July 2018 Moms
zombiehoohaa
member
Mental Health Check-in 12/28
zombiehoohaa
member
***This thread has a general trigger warning.***
This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.
This post can be replied to at any time during the week. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?
How are you feeling?
**Note: Borrowed from June 2018 because I thought this was a wonderful text.
Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:
Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?
How are you feeling?
**Note: Borrowed from June 2018 because I thought this was a wonderful text.
Re: Mental Health Check-in 12/28
How is everyone else doing?
Ive been wanting to mention this struggle I’ve been having but I feel like it’s pretty AW and I feel kind of stupid for feeling this way, but if I can’t do it here then I probably can’t do it anywhere.
I get really jealous of my bff. Her life seems really perfect to me. Rationally I know it isn’t, and I know that they have struggles that I can’t see and that I don’t know about but I still have a hard time. She’s pregnant with her first baby, I, with my third. There are a lot of different specific things that make me irritated/ sad but mostly it just seems like she always is able to get exactly what she wants and sometimes its at my expense. Her family lives close by and they all love each other and her and it means she has tons of help and support. My family lives across the country from me so I’ve never had much help during pregnancy, or dealing with the PPD that, now, in hindsight, I know I had, or with little things like cleaning my house. My husband works crazy hours and in general, I’m alone with my kids from sun up to sun down. I’m okay with my life. I’m okay with not having everything that I want because I have everything I need. Seeing my friend with her incredibly generous family makes me with I had things that I didn’t even want in the first place.
Reading back through that it makes me feel like I’m whiny and immature. I think that mostly those feelings come from a place of loneliness. I miss my family, I didn’t think that I’d never get to see my husband, I thought that I’d have more help from him and other extended family. I’d love to be able to go on a vacation, even just for a long weekend.
its hard when your expectations for life just don’t happen. I try to be really gracious because I’m a SAHM and that’s a luxury that a lot of people don’t have and my H works so, so hard, but seeing someone else have and take for granted all these things that I can’t even really dream about is hard too.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. *sigh*
My family lives far too, so I understand missing them. I hope you get to see them soon! @hillbillywife
my technical diagnosis is Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as symptoms of depression but no full criteria for a diagnosis. Also I have and still at times struggle with binge eating
I am here because both sides are flaring up lately. I have struggled with self-esteem and positive body image for the majority of my life. I gained most of my weight in college and have been on a yo-yo ever since. I gained quite a bit though after the birth of my daughter and had full blown postpartum depression and anxiety.
Anyways long story short: I unfortunately have people in my life while trying to be caring tend to make me feel fat through their encouragements to workout and be healthy. I have these desires as well and have lost nearly 30 pounds since June 2017.
anywho this brings me to the present issue (sorry for the novel) I am feeling so down and insecure about my body. I would love to be so fit or trim that I can actually see my baby bump
form and grow instead of just looking like I have gone on a binge. I just am feeling so down and depressed. I had set all these health goals for this pregnancy but I am just not working out. I definitely could but im tired or make excuses.
tl;dr: struggled with weight for a long time abd feeling so so down this pregnancy about my appearance
I've been on a nice "cocktail" of medications for 5+ years, which have been EXTREMELY helpful to my daily life. Looking back at my younger self, I had all of those growing up yet didn't get diagnosed until I was in my mid-20's. Now that I am pregnant, my psychiatrist recommended I go off all the medications for at least my first trimester. This is has been pretty difficult for me. The first week I was okay, I could deal. As the weeks have gone on, I am feeling myself spiraling downward. Luckily, the ob I saw yesterday told me it is okay to need my medications and that I do come first, because if I'm not happy, then the baby isn't going to be happy. They would prefer I stay off the medications for as long as possible (at least until 18 weeks), though.I am going to continue to try to push through. I do know my breaking point and am not afraid to speak up. It's such a fine line when there is another life at stake now. I don't really feel a connection to this baby or that it's even really happening. I know it's still early (10.5 weeks), however I just feel void of emotion. I didn't cry when my mother in law passed away (we were there when she took her last breath), I didn't cry at her viewing, rosary, or mass. I did cry at the burial. Mostly for the loss of her getting to know her grandchild and for my husband losing his mom. I'm not sure if this lack of emotion is from not being on my meds, the hormones, or all of the above. I feel so void from a lot of things, which is not like me at all.
I'm sending all of you ladies hugs and positive vibes. This is tough.
@zombiehoohaa I am sorry you’re going through that with medications. That has got to be really tough and you’re a great mom for doing what you need to do, but I’m glad you can speak up if you need to go back on them. You are strong. I wish you peace of mind! I’m sorry about your mother-in-law, too.
had depression throughout my younger years but never diagnosed. Did have anxiety and panic attack back then too. I was formally diagnosed with PPD last year and I’m sure it was some PPA too. I’m better but not the same as before. I still get frustrated and angry pretty quickly. Worried of getting worse after birth.
How are you feeling?
Holidays make me more anxious. I don’t like being around people too much especially super peppy talkative people. Last night really tested me. We took DS to the zoo lights (super cool in general) but he decided to be that kid that cried the whole time. Nothing made him happy other than drinking my hot chocolate. We rushed through it unfortunately. Speed walked it in 30 mins. Then cried the full ride home (~30 mins). I was holding in my rage so hard i turned up the music to tune him out. He eventually stopped crying and the minute DH said the lights where cool i started crying and apologized for getting so frustrated. I had pumped my self up and imagined this amazing night that turned in to a shit show.
