I wanted to start a discussion on this topic since it wasn't really talked about on my last BMB at all, beyond quick and non-specific mentions of "the baby blues."
When I was pregnant with DD, I never knew how common PPD was and always felt that it was something sort of far away that only happened to other people. When it hit me hard after giving birth, I felt caught off guard, lost, terrified, isolated, and like there was something inherently wrong with me.
Since third tri is creeping up for some of us, I felt like now would be a good time to get this discussion going.
My hope for this thread is that it will serve as a place for anyone who has suffered from postpartum mental illness (of any sort) to come and share their experience, a place to ask questions, and ultimately and very very hopefully, serve to help anyone who may find themselves struggling, after our babies are born, to not feel so alone.
For any STM+s who have suffered from PP mental illness, feel free to answer the questions below (and be as brief or specific as you are comfortable with) to get the discussion going--
How did PP mental illness manifest for you? (Feel free to share any specific thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, and challenges that you experienced.)
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.)
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
Feel free to add add anything else that you want to here--
@kbamomma33 Thanks for starting this! I struggled with depression during my first trimester, and I'm nervous about the possibility of PPD, so it'll be great to get some suggestions, reassurance, etc.
@kbamomma33 thanks for starting this thread. I have a long hx of MDD, self harm, ect. PPD is one of my absolute biggest fears as a first time mom and I've had multiple discussions with DH about not leaving me alone with little one if he thinks for a second that I might put him in harm's way.
I look forward to advice/comments from other mom's on this subject!
How did PP mental illness manifest for you? (Feel free to share any specific thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, and challenges that you experienced.) I suffered from severe PPD and PPA. I cried constantly, was angry with my baby, physically sick to the point where eating was often difficult, was afraid to sleep at night, terrified of getting out of bed (like, think of the number one thing that terrifies you most in life-- that level of fear was what I felt about just getting out of bed and doing normal things), terrified to leave the house, unable to cope with anything that happened unexpectedly or wasn't planned thoroughly ahead of time, and often feeling like my face would explode and my heart was going to come out of my chest. Honestly, the first week or so wasn't bad at all-- I think the shock of birth and the newness of everything was still wearing off at that point. After that, I felt the sadness, heaviness, and worry setting in. I'll also add that I did not have that immediate "in love" connection with my baby that everyone talks about. That did not come for a long time. She felt so separate from me. That part was especially hard to deal with and left me feeling broken-- like I didn't have the "mom gene" and like I wasn't cut out to be a good mom.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.) I did nothing and first. I thought, "Oh, this must be the baby blues that that one girl mentioned that one time. It will get better. I just have to push through it." But it didn't get better. It got worse. Much worse. By week 9, I called my OB's office and started bawling to the sweet angel of a nurse that answered the phone. I just word vomited everything that I had been feeling between sobs. She told me that I was going to be ok and prescribed me Zoloft 50mg. She said that the anxiety may be worse in the first week or two after starting the meds (I did find this to be true) but that it would get better. After about 3 weeks, I started noticing improvement in my mood. After about 3 months, I ended up bumping up my dose (after talking with my OB) to 100mg because I was still feeling some anxiety, struggling a little with crying at times, and feeling anger (though less than before) towards my baby. I also began seeing a neurologist for migraines, who prescribed me ambien to help with sleep. I began taking ambien on Friday and Saturday nights (I mentioned this in another thread) and having MH do all wake ups on those nights. I found that getting those two nights of uninterrupted sleep was so so helpful to maintain a mental health baseline. I also reached out to my SIL, who I remembered mentioning in passing that she "had a rough time" with two of her kids. She was really there for me just by listening. Sometimes just hearing someone say, "I know," or, "Me too," can be so helpful when you just feel like you are in a black hole.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better? With the meds, getting better sleep, and making an effort to be honest and talk with my OB, MH, and other safe-support friends about my feelings-- I would say that things were drastically improved by 6 months PP. The entire first year was still somewhat of a struggle that I had to stay on top of, but the second half of it was much improved. The connection with my daughter grew and grew, but I did not feel those in love feelings until sometime well after 6 months. That is hard for me to say, but it's honest. I know it doesn't mean that I was a bad mom in that time either, my journey was just different than what most people readily or candidly talk about. Now that DD is two, I can say that I am bursting with love and amazement for her and everything she does. I am so in love with her it hurts and I am eternally grateful that I get to be her mom.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be? I know. You are not broken. If you find yourself needing to ask for meds (even if you have never done anything of the sort and never thought that you would have to), that is ok. You are not weak-- you are strong enough to recognize when to ask for help. That is a sure sign of a good mom. Talk to someone, anyone who feels safe (your partner, OB, a friend) about your feelings and don't be afraid to tell them what you need or how they can help you. Self care is so important. And I'm not talking about going to get a massage or a pedicure. When you are really struggling, that is like trying to put band aid over a busted fire hydrant. I'm talking about-- When have you last eaten? Are you drinking enough water? Have you had a shower today? Do you need rest? Take care of those things. It does get better. You are going to be okay.
