now we are waiting for Panorama test. I just want more reassurance. I know I can't get it.

I have adjusted my therapy schedule so I see her more often. Having someone not emotionally invested in the pregnancy speaking to me helps me reframe my fears and understand their source.

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

Panorama NIPT on 2/20

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):

Rant: My landlord sold the house I'm renting with no notice. The new owner doesn't want to renew the lease because he wants to flip the house. I hate looking for housing. I hate moving. This place is perfect.

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

I'm sure DH will want to do something, but I really don't want to go to a crowded restaurant when I can't at least get a drink. I hate going out. Maybe I can convince him that takeout and an Avengers movie is the ultimate romantic date.

treeofcheem · February 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

10+5 today

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Nausea, although it's slowly backing off; constant fatigue; this cold is taking forever to get over; also, I think I've been feeling Braxton Hicks already. I think I'm maybe more sensitive to them than some people? I felt a ton in my daughter's pregnancy as well, and I know some FTMs don't ever notice them. There's not a ton of info online (because I Googled that for sure), but a few sources do say they can start really early so no worries, I guess? And the blump is growing. I pulled out my maternity pants this week and they're ahhhmazing. Big swingy dresses, skirts, and maternity pants FTW.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

Not bad. I'm closer to the weird stage of pregnancy where I don't feel super pregnant. Right now I just feel sick, and kind of "How can there be a baby in there?"

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

2/22 - NT scan and regular monthly checkup

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

Nope. We don't usually do much. I think I'm going to make MH a card - I've done it many years in the past but was going to just buy one this year. But they were all $7-10! I'm sorry but no. We'll probably make dinner at home and just relax. Maybe we can do a date day soon. Feeling so sick to my stomach and being so tired has not been relationship-building; I feel like I barely see MH some days.

@danee-crane - I'm so sorry for the frustration with your doctor! It's so hard to have a provider that you don't feel is actually trying to take care of you.

@jhjocelyn - FX things go smoothly with MIL's babysitting. I don't think I could trust my MIL to watch our daughter if she had health complications. I know things would get missed or forgotten or just not done.

@s2clarke7 - My doctor doesn't measure the HR, and I'm kind of glad because it gives me one less thing to stress over. You've graduated from the RE, so congrats! That's a great milestone in itself.

@episcowitch - I'm glad you're able to see your therapist more often. So sorry about the housing situation, though!

starla · February 2018

@danee-crane Brutal. I would switch if I were you!
@jhjocelyn GL on the 14th! That's a good idea to teach your DD about the doses. I hope MIL babysitting goes well.
@sclarke7 Sorry the carpooling didn't work out.
@episcowitch "My boobs look amazing, but hurt so much." is basically a summary of first tri. LOL! I'm glad the therapy is helping. Sorry you have to move. I've had that happen to me before and it sucks.
@treeofcheem I feel the same way. Just kind of crappy but not really pregnant.

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
9w6d; technically past my loss milestones

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Sore boobs, still a bit nauseated and tired.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

Alright. The Doppler helps.

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?

The 16th

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?

We're going away for a night next weekend to an inn. Going x-country skiing and having a nice dinner.

sclarke7 · February 2018

@starla I love that idea for a little winter getaway

enjoy it

episcowitch · February 2018

Follow up to my housing drama:

I found a place in the neighborhood that is reasonable and have already seen it twice. I give the landlord a check tomorrow and get the keys. Moving is expensive.

[Deleted User] · February 2018

@episcowitch. I'm sorry you have to move at such short notice, but congrats on finding a new place so quickly!

