Have you ever watched anyone give birth?

mintea · January 2018

My mom really, really, like dying-wish-style really wants to be there for the birth. When I delivered my girls it was just me and DH and the professionals and I liked that- it's my preference but it is probably less important to me than it is to her. So, I'm wondering, have you ever watched anyone give birth? Is it possible to be in the room and not have a bird's eye view of the crotch?

senora76 · January 2018

I did NOT want my mom there...and she wasn't for my first two - and I did not plan on having her there for my 3rd... who came a decade after my first kids... my third was my current husband's first child, and I know he really wanted it to be just me and him... but I did have a med free birth, and was screaming so much for the first time in my life, my mother was SILENT (normally she doesn't shut up LOL)... she had not one word to say... so I was so wrapped up with the birth, no one told her to leave... so she stayed and was there... and yes, she had a crotch view... but it didn't matter... and truth be told, I am grateful she was there to see him enter the world

edited to say: my mom took some pictures we wouldn't have otherwise had -so if your mom goes, put her to work!

megpeg · January 2018

I was my sisters doula/person. Her husband stood by her head and held her hand and saw nothing. I held her leg, coached her, and cut the cord. My mom sat on the other side of the room(yes crotch shot but if your mom was by your head as long as you weren’t doing a mirror wouldn’t see anything.) she usually is chatting but said nothing and cried.

becausescience · January 2018

I didn't even watch myself give birth. (Mirror? No thank you.)

ShawnnaO · January 2018

becausescience said:

I didn't even watch myself give birth. (Mirror? No thank you.)

This. I have less of an idea of what went on down there than my husband does (who had the honor of holding one of my legs). No thank you, nope, no. My mom will be watching my daughter at our house, far, far away from any view of my vagina.

maelily15 · January 2018

My MIL told me over the weekend that she plans to leave school as soon as we tell her I’m in labor. Apparently since she didn’t get to be there for the first grandbaby (cross country flight with only 3 days notice due to an early induction), she thought she’d get to be there this time (we all now live in the same town). I had to burst her bubble- she’s our babysitter for DD1 for the duration of labor and recovery.
I’m not really a huge fan of the idea of having too many people present for the actual birth but honestly, by the time I actually delivered, I didn’t really care who was looking where. DH held a leg while I pushed because the nurses had to keep reminding me to breathe (wish I was joking but I’m not- pushing for 45 minutes after 30 hours of labor takes it all out of you). It really boils down to what you’re comfortable with.

cford08 · January 2018

I have watched someone in nursing school and my SIL. Your mom can be as involved as y'all agree on. Not comfortable with a crotch view? Let her know before hand so she can position herself away from the money shot.

DDRRT1982 · January 2018

I have attended many births with my job, and see many support partners stay at the head of the bed for a vaginal delivery. It's virtually impossible for them not to get a glance of the vagina and birthing process, but like megpeg said, the head of the bed is the best place possible to not get a view of everything.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are 100% comfortable with her being in there and that should mean you just say no if she asks. You probably won't be paying attention to her being there during the process, but if you have reservations now is the time to establish boundaries. My MIL kept hinting like she wanted to be in there and I would just redirect the convo.

BrittnieMariee · January 2018

I watched my best friend (who is like a sister to me) give birth to her first child. I had zero intention of actually watching but when the nurse was like “omg there’s the head” I just couldn’t stop myself lol it was so amazing to watch!!

fragglemom · January 2018

I was there when my best friend delivered her daughter. There was pooping and the OB had to perform an episiotomy but it was so amazing to witness that I didn't even consider denying my mom when she asked to be there for my son's birth. As previously mentioned your mom could stay up by your head but I honestly didn't care who else wanted to watch by the time we were really in business. I'm also really comfortable with my mom so I had no issue telling her to shut up or to stop touching me and she was good with that.
Maybe you could have a talk with your mom and agree to reserve your final decision for when the time actually comes?

paigew123 · January 2018

I don't think my mom would ever want to come! But if she did, she's not invited!
Even my husband had to stand on the other end of the room or I'd probably bite his head off! (Or he'd faint. Not sure which would come first)
i actually asked my doctor for a doula recommendation and he laughed and said if anything, I should just get a guy to keep my husband busy, cuz I'd probably kick the doula out and waste all that money

its what your comfortable with.....

