I have parked in the "expecting mothers" parking space twice now over the past week. Once at the mall and then again at the grocery store. Man it's so nice not having to drive around in circles looking for a parking spot!
@JJMNO1616 on a related note, I am now pregnant enough that the other day in the grocery store parking lot, a car was about to park in the expectant mother spot, saw me walking by, and drove on. Yep, you should feel guilty about parking in that spot if you don’t need it!
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@JJMNO1616 on a related note, I am now pregnant enough that the other day in the grocery store parking lot, a car was about to park in the expectant mother spot, saw me walking by, and drove on. Yep, you should feel guilty about parking in that spot if you don’t need it!
I don't actually feel like I need it BUT you should definitely be pregnant! I never parked in that spot before this week and it was only because the parking lot was packed.
My confession is that my kiddo got pink eye two weeks ago, and I kept her leftover medicine (that stuff is liquid gold, never toss it). Then I got pink eye, which always happens, and used it on myself. In my defense I looked it up first to male sure it is ok for pregnant ladies. I don't need to pay for a doctor to tell me "You have pink eye, use this exact same medicine you have at home".
I have one that has been bugging me. I never talk to this baby. I talked to DD all the time when I was pregnant. I feel like I’m almost betraying DD or putting her second of I talk to her. I recognize that doesn’t make any sense, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. DD talks to her all the time. We tried for almost 5 years to get pregnant again and lately I feel guilty about it, mostly because I worry that I will always compare this baby to DD. I’m sure when she gets here it will all click with me, but I can’t get past this crazy guilt.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
@Mattel I get it. I already have so much guilt about DS taking backseat to this LO. While I logically know I'll feel as much love for and devotion to this baby as I do to him, right now it doesn't seem possible. And then I feel guilty for feeling that, and round and round we go.
@Mattel@kaymaroo I am in the exact same boat. By this time with my DD, I was planning the nursery, buying little clothes, singing to her, etc. This time I'm so busy with my very real, active toddler and work and life that this just feels like a set of physical symptoms and the inability to drink wine. The thought of doing all the baby-related prep sounds exhausting. I have cried on more than one occasion thinking about how it's going to change DD's life and how it will mean I have to spend less time devoted to her. I've also wondered if all moms of more than one secretly love their first the best, because I can't imagine feeling that way about another person. But EVERY mom tells me you do!
I shared some of these thoughts with my MW yesterday and she told me this all sounds like totally normal STM things.
@Mattel I know my situation is a bit different, but I feel the same way. I haven't even bought anything for this baby yet or planned a nursery. I am so worried about DS taking a backseat, especially with this one's medical needs.
I feel the same way as all you STMs. I cannot fathom loving another person as much as DD1, and I live in fear that my second kid will be too much like me for me to like (I'm obscenely stubborn).
I feel guilty that I will be taking attention away from DD1 (She is so cuddly!), and then I also feel guilty that I haven't had the time or energy to be as meticulously healthy during this pregnancy as my last.
@mountainsmama your entire post could have been written by me. I have been having a hard time comprehending that this will be our last Christmas as a family of 3. I got unexpectedly weepy when I was talking to my doula about my feelings.
@shireeallason thinking of you getting weepy makes me feel weepy, hah damn hormones!
@ngolimento YES to the health guilt. Last time I was all green smoothies and prenatal yoga. This time I'm like, I'm going to demolish this giant bowl of pasta at 8 pm because I finally got the kid to bed and I'm exhausted.
I guess my confession is that I am a FTM and I don't sing or talk to my baby. I did buy furniture and started painting, but nothing is done. Feeble attempt to say, I don't think anyone should feel guilty for not doing those things. You are all awesome moms already!
@sarahkate2233 I don’t know if you feel this way, but with my first baby, I don’t think it was really real to me until they handed me the baby after she was born. I knew intellectually that I was pregnant, but I didn’t really bond with the baby emotionally until after she was born.
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+1 to the guilt train. But mine is a little different. I feel guilty because I don't enjoy pregnancy and have a hard time during the first few months after birth. And I feel so much guilt because of all the women who would kill to be me during that time. I'm hoping my bond with DD will help me see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will be easier for me to connect with the new baby. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to have another baby. I just know where I struggle. Also, I'm already feeling guilty for DD not getting my full attention anymore. Pregnancy hormones really have me all over the place these days.
@sarahkate2233 I don’t know if you feel this way, but with my first baby, I don’t think it was really real to me until they handed me the baby after she was born. I knew intellectually that I was pregnant, but I didn’t really bond with the baby emotionally until after she was born.
I’ve felt this way with all my pregnancies, I think some of us are just wired differently. I’m happy I’m pregnant and I love this child, but I have never once talked to or sang to the baby while pregnant. It would just be awkward and forced, to me.
@lindsye Yes, I think that's probably how it will go for me too. I get bothered by the pressure that there is one "correct" way of experiencing motherhood, whether its your first or second time. I haven't seen that here necessarily, which is really nice.
