I am 16 weeks pregnant and we made the mistake of telling my mother that my husband and I were expecting at 6 weeks. She has been trying to dictate every detail of my pregnancy. She asked when my first few dr. apts were and I didn't think it would be an issue so I told her when they were and she showed up to my visits! She also keeps begging me for the day and time of our 20 week ultrasound because she has to know the gender of our baby. But that isn't even the worst part. This past weekend my husband and I were out of town celebrating Christmas with his family. My mom was texting and messaging us the whole time asking when we were going to post on Facebook and telling us that we needed to let her know the day and time so she can be the first to comment on the post. As my mother has been overly demanding and pushy with things I have told her that she is ruining what should be a happy time for my husband and I.
While I realize she is very excited, this is our first child and will be her 4th grandchild (I'm the only daughter). She didn't treat the others this way when they were expecting. So going back to the Facebook post. My husband and I have been upfront with her the whole time that we didn't want this to be on Facebook. We weren't ready to post, and we really just don't like putting personal things on Facebook. I've made this clear to everyone, except apparently for my mother, even though I straight up told her "I don't want to post this on FB because I don't want personal stuff on FB". So Sunday when we got back to town, my mother started up on us again about posting. She basically told us that if we didn't post, she was going to-I have this comment in a text. I didn't want that information to come from her so I let her bully me into posting. A really good friend of mine commented on our post "I'm surprised to see this on Facebook, I know that you didn't want to post it", and that started a whole fight where my mom is blaming me for everything. She keeps saying "if you had only told me, I had no idea" etc. I explained to her that while I am hurt, I am not mad, but reread your texts and you'll see where I said I didn't want it on Facebook. I'm at a total loss of what to say to my mother now because no matter what I say, she blows up in my face. This has been going on for 3 days! I know my mother is clinically depressed, and I've been trying to get her to see someone for years. I don't know what to do anymore, and i don't want to cut her out of my life totally because she's still my mother. Has anyone else gone through this or something like this? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you say? Do you think she's just lashing out because she got caught-even though people don't know that she was the driving force behind the post? Thanks for your help!
Edit: Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all the feedback! I did put the tough love into practice and she actually apologized to me today. I'm still guarded on this issue though. I don't plan on telling her specifics of anything, at least for the time being. If and once she proves that she can respect boundaries I may open up more. But again, thank you so much. I will be checking out the book listed below.