Feel free to add add anything else that you want to here-- There are a lot of great podcasts on PPD/PPA-- Mom and Mind is a good one. Often, you can find ones with women talking about their own stories of struggle and what helped them, which can be helpful if you are feeling alone.
How did PP mental illness manifest for you? With DS, it was post partum OCD. I didn’t even know that was a thing until someone mentioned it in my BMB and I googled it. The symptoms exactly matched what I was feeling, which were intrusive thoughts that I had a hard time keeping at bay. It was mostly me fearing that I was going to harm the baby (though I had no urge to do so whatsoever) and I was totally fixated on that fear.
With DD it was an overwhelming PPD. I felt sad and isolated and so unhappy with myself.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? With post partum OCD, oddly enough all it took was me finding a name for what I was experiencing to alleviate the symptoms. I was scared I had something wrong with me, and finding out other people experience it too was all I needed to flip that switch right off.
With the PPD I should have sought help. I tried filling out the PPD questionnaire at the OBs office at my 6 week follow up in a way that would raise red flags, but either my answers weren’t alarming enough or nobody bothered to read them at all. I suffered for about 6 months before snapping out of it, and only then did I realize how bad things had been. My single biggest fear with this pregnancy is that I’ll go through PPD again.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better? Just a few weeks with DS, but 6 agonizing months with DD.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be? When you’re in it, you don’t always realize what it is. I justified my depression for months (first I thought it was just baby blues, then I blamed the election, then I blamed myself for gaining weight and thought that was making me sad) when I should have just called my OB to explain how awful I was feeling. My advice is to seek help the MOMENT you suspect something might be off. From personal experience I can attest to how PPD can spiral and it’s not something I’d want anyone to ever experience.
@kbamomma33@kmalls Thank you both for being so candid. The stigma surrounding anything mental health related can often hinder people from saying how they feel/felt and I know from experience how important it can be to know other people have felt the same way and that they made it through. Genuinely, thank you!
@kmalls I'm so sorry that you suffered for 6 months with no relief or help from your provider. I'll agree that the OB questionnaire is set up to fail women and total BS-- if they even really read them. I also had a friend who straight told her OB, "I'm depressed. I think I have PPD," and he was like, "Oh, no you don't. You look well. You are dressed and wearing makeup-- depressed women don't do those things." SMDH. She suffered for months and months with no help. With her second baby, she struggled again but pressed her provider for help and meds early on and it made a world of difference for her.
To anyone who happens to struggle with an unreceptive provider (total BS, but it happens)- shout it at them if you have to-- something is wrong. I need help. Get a second opinion or see a different doctor. Please advocate for yourself and don't suffer.
I'm fairly certain I had some ppd. It came along with my nursing struggle. It was so awful that it makes me afraid to even try breastfeeding the new baby. I've decided to find a counseler now before birth because I don't want to go through the struggle I had without help this time. I did try to bring it up to my ob but I am not great at expressing my feelings verbally and she thought it was normal baby blues feelings.
I had a hard time being around people who didn't know about my breastfeeding journey and constantly hearing the same bad breastfeeding advice. I had so much anxiety about social situations where I'd have to feed the baby. I don't want to put myself or my family through this again.
How did PP mental illness manifest for you? (Feel free to share any specific thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, and challenges that you experienced.) I felt helpless and hopeless. I was mad at my baby for being so difficult. Sleep deprivation didn't help. I felt like I had ruined my life and it would never get better. I just wanted to crawl into a dark place and stay there. I never had thoughts of self harm or harming my baby but it was still pretty awful.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.) With my first, I had no idea that what I was feeling wasn't just "baby blues." Until I finally made an appointment with my OB b/c I just knew something wasn't right and I just broke down. Thank goodness he was so caring and lovely. After that I started talking to a therapist and went on Zoloft. I suffered for 4 months before I sought treatment. My second pregnancy I was proactive and my OB gave me a script for Zoloft and I started immediately once I gave birth. This time, I decided to go on an antidepressant while pregnant. I already felt the depression creeping in, and my OB felt that it was a good idea to start now to treat my symptoms and to try to avoid PPD after I give birth.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better? Both times it took a solid 6 months before I felt more normal and happy.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be? Take care of yourself first. You can't properly care for your baby if you aren't taking care of your own mental health. Be honest with yourself and don't be ashamed to ask for help.