@sarahkate2233 I don’t know if you feel this way, but with my first baby, I don’t think it was really real to me until they handed me the baby after she was born. I knew intellectually that I was pregnant, but I didn’t really bond with the baby emotionally until after she was born.
I’ve felt this way with all my pregnancies, I think some of us are just wired differently. I’m happy I’m pregnant and I love this child, but I have never once talked to or sang to the baby while pregnant. It would just be awkward and forced, to me.
Same here... I never talk to the baby. My husband does sometimes when he's being goofy but otherwise it just feels kind of weird to me. I have been buying stuff and making plans for the nursery but I haven't actually done anything yet!
I never talk to the baby... I have never had that urge, not even with my other two children. I've always felt like a bad mom for not doing the music thing, reading, etc. Glad I'm not alone!
Add me to the list for not talking to the babies. I’m over the moon to be a mom again, but also don’t feel a strong emotional bond to them yet. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way (so grateful for the board and your honesty mamas).
I don't know about everyone else, but the only times I am alone enough to not look crazy for talking to my belly, I just want to sit and go "aaaaah, 15 minutes of silence, at last".
I don't know about everyone else, but the only times I am alone enough to not look crazy for talking to my belly, I just want to sit and go "aaaaah, 15 minutes of silence, at last".
Or maybe that is just a STM thing...
Um no... I talk to humans ALL day at work. When I get home the only thing I want to do is watch trash TV and zone the F out.
My confession is that I got my DS to bed early last night and even though MH had been hitting on me all night I didn't tell him the kid was in bed. I was happy having a few quite moments to myself. And MH has a cold and I didn't want to have sex with him being sick.
@JJMNO1616 the other week we were at the mall. I didn't even think about parking in the expecting mothers spot until I had to carry my kicking and screaming 2 yo out. That's when I needed it.
@lindsye had the same feeling about a few of my students today. One was on his phone during instructions and asked a question about what I went over, and the other left for a week and missed most of the instruction for the test. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@JJMNO1616 I completely forget about the pregnancy parking spots I need to keep my eyes peeled for those more
@sarahkate2233 oh I am so glad you said this. I have felt so guilty not talking to my baby. I just feel so weird about it, like what do I say? I also have been doing a lot of the prepping and buying some things. Every one says oh you have to talk to the baby so he can hear you and it’s so calming. I just have no clue what to say. Glad I am not the only one. Sounds like a lot of moms don’t.
For the the moms that do, what do you talk about? Do you sing or read?
The other night, DS hit me hard in the stomach and i felt pain and at least one contraction afterwards. It went away after a while but when he started to climb on the couch to come jump on me again I pushed him away and accidentally made him fall head first off the couch he was fine but I felt so awful.
I guess that relates to the STM guilt that’s on here too. I want to play and roughhouse with him but instinctively protect myself/baby first
@babyclarke429 I kinda talk to her, but really only when she's kicking or moving. I'll put my hand where she's moving and just be like, "Hi baby, whatcha doin' in there? Are you moving all over?" Lol. I don't see how talking to the baby will really do anything. Baby hears you talking to other people all day. Or singing in the car. They don't know if you're talking to them or not, they hear you and get to know your voice no matter what.
@babyclarke429 I don't always talk to baby, but I sing him the same song in the shower daily. And I'm like @psuxray07 I really only talk to him when he's kicking around. I just say hi, how you doing in there?
@ngolimento i felt that way when i was pregnant w dd2. My personality is a lot for people to take (especially those more quiet or reserved). There's no gray area w me; you like me or you don't.
Anyway my fear turned into a reality: dd2 is my clone. And i love her to death. In fact i find myself coddling her more bc i feel like no one understands her but me. Which isn't right and i am working on it (she can be such a handful now). Long story but it'll be fine if she's like you or not.
The only talking I do to baby is to ask her to move out of a position that feels uncomfortable. I let DD1 do all the talking to baby for me plus much like DD1, I'm sure this girl will prefer everything about DH except for the fact that he can't lactate.
I am in no way enjoying this pregnancy. It’s literally something I’m just trying to get through. It’s my last one and I will have zero sorrow over getting my tubes tied. I’m also just trying to get through this day until I put my DS to bed, start a cozy fire (while it snows outside), catch up on my shows, drink sparking apple cider (pretend it’s alcohol) and go the F to sleep.
@sparklingdiamond it doesn't matter if she was your first or last there will always be that guilt. We have given so much to dd that I wonder how I can do the same; and i know this one shouldn't need all the extra attention because some things should come more naturally. And then I wonder about how having another baby will affect how often I will do her therapy skills; she is doing so well right now that I want her to keep progressing. My confession involves that I am slightly nervous about what it will be like to raise a child without a disability. Dd was so easy going, she hardly cried and never had what other moms referred to as" leaps." We didn't have to baby proof until walking (18 months). And she has always been a great night sleeper (except for after her surgery).
