PGAL Check-In Week of 1/3

hezzer78 · January 2018

We haven't had a new check in in a few weeks so thought I'd start one.

This is a check in for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!

Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

4. When is your next appointment?

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018?

hezzer78 · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 6w6d-ish. So far, I've gone the longest without bleeding/spotting with this pregnancy. Previous two losses, I started bleeding at day 56 (from day 1 of LMP). MC started on exactly the same day. This time, I'm at day 59 so that's something.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Mild queasiness today. Yesterday was pretty bad, but still not bad enough to throw up. Boob pain comes and goes, which messes with my head.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) Pretty bad, I think. I'm pretty convinced this won't end well, even though there's nothing to suggest that.

4. When is your next appointment? 1/12. I'll have an US and should be 8w1d - I'm petrified I'll still be measuring 6w, which is what has happened before.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) No real rants - just a lot of anxiety and nervousness over the next few weeks. I'm trying to relax and just go with the flow for now, but it's tough at times.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? I have a tendency to be really hard on myself, and mentally beat myself up when I Fail at something or when things don't go as planned. It's my goal to be more gentle with myself and to appreciate me more.

pghctwife · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 8w6! Yes! My losses were both missed mc and the baby had stopped growing around 7w. I had my u/s at 8w and baby was great! That was a HUGE milestone for me. I’m 2 days away from being beyond my latest loss date now too first mc was discovered 9w1) and I’m past my second loss.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) crappy lol. Today I actually feel way better. I almost puked once but otherwise feel ok, first morning I’ve been ok in a long time. I really tried to pushbwater yesterday and I think that may have been the key.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

So much better and more confident after last weeks u/s it really calmed my pgal brain. I feel like whatever it was that went wrong with the last 2 isn’t happening this time.

4. When is your next appointment? my first prenatal is Tuesday. Should be pretty boring and uneventful. I’m waiting for the mfm group to call and schedule my cfdna test and nt us

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I’m starting back at work 2 days a week next week (going back to my old employer which is my dads business). Im pretty worried about managing my ms and eating, though if I feel like today it’ll be fine.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? none really. In general I’m hoping to be open and at peace this year. Open and at peace with working again, open and at peace with whatever sex this baby is (I hope for a girl but this is 100% the last baby, and it is what it is). Etc.

windywoman · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 6weeks 5days. No milestones yet. Every Friday when the week advances feels pretty good though!

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms). I feel good most of the time. Boobs are constantly sore. My biggest complaint is that I am bloated to the point I am wearing baggy shirts to work just in case.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I am so nervous! I will feel so much better once I go to the doctor for the first appointment and have an ultrasound.

4. When is your next appointment? My first appointment is not until the 18th (8w6d)! I thought maybe they would want to see me earlier because I am PGAL and AMA but they said I didn't need to come in until after 8 weeks.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) No real rants- just trying to relax and not stress!

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? Get organized and clean out clutter! I have so much junk and stuff I do not need or use that is just taking up space.

juliebleu · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

I am 8 weeks 5 days.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

There are moments where I feel very low to no nausea. And that is great. But also terrifying. The first symptom of my m/c at 12w5D was spotting and loss of appetite. So when nausea backs off I start to get a bit wary- still hungry so hoping for the best.

I did have some scant spotting this morning which really bummed me out. But I am trying to stay optimistic and not go down the fear rabbit hole.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) still pretty good, but I had a bit of a mini scare this morning that made me panic a bit. Trying to remember this is not a repeat of last time. This is a different pregnancy. And spotting doesn’t mean mc.

4. When is your next appointment?

It got pushed back to Jan 12th. If my spotting increases I am going to beg for a bump to an earlier time.

5. Rants/raves/whatever: told my boss today since she has to plan for new hires (which the department needs) and I cried cause- spotting today. And just laid it all out there that I’m not sure if the pregnancy is viable. So that was embarrassing. My boss is awesome and was great my last m/c (which happened mostly at work). I just feel bad dropping it on her like that. In my defense- lol, she asked if I had input on FTE’s to apply for next budget year (Starting July.)

