It's not fair (Rant)

butterflygarden167 · August 2017

Warning: Some may find what I say offensive. I do not intend to offend. We found out yesterday we had a silent miscarriage. Our second miscarriage this year (first in January). I go in for my 12 week check up and after FOUR HOURS in the hospital found out baby had no heartbeat. We are so heartbroken as we have been trying for over a year. What I don't understand is why this has to happen. I get genetic reasons and blah blah blah, but for real. I'm a healthy woman who has a steady job with great pay and insurance and is in a stable relationship. He has a son that's excited to be a big brother and we both know we can love and give this child all the love and things baby needs. We don't smoke, drink, or do any drugs. When I found out I was pregnant I gave up all my bad habits (ie: caffeine, junk food, anything that I thought could be bad for baby) yet, I still can't get past the first trimester. Yeah science may be to blame, but how is it fair when someone addicted to hardcore drugs can still carry to full term or at least long enough for baby to be alive when it's out of the womb, yet when someone like me who tried everything she can can't get past the 12 week mark. We decided to put a pin in having a child because we cannot handle going through it again right now. I don't understand and probably never will.

Mack2342 · August 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand your feelings and have had them myself. I have had two losses as well. My 22 year old niece became pregnant after dating her boyfriend of a month. She has no education, no job and her mother still supports her. She has had the baby now but I too went through all those same emotions with that situation. With start I got better with the situation. I by no means am happy with her circumstances but I have accepted the situation. It is a difficult process to go through. The ladies on this board and the TTCAL are wonderful. Take all the time you need to grieve and be kind to yourself. I hope you have a healthy recovery both physically and emotionally

dpjennifer · August 2017

butterflygarden167 Sorry for your losses. It definitely is a frustrating and hard situation to be in. Just know that everything you feel is valid. When I was having my 2nd MC my husband had to run to the urgi-care for some poison ivy meds and two women got out of junky car and were severely PG. They were using the urgi-care for their prenatal visits. It was so depressing for me. Here I am sitting in the waiting room, went to my OB-GYN earlier, went to the hospital for a beta blood draw, and these people are just carefree. The injustice of recurrent pregnancy loss is horrible. You feel like you can't get all of the help you want, and it's even worse when you don't have any answers as to why it happens; meanwhile it feels like so many others that seem undeserving just pop out kids easily. Sorry you're going through this. Take some time for yourself, and if you decide to reopen your journey, please join us in TTCAL.
Also, most 'new' research says that recurrent pregnancy loss is considered 2 losses in a row, especially if you have no live child. So you should be eligible for insurance paying for testing done with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. (just something to consider).

cseley321 · August 2017

I know exactly how you feel. Also I second the suggestion to see an RE or infertility specialist when you are TTC again. Best wishes for you guys

mrsjcrane · August 2017

Wow your story sounds almost identical to mine. It's so frustrating. I completely understand what you're going through. It makes me so mad that these low life scums can get pregnant over and over and not even have custody of their kids. Heck, I'm even jealous of women with multiple children, like share the wealth. Your feelings are valid. I think sometimes just having your feeling validated helps.

criscont · August 2017

You're not alone in your feelings. I am so frustrated with everyone around me getting pregnant, including those that are not in the most stable of situations. I feel like I did everything right: married, saving & planning for baby and having great insurance. It took us almost a year and a half to get pregnant with twins naturally and then they are taken from me, why? I know of at least 2 women that didn't find out they were pregnant til they were about 5 months along. All the while they were drinking and going to amusement parks. I cut out so many things (caffeine, deli meat, my favorite over-easy eggs etc.) and I still lose the pregnancy.

justsuzie · August 2017

Once I accepted that there is only so much that is in my control ttc the things that used to bother me don't affect me much anymore. Meditation and therapy have worked very well for me to expell the bitterness and jealousy I was hanging onto when I saw other pregnant women in different situations than mine. Good luck in your healing journey.

krys_c · August 2017

I'm going through the exact same thing. This is my second miscarriage in a year - my first was on Christmas Eve at 7 weeks (that was a depressing holiday). It took me 7ish months to get pregnant again. Then my second miscarriage was this past weekend at 7 weeks as well, and I started bleeding at one of my best friends wedding... like does my body have to pick the happiest days for the saddest moments?! I stayed at the wedding hanging onto hope that it wasn't happening again - but it wasn't cool being completely sober while everyone around me was wasted and dancing and happy, and here I am having a miscarriage and pretending to drink. I'm 32, my husband and I have steady jobs, a house, a dog... I also cut all of my bad habits out when pregnant (quit coffee completely, alcohol, started working out less intense, eating all good stuff)... Both families are like, 'are you pregnant yet?' every time we see them. It really is heartbreaking to have this happen two times. I feel your pain. The worst part is definitely the jealousy though for other women - women who are so young with unplanned, healthy pregnancies... women with more than one child that have never miscarried (my sister-in-law, my cousin, girlfriends)... heck I'm jealous of every woman I see with a beautiful baby belly! I hate feeling jealous. I know these are normal emotions to have though, and I know our time will come. The waiting and wanting sucks though. I just wanted to say, I feel you. I wish there were miscarriage support groups for women like there are grief groups, where we could just get together and rant on and cry together and drink wine

Feel free to rant to me anytime.

HowlCircus · August 2017

You are never alone in feeling this way. It kills me to see irresponsible people becoming parents. The worst for me is hearing horror stories of babies in withdrawal from drugs. Yet here we all are feeling like the world is definitely an unfair place. I agree to look into insurance coverage and see if maybe you can find some answers

tinasa · December 2017

I work at a hospital, and there is no time of the day (or night) when you can walk past maternity and there not be a pregnant woman outside smoking. It makes me furious.

It's not fair (Rant)

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