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?10+0. First loss was a CP, so we are well beyond that.... otherwise, see RR/DD below :/2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?Symptoms seem to mostly be subsiding, except for the bloat, and a bit of heartburn / indigestion here and there. Trying to make a point to drink enough water.3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
Mostly just happy and pretty good, except for the weird shhh my mother put on me. (See RR/DD below)4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment?We heard the HB at 9+2 with the Doppler at my first Midwife appointment! Next apt is 2/20 for the NT scan and NIPT bloodwork.5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):When I told my mom about the pregnancy (at 7w), her reaction was really weird. She warned me about the dangers of poisoning baby by giving them home made baby food under 3 mos, and then told me more about her own losses. All I knew was that she had lost two babies between my brother and me. She picked the time I told her about the pregnancy to tell me that her losses were both at 10 weeks (If that's even true, I'm not so sure, because I find it would be more likely to have an earlier MMC that may have taken a couple/few weeks to resolve, idk), but anyway, THANKS MOM!!! Because now I have this new fear of having a later loss. And I'm at 10 weeks today, so in a way now I feel like that's a milestone after that weird stuff my mom put on me. I feel so sad for her, and sad that maybe we could have had two other siblings we'll never know, and sad to wonder, - since they put me on levo right away, and I know my mom has thyroid issues, too, was it really a chromosomal issue like she assumes? Or could it totally have been prevented if they had more monitoring like we have nowadays, and increased her thyroid meds? Idk. But it's really casting a shadow over my weekend and hitting this 10w milestone today.Anyway, sorry to vent, because I'm not trying to freak anyone out. I just felt like I had to get that out of my head, because I realise it's not really a rational fear, and I'm actually pretty mad at my mom for planting that seed in my mind.6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?Hopefully some festive baking!!! :D I bought a new 9" square pan for brownies etc., and two new cookie sheets. So I'll look for a nice classic sugar cookie recipe I think, and go to town. Also, I want to get DH a card and some Férrerro Roché chocolates, since baby is that size this week. Lol. Although on second thought, it might be weird to eat them if I tell him that... :#

starla · February 2018

@BusinessWife That's weird and not cool of your mom to freak you out like that. Did you tell her how it made you feel? Also about your lost siblings, although I agree it's sad, it makes me think what if your parents had one or two of those kids and then decided they were done? You wouldn't exist! What a sad world THAT would be! I'm not really a "everything happens for a reason" kind of person, but I do try to see the positive side of things.

[Deleted User] · February 2018

@starla That's what DH said! :D Good thing I ended up here at least, one way or another. My brother and I are almost 10 years apart though. And my mom was in the throes of medical school when she was pregnant with me. She told me at one point that she had "friends" who told her she should terminate, that it would be too hard to be pregnant and a new mom and finish med school. So not that I can see her doing that, but even if she were considering it for half a second, I wouldn't doubt that her losses gave her the conviction to keep me, and if it were meant to be, it would be.

As far as telling her how it made me feel, no, at the time, I was sitting around the table with DH and MIL, on the phone with her. DH and MIL were happily laughing about something or other, my mom went on some other tangent about a nurse she knew who blah blah blah... I think pretty much just tuned it out and she eventually changed the subject. :/ I did call her out on it later through when she started freaking me out about chromosomal abnormalities... So I was proud of myself for that at least.

episcowitch · February 2018

@BusinessWife I'm sorry you're mom freaked you out.

yosemite2018 · February 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 11w and a few days

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? I am exhausted but other than that, doing ok

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I have been a lot less anxious overall this pregnancy than last time but this upcoming week is a little tough. I don’t really talk about it in this group but 2/13 is the anniversary of our loss so while I have passed the loss milestone in this pregnancy, the date is bothering me.

4. Any appointment updates? When is your next appointment? 2/15 I have my nt scan and then my regular appt. with my OB the next week. I think I will feel much better after I see the flickering heartbeat on the screen again.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): None for now.

6. GTKY: Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day? After our good nt scan Thursday, my parents are babysitting so we can go bowling. Also at work we set out bags and everyone gives out Valentine’s Day treats. Since I have food allergies I get non-food gifts so this year it’s those styrofoam airplane gliders. Should be fun to take the extras to the park with DD and let them fly.

yosemite2018 · February 2018

@BusinessWife sorry your mom freaked you out. I’m glad you were able to say something, even if it was later.

Jyoung327 · February 2018

@BusinessWife ugh Im sorry that her comments have given you more anxiety. Im in the same boat lately, after getting confident for passing milestones, now the doubt has crept back in about later loss or losing one twin or stillbirth or just endless awful thoughts. Im a therapist so I know these things are in general irrational but also outside of my control but i seriously cannot.stop.thinking. I wish there was an easy way to stop it- if you have tips please share!!