@mcb2016 I relate to much of what you said. I’m so sorry you had such a tough experience with breastfeeding. I feel like unless a person has been through the ringer in the same way, it’s impossible to express how mentally difficult and anxiety-filled feeding your child can be.
That’s so great you’re going to find a counselor prior to birth, and I’m definitely going to consider doing the same. For me, one of the biggest deterrents for getting help last time was the the thought of needing to put energy into searching for the right therapist. It seemed like a monumental effort that I just wasn’t up for.
Thank you to all of you ladies for sharing your stories and being so open, especially @kbamomma33 for starting the thread, sharing, and giving such wonderful advice. This is all so, so important, but you'd never know it because no one talks about it.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
How did PP mental illness manifest for you? (Feel free to share any specific thoughts, feelings, struggles, fears, and challenges that you experienced.)
I will caveat this with a note that I was never officially diagnosed, this is my unofficial diagnosis.
I had typical baby blues for two weeks, crying about every little thing. While trying, stressful, and anxiety causing, that did end.
Additionally, I developed post partum anxiety. During the first four months, it manifested in feeling overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. The thought of doing laundry while managing DS would send me into a tailspin. Making myself food, let alone dinner for DH and I was hit and miss. I couldn't leave the house because the thought of putting DS in warm weather gear and into his carseat, and worrying about feeding while out, were so overwhelming I'd break out in a sweat and just stay home.
We had weight gain issues which exacerbated my anxiety and caused me to obsess and measure every ounce of milk DS was getting. I'm not using the term obsess loosely. I would dream/nightmare about his eating/feeding.
I took the OB questionnaire, and I took it seriously because I have a family history of mental health depression and anxiety disorders, but none of my answers caused the OB to question me further. Honestly, none of my answers were flags that I recognized either.
I never had self harm thoughts, nor thoughts of harming my son, just overwhelming, crushing debilitating anxiety.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.)
I never received treatment. While on maternity leave, I would go for short walks with DS and I'm pretty sure that's what saved my sanity for four months.
When I returned to work I had a whole other part of my life affected by my new anxiety.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
This is sad but for me it was nearly 13 months. I got pregnant at 10 months post partum (intentionally) and broke down at my first OB appt and asked for help. The nurse practitioner I saw basically said, suck it up, you're pregnant, if it gets REAL bad, come back and tell me. /Sigh
This coincided with DH changing jobs, selling a house, buying a new house, moving, DS's first birthday, and the Fall holiday season... To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.
About two months later, after everything had settled, I just started to feel normal again. Spring was coming, and I felt my mind lightening up like the weather. I remember telling DH that I was finally starting to feel like myself.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
i don't even know what to say except that life doesn't have to feel overwhelmingly hard. Yes, adding a baby is difficult and will have it's share it anxiety, but it should be manageable. If it's not, talk to someone and make sure they take you seriously. Thankfully, while I never did talk to someone in the medical field until super late, I had been talking to DH the whole time. He was amazing at reducing anxiety where we could, and picking things up that I was dropping... And that was wonderful for me.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
@fancybelmont I am. My doc assures me that it is safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. Moreover it is important that I manage my depression because not doing so can lead to issues for the baby.
@fancybelmont I am. My doc assures me that it is safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. Moreover it is important that I manage my depression because not doing so can lead to issues for the baby.
I know. I'm just upset because I went 8 months without anything, and then finally had to give in last month. I know it's important to deal with it but I just feel guilty I couldn't stick it out. And I worry, deep down, that I could be harming the baby in some way. I know it's safe, but I can't help it. The Mom Guilt is strong.
I had a question as a FTM. Any advice you would give to spouses? Was there anything they did that was helpful?
I had a very serious depression 18 months ago and went on anti-depressants for it and recovered. The last couple weeks I started to feel very similar echoes of that, but I had a lot of crap going on. My doctor was ready to put me on Zoloft, but things started to resolve around me and I'm feeling myself again. But my doctor and I are both on high alert for PPD.
My husband really struggles in these situations, he was raised in a family that praised self-reliance above all else, so he struggles with empathy and support. I literally had to google "how to support your wife after miscarriage" for him. Any practical advice I could give him to prepare?
@fancybelmont I'm currently on 50mg of Zoloft and will continue this for the foreseeable future. Both me, my OB, and my MFM feel that the benefits outweigh the risks and I'm 110% sure that this is best for both me and LO. I may even increase my dose if necessary in 3rd tri and/or post partum.