orbmaker · January 2018

My mom has implied she’d like to be present, but I think ultimately I’m just not comfortable with it — she’s not exactly a calming presence for me in stressful situations (not terrible!, just kind of contributes a low grade anxiety/fret) and I’m the type of person who likes to be alone when I’m sick/overwhelmed, for example. She also keeps giving me this knowing look and predicting that I’m going to be begging for meds (I’m planning for a low intervention birth), which is annoying. I feel guilty, though. She has mentioned on several occasions that my SIL wanted her mom there.

megpeg · January 2018

I Will add to my statement above that I wasn’t there because her husband knew he couldn’t do what she was going to need.
When I had DS my parents were at the hospital all day but I only saw them when I was walking. And allowed them to come in later.
With DD my mom and grandparents showed up to visit for like an hour when I was in labor. They stayed from 1-2 and I had DD at 4:28. My mom kept saying things like I think this is going to be a while because you don’t even seem like you are in pain as I would stop talking to have a contraction.

fatstagnation · January 2018

No way my mom will be in the room.
@mintea If you're even considering it, I would have a very long and serious conversation about _why_ she wants to be there. The people who are allowed in the room are your support people. How does she plan to support you? What will she do to ensure you and DH get the experience you want? Why does she think you need her support specifically?
If her answer at all sound like she would undermine you or your partner -pass!
If it sounds like she expects to just be a spectator - pass!
That's just me, but I don't think you need another person in the way, getting tired/hungry, voicing opinions that haven't been discussed before, adding to the anxiety of the room...

But like I said, that may be just me. I actually talked to my midwife about limiting the number of hospital staff in the room!

KZ1126 · January 2018

my mom and I are very close in the talk every day and hang out a lot sort of way, but we definitely don't talk about really personal things like sex, and we definitely haven't seen each other naked! But I asked her if she wanted to be there for the birth and she cried and was so happy I asked. I figure its the only gift I can ever give her that even comes close to what she's given me, plus after going through IF and then IVF, my V is not so private anymore lol!!
I guess it depends on what your relationship is with your mom or whoever you have in the room, but I really don't care if my mom sits and watches the whole time or cheers me on, or happens to sneak a peak at places I never thought she'd see, I'm just glad I can share this with her. But I also told her that I'm in charge in there and I have the right to remove her at any time

fatstagnation · January 2018

KZ1126 It's great to have a different perspective!

It's interesting, my mom and I are very close too. But she has a subtle way of undermining/making her opinion known. For example, instead of asking me "what are your birth preferences?" She said "You're not going without pain meds are you? WHY?" hahahaha

Love you Mom, but....

So yeah, she'll be staying with us right after the birth, and we have the kind of relationship where I can tell her to knock it off and do what DH and I decided, but I don't want to deal with that during the actual birth.

[Deleted User] · January 2018

I think if you feel any teeny amount of discomfort with someone in the room you need to shut that down right away. That being said though - I want to offer my own perspective on being a spectator. I watched my sister give birth. I think during birth the vagina stops looking at all like a vagina and just looks like a flesh colored hole that a baby is coming through. I do apologize if that seems dehumanizing but I think if someone is watching a birth it's pretty much impossible that they will be like "wow that's what her vagina looks like". It doesn't resemble a private part at all. Like even after watching my nephew being born I still don't feel like I've actually seen my sister's private parts. Does that make any sense?

runsoncoffee · January 2018

@antoto totally agree with you!!! In my former life as a social worker I actually watched a client give birth. Her teenage daughter really wanted to be there for the birth and was only allowed to do so with me there so I obliged without thinking twice! It was a really amazing experience! I didn't invite my mom to be there... but if she asked or if someone else asked I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. And I was one of the people who did check out the mirror while pushing. I'm actually surprised there are so many of you that are grossed out lol (not judging, just surprised!)!! To me, it's so amazing what the body can do!!

mintea · January 2018

@antoto that's really helpful - that's actually my main question I guess is do you forever look at that person and think about how you saw their vagina and how weird it looked, lol! @kz1126 I hear you on the "only gift I can ever give her that even comes close to what she's given me." Frankly, I don't really want her there myself but I know how important it is to her and as a mom I now know how much your kids really mean to you, so I sort of feel like I owe it to her a bit. :-/

megpeg · January 2018

@mintea antoto is right. I never thought of it like that before. I totally don’t remember what my sisters vagina looked like at all.

baybeesunflower · January 2018

Thanks for sharing all of this ladies. I've gone back and forth with having my mom in the room this time. The first time it was just the 2 if us and the doctors and nurses.

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