Introduction

shadylane18 · January 2018

Hi all,

I was an active lurker on my bmb after getting my bfp in December and when things started going wrong, I really regretted not having participated at all. I didn't want to jump in, asking for support, when I had given none to the others who were there. Because of that, I've decided to take the plunge and get involved here.

My DH and I started ttc in January 2017 and ended up having a CP that first cycle. I got my second bfp in mid-December, after trying all through the year. Because of my CP in January, my ob office had me come in for an ultrasound at 7w5d. That scan showed I was measuring about a week behind, with a hb of 75. The nurse practitioner we met with wasn't optimistic or pessimistic, but just said we needed more information from a scan the following week. I tried to stay positive during the week, but I think I knew things were not going to end well, as my symptoms began to taper off a bit. I went for another scan at 8w5d and, while there was still a slow hb, growth had stopped. We were scheduled for another us the next week, but were told to prepare for a mc. I ended up having a nmc a few days later, on 1/21, when I should have been 9w2d.

I turned 41 the day after our second scan (that was a super fun birthday), so I know that time may be running out, but I'm trying to stay positive. My husband and I have a great life together, which I know will continue no matter what, but I'm also feeling a little guilty/worried that we've waited so long to have a child and that it's not going to happen. At this point, though, I just want to move past this and be able to start ttc again, despite my worries. I am thankful that my ob office is willing to work with me and had me in for early scans so we were aware of problems right away rather than being surprised, especially since I had no real physical symptoms that indicated anything was wrong.

I look forward to getting to know others here and wish everyone the best.

zamoraspin · January 2018

@shadylane18 I’m sorry for your loss. I know there aren’t really words for the grief. That’s terrible how stretched out the ordeal was.

This is is a great group of women who unfortunately know the pain of losing a very loved and wanted baby. It’s true age impacts fertility, but certainly there are women who are successful in their 40’s. I would suggest reading It Starts With the Egg to see if you can adopt some additional supplements, lifestyle changes to help your chances. Full disclosure, I am turning 36 this week and adopted many changes after my first mc and have so far gone on to two more, so it’s not a lock, but some people do see good outcomes.

Mack2342 · January 2018

@shadylane18 I’m sorry for your losses. I understand your feelings of age and that time is running out. I’m 42. ****TW I had my son at age 40 which was my first pregnancy*****. I’ve had 3 losses since. So while it is difficult with age not impossible. After my first loss we started seeing an RE to hopefully move the process along since age is not on our side. We have been doing medicated IUI cycles since

40momma · January 2018

@shadylane18 I think you'll find lots of support here. I agree with @zamora_spin about It Starts With The Egg. This book has given me a bit of hope. Just turned 41 and had 3 losses last year. I was starting to feel too old and wished i had started this journey earlier. And like you, my relationship with my partner is amazing and we really have an incredible life. But did we put this off too long? This book helped me to realize that although I'm 41 I can make changes to hopefully still produce healthy eggs.

bakerstreetboys · January 2018

I'm sorry for your loss. My loss in January was very similar to yours; measuring small and having to go back for subsequent ultrasounds. Very stressful. I am 40 as well (nice to see some other ladies around the same age on here!), and I am definitely feeling the stress of being an AMA after two back to back losses. My OB seems unconcerned about it, but I prefer to be proactive so I have made an appointment to see my family doctor for a referral to a fertility clinic. I hadn't heard of that book, but I'm going to check it out! I have started taking some supplements and I'm hoping that will help produce healthy eggs. I wish you luck with TTC

kikimi83 · January 2018

@shadylane18 am I remembering you from August club? Sorry to find you here. It sucks. I want to keep saying that over and over again. It sucks, it sucks, sucks. But you are not alone.

Kath525 · January 2018

I am so sorry for your losses. I also had back to back losses last year and i know how crushing it is. I hope your stay here is short and you have your rainbow baby soon. Welcome.

coco2787 · January 2018

I'm so very sorry for your losses. Welcome to the board, this is great group of supportive ladies who understand.

shadylane18 · January 2018

Thanks to everyone for the welcoming words. I really appreciate it.

@zamora_spin and @40momma I have It Starts With the Egg on hold at the library now, so thanks for that suggestion!

@bakerstreetboys I remember reading your story the other day and thinking about how similar it sounded to mine. I think reading yours is what actually pushed me to post, seeing that I'm not alone in this. And I agree that it's so nice to see others around my age who are TTC!

@kikimi83 I was lurking on the August board, but I literally never posted a thing. As weird as it sounds, though, I feel like I became very invested in people's lives there, and so felt a little lost when I didn't belong there anymore.

tosh24 · January 2018

@shadylane18 Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss.

pumpkinpancake · January 2018

Im so sorry for your loss. The waiting between scans when you know in your heart that things aren’t right is so unbelievably tough. We’re all here for you if you need us. Welcome to the group.

ccvslp · February 2018

So sorry for your loss.

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