@stalkinghorse it's so tough when dealing with anyone who doesn't truly understand mental disorders. The best analogy I can give those people is that depression/anxiety medication is to people suffering from depressions/anxiety/PPD what insulin is to diabetics. Your body has stopped producing something that is necessary to function, so that's what the medication is for. I realize that this is WAY oversimplifying drug therapy for PPD, but it helps people "get it" and be less judgmental about it.
@fancybelmont I truly hope my post didn't give you the impression that there's something wrong with treating depression/anxiety while pregnant, because I absolutely do not feel that way. Frankly, I was uneducated when I was told to 'suck it up' and believe this amounted to mistreatment by my OB office. FTR, I've encountered the same NP on 3 separate occasions and each time has been horrible. I do not believe she was acting in the best interest of both my and my daughter's health. I think she just dismissed my concerns (and sobbing in the office while holding my 10 month old...) and I think this was incredibly wrong.
I firmly believe this to be true, both during pregnancy and after birth: a healthy, happy, WELL Mom is FAR better for a baby than a mom struggling solo with whatever she's confronting.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
@stalkinghorse, I don't really have great advice other than to start taking to partners NOW. Have them read up and understand what happens after birth. Even women who don't have PPD/PPA WILL change and act differently simply because of hormonal changes. It's biological, not 'mental' or 'emotional'.
With my DH I spent a lot of time sharing my fears and telling him to be on the lookout for PPD as I have a deep family history of depression and I was so nervous. Flash forward 10 months and I finally figured out what I was going through was related to post partum anxiety, something I was not at all prepared for or expecting so DH and i both missed the signs.
Thankfully DH and I are both excellent communicators and have no problem telling each other what we need, when. His understanding, and drastically making changes to our lives, is what got me through.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
I know. I'm just upset because I went 8 months without anything, and then finally had to give in last month. I know it's important to deal with it but I just feel guilty I couldn't stick it out. And I worry, deep down, that I could be harming the baby in some way. I know it's safe, but I can't help it. The Mom Guilt is strong.
I feel like what I hear you saying here is, "I should have been strong enough to be able to handle this myself but I gave up and got on meds and now I feel bad that I couldn't be better." Please don't do that. I'll say it again-- you are not weak. You are strong and self aware enough to recognize when something is wrong and do what needs to be done so that you can be better for your family. There is nothing to feel guilty for there. I was actually going to come here and respond to your first post (before you asked your question about antidepressants) anyways just to say that I admire you for being so proactive about your mental health during this pregnancy. This is your third baby-- not an old hat for you! You have been through this twice before and were self aware enough to see the writing on the wall and do something about it ahead of time. You are being smart! Own that! Your kids are lucky to have such a smart momma! I know it's hard, but just let the guilt go and focus on caring for yourself. You are doing the right thing.
Thanks everyone for the support. @ladythrice This post in no way makes me feel that anything is wrong with having depression. I'm happy you opened the discussion on it b/c it is something that shook me to the core as a new mom in a terrible way. I wish someone would have talked to me about it before I had my first child. I am a strong supporter of treatment and early intervention. I just know for me, it's hard to go back on meds because I worry. I worry that if something is wrong, I'll feel at fault for it. That's just my nature. I think also because I'm on Wellbutrin which isn't as studied as Zoloft makes me feel a little uneasy, but my doctor felt it was just as safe and tends to work better for me. I'm just a worrier by nature. I'd advise anyone in the same position as me to get on meds if they need it. No judgement, I'm just hard on myself.
@kbamomma33 Thanks for your kind words. And yes, sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough. I toughed it out with my other pregnancies and I know I could with this one too, but I'd be suffering. So I'm trying to be proactive but it's still hard to not feel that way. I was someone who felt that depression was a weakness BEFORE it happened to me. Now I know it's very real and could happen to anyone. I am just trying to focus on taking care of myself and let myself get excited for a new baby.
@stalkinghorse My husband is just like yours. He's been through this with me multiple times with me but he still struggles to understand and be supportive. It's not that he thinks I'm lying or something, he just doesn't get it because he's never been through it. Just keep the discussion open and honest. I literally have to tell my husband exactly what I need or he assumes I am 100% fine.
Is there anyone on here taking an antidepressant currently? I am, and I'm still feeling major guilt and anxiety about it.
10 mg lexapro and .25 xanax as needed (up to 2x/day). I cut the xanax in half and have needed it, on average, 1x per week when I wake up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts and can't get back to sleep (and sleep, for me, is critical for managing my mood symptoms).