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018?

Honestly, I didn’t make any this year. Totally forgot. But I do want to walk more- get my average steps back up to 10K a day. And continue to eat healthier.

kindbytealikat · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? By LMP 8 weeks tomorrow. By O 7.1 today. I'll consider my next U/S my milestone, and that's tomorrow

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Pretty good overall. Nauseated in the evenings mostly and when I force myself to eat in the mornings. Constipation has set in though

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I'm nervous about my U/S tomorrow. I'm glad it's in the morning.

4. When is your next appointment? ^^^

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I'm having trouble attaching to this pregnancy and everytime I mention something around it I feel like I'm jinxing myself.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? 1. Read at least a book a month 2. Stick to our budget more tightly 3. Gain no more than 15lbs this pregnancy(I'm a big girl so this is reasonable) 4. When I get taken of rest(hopefully) make the gym 3 days a week

windywoman · January 2018

@kindbytealikat I had constipation early on and it was horrific! I have been drinking prune juice every day and it really seems to help! It tastes awful but I just chug it right out of the bottle.

melprop · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 8w6d according to LMP

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) I’m still having a lot of nausea & food aversions. Some foods I can’t deal with the smell or taste at all. Others I’m fine with the smell, but I take one bite and can’t eat it. Everything else I eat about half of my normal portion size and then the taste turns bad. I’m also exhausted after barely doing anything, which is probably d/t my body using more calories than I’m able to eat.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise): I heard the heartbeat today, which I’ve only ever heard with DS, so I’m doing pretty good. I also found out LO is measuring at 8w4d, and LMP puts me at 8w6d, so everything seems to be on track this time.

4. When is your next appointment? Had my first appt today and was able to do blood work & a dating u/s. I go back on 1/19 to “meet” my main OB. She was delivering a baby during my appt today. I’ve met her before at my yearly appts, but whatever.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) The OB’s office made a typo in my file, and my birthdate was wrong on all my orders for blood work & u/s. I need to remember to call them tomorrow and get that fixed.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? Haven’t thought about it much yet, but I need to start a regular exercise program and really start decluttering the house. Our spare bedroom is currently our storage room, and we need to clean it out, gut it, replace the windows and remodel it before LO comes.

mac627 · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 9 weeks today! Last time I went in for my first us at 9 weeks and discovered the missed mc so I’m feeling pretty good about being at this point with everything going the way it should!

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) lots of nausea and extreme hunger out of nowhere. Headaches the last couple of days too.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I think I’m doing pretty well! Starting to feel more and more excited and less nervous.

4. When is your next appointment? Tomorrow for another weekly ultrasound. Yay!

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Work in a school and hoping for a 2 hour delay tomorrow! Cmon snow!

6. GTKY: I don’t really make New Years resolutions but I guess I have a goal to walk and do yoga as much as possible through my pregnancy!

kayldawn · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

I had my ultrasound yesterday, and found out that I am 7 weeks today

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

I had very little - no nausea when I was pregnant with DD. This pregnancy seems to be a whole other story. I have spent the last few mornings dying. I hope these symptoms don't stick

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

After the ultrasound, I am feeling so much better! When I miscarried in my first pregnancy, it happened at 13 weeks and when I went in to get my ultrasound to confirm, they found that I had a missed miscarriage and an empty sac. Basically there was no baby (blighted ovum) and if I had had an early ultrasound I would have found out much sooner. Now I am always so worried in that first ultrasound that the sac will be empty. Seeing that little bean with a tiny flickering heart beat made my heart soooo happy.

