Mental Health Check-In (December)

izza2 · December 2017

***This thread has a general trigger warning.***

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.

If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:

Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?

How are you feeling?

izza2 · December 2017

@missylaneous419 , and any others who may need this thread for a safe place to talk about any struggles they're going through related to mental health.

OP was stolen and tweaked from TTGP, and can definitely be changed to fit our needs if we need to do so.
But, in general, this is a place for those of us who are struggling with our mental health and need a place to vent, find someone to relate, or even share a success that we've recently had.

So, hi!
I was diagnosed with depression 12 years ago after the loss of my brother. I've been on Zoloft off and on since then (only off because I was a stupid teen, tbh). I still take it during this pregnancy, because the benefits far outweigh the risks for me.
I'm doing pretty well mentally, but I do have days where I struggle and have to break out my journal for venting/ranting to get the negative thoughts out so that I don't focus on them so much anymore.

amys614 · December 2017

@izza2 thanks so much for starting this.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression nearly my whole life. I saw my first child psychologist at the age of 10 for separation anxiety, which I displayed symptoms of for many years before.

I think my depression has always been mostly situational prompted by very serious life events. Never found a medication that helped that and I've tried at least a dozen from adolescence to adulthood.

My anxiety effects my everyday life more than depression. I've always had generalized anxiety but just got used to it as it's all I've ever known. After a very tough year a couple years ago, I started having panic attacks. The first one I had, I thought I was dying. It was the worst physical experience I have ever gone through. I was prescribed an anti anxiety to use as needed and continued to need to use about twice a month. Being pregnant, I am advised not to use it except in an emergency and thankfully have not needed it.

Overall, I'd say I'm pretty stable at the moment and doing well. It helps to have people who understand.

glitterfingers · December 2017

I started having intense panic attacks 15 years ago and probably have a mix of depression/generalized anxiety disorder/panic attack disorder. I believe it’s mostly genetic/chemical though life changes and therapy help they did not make the panic attacks go away and my mom also has them. I actually have had less than a dozen panic attacks as I’ve been on Zoloft most of that time and the later ones I was able to talk myself down before they became full blown - maybe that cognitive therapy paid off or just talking through them with DH. My OB said Zoloft was pretty safe if the benefits outweigh the risks. Since stress can also affect babies I chose to stay on it plus it will probably help prevent post-partum issues.

@izza2 journaling is a great idea. I need to get back into that.

@amys614 glad to hear that you are doing well.

nocluewhattodo · December 2017

My doctor told me to go cold turkey off my meds, right after I told him I was suicidal. I made a personal decision that I would not do that because if I keep falling deeper into despair and do end up hurting myself that both me and the baby would be gone. I have not been able to get excited about this pregnancy and have been depressed since day one. I don’t know what to do. I keep,telling my husband I want it out of me and don’t feel ready or willing to become a parent, even though we have been married over 9 years and are financially stable. Add in to that the fact that he is active duty Military and the very real chance that I will essentially be a single parent for year long stretches... he wants the baby and if I choose not to have it I know he will hate me, he has said I have to make the choice on my own, which seems really unfair to me. I have struggles with depression since I was very young, as well as OCD, anxiety and trichotilomania and my family also has a history of mental health illnesses. I am scared I will pass this on to a child and that I won’t be able to parent a child with these type of issues. I don’t want to have to deal with any of it and don’t feel like I can deal with the stress, lack of sleep, mess and unpredictablity that comes with being a parent. I am constantly in a dark place, despite the fact that I am on the same medication I have been on for years. I have a lot of physical issues as well that have complicated things, and am already very high risk (over 35, overweight, PCOS, endometriosis) and the medications I am still taking in order to stay halfway okay scare me as well, that they will hurt the baby and give it problems that I don’t think I can deal with, on top of having a really hard pregnancy with near constant pain, migraines, nausea etc, tomthe point I have basically been in bed for over a month now. The depression is just getting worse, despite trying to get help. I know all this sounds selfish, but it has taken me years and a lot of hard work to dig out of depression that was over me for years and in one day I feel like all that hard work was undone and I am back to square one, and don’t know if I have the energy or determination to dig myself out again, much less with a baby. I just don’t know what to do and as I have said my husband is being no help, I guess I am hoping that someone here will see this and give me some help or guidance.

glitterfingers · December 2017

@nocluewhattodo I’m not a psychiatrist/therapist but number one you need to take care of yourself and find supportive medical professionals and probably a counselor/therapist. Were you doing well mentally before you got pregnant or have you been struggling for a while? Is the doctor that told you to go cold turkey a general practitioner or a psychiatrist?

izza2 · December 2017

@nocluewhattodo - The first thing you need to do is look at therapists in your area that par with your insurance, and schedule a visit with them ASAP. If you're still suicidal while on your medication (and you've been on it a while from what I'm gathering), and still suffering from a deep depression - it's not doing it's job.

