March 2018 Moms
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UO Thursday
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It's that time of week.
What's your unpopular opinion?
What's your unpopular opinion?
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Re: UO Thursday
My UO: Sometimes mothers who do the challenges will have their kids in the pictures either getting in their way (LOLLLL look how like CRAZY my life is!!) or they will just straight up post a picture of their kid doing a crappy attempt at the pose. This shiz drives me NUTS and reminds me of something that annoys the crap out of me: When women who are mothers let motherhood be their ONLY identity. Obviously being a mom, especially to little kids, means that takes up a huge part of your day and a big part of your heart. But I don't think it's healthy to let that be your one and only identity. I think it is crappy to your kids and when your kids finally leave the house you're probably going to have a total identity crisis. I think it's healthy for the whole family if the mom has hobbies that are totally separate from the kids or the significant other. So when I see women repeatedly making those kinds of posts every damn day I just want to shake them.
But as far as the identity stuff, IDK. I didn't marry until 35 and didn't start having kids until 36. I had a full and interesting lifetime getting to know my identity, and it's all helped shape who I am now as a mother.
I work full-time and have 2.5 kids and a great husband and friends and family. My life and my heart is full. But I don't have time or interest in developing other hobbies. This is who I am.
I don't think I'll have an identity crisis when the kids are grown. We all grow and develop through the different stages of life. That was me then. This is me now. I look forward to me later.
AFM, I don’t understand parents who say things like “I need a break” from their kids in the context of every week/weekend. I know that my perspective is different because with MH’s job, there’s a lot of times that he has to miss out on the little things. For example, my SIL has her mom put her kids to bed every night M-F. Because she needs a break. So I think date night is important but I don’t understand needing to go out drinking and partying every weekend either.
I guess I’m old—I like my 30’s and my little family more than I liked my 20’s and the college/young adult scene.
I went through some personal development workshops and 99% of the other women attending were middle aged women who had kids who were about to or already had moved out of the house. They struggled a lot with self confidence and identity. Because of this their relationships with their kids, their husbands, themselves was a struggle. So that experience is kind of why I feel the way I do about this topic.
Go post a selfie or something. I'm sure your friends like to see stuff about you too!
I was thinking about it this week after we talked about the board being slow. I'm totally ready for a FB migration, as long as it was only for the people who've established themselves here regularly. I kinda feel like....I'm not really interested in getting to know more people volume-wise, but it would be nice to get to know the people who chat here regularly a bit better, which means on a different platform. The names/faces we see here regularly haven't changed much, and I don't see them changing any time soon. We know who we are.
FWIW, I have zero problem with the earlier-formed FB group. It just wasn't for me (totally open doors to anyone, and it was established that current events/politics were not up for discussion). Those things are important to me personally, but that doesn't make it bad/wrong. Just not for me.
@antoto Yea, some of those are so awful and clearly unrealistic. Like many people can push their gut out and look fat(ter), then suck it in for a comparison picture. Also, photoshop does wonders. On anything.
Running a small business is different than being a part of those other MLM deals. I support the heck out of people making a go of it as a small business owner. That's tough stuff but so enviable!
And @antoto, I hear you 100%- I think some people put on the performance of 'crazed mom' to the extent that it limits their actual lives. I'm also intrigued by your Instagram!
Yeah totally if it's a funny genuine photo that's one thing. But when it's EVERY photo it feels super staged (and when they themselves aren't even in the photo it's like... what are you doing? Are you entering your kid in this challenge? Wut?). Like my dogs crawl all over me when I do my stuff. I post those once in a blue moon for laughs but if I'm doing an actual challenge I'm not going to post that every single darn day.
Also, so we are moving to Facebook now if we are regulars? ((I think I might be a regular but I must confess I'm always over here like "I'm not sure I'm cool enough" anytime this comes up
my UO- I think it’s super important for a mom to maintain her own identity outside of her kids/husband, even if it means partying occasionally. I found it harder to maintain my own identity as a working mom than I do as a SAHM. When I worked I felt more guilty about taking time for me because that meant I barely had any time with the kids, now I don’t feel guilty because I am with them all the time. I also don’t define myself by my work. I like that I work very very part time now outside the home and still get to have somewhat of a social life outside of work and family.
Wait. That sounds weird.
I can start a new thread to discuss logistics, or we can just forge ahead and work it out as we go. I guess people would PM me with their email if they want to join? And if someone else wants to volunteer to be a co-decider of regularity, that would be nice.
Maybe we can add a level of security as well, if that would make people comfortable. Maybe send a bump shot with today's date and your screen name?
I'm okay with either but will miss those we leave behind.
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
for my first pregnancy, they foffed something up really bad and suddenly people's real names were showing up instead of screen names. I actually had someone contact me using my name, and it was super unsettling. (Yes, I was naive enough to have signed up for TB using my actual name when it asked for it.). They fixed it but never said what happened or what steps they would be taking to ensure it didn't happen again. So I have zero confidence that a private group
would remain private.
I don't know how moms that work full time do it. I wouldn't be able to do that between house work and cooking and balancing everything.
Are we Facebooking now? Is this a thing?
In support of the moms who are all about their H and Kids, my mom stayed at home with us until we were all in school but she still had time to pursue things that she loved... it just turned out the things she loved were really conducive to being a mom—cooking, cleaning the house, planning stuff with her kids, putting together photo albums, etc. And when she was finally able to retire last year, my mom suddenly became busier than ever—taking care of family and friends. Turns out my mom just really enjoys caring for people. So she is involved in her church and she does a lot to help out my dad and our other relatives.
Edit: I’m a regular right? *puppy dog eyes*
I mentioned earlier I/we can start a thread and discuss logistics, or we can just forge ahead and figure it all out as we go. Our core group isn't all that big, so I personally think just plowing ahead and figuring out what we want to be as we go along would be no big deal. @heatherdubrow volunteered to help.