4. When is your next appointment?

I meet with my doctor tomorrow. Will have another ultrasound between 11-12 weeks.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

My little one turns one on Sunday and I go back to work on Monday after a year of mat leave. It's a hard week! I can hardly believe that I basically have a one year old She tried out dayhome for the full day on Tuesday and had the best time- so at least there is that! I dropped her off around 9, got back into my car and started bawling! I sobbed the whole way home, it was pathetic lol! Thankfully we both made it through!! I am only going back to work part-time so it should be okay- just an adjustment for sure!!

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018?

I just want to keep up with running/exercise during my pregnancy. Last pregnancy I had to stop running at 22 weeks because I ended up with SPD (basically very horrible pain in my groin that made running unbearable). If that DOESN'T happen this time, there is a 10k at the end of May that I would like to run. This year was supposed to be marathon year - I wanted to run my first full marathon in August (I have done many halves, but never the full!!) But seeing as the Marathon is basically my due date, that will not be happening

lizziealyssa · January 2018

How far along are you? Any milestones? 7w0d by lmp. I passed the time that I had my second miscarriage.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) just cramps and tired

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) today I had an ultrasound and got to see the heartbeat flickering like @kayldawn . But I'm still anxious because in my first miscarriage the baby stopped growing at 8w5d so I won't be at ease until my next ultrasound in february.

4. When is your next appointment? Feb. 1st

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I don't want to tell anyone about this pregnancy until as late as possible. We live overseas and my mom and sister are visiting when I'm 10-11 weeks and I'm hoping I can throw them off. And maybe throw off my sil visiting when I'm 12 weeks. I told family at 8 weeks with my first miscarriage and it killed me having to tell them we lost it. In my second miscarriage I hadn't told them I was pregnant and it was loads easier to inform them that I had miscarried. So until I'm through the first trimester I just don't want anyone to know. Anyone else relate? Also, no facebook announcement this time around period. It will just be close friends. (It's my 4th btw.)

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? N/a

nicnique · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? About 7 weeks
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)I never have many symptoms which doesn’t help with fears. Heightened smell and more frequent urination than normal.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) so anxious and struggling mentally with being positive.
4. When is your next appointment? Today!
My last appt we only saw the gestational sac measuring 5w2d.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t just enjoy being pregnant and be happy. I’m always waiting for something to go wrong. My first pregnancy was a MMC and then I’ve had two successful pregnancies since then so why can’t I just relax a little!!
6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? To be better with our spending and budget.

redheadbride15 · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 6w5d. I am past the point of my loss.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) I can't complain too much - some mild queasiness and fatigue, but I'm getting by.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise). My loss was very recent (just last cycle) so I haven't had time to process it yet. I am definitely actively distancing myself from this pregnancy assuming the worst. I did this with my first pregnancy too even though I was not PGAL - I think it's my way of emotionally protecting myself. I work in the medical field so I have seen many, many losses and bad outcomes, and I'm also AMA (40) so that increases my risks. So I don't feel anxious, but I'm also not enjoying being pregnant or thinking about or planning anything outside of the immediate future. I will also wait a long time to tell anyone about the pregnancy - not until after the anatomy scan. So far only DH knows.

4. When is your next appointment? My first appointment isn't until 10.5 weeks.... so I have a lot of waiting to do... My OB doesn't do early ultrasounds unless clinically indicated, and a single previous loss isn't sufficient. So I sort of sit in limbo until then. The good news is that by 10 weeks we should be able to hear a heartbeat and I like having that to hope for.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): I'm COLD!!!

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? I have a lot of career goals for this upcoming year. Several exciting professional opportunities have opened up for me, I'm starting several new projects, and working towards a promotion.

tops-2 · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
6w 6d - We have a heartbeat!! We had the first US today and saw the amazing little heartbeat. I cried :P

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Nauseous, exhausted, thirsty, sore boobs, all the fun stuff

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
So much better how that we've had the first US I was almost puking this morning waiting for the appointment but seeing that sweet little blob with its beating heart was the most amazing thing I've ever seen

4. When is your next appointment?
I have to get a couple of blood tests this week, but other than that, next ultrasound will be in 2 weeks (I'll be 9 weeks along)

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Not much - I'm feeling pretty good right now. I just wish the food aversions would stop :P

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018?
To buy a house and have a healthy baby

fishee333 · January 2018

I've been pretty MIA on this board because of my PGAL brain I think. Anxiety is high, and I think I could use some more support this week. So here we go...

