July 2018 Moms
SmashJam
member
PGAL (Pregnant after Loss) Check In, 12/3
SmashJam
member
Hey guys! I know the board org. say to do this Wednesday but I started it Sunday last week so I'm just gonna keep that going.
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
4. When is your next appointment?
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
Re: PGAL (Pregnant after Loss) Check In, 12/3
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 6+ 3 ETA: milestones. December is a hard month for me. Today was my due date. Dec 15 I was induced, Dec 16th DD was born, Dec 21 we took her off life support.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) : Nauseous, somewhat crampy, food aversions like whoa. I I tweaked a muscle somewhere and the pain is bugging me all down my left side, from my neck to my butt cheek. Also, TMI, pretty sure I gots a hemorrhoid. Ugh.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) : I'm not anxious PGAL wise, but I am anxious in general when things don't go as planned or people are around for a long period of time. I had to get my tires switched for studded winters and it took EIGHT HOURS for them to get both cars done. I thought it would take 2, so my dad, who was helping me, and I ran out of things to do with DS and I was so stressed, lol.
4. When is your next appointment? 12/7
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) My first appointment which may or may not include an ultrasound (its 2 hours long, so I think it must) is 12/22. TW this is the day after my daughter died END TW. I am worried to have an ultrasound that day because what if I get bad news? On one hand, part of my says oh, you can't live your life around these milestones and never do anything that might turn out bad around that day because you need to live your life! But the other part of me is like, this is the first year and I might be a MESS so do I really need something else sad around this time period? I don't know. Also I'll only be 9 weeks and the appointment has to be between 8 and 10. Doing it the week before will put me still solidly within the 5 days we were in limbo on her living or dying and doing it the week after means I wait another week. I will likely keep the appointment because I am trying to jump into this pregnancy with both feet and enjoy every day that I am pregnant, and what else can I do? Thanks for reading the whole book, lol.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? Team both. I was never team dog, until I lived with my friend who had an awesome one. Then when we stopped living together I really wanted to get a dog and now i have 4. I like that dogs can be played with and are super friendly, but I also like that cats love you on their own terms and kind of eff with you all the time.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc? THis was a selfish addition to the thread. I lost my mom January 2015, before my son was born, and while xmas without her is hard we had a really good on the year before she died. I honor her by making a lot of the stuff she would have made for dinner and making cookies with the cookie cutters she gave me when I got married (tradition). The one I am less sure about is my daughter, who died 12/21 last year. We have a candle my cousins got me that their mom used to honor their sibling who died of SIDS when she was young, and we lit it during Thanksgiving. No one even asked, so it was just for us and that was nice. We will likely do that again. But we didn't celebrate xmas with anyone last year and that will likely be remembered, and I don't know if everyone else in the family will also need some sort of closure? And if they do, I don't even have any ideas of what to do because I don't want it to be overshadowing of the entire rest of the experience of the holidays? So, trying to see if anyone else has traditions they use.
ETA: I might be on team dog now because I am crying and the crotchety dog who generally shuns the pets and love just very cautiously walked over to be next to me on the couch, turned his back on me so I could pet it, and then when I stopped walked away. The cat is still at the other end of the couch, oblivious. lol
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 7 weeks
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) fine for the most part. I have been having SCH bit I am being closely monitored and I haven't bled in 2 days now
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) actually I am pretty optimistic
4. When is your next appointment? Monday, which I am excited about since my actual RE will be there doing my US
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? Neither! Actually we have 3 cats... i love them but it's too much sometimes
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc? I don't do anything special tbh. I deal with grief by internalizing it, which isn't the best, but I don't want to drag others down
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
I'm 9 weeks today. It's still the furthest I've ever gotten in one of my pregnancies.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Still quite nauseous, but worryingly, most of my breast pain has disappeared today. Is this normal at 9 weeks?
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
After feeling optimistic for a while, I'm now anxious again. If anyone has any experience with boob pain suddenly going away and having a successful outcome, I'd appreciate knowing it. My first two losses were missed miscarriages, and I think my symptoms started getting lighter but were still there. I'm hoping this time is different.
