Tips on beating back fear and enjoying your pregnancy?

laviniarose · February 2018

Hi all,

I'm a 1st time mom-to-be just starting my 7th week.

I really hesitated on writing this post, but feel desperately in need of some support from those who are feeling the same as me and/or have been in my shoes and just decided to go for it.

DH and I decided that 2018 would be the year we start our family. Amazingly, and despite having PCOS, I got pregnant on our first try! More amazingly, I have felt physically healthy and strong and have not had any noticeable negative pregnancy symptoms aside from some hormonal chin acne that completely cleared up after a couple of weeks. Despite this great start, and despite feeling over-the-moon excited for the pregnancy and everything that's to come, I somehow keep getting overwhelmed with irrational feelings of fear which inevitably keep me from enjoying the process as much as I should be. I'm embarrassed to admit that there are days where I'm all over the map--I go from feeling wonderful that things have seemed so easy so far, but then suddenly fall into a fit of anxiety where I feel that not having implantation spotting, morning sickness, and all the symptoms that are supposed to come with pregnancy mean that something is wrong. I go from counting down the days until my first US, then fade into a sense of dread that the US tech won't be able to find my baby or its heartbeat. On odd days where I do experience some minor cramping, I feel like it is one cramp too far and that something bad is happening to my embryo.

In other words ... I know that I'm a huge fool, and I know that I'm making up all of these negative scenarios and am getting trapped inside my own paranoid head. I want to be grateful for my experience so far and I want to enjoy every minute of being pregnant for the first time, but I'm finding it hard to stop this behaviour. I have relayed these feelings to DH--he definitely does his best to be understanding and supportive, but he's a very laid-back personality and likes to simply express that even if something bad does happen, we will deal with it together and will try again the next time. He's very sweet and I know he's right, but I'm still left feeling anxious at times (which is 100% my fault, not his.)

Am I certifiable here? Has anyone else had fits of fear at any point during their pregnancy? Any insight and/or reassurance would be so appreciated. I anticipate reality checks and those are welcome too.

wildtot · February 2018

It’s completely normal to have these fears and anxiety. If you feel like it’s getting out of control to your doctor. The absence of symptoms does not mean a bad pregnancy and implantation bleeding is actually pretty rare. I didn’t have much with DS or with my current pregnancy. But sadly even those with severe symptoms may experience a loss. It can be hard and scary even if it’s your 6th. Generally the first few months are the hardest because you don’t have kicks or a full on belly for reassurance. Glad you have your DH as a supporter! I’ve had a hard time to connect with both my pregnancies even after delivery. I had struggles with fertility due to endo and i feel guilty sometimes for the lack of connection. But I love them unconditionally and they are my world. Don’t be so hard on yourself and remember you are pregnant today! Congratulations and hope you have a healthy 9 months!

amurb · February 2018

It’s ok to not have all the pregnancy symptoms, it’s actually a blessing to not have morning sickness in my opinion as I was sick for five month in two of my pregnancies and it wasn’t fun. Not all women experience the same things so don’t let your fears compare you to someone else. I’m sure everything is well with you baby and you will find out soon enough that you have a wonderful blessing added to your family.

bambi9987 · February 2018

Congratulations on your BFP. I can relate to your post as it's also my first pregnancy and whilst on one hand I'm thankful I don't have any unpleasant symptoms yet, it's making me suspicious that something isn't right, although 6 positive pregnancy tests say otherwise! I know there's no real way to control what happens but my approach so far has been to look after myself better - more sleep, healthier and more regular meals, light exercise. Trying to think positive and avoid stress at work - pregnancy and the prospect of being a mum really puts work stresses into perspective. Hopefully when we have the scans and finally get to see baby on screen it will reassure us all is well! I'm also looking forward to getting a bump as that's a very obvious sign the pregnancy is the real thing! X

laviniarose · February 2018

Thank you so much for your honesty and encouragement, @wildtot! It was nice to be reminded to be a little easier on myself and to focus on today. I return the same to you—guilt is a very normal feeling, but the love is already there and the connection will establish itself with time. I wish you the best of luck with your current pregnancy and a wonderful next few months!