@btm013 I feel you. I have never been a woman who enjoys pregnancy. I love my children and would bitch slap a bear for them, but I hate the process of making them. Pregnancy is extremely uncomfortable, takes away your free will, sense of self, and messes with your identity (hormones turn you into someone you aren't). Then you get the perks of how people treat you, condescending to you and domineering you "for the baby". I am not going to even go into how rage inducing it is that the entirety of the sacrifice in the process is on the woman.
Nope, get it out so I can at least get cuddles and occasional smiles for all this hard BS.
@btm013@ngolimento I agree with you guys. And this time around is so much worse for me mentally and physically. I wish I could go to bed and wake up in April. It also doesn't help that most people, MH included, think that I should be shitting rainbows and go on with life as usual. Heaven for bid I don't want to go to a bar for a birthday party and watch people get drunk. Or give an answer to "how are you feeling?" other than "so super great! Pregnancy is the best!". Fml
@sapphires-and-diamonds yeah I forgot the expectation to perform that other people have of pregnant moms. I was so embarrassed back when people were finding out I was pregnant because I felt like I didn't emote enough. People would be so effusive, then stare at me, as if waiting for me to squee and jump up and down. It felt like pressure to emote happiness during a time I feel sick and awful, and also sick with worry about miscarriage. Maybe it's a loss mom thing, but I had major anxiety every time someone found out, because that was just another person I would have to tell if my baby died.
@sapphires-and-diamonds@ngolimento ughhh yes! The people who are like “are you so excited?!” They look at my with disgust when I flat out say no. Its bc I know what waits for me - inevitable pain and sleepless nights all while taking care of a toddler. Ya I can’t f’in wait! The only silver lining is I can drink again - but not too much if I’m nursing (eye roll). I haven’t even told many people. I don’t have fb so there goes any formal announcement. But it’s weird working it into conversation. Most people see the bump and are like “how didn’t I know that?” Uhhh bc I don’t know you well enough nor do I feel the need to broadcast it.
I’m sorry you ladies have been feeling that way. No judgement here. I have loved pregnancy so far (I’m a FTM though) but everyone has different experiences. One thing that’s hard for me is that we struggled with infertility for 2 years and EVERYONE knew about it because I wrote a blog and was very open about it. So now that I am pregnant I feel like I can’t complain about anything because I wanted this so bad right? I prayed and cried and dreamed for this - so everyone is expecting that I don’t say a negative thing about it. And for the most part I don’t - but at least I have good friends who don’t judge and of course this board to rant on if need be.
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
Add me to the list of people who don't love being pregnant. I feel guilty about it too. After so many years of infertility I feel like I should enjoy pregnancy. And it's hard for me to be honest about my feelings because most people are so excited for us. I tend to be more cautious and worried about everything. And I'm tired, sick, and generally crankier than usual.
Re: FFFC 12/15
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
Sorry, I spent all the energy I need for sympathy on trying to talk reason into your crazy, tiny little self.
I shared some of these thoughts with my MW yesterday and she told me this all sounds like totally normal STM things.
I feel guilty that I will be taking attention away from DD1 (She is so cuddly!), and then I also feel guilty that I haven't had the time or energy to be as meticulously healthy during this pregnancy as my last.
@ngolimento YES to the health guilt. Last time I was all green smoothies and prenatal yoga. This time I'm like, I'm going to demolish this giant bowl of pasta at 8 pm because I finally got the kid to bed and I'm exhausted.
Or maybe that is just a STM thing...
@JJMNO1616 the other week we were at the mall. I didn't even think about parking in the expecting mothers spot until I had to carry my kicking and screaming 2 yo out. That's when I needed it.
@lindsye had the same feeling about a few of my students today. One was on his phone during instructions and asked a question about what I went over, and the other left for a week and missed most of the instruction for the test. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@sarahkate2233 oh I am so glad you said this. I have felt so guilty not talking to my baby. I just feel so weird about it, like what do I say? I also have been doing a lot of the prepping and buying some things. Every one says oh you have to talk to the baby so he can hear you and it’s so calming. I just have no clue what to say. Glad I am not the only one. Sounds like a lot of moms don’t.
For the the moms that do, what do you talk about? Do you sing or read?
I guess that relates to the STM guilt that’s on here too. I want to play and roughhouse with him but instinctively protect myself/baby first
Anyway my fear turned into a reality: dd2 is my clone. And i love her to death. In fact i find myself coddling her more bc i feel like no one understands her but me. Which isn't right and i am working on it (she can be such a handful now). Long story but it'll be fine if she's like you or not.
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d99dc" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
My confession involves that I am slightly nervous about what it will be like to raise a child without a disability. Dd was so easy going, she hardly cried and never had what other moms referred to as" leaps." We didn't have to baby proof until walking (18 months). And she has always been a great night sleeper (except for after her surgery).
Nope, get it out so I can at least get cuddles and occasional smiles for all this hard BS.
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!