4. When is your next appointment?
On Tuesday morning I see an NP for my first prenatal with the OBGYN team. I'll mention my concerns to her. I don't know if she'll try to listen for the heartbeat or if there will be another u/s before my 11-week appointment. I hope I'm freaking out over nothing.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
DH is telling me not to worry. I know that he's right, that worrying won't help, but it's really hard to turn off the PGAL brain. Sigh!
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
Team cat all the way! (Though honestly this may be because I've never lived with a dog.) DH and I both work a lot, so I'm not sure that we'd have time to properly care for a dog anyway. Our chubby orange tabby is grouchy around other people but very sweet around us. Right now she's sitting on top of the couch blinking at me, a sign of affection.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
9+3
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
I've noticed my symptoms have been getting better, I've had more energy and less nausea
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good, got to hear the HB on my Doppler Friday and scheduled my NT scan for the 21st
4. When is your next appointment?
Next MW appt is 12/14, my NT scan is 12/21
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Surprisingly blah lately- quick work rant... We repainted the shelter FRIDAY and one of the residents (who has 5 kids) children ALREADY scribbled on the walls.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
I LOVE my dog but I'm definitely a cat person. My fluffy cat is just so sweet and comes when he's called like a dog and loves to be loved 24/7. (Other cat not so much) But overall I'm an animal person in general, I even have an asshole b&g macaw that I love. But I hate fish.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
+1 for internalizing grief. My due date was in January, I think the fact that I'm pregnant again will help. I really felt I'd never have a normal pregnancy again.
This isn't holiday related but I have a necklace DH gave me on Mother's Day (also the day I started misscarrying) with two little baby feet meant to signify our two babies at the time. I still wear it all the time for our lost baby.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
8 wks tomorrow according to recent U/S
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Feeling better now had super bad nausea and bloat over thanksgiving but now i want to eat everything!
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Part of me isn’t as anxious to wait another week for U/S since spotting stopped but the fact I’m feeling more normal concerns me. Acne is really the only thing that makes me feel a bit better that everything is ok.
4. When is your next appointment?
Dec 11
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Disappointed at how my tater tots came out this morning.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
Cats, they are just cleaner and less needy.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
No traditions for lost ones. I just share memories. My grandma past away on my bday so that probably the only tough celebration i have aside from the loss/edd of first pregnancy.
Married: 6/27/2008
DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
M/C 6/2012
DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE!
M/C 12/12/2016
BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
EDD: 7/2/2018
Married: 6/27/2008
DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
M/C 6/2012
DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE!
M/C 12/12/2016
BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
EDD: 7/2/2018
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 7w 3D
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) soooo sooo tired some smells make me feel a little sick
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
I seem to be burying it for the most part. Although every time I go to the bathroom, I stress about if I am going to see blood.
4. When is your next appointment?
Wednesday will be my first appointment. I am sure as soon as the US starts I will blurt our, “just let me know if there is a heartbeat so I can stop panicking.” I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and I think I am still floored that you could have a loss and still have pregnancy symptoms.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I think I am fighting a cold. I have to go out of town for two days for business and it just all sounds exhausting.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
Cat but not so much anymore. The older cat has IBS and nothing is curing the issue. Gross.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
No traditions here.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 9 weeks 2 days-got to see the little man again this week and he is still doing great
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Still nauseous and TONS of food aversions, but generally feeling better
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I feel pretty positive most of the time. This is by far the furthest I've made it with all of my pregnancies except for my son.
4. When is your next appointment? Not until 12/21- will be my 12 week appointment
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) No rants so far today. My husband as actually been super helpful so far this weekend, which is odd.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? We have 2 cats and 2 dogs, but are definitely more team dog. Although some days I dream of being pet free. They are honestly more work than my 2 year old..
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc? I definitely think about it more about our losses around the holidays. It seems like everyone around us pops out babies at an alarming rate, which can be hard to be around due to infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.
@wildtot I'm terrified to start buying things as to not "jinx" myself. I know its stupid and every baby deserves to be celebrated. Hopefully after the 1st trimester I will feel more comfortable.
. How far along are you? Any milestones?
9 weeks according to my u/s last week
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Feeling pretty good today. Have tried to take it easy this weekend (well as much as you can with a 5 yo). It’s been really nice!