You need to work through your feelings with a therapist, and you need to find someone to manage your mental health medication who is going to take your feelings and thoughts seriously.

If your doctor told you to stop your medication after you told him you were still suicidal - then you need to report him to his manager, or to the board where he works. Any physician who is telling a suicidal patient to stop their medications cold turkey is going to literally kill someone, because not everyone would take their health choices in their own hands like you did (thankfully). That doctor is an idiot, and should not be dealing with mental health patients IMHO. It doesn't matter if it's a GP or a psychiatrist.

So there's my advice -- find a therapist that you can start seeing on a regular basis. Explain your situation - that you're suicidal, that you're pregnant, and that you've been struggling - and they should get you in ASAP for an appointment. Don't be afraid to tell them the truth in how you're struggling - that's what they're there for.

momac1919 · December 2017

I was diagnosed with anxiety in high school after years of dealing with symptoms. My dad, grandpa and sister have also been diagnosed with anxiety so I don't doubt some of this is genetic. I was put on meds, but weaned myself from them after about a year bc I felt like they calmed me too much and made me feel like a zombie. I found that exercise and talking with a therapist seemed to help me better keep it in check. My last pregnancy and postpartum was awful on my anxiety and even with exercise and talking I'd find myself bawling over all these worst case scenarios in my head. I finally felt like I had gotten myself back in check when I found out I was pregnant again. Early on I was ok, but the last week has found me back feeling on edge. I'm pretty sure worrying about the early glucose test I had to take was the trigger and I'm trying to prevent it from cascading but I'm having some trouble. I keep trying to tell myself it will get better and I've done this before and came out stronger so I can do it again and I am still exercising and talking to someone. It does just feel lonely sometimes, especially when you're in front of a bunch of people. And explaining the feelings to someone who has never experienced anxiety can make you feel crazy. But I know I'm not alone and there are people who get it. I'm glad this thread was posted, I really needs it today.

Austenista · December 2017

@momac1919 I have had anxiety for years that came to a head last pregnancy. I would lay in bed during the day and just sob that something was going to happen to my husband. That's the thing about anxiety, you have no idea where it's coming from sometimes. Anyway, I ended up having to take something. I had just weaned myself off of it before I got pregnant again. It was making me feel really lethargic and tired. I haven't needed it again but once this pregnancy, but I'm aware that the ante may get upped again as the pregnancy progresses. I'm totally fine with needing it again though. I don't like to feel so out of control of my emotions or have those racing thoughts.

I didn't experience much PPD, about a week's worth when they put me on Reglan to try to stimulate my breast milk to come in, and I immediately stopped taking it when I realized what was happening. BUT I had some pretty bad PPA. They had to double my medication for a while to get me back in the road. If anyone needs to talk about anxiety I'm here and I've so been there.

momac1919 · December 2017

@Austenista I was fortunate enough to not have any PPD just awful PPA. And your right in that you don't know the cause. I was convinced my daughter had CF because she was a little stuffy even though her tests already came back clear and my testing showed I'm not a carrier so it was totally against any rational thinking. I think this time around now being 6 hours away from my family and friends who are my biggest support system and get it I may have to look into other options if it gets to be too much. Its also hard when you see other friends on Facebook posting about their "perfect pregnancies" but I just keep reminding myself that you can make anything look anyway you want on social media, but that doesn't mean it's reality. I appreciate the offer to talk and will probably take you up on it and some point. And I want to put that same offer out there because I too get it because I have (and sometimes still am) there.

