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August 2018 Moms
michamommie23
member
Hey all. [An introduction]
michamommie23
member
I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about my story.. I created my profile this week after finding out that were pregnant again. I est. that I'm about 3/4 weeks, SUPER early and I almost wish I didnt test so soon. Just looking for lots of love and support right now b/c I don't have anyone in "real" life to relate to about this. I'm 26, in college and still trying to find friends my age. It makes it harder when they can't even believe you went through something so tragic as loosing your precious newly born baby girl only 4 hours after birth... my experience was horrendous and I wish it on no living being. So, I suppose I just want to share my burden here. So, this is my story... *trigger warning.* I got pregnant at the very beginning of last year. I had a great pregnancy with no complications and then the day before my due date my water broke just a tiny, tiny bit and I went to the hosp. but they told me that it didnt break and they monitored me a little and said however, her heartbeat is pretty abnormal right now... it was very high and erratic. They still sent me home... big mistake. My water (all of it practically) came rushing out that very night so I went to the hosp. around 7 AM and they admitted me. I was progressing extremely slowly and they began to become concerned. They gave me pitocin to speed things up but that still didnt help. After hours and hours later I got a chills then a fever. I told them it felt like she wanted to come out and my midwife said she was ordering a c-section. I still didnt receive the c-section until about an hour later and by then an infection had spread to my baby's lungs causing sepsis. In the delivery room I was so fearful, something just didnt seem right. I heard them say the dreaded word "meconium" and I asked if she was out. They said yes, but I heard no crying. (I knew I had to be strong) I kept asking what was going on and they said she had a pulse but she was not breathing. They took DH from the room and I yelled for him as much as I could although I was heavily medicated. The worst part was when they were finished with me but she wasnt in my arms....time was ticking...they started to wheel me out of the room and thats when I lost it. I didn't want to be separate from her. It was the worst feeling in the world... I knew she wasnt okay. A lot of time passed and someone told me that she was still giving off a pulse and they were 'working on her'... I wish they didnt give me hope. Shortly after that a doctor came in she explained everything. She only knew that her bloods PH level had become toxic and that she was unable to breath on her own for some reason. I remember being told the words that hurt the worst. She was alive but, unresponsive. There was no medical hope of her living a life, at all. I still can't believe what happened to me and I hate to share my story with happy mom's to be that have never had anything terrible happen to them. I will never feel okay during a pregnancy. I've been robbed of that. So, they best thing I can do is hope for the day I can hold a newborn in my arms knowing I simply made it through. Please help me by sharing any similar experiences and positive thoughts. I appreciate them. For what I went through I'm pretty sane but, still have my moments. I can't help but to wonder every day why that happened to us and I love my baby girl and I always feel her with me. I'm ready to have a family ... but its still so so hard.
Re: Hey all. [An introduction]
Welcome to the board, and be sure to read all of the pinned posts to see how things work around here. You may want to add an additional trigger warning in the title of your post.
I pray that your pregnancy is healthy and that you are holding your healthy baby in your arms in August!
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015