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Ok actually. Still super tired but a little less nausea today made it possible for me to get some stuff done. It was pretty nice!
4. When is your next appointment?
Dec 26th
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I just ate half of a frozen pizza. Whoops.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
Dogs for sure!
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
Decorations and Ornaments and we have on our Christmas tree remind me of loved ones who are no longer here. My Dad has an ornament that is a painting of the house he grew up in. It always makes me think of my grandparents.
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? - 7w4d, passed my loss milestone last week
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) - occasional nausea, definitely tired
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) - Weirdly calm and optimistic
4. When is your next appointment? - Thursday. I need to book an ultrasound though so I might move it..I've been dealing with sick babies for three weeks so it keeps slipping my mind
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) - sold my house (conditionally) and we got our asking price. I'm so pumped
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? - both! I was a cat person growing up and we adopted one when we moved into our house but we got a dog a couple years after we got married and I loooove having a dog when I'm home alone especially.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc? - I have an ornament for my paternal grandmother, I wasn't close with my maternal grandmother. I'm still looking for a way to commemorate our lost baby.
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
@chaser61 I feel like I will likely do the same at the ultrasound! And I check every time I go to the bathroom for blood.
@comealongponds congrats on the house sale!
@WorkinWeezel will be thinking of your fam this year in January and over the holidays, Unexpected deaths are so hard.
Yay to everyone who has passed their milestones, seems like a lot of people!
ETA: Thanks @stlmegs I appreciate that. Will do. I try to take it day by day and today, I am ok!
Meanwhile I am on all the progesterone and my levels are at a 19! I am starting to wonder if my last loss was due to low levels. My doc never tested them, but it’s a major possibility.
trying to take it one day at a time here...
I like it on Sundays. Feels like we can talk the whole week that way.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
9w 6d
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)
Better! Only had two bad days this week, but I am EXHAUSTED! Still no motivation to cook or eat, but I made potato leek soup and rosemary sourdough tonight, and it tasted pretty ok to my pregnant palate.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)
Pretty good overall. I’ve felt good since the appointment before Thanksgiving, but get a little anxious before new appointments, which is happening this Thursday, so I’m feeling nervous now. That plus my symptoms aren’t as bad as they were, and that was my miserable fail-safe that things were progressing, so I keep trying to tell myself it’s ok, I’m almost through first tri, and it’s good that I’m lees symptomatic.
4. When is your next appointment?
Thursday. Meeting the CNM, which I’m excited about. Did an OB last time, and hoping for a less clinical touch this time around.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I’m so emotional lately. And The Man and I are both under a ton of financial stress, which is awesome.
Long story short we moved to CO largely because it was less expensive than California and we wanted to get more stable for our future. In the last year we’ve had every financial setback imaginable, a huge run of bad luck with needing to fix/replace expensive things in our house, and counted chickens before they were hatched which led to what ended up being poor choices in hindsight. Basically this year has sucked for us, and as counterintuitive as it seems we would have been infinitely better off had we stayed in California. This move killed us. Absolutely killed us. Not to mention we’re far away from all our family and friends and everyone we love now. It’s going to be an extremely lean Christmas, 180 degrees from where we were last year when we had newly moved and were full of hope and optimism. Now I just feel like I’m serving time, or I’m in purgatory, until we’re able to afford to move back, and I just want to cut our losses and run but we can't. I hate feeling like that. I’ve never been one to not enjoy my life regardless of circumstances or one to look back with regret. I regret that I’m living in regret now.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why?
Team dog, team cat if my husband would let me, team hedgehog - so cute!
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
We tend to just share stories as things come up to remind us. I lost my grandma a few weeks ago, I know I’ll be remembering her.
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
ETA: A comma.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
@wildtot and others, count me among those who haven’t bought anything yet, and probably won’t until week 14 or so. The one exception is that on Dec. 26 I told DH that I would like to go shopping for maternity clothes, just for the sales at an outlet near us.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 7w 1d, this is farther than we were when I had my miscarriage.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) tired, sore boobs, some cramping but no spotting or bleeding. The nausea has been pretty infrequent the past few days which has had me worried. I am trying not to think about it.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I noticed yesterday that it is pretty high. I dont think it will calm down until my appt on the 11th. I have this fear that whenever I am going to go to the bathroom, I am going to start bleeding. That is what happened last time and I didnt think it was affecting me as much but the feelings have been getting stronger.