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? Between 8 and 9 weeks. My loss was at 16 weeks and I haven't even had my first OB appointment so no milestones yet.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Mainly just tired and I have food aversions. Not super nauseous like my last 2 pregnancies which is making me really worried.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) Super high anxiety right now since I haven't had an appointment yet to reassure everything is ok. My first ultrasound is Tuesday and I'm starting to freak out. The last ultrasound I had was the worst day of my life. So ya, I'm not ok right now. I'm also anxious to get the cell free dna test done.

4. When is your next appointment? Tuesday.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I'm seeing a new OB Tuesday so in addition to the anxiety about getting the ultrasound, I am also stressing about having to retell all the details of my loss to the new doctor.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? Nothing at all, I never make them.

fishee333 · January 2018

@hezzer78 *Hugs*. Sending positive vibes for your first appointment this week

@pghctwife I'm so glad you are feeling more confident and baby is doing great

@juliebleu Spotting would stress me out too even if it's totally normal. Sending positive vibes for your appointment this week

@melprop yay for hearing the heartbeat! I feel ya about the exhaustion

@mac627 yay for feeling less nervous and more excited!

@kayldawn happy bday to your LO! Going back to work is tough. I have a 2yo and I work part time as well. I feel like working part time is the best of both worlds, good luck with all the adjustments!

@lizziealyssa I can totally relate. Im going to wait as long as possible to tell everyone, my goal is 20 weeks if I can make it without showing too much. My loss was at 16 weeks so hearing the heartbeat and getting to the 2nd trimester isn't even reassuring to me.

@nicnique How'd your appointment go? I wish I could enjoy this pregnancy more as well

@tops-2 Seeing that little heart beat really is the best. I wouldn't be surprised if I cry when I see it next time.

mrslittlemac · January 2018

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)

None for a week or so now, and it's really messing with me. At least with DD when I was doubled over the toilet all day, every day, it was easier to slow down and the sickness was almost comforting in the weeks between appointments.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)

I'm struggling. Hardcore. First U/S in about 9 hours and I am freaking out. Feeling very fragile around it. I want to know how everything "looks," but don't think I'm prepared to handle bad news. Ahhhhhhh!

4. When is your next appointment?

Today! Why did I wait so long? Why didn't I put it off a couple more weeks?

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I am just firmly in the grips of anxiety right now. It would be so much better if they had same-day appointments so I couldn't psych myself out so bad beforehand.

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018?

Be more gentle and forgiving of myself and everyone in my life. Try to get a better handle on finances.

pghctwife · January 2018

@mrslittlemac and @fishee333 so so many hugs. The pre-us anxiety being pgal is like nothing else I’ve experienced. Try to keep busy before your appointments.... maybe try some anxiety calming techniques? I saw one that was like ‘focus on 5 things you can see, then 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell or imagine 2 smells, and then think of what emotion you feel - or want to feel.”

it it helps refocus your mind from spinning. I found it helpful as a calming tool. But still... it’s so hard and I hope you both can get through your appts with good news

IvorySoapGirl · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? I'm 8w5d, measuring 9w. I had my first OB appt today and everything looks good, so I'm ready to stop lurking and start sharing and supporting. My MCs were at 8 or 9 weeks and at 6 weeks so I'm feeling good about today's measurements.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) All food looks gross (mostly) except popsicles and clementines. I'm queasy almost all day, but I think I'm hiding it pretty well at work. And I'm generally exhausted.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I'm so relieved after having an ultrasound and hearing a heartbeat. I'm still incredibly anxious. When can I stop worrying? More tests at weeks 10 and 12. More waiting. There will always be something to worry about.

