March 2018 Moms
knottie437037c7252849b9
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Shower Etiquette (I'm a FTM and only attended one shower)
knottie437037c7252849b9
member
To clarify prior to the post: I have an incredibly generous family who insists that they will get "everything I need" prior to the baby showing up (they actually got mad when I bought a few things off my registry, even though they were practical items to get the nursery set up). I'm also a very private and I guess "offbeat" person, we did a modified private/small wedding at a park with less than 15 people/immediate family only...no bridal shower/bachelorette/whatever else comes along with "traditional weddings". Our version of the reception is a promise to our family that we would host a casual outdoor BBQ to get both sides together on our year anniversary (I prefer the BBQ/come gather, eat and drink beer with us over a formal reception). **This is a long post and you can skip to the bottom if you want to just answer the questions!**
My compromise was with the idea of having a shower. My family insisted and I felt that it was a fair exchange; given that they had really wanted me to throw a traditional ceremony when I got married. I've only ever attended one shower before, many years ago for my cousin-in-law, so I've been scouring the internet/chat rooms/etc., trying to learn a little bit about showers. There is something that has been bothering me among a lot of the posts. The registry is a big one. There seem to be two camps on this topic. The first "Registry is a non-negotiable", the second consider the idea tacky. Then there are the people who say, "I refuse to buy off a registry because of: x, y, z. Anyone who complains about that should be grateful I bought them a gift and showed up". It's sort of bizarre and upsetting thinking that people will feel that way. I know for me, even though I was clueless about the registry idea, picked a range of prices and resisted family pressure when they insisted I register for expensive items that I had no interest in using. Some of the larger items I put were ones I bought and wanted a discount/completion for; or items I would buy once the shower was over. Are registries still a controversial idea?
I also keep seeing a common theme among chat posts and replies which goes... "someone threw you a shower, just be grateful and accept whatever people brought you" as well. That's also something that puzzles me. My family told me, "showers are intended to help you get ready so let us throw you one" "we want to bring you items you will need". This idea of "just be grateful (I am)" and "don't complain/accept whatever xyx bought" doesn't really make sense. I'm an incredibly practical person, as stated. Our baby is fortunately a planned expense and had my family *not* told me early on in the pregnancy to "stop buying items" my husband and I would have slowly built up our baby nursery throughout the pregnancy and spaced out our purchases accordingly. Luckily for us, and because I can't stand being unprepared, the majority of our nursery is set up. My friends and family have been directly shipping some of the bigger items directly to us, so I've been putting it together as it comes in. I can't even imagine trying to set up and get ready at 35 weeks (which is when my family is throwing my shower). I would have been beyond stressed out to wait for a shower to do anything, only to find out that the only items we received were cute clothes and nothing practical! I'm wondering what are people's thoughts on that? Is it boring to buy things like bottles/diapers/medicine and that is why guests bring a lot of clothing/toys?
In our case, I have a feeling we will likely get very practical gifts as we decided to not find out the gender until the baby is born. Gender neutral clothing has come a long way, but it is still not as adorable as little girl and little boy items. When I'm asked about what to buy (usually from a few frustrated co-workers who don't understand my decision not to know the baby's gender), I gently ask for diapers, gender neutral clothing (in varied sizes/not just newborn), or their favorite baby book. I think it is generous that they want to buy me anything at all, so I want them to spend their money on items that will get the most use out of them.
TLDR; Do people buy off registries? Why/why not? And why is there such strong reaction to the idea that showers include gifts (specifically practical/there is a baby coming they need: x, y, z) to the new parents? I'm curious and don't have a lot of experience with any of this, so I'm trying to get a better understanding on the whole process!
Thank you!
My compromise was with the idea of having a shower. My family insisted and I felt that it was a fair exchange; given that they had really wanted me to throw a traditional ceremony when I got married. I've only ever attended one shower before, many years ago for my cousin-in-law, so I've been scouring the internet/chat rooms/etc., trying to learn a little bit about showers. There is something that has been bothering me among a lot of the posts. The registry is a big one. There seem to be two camps on this topic. The first "Registry is a non-negotiable", the second consider the idea tacky. Then there are the people who say, "I refuse to buy off a registry because of: x, y, z. Anyone who complains about that should be grateful I bought them a gift and showed up". It's sort of bizarre and upsetting thinking that people will feel that way. I know for me, even though I was clueless about the registry idea, picked a range of prices and resisted family pressure when they insisted I register for expensive items that I had no interest in using. Some of the larger items I put were ones I bought and wanted a discount/completion for; or items I would buy once the shower was over. Are registries still a controversial idea?
I also keep seeing a common theme among chat posts and replies which goes... "someone threw you a shower, just be grateful and accept whatever people brought you" as well. That's also something that puzzles me. My family told me, "showers are intended to help you get ready so let us throw you one" "we want to bring you items you will need". This idea of "just be grateful (I am)" and "don't complain/accept whatever xyx bought" doesn't really make sense. I'm an incredibly practical person, as stated. Our baby is fortunately a planned expense and had my family *not* told me early on in the pregnancy to "stop buying items" my husband and I would have slowly built up our baby nursery throughout the pregnancy and spaced out our purchases accordingly. Luckily for us, and because I can't stand being unprepared, the majority of our nursery is set up. My friends and family have been directly shipping some of the bigger items directly to us, so I've been putting it together as it comes in. I can't even imagine trying to set up and get ready at 35 weeks (which is when my family is throwing my shower). I would have been beyond stressed out to wait for a shower to do anything, only to find out that the only items we received were cute clothes and nothing practical! I'm wondering what are people's thoughts on that? Is it boring to buy things like bottles/diapers/medicine and that is why guests bring a lot of clothing/toys?
In our case, I have a feeling we will likely get very practical gifts as we decided to not find out the gender until the baby is born. Gender neutral clothing has come a long way, but it is still not as adorable as little girl and little boy items. When I'm asked about what to buy (usually from a few frustrated co-workers who don't understand my decision not to know the baby's gender), I gently ask for diapers, gender neutral clothing (in varied sizes/not just newborn), or their favorite baby book. I think it is generous that they want to buy me anything at all, so I want them to spend their money on items that will get the most use out of them.
TLDR; Do people buy off registries? Why/why not? And why is there such strong reaction to the idea that showers include gifts (specifically practical/there is a baby coming they need: x, y, z) to the new parents? I'm curious and don't have a lot of experience with any of this, so I'm trying to get a better understanding on the whole process!
Thank you!
Re: Shower Etiquette (I'm a FTM and only attended one shower)
all that being said go back to the knot and change your screen name so we can distinguish who you are and introduce yourself in the intro post and read the rules post. This post would work well in the baby shower thread.