I shared my experience with perinatal anxiety in a different thread- I'll copy and paste here when I get a minute and I'll go into greater detail with my experience of PPD (had after my son).
I had a question as a FTM. Any advice you would give to spouses? Was there anything they did that was helpful?
I had a very serious depression 18 months ago and went on anti-depressants for it and recovered. The last couple weeks I started to feel very similar echoes of that, but I had a lot of crap going on. My doctor was ready to put me on Zoloft, but things started to resolve around me and I'm feeling myself again. But my doctor and I are both on high alert for PPD.
My husband really struggles in these situations, he was raised in a family that praised self-reliance above all else, so he struggles with empathy and support. I literally had to google "how to support your wife after miscarriage" for him. Any practical advice I could give him to prepare?
I relate to what you are saying about how your husband was raised. MH never grew up around anyone with mental illness and his parents are from the camp of, "Oh, you're depressed? Just go for a run or eat more fruits and vegetables!" Mental illness to them is sort of taboo and psych meds are abstract, weird, and something to be afraid of or judgy about. They still know nothing about my PPD, being on Zoloft, or plans to go back on it right after giving birth this time. I have a lot of mental illness in my family, so my perspective on it was already different. Anyways, I was surprised how supportive MH was when everything got really bad. He could see it-- something was definitely wrong.
I feel like you are already one step ahead by understanding that having previous mental health struggles puts you at an increased risk for PPD. It's great that you have already had that conversation with your doctor too. I would suggest (and you may have already done this) having a frank and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns as well. There are a lot of online resources that you can share with him about PPD. Pinterest is a good place to start actually-- if you type in "postpartum depression husband," you'll get a lot of great articles about what husbands need to know about PPD, things to look out for, how to support, etc. You could try google too. Read up on it together and use that to help facilitate conversation.
When I was struggling with how to explain my feelings to my husband, I actually found a letter online written by a wife struggling with PPD to her own husband. I identified with it so much it made me cry. I showed it to him and I really think that it helped him understand what was too difficult for me to state at the time. It really helped me to feel validated too. If you search, there are actually tons of letters out there like this written by women on their blogs, etc. They are all different because PPD isn't a cookie cutter thing-- it looks and is different for everyone. So, reading through some of them and sharing what you identify with most could be a great tool to help your partner understand.
I do want to add a quick note and say that past history of depression and anxiety doesn't necessarily mean you WILL have PPD/A. And FTMs, not everyone will go through this. I think it's important to be prepared and educated in advance, but many people end up not going through things like we've described.
On the flip side, STMs, even if you've never experienced anything like what we're describing, every pregnancy and post partum is different so it could be different this time around.
With DS I had about 13 months of PPA. With DD? Nada.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
I totally agree @ladythrice. I'll also emphasize that having an increased risk for PPD due to previous mental health struggles does not mean it's guaranteed to be a thing. It's simply something good to have on your radar. I'm not trying to get all gloom and doom for the FTMs by mentioning the increased risk if you've had mental health struggles thing either. It may not happen at all and you could be totally fine. I'm not exactly sure of statistics, but I think that, by and large, a good chunk of women end up not struggling with this problem.
Personally for me though, I think that I would have felt better and less caught off guard had I known that my own risk for PPD was greater since I had struggled with depression and anxiety (though I never needed meds) before pregnancy.
Since I mentioned my SIL before, I'll also add (as a purely antecdotal example) that she only experienced PPD with 2 out of her 3 kids-- the first one and the last one. With her middle baby, her PP experience was completely different and, in her words, super chill and enjoyable. It seemed totally random for her-- another example that every PP experience is different.
Re: Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, and The Baby Blues
I look forward to advice/comments from other mom's on this subject!
I suffered from severe PPD and PPA. I cried constantly, was angry with my baby, physically sick to the point where eating was often difficult, was afraid to sleep at night, terrified of getting out of bed (like, think of the number one thing that terrifies you most in life-- that level of fear was what I felt about just getting out of bed and doing normal things), terrified to leave the house, unable to cope with anything that happened unexpectedly or wasn't planned thoroughly ahead of time, and often feeling like my face would explode and my heart was going to come out of my chest. Honestly, the first week or so wasn't bad at all-- I think the shock of birth and the newness of everything was still wearing off at that point. After that, I felt the sadness, heaviness, and worry setting in. I'll also add that I did not have that immediate "in love" connection with my baby that everyone talks about. That did not come for a long time. She felt so separate from me. That part was especially hard to deal with and left me feeling broken-- like I didn't have the "mom gene" and like I wasn't cut out to be a good mom.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.)