4. When is your next appointment? Jan 19

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) DH needs to get me some sorbet!

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? Not a thing

b48kate · January 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?

I am 7 weeks today. My first loss was a ruptured ectopic at 6 weeks (I didn't even know I was pregnant) 10 years ago that lead to the loss of my right fallopian tube. My last loss was in the Spring at 8.5 weeks. That one was tough because we already seen the heartbeat...but we had also seen a large SCH and I feel pretty confident that is what did us in. This is a science baby conceived through IUI so at 6 weeks 2 days we were able to confirm it is in the uterus and see a little heartbeat flicker. Also, no bleed on that scan. I think I will finally be able to exhale once we past the 1st trimester.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) Sour stomach and exhausted all the time! I forgot how much first trimester bites.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I think I'm doing pretty well but I am really leaning on keeping a busy schedule as a coping mechanism.

4. When is your next appointment? January 17th with my OB/GYN office.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Just being here on the board is a big step for me. PGAL brain was like "Nooooo, as soon as you post something bad will happen!"

6. GTKY: What New Years Resolutions or goals did you set for 2018? Just to eat better as far as nutrition goes.

fishee333 · January 2018

Just an update, I had my appointment today and there was a baby and her/his heart was beating. Thank god. That's all I was hoping for today. That's the most stressed I've been in a long time. Next step is genetic testing, since my loss in August was due to trisomy 21. So I have a week before I get that, and then 3 more weeks to get the nt ultrasound.

jchpg · January 2018

@fishee333 this is great news! Congrats

I just had my second US and baby is still there and growing as he/she should! I want to think this will help my PGAL brain- but I know this bit of euphoria is going to wear off. At least a have the NT US in a few weeks to check and make sure this is all still real.

juliebleu · January 2018

@hezzer78 We are appointment buddies tomorrow: sending peaceful, happy, u/s vibes your way.

@lizziealyssa I can totally relate. I don’t plan on telling family till like 20ish weeks. We have had a fair bit of family drama lately and I don’t want to add to it. I am not sure about facebook. I only have like 40 friends and then like 7 good friends from childhood. All people I wouldn’t mind knowing. But I stink at announcements. Maybe I’ll just give family the green light to discuss it on social media and word will get around. I did let it slip to my boss. But now my lips are sealed. Last miscarriage was so public. If that happens again, I want it to be private.

@fishee333 yay for good news!

juliebleu · January 2018

Update: appointment went awesome. Baby measuring 1 day ahead, heart rate 171. I can breath!

fishee333 · January 2018

@juliebleu Yay! I know the feeling of being able to breath again!

How'd everyone else's appointments go this week?

kburg15 · January 2018

Just got my first appt scheduled for Jan 29–I’ll be 10 weeks at that point *eye roll* I had to insist they move it in a week from 11 weeks. I’m a big fan of low intervention medical treatment, but it seems like they would want to see a high risk patient (blood thinners, two previous losses) sooner than “average”. I know there wouldn’t be much they could do if something was wrong, but ughhhh come onnnnnn haha

juliebleu · January 2018

@kburg15 I understand your frustration. Perhaps another call and ask for your midwifes/OB’s voicemail or that of their assistant. Don’t tell the secretary what it is about, just give them your first name or as little as you can get away with. Then say your concern and wish for a sooner appointment to helo settle anxiety.

it may not work but is wortha try. Make the message short, and sweet. Say you are willing to come in last minute if someone cancels. My office told me August is always a busy month with more births than any other- the office may just be swamped! My clinic usually sees people at 8 weeks for initial. I was seen at 10 weeks 5 days from lmp because again- they were swamped!

kburg15 · January 2018

@juliebleu thanks the advice! That’s a great idea!

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