sarcasticowl · February 2018

@laviniarose I don't think I started feeling really off until 7 weeks. Everyone kept telling me that 6 weeks was the magic number where I'd start feeling nauseous and my boobs would hurt, and 6 weeks came and went and I worried too. Then - boom - 7 weeks and I got all. The. Things. But you know what? I've never had "morning sickness" beyond feeling nauseous for about an hour or two in the morning (or at night after dinner) and so far everything is great (I'm 11 weeks tomorrow). One thing you'll see if you do any research in the internet black hole is that symptoms vary widely from woman to woman and there is no one way to know everything is going okay. For people like you and me with an overactive anxiety machine for a brain, it's not exactly comforting, but it is true. When you have your first ultrasound the weight lifts from your shoulders immediately. Hang in there

omiswheretheheartis · February 2018

Thank you for your post Lavinia - and congratulations!

I have been searching the boards for similar questions (And advice). Like yourself, this is my first pregnancy, which fortunately happened relatively quickly after DH and I decided to begin our family planning. Like you, I have had almost none of the ‘megative’ Symptoms (to date) and will be 11 weeks tomorrow. The only real tangible symptoms I have experienced was exhaustion around weeks 5-6. My energy level has since returned and My first US is scheduled in week 12. I am extremely anxious to hear/see that everything is going well. But excited as well!
I’m finding it stressful not having these symptoms, and often question if things are going ok... doing my best to stay positive. I’m really looking forward to the US - and ultimately sharing the news with Family to reach out for support. This is a tough secret (And the longest) to keep - with only my DH and I at the moment.

Thank you you for sharing this - as even knowing someone else out there shares the same worries/experience is comforting. Sending you positive vibes and healthy bump wishes!

laviniarose · February 2018

Thank you, @amurb! As I go through this and read the community posts on what our fellow mamas are going through, I really am learning that everyone is truly different. I agree that not being sick is a blessing, and I'm learning not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I'm now 8 weeks along and am still enjoying feeling well (aside from a bit off on-and-off brown discharge, which just started happening--I did check in with my physician and he has no reason for concern yet.)

laviniarose · February 2018

Hi @knottiee7820c7841097a22! You're totally right--a lot of this is out of our control, but it's good to focus on what we can control. I'm doing my best to keep up with my weightlifting sessions 3 days a week (doctor has cleared me for this!) and sticking to a diet free of grains, sugar, and most dairy (with the exception of some cheese and kefir!) I have my first scan tomorrow afternoon--while I'm extremely nervous, I'm also extremely excited and have my fingers crossed for some visual confirmation that everything with baby is okay! Many warm wishes to you over the next few months--hope you get your first scan and your little growing bump very soon!

laviniarose · February 2018

@sarcasticowl: "overactive anxiety machine for a brain" ... that's definitely what I have, LOL. It's so nice to hear from someone who gets it, and I very much appreciate insight and comforting words.

Thank you! I am really learning that everyone is different, and I'm definitely going to remain grateful for feeing relatively well for as long as it happens! I have my first scan tomorrow afternoon, and I'm really hoping for a healthy baby and heartbeat!

laviniarose · February 2018

Thank you, @omiswheretheheartis! Many congrats to you as well on your pregnancy! I'm positive that everything is okay with your little one, and best of luck for your upcoming scan! I only just got a call from my doctor's office for my first one, which is tomorrow afternoon (right on the first day of my 8th week!) I am so nervous, but also very excited and am hoping for the best.

This is probably the longest I've ever kept anything secret, so I feel for you there as well! Right now only my DH and BFF know (DH is wonderful, but I really needed a girl who's been through this before that I could just spill everything to--it really has helped as well!) Keep imagining the happy moment you'll tell your family--that's something that has kept me going as well and helped me circumvent some anxiety! Again, best of luck with absolutely everything and many wishes to you for more energy and much fun the whole process.

legalmamanyc · February 2018

Thank you for this, this describes me right now to a T. I'm glad I'm not alone. Which also means you're not either!!

Want a personalized experience?

Tips on beating back fear and enjoying your pregnancy?

Re: Tips on beating back fear and enjoying your pregnancy?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards