TTCAL Week of 1/15

holly321 · January 2018

TW child mentioned

I was laying with DS tonight at bedtime. He is 5 and is autistic, so we aren't always sure what he understands. He was rocking (which he often does) and nonchalantly asked me if you die if you take too much medication. I said sometimes, but why? He said when you take medicine and have a baby, do you die? I realized he meant when I had chemo. I thought he understood, and we never told the kids I had cancer, just I took medicine that was making me better, but made me feel sick. I feel awful, and I wonder how long this has been bothering him. He started crying happy tears when I told him I wasn't dying.

zamoraspin · January 2018

@holly321 Oh, poor sweet boy, I’m glad he brought it up and you were able to set his mind at ease.

holly321 · January 2018

@acciocoffee, while I don't believe fortunate cookies, I definitely believe in signs!

@boniface, good luck with your upcoming appointments, keep us updated!

@coco2787, no one has really asked me this time, I think because of the age gaps, everyone assumed this baby was an accident. Also, most people assume I had a hysterectomy or am unable to conceive again, so fortunately I don't get a lot of questions about when we are going to try again.

offtoneverland · January 2018

dpjennifer said:

offtoneverland The overwhelming ‘optimism’ about early MC being ‘normal’ and to just ‘try again’ makes me overly enraged and want to punch people in the face. Multiple MC so early on is not ‘normal’ and should never be considered as such. RE’s seem to know this. But OBs and others are far less considerate. Good luck with your RE visit!

@dpjennifer Thank you so much for this; reading that was very encouraging. Each time I called the doctor after my positive tests to schedule an appointment, or after I had started spotting, they asked my LMP and said "oh, you tested early, huh." Then in the office the doctor or nurse (I can't remember which) said that stupid phrase "If you hadn't tested early you never would have known!" like that helps at all. So it seemed like they really weren't concerned about it. Thank you so much for making me feel better.

@holly321 That is heartbreaking. I'm so glad he brought it up and you were able to talk about it with him. So hope he feels better after this.
@boniface I'm sorry about the announcement. Those are so hard. I dealt with an announcement yesterday at work and it was difficult to not cry at my desk. While I'm very happy for them (they struggled with both losses and IF), it's still so hard not to get envious. GL at your ultrasound tomorrow. Let us know how it goes!

galactickates · January 2018

Ouch @offtoneverland that was harsh of them to say that about testing early. I tested at 5 DPO (trust me.... I know! I can't help it) when you're desperate to see that second line, you want it see now. It's so magical seeing it and devastating watch it fade. I'm so sorry you were treated like that.
Also I agree with what @dpjennifer said -for the record

CraftyG · January 2018

@coco2787 I’ve had that question asked before with some unhelpful comments, I wish I was confident enough just to say that that’s an incredibly rude question to ask and none of your business but I was just so shocked. I’ve also had some family members make assumptions that we chose to terminate our first pregnancy and then get confused as to why we were upset.

@holly321 oh your sweet little boy! I’m so glad that he had the courage to ask you that and that you could reassure him.

ChloandCoco · January 2018

@coco2787 No on has asked me yet, but people who work in the same building as my DH keep asking him if we are trying. DH will tell them that we've had losses and one guy opened up to him about their losses.

dpjennifer · January 2018

offtoneverland Sorry you've dealt with that! It's frustrating how little OBs seem to know about PG and PG issues. It's really frustrating. I actually lie to my OB about my LMP because my cycles are 35-ish days instead of the 'standard' 28. My 3rd MC I tested a faint positive on a Friday morning. Figured I'd wait until Sunday, test again, and go in Monday for blood work or whatnot with OB. I started spotting on Saturday afternoon. My Sunday test was a squinter, and by Monday afternoon when I could get into the OB's office, their less than sensitive urine test was BFN. So, they told me I wasn't PG and hadn't been PG, because THEIR test couldn't confirm it!?!? So my OB never even counts that PG. Which enrages me because I just wanted to scream "That's NOT how this works. That's not how ANY of this works!?!?" How do they NOT understand hcg? I mean, I've never seen a number in the triple digits... if it is there at the beginning, but only rising slowly, and then I MC a few days later... it's NEVER going to get that high before it drops down again. I don't know why my OB can't just freaking understand that. And it seems to be the norm, unfortunately. Sorry you're going through issues with your OB as well. Let me know how the RE visit goes. My first RE visit I was nervous too (especially since what OB said), and the Dr. was like "Well, 2 MC in a row, especially with no living children is already considered RPL." And he just wrote down when I said my MCs were. No question and no problems.

galactickates · January 2018

Omg you guys... I found a ttc ectopic group on Facebook. Some of the girls are great but MOST of the girls are.... I can't. It feels like I got an ivy league college education here compared to middle schoolers. I feel soooooo lucky to be in this group and to have learned what I have from everyone. They don't even know the most basic information. How do you not now the first day of your last period???? How are you even attempting to ttc then? I am trying to help the best that I can, it's so scary going through this. But it's night and day from TB.