I did nothing and first. I thought, "Oh, this must be the baby blues that that one girl mentioned that one time. It will get better. I just have to push through it." But it didn't get better. It got worse. Much worse. By week 9, I called my OB's office and started bawling to the sweet angel of a nurse that answered the phone. I just word vomited everything that I had been feeling between sobs. She told me that I was going to be ok and prescribed me Zoloft 50mg. She said that the anxiety may be worse in the first week or two after starting the meds (I did find this to be true) but that it would get better. After about 3 weeks, I started noticing improvement in my mood. After about 3 months, I ended up bumping up my dose (after talking with my OB) to 100mg because I was still feeling some anxiety, struggling a little with crying at times, and feeling anger (though less than before) towards my baby. I also began seeing a neurologist for migraines, who prescribed me ambien to help with sleep. I began taking ambien on Friday and Saturday nights (I mentioned this in another thread) and having MH do all wake ups on those nights. I found that getting those two nights of uninterrupted sleep was so so helpful to maintain a mental health baseline. I also reached out to my SIL, who I remembered mentioning in passing that she "had a rough time" with two of her kids. She was really there for me just by listening. Sometimes just hearing someone say, "I know," or, "Me too," can be so helpful when you just feel like you are in a black hole.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
With the meds, getting better sleep, and making an effort to be honest and talk with my OB, MH, and other safe-support friends about my feelings-- I would say that things were drastically improved by 6 months PP. The entire first year was still somewhat of a struggle that I had to stay on top of, but the second half of it was much improved. The connection with my daughter grew and grew, but I did not feel those in love feelings until sometime well after 6 months. That is hard for me to say, but it's honest. I know it doesn't mean that I was a bad mom in that time either, my journey was just different than what most people readily or candidly talk about. Now that DD is two, I can say that I am bursting with love and amazement for her and everything she does. I am so in love with her it hurts and I am eternally grateful that I get to be her mom.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
I know. You are not broken. If you find yourself needing to ask for meds (even if you have never done anything of the sort and never thought that you would have to), that is ok. You are not weak-- you are strong enough to recognize when to ask for help. That is a sure sign of a good mom. Talk to someone, anyone who feels safe (your partner, OB, a friend) about your feelings and don't be afraid to tell them what you need or how they can help you. Self care is so important. And I'm not talking about going to get a massage or a pedicure. When you are really struggling, that is like trying to put band aid over a busted fire hydrant. I'm talking about-- When have you last eaten? Are you drinking enough water? Have you had a shower today? Do you need rest? Take care of those things.
It does get better. You are going to be okay.
Feel free to add add anything else that you want to here--
There are a lot of great podcasts on PPD/PPA-- Mom and Mind is a good one. Often, you can find ones with women talking about their own stories of struggle and what helped them, which can be helpful if you are feeling alone.
Edit for spelling/ auto correct
With DS, it was post partum OCD. I didn’t even know that was a thing until someone mentioned it in my BMB and I googled it. The symptoms exactly matched what I was feeling, which were intrusive thoughts that I had a hard time keeping at bay. It was mostly me fearing that I was going to harm the baby (though I had no urge to do so whatsoever) and I was totally fixated on that fear.
With DD it was an overwhelming PPD. I felt sad and isolated and so unhappy with myself.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness?
With post partum OCD, oddly enough all it took was me finding a name for what I was experiencing to alleviate the symptoms. I was scared I had something wrong with me, and finding out other people experience it too was all I needed to flip that switch right off.
With the PPD I should have sought help. I tried filling out the PPD questionnaire at the OBs office at my 6 week follow up in a way that would raise red flags, but either my answers weren’t alarming enough or nobody bothered to read them at all. I suffered for about 6 months before snapping out of it, and only then did I realize how bad things had been. My single biggest fear with this pregnancy is that I’ll go through PPD again.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
Just a few weeks with DS, but 6 agonizing months with DD.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
When you’re in it, you don’t always realize what it is. I justified my depression for months (first I thought it was just baby blues, then I blamed the election, then I blamed myself for gaining weight and thought that was making me sad) when I should have just called my OB to explain how awful I was feeling. My advice is to seek help the MOMENT you suspect something might be off. From personal experience I can attest to how PPD can spiral and it’s not something I’d want anyone to ever experience.
Thank you both for being so candid. The stigma surrounding anything mental health related can often hinder people from saying how they feel/felt and I know from experience how important it can be to know other people have felt the same way and that they made it through. Genuinely, thank you!