Katek819 · December 2017

Hi everyone,
im a first time Mom struggling with depression and anxiety related to the loss of my dad last year. I’m 15 weeks along and I’m a mess. I was moved off my cymbals in favor of Zoloft but i was at 120mg and only given 50 of Zoloft. I was referred to a wellness center for pregnancy related issues but my appointment isn’t until Jan 8th. I’m struggling because i don’t feel good. I never seem to eat the right stuff what is ok one day is not the next. I’m taking some time off work to get myself straight. But i can hardly convince myself to do the dishes. I want to be excited about the baby. I’ve dreamed of having kids for so long. I don’t feel connected to it. Trying to look forward to Christmas but i just can’t. Everyone says the symptoms ease up in the 2nd trimester so maybe it will get better.

glitterfingers · December 2017

@Katek819 - when did you make the switch? are you saying you were taking 120 mg of Cymbalta and now you are taking 50 mg of Zoloft? The dosing between drugs is different so you can't compare straight mgs but it does look like you were moved from the highest dose of Cymbalta to the lowest adult does for Zoloft. It's very common though for them to start you on a lower dose and taper you up so the side effects are not as bad. Don't be surprised if it takes 4-6 weeks to feel better. I know it sounds like a long time but it really needs to get into your system and you may have negative side effects or even short term worsening of anxiety/depression during those 4-6 weeks but then it will get better. I felt like absolute crap when I started taking it but was desperate to stop my panic attacks and felt like myself again after the adjustment period. I'd recommend long walks with DH, family or friends and advocate to get into your doctor/psychiatrist sooner if you are having a really hard time. Journal your thoughts/symptoms and take it one day at a time.

blinnea23 · December 2017

Diagnosed with post traumatic anxiety and possibly PPD after our son went into heart failure at three months old, being life flighted across three states and ended up needed two heart surgeries. He’s a healthy boy now but the anxiety has turned into anger/irritability. I’ve come down on Lexapro from 20mg to 5, however when I try to come off of them that irritability and irrational anger creeps back in. So I’m staying on the 5mg. Even on the 5mg I sometimes don’t feel in control. Trying to find a good balance because I’m home with my four and two year old all day and idk how much of it is normal Mom frustration and the PTA/PPD.

izza2 · December 2017

@blinnea23 - Is there any chance you could possibly get your dose increased and see if that helps? I know when I was decreased to 25 mg of Zoloft, I started to feel out of control and started to go back to unhealthy coping habits, and couldn't handle almost any change/issue in my life. They bumped me back up to 50 mg and it's a good place for me in terms of dosing and my mental health. It sounds like you may be benefited by going up in dose a bit? Maybe not back to 20 mg so quick, but even trying 10 mg may give you the reprieve you need.

I don't think this was mentioned, but I know there's an online-counseling site that you can use to "see" a therapist. It's similar to a text chat, and you go back and forth via your phone or your computer depending on what works best for you. You can also schedule a time to video-chat if you need to. I'm not sure on what the pricing is, because I never got that far in my research, but I've heard good things about it.
I know it can be difficult to find time to set aside for a therapist when you have LO's and other responsibilities, and even if you have the time - you don't always have a therapist in your area that is able to help you.
It's Talkspace.com if anyone wants to check it out!

blinnea23 · December 2017

@izza2 I might have to, doctor wants me to stay on 5mg and try to adjust for awhile before increasing again. I’m just thankful I’m not having panic attack episodes anymore, generally keeping busy and remembering to breathe keeps things at bay. This whole anger thing is just new to me. I’m usually such a optimistic peaceful person.

amys614 · December 2017

Thanks for sharing that @izza2. What a great resource. Keeping that one in the back of my head for future reference for sure.

@blinnea23 wow that is a lot to go through. I agree that it might be worth mentioning/asking if your dose can be bumped up a little bit. May end up making a huge difference.

@Katek819 very sorry about the loss of your dad. As a pharmacist I can tell you that you are not on an equivalent dose as of yet. They may be just trying to titrate you up, but I would not expect them to think 50mg of Zoloft would be sufficient to cover 120mg of Cymbalta. They do also work a little differently with one being an SSRI and one an SNRI so that may take some adjusting as well. In the meantime until your appointment, if they can't get you in any sooner, there were some great suggestions including talking to loved ones or journaling. I know sometimes when struggling we don't want to do those things, but find out they do help if we can get ourselves to do them. Holidays are especially tough after a loss. Cut yourself some slack. You will feel connected to this pregnancy. Just maybe need some time or medication adjustment. Definitely be your own advocate and don't stop until you get some relief. Good vibes your way.

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