zamoraspin · January 2018

@galactickates I tend to take for granted that people who have been ttc for a while (like more than a couple months) understand how their bodies work. Like, I know someone who struggled for years with IF and has now been TFAS for more than a year and she told me she was disappointed she wasn't ku because her period was two days "late," except, she also told me that she knew also ovulated several days late, so her period just came exactly when it always does because most women have a pretty steady LP... She also only recently learned about sperm friendly lube...

galactickates · January 2018

@zamora_spin that's why I like it here. I stay quiet when it comes to this scientific stuff but I'm soaking in everything to give myself the best shot. They were symptom spotting and when was the earliest they could test. I broke out the best case scenario and it was next week!!! Girl... you've probably baaaaaaarely ovulated. But sure... you're totes ku

dukestar5 · January 2018

It feels bittersweet to be joining you—heartbreaking because of loss, but also made more hopeful by joining a community of lovely ladies I’ve grown to know & care for while I was on TTGP previously.

I will try to comment more on everyone’s posts in the coming days, but I’m just feeling overwhelmed at the moment and in need of community.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MMC at 8.5 weeks

Status: benched, waiting to miscarry

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

This has been heartbreaking. It’s something I do not want to go through, but I’m here and hopeful that the future holds good things.

I’ve been surrounded by people who love and care for us, so that’s been helpful. One friend made us a support/grief basket.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What's the craziest thing you've done in the name of love?
Moved across the country!

coco2787 · January 2018

Oh no @dukestar5 I am so very sorry you find yourself here. I had a MMC as well, there's nothing that can prepare you for that shock. I hope this community is helpful to you in your healing process

eleven_ · January 2018

@dukestar5 I'm so so sorry for your loss and that you've had to experience this. It's emotional hell and I'm so happy to hear you've had so much support from people who love you. We are all here for you

ChloandCoco · January 2018

@dukestar5 I’m so sorry you find yourself here. This really sucks. I hope we can help you through this and remember that it’s ok to not be ok.

galactickates · January 2018

Nooooo @dukestar5 I'm so heartbroken for you. I literally don't know what to say. I was just thinking about you last night and was going to pm you and see how you were doing. I literally can't think of anything to say but I'm so sorry, which I know just doesn't help much. I really wish I could do more. I'm here for you, you know we all are.

Eta you don't need to worry about responding to everyone. No one's feelings will be hurt. We all know what you're going through. Xo

coco2787 · January 2018

My miscarriage book has been really helpful so far. I thought that this diagram was a really great visual for everything I’ve been feeling.

zamoraspin · January 2018

@dukestar5 I’m so sorry. I know there are no words and this loss is so huge it’s hard to even comprehend. Just know you are not alone.

offtoneverland · January 2018

@dukestar5 Please take whatever time you need to grieve and heal. We will be here for you whenever you're ready. I'm so sorry that you're here, but this is a wonderful community full of people who have helped me better understand my thoughts and feelings, and I hope that we can do the same for you.
@coco2787 That graphic is perfect. It's absolutely true and is a great way to visualize the mess of emotions after a loss.

kindbytealikat · January 2018

@dukestar5 I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your time we’ll be here

holly321 · January 2018

@dukestar5, I am so you find yourself here, and I am sorry for your loss.

CraftyG · January 2018

@dukestar5 I am so so sorry that you find yourself here. Take as much time as you need and grieve and remember that everything that you’re feeling is completely valid, we’re all here for you

coco2787 · January 2018

I had a talk with my H last night about how I've been feeling and to make it clear to him that regardless of the outcome of this cycle it's going to be emotional for me. At one point during our conversation I mentioned the baby, and he said, "it wasn't a baby". He regretted saying it as soon as he saw my reaction and he apologized and explained that it was easier for him to deal with if he didn't think of it as a baby yet, but damn. It was a real gut punch to hear those words. After having that conversation, part of the book I'm reading resonated with me even more:

"Though the years of her life, the mother who has miscarried remains the lone guardian of her baby's memory, which she retains in astonishing detail. She herself, stands in permanent commemoration of the life of her dead child. She carries her sorrow with her, along with a need to hold on to that sorrow, as the sole remnants of her baby's existence. If she lets go, her baby will have gone unnoticed, lost, and forever forgotten."

ChloandCoco · January 2018

@coco2787 I’m sorry you DH said that to you. Thank you for sharing that part of your book. It’s the perfect way to describe how a loss affects a mom for the rest of her life.

eleven_ · January 2018

@coco2787 I'm sorry your DH said that to you. I think it's good he has found a way to make coping with the loss a little easier. He just needs to still be sensitive to your feelings and understand that it makes it it harder for you to hear him say that.

I love that quote. Thanks so much for sharing it. I too feel like regardless of what happens this cycle, I will be extremely emotional about it. This is so hard

suzycupcake · February 2018

@dukestar5

Hugs.

TTCAL Week of 1/15

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