To anyone who happens to struggle with an unreceptive provider (total BS, but it happens)- shout it at them if you have to-- something is wrong. I need help. Get a second opinion or see a different doctor. Please advocate for yourself and don't suffer.
afraid to even try breastfeeding the new baby. I've decided to find a counseler now before birth because I don't want to go through the struggle I had without help this time. I did try to bring it up to my ob but I am not great at expressing my feelings verbally and she thought it was normal baby blues feelings.
I had a hard time being around people who didn't know about my breastfeeding journey and constantly hearing the same bad breastfeeding advice. I had so much anxiety about social situations where I'd have to feed the baby. I don't want to put myself or my family through this again.
I felt helpless and hopeless. I was mad at my baby for being so difficult. Sleep deprivation didn't help. I felt like I had ruined my life and it would never get better. I just wanted to crawl into a dark place and stay there. I never had thoughts of self harm or harming my baby but it was still pretty awful.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.)
With my first, I had no idea that what I was feeling wasn't just "baby blues." Until I finally made an appointment with my OB b/c I just knew something wasn't right and I just broke down. Thank goodness he was so caring and lovely. After that I started talking to a therapist and went on Zoloft. I suffered for 4 months before I sought treatment. My second pregnancy I was proactive and my OB gave me a script for Zoloft and I started immediately once I gave birth. This time, I decided to go on an antidepressant while pregnant. I already felt the depression creeping in, and my OB felt that it was a good idea to start now to treat my symptoms and to try to avoid PPD after I give birth.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
Both times it took a solid 6 months before I felt more normal and happy.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
Take care of yourself first. You can't properly care for your baby if you aren't taking care of your own mental health. Be honest with yourself and don't be ashamed to ask for help.
That’s so great you’re going to find a counselor prior to birth, and I’m definitely going to consider doing the same. For me, one of the biggest deterrents for getting help last time was the the thought of needing to put energy into searching for the right therapist. It seemed like a monumental effort that I just wasn’t up for.
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
I will caveat this with a note that I was never officially diagnosed, this is my unofficial diagnosis.
I had typical baby blues for two weeks, crying about every little thing. While trying, stressful, and anxiety causing, that did end.
Additionally, I developed post partum anxiety. During the first four months, it manifested in feeling overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. The thought of doing laundry while managing DS would send me into a tailspin. Making myself food, let alone dinner for DH and I was hit and miss. I couldn't leave the house because the thought of putting DS in warm weather gear and into his carseat, and worrying about feeding while out, were so overwhelming I'd break out in a sweat and just stay home.
We had weight gain issues which exacerbated my anxiety and caused me to obsess and measure every ounce of milk DS was getting. I'm not using the term obsess loosely. I would dream/nightmare about his eating/feeding.
I took the OB questionnaire, and I took it seriously because I have a family history of mental health depression and anxiety disorders, but none of my answers caused the OB to question me further. Honestly, none of my answers were flags that I recognized either.
I never had self harm thoughts, nor thoughts of harming my son, just overwhelming, crushing debilitating anxiety.
What did you do as far as treating your postpartum mental illness? (Meds? Therapy? Etc? List anything that you did that ended up being helpful for you.)
I never received treatment. While on maternity leave, I would go for short walks with DS and I'm pretty sure that's what saved my sanity for four months.
When I returned to work I had a whole other part of my life affected by my new anxiety.
How long after birth did it take for things to get better?
This is sad but for me it was nearly 13 months. I got pregnant at 10 months post partum (intentionally) and broke down at my first OB appt and asked for help. The nurse practitioner I saw basically said, suck it up, you're pregnant, if it gets REAL bad, come back and tell me. /Sigh
This coincided with DH changing jobs, selling a house, buying a new house, moving, DS's first birthday, and the Fall holiday season... To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.
About two months later, after everything had settled, I just started to feel normal again. Spring was coming, and I felt my mind lightening up like the weather. I remember telling DH that I was finally starting to feel like myself.
If you could say something to another mom who was struggling with postpartum mental illness, what would it be?
i don't even know what to say except that life doesn't have to feel overwhelmingly hard. Yes, adding a baby is difficult and will have it's share it anxiety, but it should be manageable. If it's not, talk to someone and make sure they take you seriously. Thankfully, while I never did talk to someone in the medical field until super late, I had been talking to DH the whole time. He was amazing at reducing anxiety where we could, and picking things up that I was dropping... And that was wonderful for me.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
I had a very serious depression 18 months ago and went on anti-depressants for it and recovered. The last couple weeks I started to feel very similar echoes of that, but I had a lot of crap going on. My doctor was ready to put me on Zoloft, but things started to resolve around me and I'm feeling myself again. But my doctor and I are both on high alert for PPD.