4. When is your next appointment? not until the 11th. Dating and viability ultrasound plus I will have bloodwork done that morning.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) How are you all coping with the feelings of worry and anxiety. I know mine has been getting worse thw past few days and I believe it has to deal with the fact the bloating and nausea has kind of went away. I feel like I am always feeling my boobs to see if they are sore and just checking other symptoms I was having. I also think that it is because we arent telling anyone right now so Im.not talking about it.
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? Team dog! Weve had dogs since I was little and my DH and I have had a dog since weve been together. We have our second dog now as our first passed away 2 years ago. Ours now is a big nut.
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc?
I internalize a lot of my feelings. The hardest losses I have had to deal with were my granmothers and I swear, even though it has been 8 years and longer, i still miss them dearly and hurt just as much. Christmas time is always difficult but I try to thunk about the good memories we had and traditions we would do and keep those going.
BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks
Trying for #4 since 11/2015
@wildtot you're totally right. Sunday our pastor gave a really great and surprising sermon on hope (surprising because at 34 years old, I feel like you've heard one Christmas Season sermon series you've heard them all, and this was really fresh) and it took me back to the first year we were married. That year we were totally broke, could hardly afford a tree, and had no money for ornaments. I passed out fliers to all our friends for a come-and-go cookie party housewarming, and said in lieu of a gift, to bring us an ornament from their tree to decorate ours. I baked twelve kinds of cookies, and over the course of four hours at least 70 people/families made their way through our 600 square foot apartment, and at the end of the day our tree was filled with ornaments from people who loved us. I was the Grinch after his heart grows three sizes, and it was the first year I really knew, deep down, what mattered during Christmas. These years are hard, but it's always good to be (forcibly
@SmashJam that is such a transition! We did that a few years ago when my daughter was born, and we were much better off then, and it's always hard. Hard not just to adjust to the one income, but the new kind of life with no outside work. I still feel like I'm transitioning.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 7 weeks today. I've gotten past my 5 weeks milestone, but my next one is 11 weeks.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) My sore boobs are not that sore anymore. More so in the middle of the night. I've been slightly nauseous twice now (which were both super exciting!). My cramps seem to have mostly subsided.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) Super up and down. Most of the time I'm feeling pretty dang confident, but I'm super anxious today.
4. When is your next appointment? I had my first midwife appointment yesterday. They are sending me to an OBGYN to talk to them about progesterone cream. Also I'm going to be getting an ultrasound in a couple of weeks.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I don't even know. Blah...
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? Cat all the way. But I love ALL the animals.
How far along are you? Any milestones? Should be 7 wks tomorrow but I had US last week and only measured 5w1d when I should have been 6 wks We go back tomorrow to see if viable
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms) have sore boobs occasionally but that’s about it
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise) I’m nervous as hell
4. When is your next appointment? Tomorrow
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I spent the last two days away at a training for work I was very antisocial as everyone kept asking how I was and what was going on Every time someone asked me I just wanted to burst into tears so I avoided all social activities after training Then came home to find that my 17 year old cat had a stroke and couldn’t walk so I had to put her down last night So sad
6. GTKY- Team Cat or Team Dog, or Team other animal? Why? We are both Have a dog and now just one kitty
7. Bonus TW Filled GTKY: The holidays can be a difficult time for anyone who has lost a pregnancy/child/family member, regardless of when the loss occurred. This GTKY is about missing family members as well as loss of pregnancy or child: How do remember those lost to you during the holidays? Do you have a tradition you incorporate to remember them, periods of reflection, etc? I have lost a lot of family over the years, dad both sets of grandparents and have had two losses in the last year and I’m in limbo right now so this season could be a very difficult one. I bought a garden stone for each of my losses with their dates on them so I can visit any time I want. Usually go to cemetery to visit with my family and always mention them in our holiday prayers