I have a spa afternoon today so that's pretty awesome! I'm honestly not sure what we are doing this weekend lol.
I've been having weird emotions lately - more like emotionless about this TTC process. I'm not stressed or worried about it. I have the RE appt next week. I don't really have negative thoughts anymore but I feel like I'm pretty meh about it all. Like I have no idea what an RE can provide me with since all my hormones are normal and HSG is clear, SA is fine too. I'm very strong person and don't want to go thru the medicated cycle roller coaster. Already told DH I don't want to do this for many months or years - he looked at me like no we wouldn't do this for years. Can anyone relate?
I think it’s hard to take that step @vlagrl29. Before I went I dreaded making the call and almost felt like a failure but once I went I felt like they gave me some info and then doing medicated cycles with IUI at least for me took off some of the TTC stress because they told me when to have sex before and after IUI. So i didn’t have to worry about taking OPKs or temping to know that things have happened. Of course after some time with RE I started doing those things again anyway just because I felt like I needed to. I hope RE gives you some insight.
As for my wkd, we have a first birthday party tomorrow and my nephews birthday Sunday. We will have to deal with laundry room too this wkd and I want to put Christmas decorations away
girl I'm over OPKs and all that jazz @mack2342 - all that extra stuff provides stress for me. BUT if an RE told me exactly when to have sex than I'm ok with that lol
We've got a games night on Saturday and plans to take down the Christmas decorations. Other than that, it will be a pretty low key weekend. I too have struggled with emotions on TTC. Sometimes I really question whether or not all of the pain and suffering would be worth it. There are times when I am so incredibly heart broken and want to TTC again and then there are times that I think I just cannot handle another mc. @vlagrl29 do you think your 'meh' attitude is your mind/bodies way of protecting itself from getting your hopes up?
We finally have a (much needed) calm weekend ahead of us. We had a snow day yesterday so I was able to get a jump start on putting the decorations away, but I still have so much more to put away. So, so much glitter to clean up.
@40momma I think you're totally right about the mind / body protecting itself. I go numb / into autopilot when it comes to majorly stressful events. I'm always in awe that I was able to handle a 5 day PICU stay when our oldest was 5 months old but the thought of a pile of unfolded laundry on the floor makes my throat feel like it's closing up.
Wohoo for Friday!! I've been off work on vacation since December 22nd but I am working from home today. Still recovering from the ER. Feeling much better today but still not 100%. It's the first day I'm up off the couch, though, so yay for progress! Lab called for my day 3 update and the embryologist said we have 15 embryos dividing nicely! Typical expectations are that 50% of day 3 embryos make it to day 5/freeze, so I'm hoping we end up with a good batch. I won't get another update until freezing is complete on Monday. Hopefully I'll get around to putting all the Christmas décor away and organizing everything for back to school on Monday.
@Mack2342 I hope your laundry room cleanup isn't too daunting. We had a flood in our laundry room last month due to the sewer pipe backing up. Luckily, it was just shower water...
@Vlagrl29 Enjoy your spa day! It's so easy to over think the TTC thing especially when you're entering into new territory getting medical assistance. Honestly, I would just take a breath and not let your thoughts run wild. Just see what the RE has to say. You don't have to make any concrete TTC plans now or even after you see the RE. Just take in his/her opinion and advice and then you can decide on first steps. You don't have to decide on the end point now. I went into seeing my RE too focussed on what I *wouldn't* do and when I wanted to be done, and it just 'causes more stress and anxiety because this is not a very linear process. A year ago I wanted to do 3-6 IUIs and be done within 6 months and then we'd move on with life and stop TTCing. IVF was not an option I wanted or thought I could afford. And now, here I am. You can't predict what the future holds so just take it one step at a time and live in the present when it comes to treatments.
Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN May 17: IUI #2 = BFN Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies) Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201 Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715
U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125! EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
@40momma yes I think it is! I dont like taking medicine and maybe that would be different if they could find something to fix but nothing has come up yet. The deal is I'm happy right now and I'm scared to go thru the roller coaster again. I won't do it!! I can't go backwards. I need to go forwards. I need to let the RE know of that too. This step is a peace of mind for me. I'm not looking to spend our savings on this or just take every drug out there.
@tosh24 thanks for your advice. For us since we don't have fertility coverage dh and I are setting a dollar limit once we get all the costs explained. Once we reach it we will be done.
Yes it's crazy how outlooks and emotions can change. A year ago I was of the mindset that if it happened, great and if it didn't happen, that's ok too. We were 'not trying not preventing' and I was always of the mindset that I would never get into taking medicine, tracking, IVF, etc. I figured if it didn't happen naturally, it wasn't meant to be... I realize now how naive I was.