My husband really struggles in these situations, he was raised in a family that praised self-reliance above all else, so he struggles with empathy and support. I literally had to google "how to support your wife after miscarriage" for him. Any practical advice I could give him to prepare?
@fancybelmont I'm currently on 50mg of Zoloft and will continue this for the foreseeable future. Both me, my OB, and my MFM feel that the benefits outweigh the risks and I'm 110% sure that this is best for both me and LO. I may even increase my dose if necessary in 3rd tri and/or post partum.
@stalkinghorse it's so tough when dealing with anyone who doesn't truly understand mental disorders. The best analogy I can give those people is that depression/anxiety medication is to people suffering from depressions/anxiety/PPD what insulin is to diabetics. Your body has stopped producing something that is necessary to function, so that's what the medication is for. I realize that this is WAY oversimplifying drug therapy for PPD, but it helps people "get it" and be less judgmental about it.
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
DS born 4/4/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
I firmly believe this to be true, both during pregnancy and after birth: a healthy, happy, WELL Mom is FAR better for a baby than a mom struggling solo with whatever she's confronting.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
With my DH I spent a lot of time sharing my fears and telling him to be on the lookout for PPD as I have a deep family history of depression and I was so nervous. Flash forward 10 months and I finally figured out what I was going through was related to post partum anxiety, something I was not at all prepared for or expecting so DH and i both missed the signs.
Thankfully DH and I are both excellent communicators and have no problem telling each other what we need, when. His understanding, and drastically making changes to our lives, is what got me through.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
@ladythrice This post in no way makes me feel that anything is wrong with having depression. I'm happy you opened the discussion on it b/c it is something that shook me to the core as a new mom in a terrible way. I wish someone would have talked to me about it before I had my first child. I am a strong supporter of treatment and early intervention. I just know for me, it's hard to go back on meds because I worry. I worry that if something is wrong, I'll feel at fault for it. That's just my nature. I think also because I'm on Wellbutrin which isn't as studied as Zoloft makes me feel a little uneasy, but my doctor felt it was just as safe and tends to work better for me. I'm just a worrier by nature. I'd advise anyone in the same position as me to get on meds if they need it. No judgement, I'm just hard on myself.
@kbamomma33 Thanks for your kind words. And yes, sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough. I toughed it out with my other pregnancies and I know I could with this one too, but I'd be suffering. So I'm trying to be proactive but it's still hard to not feel that way. I was someone who felt that depression was a weakness BEFORE it happened to me. Now I know it's very real and could happen to anyone. I am just trying to focus on taking care of myself and let myself get excited for a new baby.
@stalkinghorse My husband is just like yours. He's been through this with me multiple times with me but he still struggles to understand and be supportive. It's not that he thinks I'm lying or something, he just doesn't get it because he's never been through it. Just keep the discussion open and honest. I literally have to tell my husband exactly what I need or he assumes I am 100% fine.
I shared my experience with perinatal anxiety in a different thread- I'll copy and paste here when I get a minute and I'll go into greater detail with my experience of PPD (had after my son).
I feel like you are already one step ahead by understanding that having previous mental health struggles puts you at an increased risk for PPD. It's great that you have already had that conversation with your doctor too. I would suggest (and you may have already done this) having a frank and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns as well. There are a lot of online resources that you can share with him about PPD. Pinterest is a good place to start actually-- if you type in "postpartum depression husband," you'll get a lot of great articles about what husbands need to know about PPD, things to look out for, how to support, etc. You could try google too. Read up on it together and use that to help facilitate conversation.
When I was struggling with how to explain my feelings to my husband, I actually found a letter online written by a wife struggling with PPD to her own husband. I identified with it so much it made me cry. I showed it to him and I really think that it helped him understand what was too difficult for me to state at the time. It really helped me to feel validated too. If you search, there are actually tons of letters out there like this written by women on their blogs, etc. They are all different because PPD isn't a cookie cutter thing-- it looks and is different for everyone. So, reading through some of them and sharing what you identify with most could be a great tool to help your partner understand.
On the flip side, STMs, even if you've never experienced anything like what we're describing, every pregnancy and post partum is different so it could be different this time around.
With DS I had about 13 months of PPA. With DD? Nada.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
Personally for me though, I think that I would have felt better and less caught off guard had I known that my own risk for PPD was greater since I had struggled with depression and anxiety (though I never needed meds) before pregnancy.
Since I mentioned my SIL before, I'll also add (as a purely antecdotal example) that she only experienced PPD with 2 out of her 3 kids-- the first one and the last one. With her middle baby, her PP experience was completely different and, in her words, super chill and enjoyable. It seemed totally random for her-- another example that every PP experience is different.