Hope today is better since DH goes back to work and I’ll be alone with DS.
I am with you with the anxiety, I have felt SO anxious before and in between each appointment. I convinced myself before my last appointment that there was something wrong. Something that has helped me is to try focusing on the positive parts of the pregnancy, I know that sounds cliche “think positive”, but honestly thinking about baby names, what baby will look like, the gender, the things I’ll start buying has really been helpful to getting my mind off of the negative. If that doesn’t work, I try to just take deep breaths and think there is nothing I can do besides take very good care of myself, usually it helps to realize I am doing my best. If none of that works, I cry it out in the bathroom. @julybabybear
They gave us two options for further testing, cell-free DNA (the non-invasive option) and CVS. We decided to go less invasive. It stinks that we have to wait until Tuesday because of the weekend and holiday. I hate the thought of not knowing for so long.
I was initially Team Green, but now with this scare, I'm thinking I just want to know who this baby is, so I can call him/her by their name. I guess with this testing they can tell us the sex of the baby with our results. I will definitely update you all. Thank you so much for the support. It's really hard to talk to my family/friends about this, even though we're so close, they just don't know the feeling of this anxiety and being pregnant...and I can't talk to them without getting really emotional.
@wildtot I will be thinking of you for your Wednesday NT ultrasound. It's great that you already know your bloodwork was negative. Now you will be able to see your baby and the doctor's can tell you the results/statistic right away versus waiting for anything to come back!
@hayhay93 a good cry is always beneficial!!!
@julybabybear sending you hugs! Hopefully, you get some more definite answers with the cell-free testing!
@wildtot fx for your nt scan this week!!!
ocd is very thought based, so I ruminate and fixate in a fear. My biggest fear is of going crazy. Since my anxiety has been higher I’ve been so scared of developing some sort of post parfum psychosis. So scary.
@lindsayleigh1989 I know all about the body insecurity. As I've posted elsewhere, I had an eating disorder for years. In high school, I gained a lot of weight mysteriously and couldn't get it off by normal amounts of diet and exercise (thanks, undiagnosed PCOS!), so my desire to lose weight spiraled into an eating disorder. Body image issues take YEARS to overcome - I still haven't overcome them completely. What helps me is to remember that each body is unique and different. I'm never going to have long, thin legs or large breasts because that's just not how I'm built. I can't compare my body to anyone else's body, because my body is made differently and works differently than theirs. All I can do is to keep my body as healthy as possible and celebrate the beauty that I can find in my unique body. It also helped me to realize that not all clothes are made for my body, so it's okay that I don't look good in them - the problem is with the CLOTHES and not with my body. So instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself, I'm going to challenge you to find 1-2 things about your body that you DO like.
@zombiehoohaa I'm so sorry you're having trouble with going off of your meds.
Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today? Recurrent major depression, generalized anxiety disorder.
How are you feeling? Anxious. Extremely anxious. My mind is playing the "what if" game about various aspects of my baby's health. And I'm feeling scared because I know that this anxiety for my child will never go away at any stage of my child's life. I'm really struggling with the fact that, even in the womb, I can't put my baby in a protective bubble that will keep him/her 100% safe. I had an overprotective, anxious mother, and I know I'm on track to become JUST like my mom. So I guess my struggle right now is struggling to let go of the desire to control everything and accept that bad things may happen to my child no matter what.
also- have you talked to your doctors about BF yet? If you’re anxious about it I would bring it up now to see what they think. I wish I could give you good advice or a positive experience but I don’t have those. I don’t remember if this is your first baby or not but you’re doing great things by being protective. It’s okay to be protective. The world needs all kinds of moms, and no one is any better than the other!
On another note, I was finally able to bring up my thoughts to my doctor about my anxiety and depression and she gave me some good starting points for getting help and that made me feel really relieved and good. The next step of making the phone call is going to be hard for me, but I know it needs to be a priority and I’ll feel better once I do it!
well it’s back since being off medication. Here is to hoping I can push through but at least I’ve made it to second trimester .
There was an article on Pregnant Chicken yesterday about going on and coming of Zoloft that I really related to...It was exactly what the meds did for me and exactly how I felt coming off, it was interesting to see that it was other people's experience with the drug as well. I put the link it below!
https://pregnantchicken.com/leaving-zoloft/
Lately, I've noticed some of my usual ticks and signs before I spiral are popping up. As an example, I had to check the garage door 5 times last night, and then I made the bed at 2am this morning, with my husband still in it, because it was messy and I couldn't sleep in a messy bed.
Part of me says it's just the general hormonal madness of pregnancy and that I have a lot on my mind, but I'm also a little worried about being sucked back into my own personal black hole. Trying to make an appointment with my doctor about it, but having a hard time getting something on the schedule.
On the topic the frequency i don’t mind weekly or every two weeks.
+1 to self doubt. I’ve always had that little voice in my head questioning if I’m doing the right thing, am i doing enough, if I’m good enough, do people even like me or are they just nice. I’ve said out loud that i know I’m not a good wife or mom sometimes especially since my PPD. I no longer show excitement or affection in my relationship and i hate it because even if i try i feel like I’m lying to myself but I’m hurting my husband if i don’t. I’ll stop there before i go all therapy session on ya’ll.
Thinking every 2 weeks will be a good thing for the check-ins; see how it goes. I'll post a new discussion tomorrow for this thread.