I was the opposite @40momma - I was more stressed in the 6 months it took to conceive our loss. Also the 5 months after loss I was hot mess and ended in a minor anxiety attack. During that time I swore something must be off and we needed help. Then I took mental break and got myself strong again. Now I'm very confident in my body and don't think I need medicine . Now I can go either way. I don't feel desperate for a baby and I don't feel stressed. More so nervous about our next steps.
I was up with insomnia in the middle of the night and started wondering if I was supposed to have gotten RhoGAM before I got pregnant (I'm rH negative) and if maybe that caused the miscarriage and what if I killed my healthy baby. (Spoiler, I wasn't supposed to have gotten it yet) I don't know why these kinds of thoughts always have to happen in the middle of the night.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
I have some good news - DH booked a wedding in palm beach end of august so we are going to make a vaca of it and after the wedding go to disney world for DD. She will be mind blown - she's always wanted to go.
I need to talk to DH tonight and get thoughts out of my head. The closer it gets to the RE consult the more anxious I get about it which of course is what I don't want. ugh I just need to focus on 1 step at a time. It's party worried about taking drugs and partly worried about how much it will all cost us.
@Mack2342 yes, I got it in 3rd tri, again after my son was born, and after my D&C. I just started panicking that it stopped being effective or something and I was worried I was supposed to have gotten another one before getting pregnant again and that I caused my loss by not doing it. I did some research and that’s not how RhoGAM works.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 I know that asked me at my D & c but don’t need it so I don’t know that much about it. I would think they would tell you if you needed it before getting pregnant
@coco2728 I had RhoGAM with both DD and DS as well as with both of my miscarriages (D&C and NMC). If you are worried about your previous shots not being effective, you can ask for an "Antibody Screen" blood test that will tell you if they detect antibody activity. I had it done and it showed I was OK (although, I didn't do it after my most recent loss so hopefully I'm still good).
Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN May 17: IUI #2 = BFN Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies) Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201 Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715
U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125! EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Re: TGIF 1/5
I've been having weird emotions lately - more like emotionless about this TTC process. I'm not stressed or worried about it. I have the RE appt next week. I don't really have negative thoughts anymore but I feel like I'm pretty meh about it all. Like I have no idea what an RE can provide me with since all my hormones are normal and HSG is clear, SA is fine too. I'm very strong person and don't want to go thru the medicated cycle roller coaster. Already told DH I don't want to do this for many months or years - he looked at me like no we wouldn't do this for years. Can anyone relate?
As for my wkd, we have a first birthday party tomorrow and my nephews birthday Sunday. We will have to deal with laundry room too this wkd and I want to put Christmas decorations away
I too have struggled with emotions on TTC. Sometimes I really question whether or not all of the pain and suffering would be worth it. There are times when I am so incredibly heart broken and want to TTC again and then there are times that I think I just cannot handle another mc. @vlagrl29 do you think your 'meh' attitude is your mind/bodies way of protecting itself from getting your hopes up?
@40momma I think you're totally right about the mind / body protecting itself. I go numb / into autopilot when it comes to majorly stressful events. I'm always in awe that I was able to handle a 5 day PICU stay when our oldest was 5 months old but the thought of a pile of unfolded laundry on the floor makes my throat feel like it's closing up.
Wohoo for Friday!! I've been off work on vacation since December 22nd but I am working from home today. Still recovering from the ER. Feeling much better today but still not 100%. It's the first day I'm up off the couch, though, so yay for progress! Lab called for my day 3 update and the embryologist said we have 15 embryos dividing nicely! Typical expectations are that 50% of day 3 embryos make it to day 5/freeze, so I'm hoping we end up with a good batch. I won't get another update until freezing is complete on Monday. Hopefully I'll get around to putting all the Christmas décor away and organizing everything for back to school on Monday.
@Mack2342 I hope your laundry room cleanup isn't too daunting. We had a flood in our laundry room last month due to the sewer pipe backing up. Luckily, it was just shower water...
@Vlagrl29 Enjoy your spa day! It's so easy to over think the TTC thing especially when you're entering into new territory getting medical assistance. Honestly, I would just take a breath and not let your thoughts run wild. Just see what the RE has to say. You don't have to make any concrete TTC plans now or even after you see the RE. Just take in his/her opinion and advice and then you can decide on first steps. You don't have to decide on the end point now. I went into seeing my RE too focussed on what I *wouldn't* do and when I wanted to be done, and it just 'causes more stress and anxiety because this is not a very linear process. A year ago I wanted to do 3-6 IUIs and be done within 6 months and then we'd move on with life and stop TTCing. IVF was not an option I wanted or thought I could afford. And now, here I am. You can't predict what the future holds so just take it one step at a time and live in the present when it comes to treatments.
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
@tosh24 thanks for your advice. For us since we don't have fertility coverage dh and I are setting a dollar limit once we get all the costs explained. Once we reach it we will be done.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022