ALSO. your comment on getting new brownie pans has me salivating at work and dying for some ooey gooey undercooked brownies. lawwwwwd.

Jyoung327 · February 2018

@sclarke7 lucky you for having a good cook for a spouse! I feel you on the not wanting to wear dressy clothes! If i could I wouldnt change out of yoga pants and oversized sweatshirts! Im pushing it with stubbornness of not wanting to give in yet to maternity clothes, I know there is some cuter stuff these days but in general I just feel like its all so blah and boring.

sclarke7 · February 2018

@BusinessWife Just read your post about your mom.. yikes! I am so sorry she planted further anxiety into your head. Sometimes, my mom said the dumbest sh*t without even realizing it. Lack of thinking before speaking. Like the babyfood thing... I would totally see my mom doing that. No one knows what it feels like to be in your shoes but you right... I wish she knew the impact of her words before they came out.
Eat the Ferraro Roches! Better yet crush one on top of your brownies that you will make? either way.... 10+weeks is awesome and lets keep it goin this way mom....

jhjocelyn · February 2018

Just need to whine, figured this was a good spot for it.
Tw-losses mentioned.
My milestone appt is coming up in 2 days, the other night I had an awkward dream where they refused to do an ultrasound ‘cause the “new” thing was to do an xray and just listen for the heartbeat. Mind you a whole lot of other weord random stuff happened. But basically,
I attempted to advocate for myself, because i’m now fluent in dr thanks to dd’s needs. And when that didn’t work, I latched onto some random piece of shelving/equipment and totally melted down into a bawling mess refusing to settle for just an xray. Very much not-my-style. Oh and all the while still having the nagging “if there’s a heartbeat” thought.

Totally messed me up, I just emailed my doc to make sure I get an ultrasound.

I think I’m also struggling because I can feel that little hard ball when I lay on my stomach now. Which was what clued me in that I was pregnant last time, I had no idea otherwise. Dd was 8/9 months and nursing 7x a day. When we went to the first appt the doc was surprised how big I felt, asking if twins were in the family. Then discovered all growth had stopped at 8weeks, which was roughly when I found out it existed at all. It hurts to know that during the time the heart was beating no one knew, so I’m grateful that I did see this heartbeat, and have known from super early on that it was there, and have made the most of what we can. So this round I have no regrets, just remorse for last time.

lumosmaxima · February 2018

The closer we get to "announcing"/telling our families, the more anxious I get again. I was feeling pretty good after our last appointment. I'd like to wait longer to tell but there are some weird circumstances with family

sucks to not just feel 100% excited about sharing.

@BusinessWife I am so sorry about your mom's comments. That is SO something my mom would say. She made a comment once about not taking our first to a shopping mall because of mall shootings?! Like, thanks I wasn't worried about that BEFORE.... It's hard but her experience is not your experience. She has her own feelings to cope with. Your pregnancy is going beautifully and is completely Independent of her past!

treeofcheem · February 2018

@starla - Your getaway sounds fun!

@BusinessWife - So sorry that your mom wasn't more sensitive. Her experience is not your experience - even for the same person, one pregnancy is not the same as another. Hopefully she just needed to get it off her chest and will think before she says anything like that again.

@yosemite2018 - ((Hugs)) for tomorrow. Those days can be tough to anticipate and get through, but you're almost there.

@jhjocelyn - I'm sorry for all the tough emotions and the dreams. They can be hard to shake even when you know it was only a weird story your brain was working through or something.

@lumosmaxima - Telling is going to be a little weird with our families, too. My parents and brother know, and a couple of close friends, but we haven't told MH's family and he doesn't want to until after 1st trimester is over. We'll likely be making it public around then, and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings by not telling them before we tell everyone, but that adds some extra considerations for all the whens and hows. There's been some extra family drama lately, too, so it's just another piece of all that. I feel a little bit like MH is using this as something he can do against them, to show them that they don't mean that much to us or something. If that makes sense. Not quite as mean-spirited as that sounds, but a reaction to past hurts and a bit of a power-play.

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