Circumcision

alemarie1 · December 2017

Let's hear the good, bad, and ugly...

Who's doing it and who's not? I'm was leaning towards yes, but maybe I've read too much online about it and now I'm nervous. DH could go either way, but ultimately prefers not to do it.

Thoughts?

SarahFoley725 · December 2017

We are not circumcising. I asked my pediatrician, her partner doctor, and my OB. They all said that the only medical benefit to having it done is that it can reduce the risk of UTI in the first year. They also said so many boys are not circumcised these days that it's not going to be "weird" or "different" when the kids are older.

Starynightsky24 · December 2017

I’d prefer to not talk about DS1 or DS2’s penis online. That said, if anyone has some good articles about this I’d love to read them if you want to post! DH and I had a hard time making a decision for DS1, and revisiting it this time hasn’t been much better.

psm2462 · December 2017

With my first, I was advised there was very little evidence either for or against circumcision, and should view it entirely as a matter of personal preference. We followed the (not very compelling) "match Dad" logic and opted to circumcise. While the aftercare was simple, I felt it was one more thing to worry about (is it healing correctly? does it look infected? did they leave too much foreskin? is it adhering? etc. etc. etc.) with a newborn, and we both agreed that if we could go back and do it over, we wouldn't have done it. Now we are having another boy, and are following the (still no more compelling) "match Dad and Big Brother" logic. So I can't say our experience was bad enough to keep us from doing it again -- but still think if I could go back and not have circumcised DS1, I probably wouldn't have.

As @SarahFoley725 mentioned, I don't think circumcision is as overwhelmingly common as it used to be (I think now 40% of boys in the U.S. are circumcised), so I wouldn't let the "will my son look weird" concern weigh on the decision.

ETA: I largely deferred to my husband since I didn't have strong feelings. I don't know why, but I feel like if you don't have a strong feeling, and your husband does, this might be one of the places where it makes sense to give him a bit of deference.

seitzy3 · December 2017

I personally don’t like this conversation just because ultimately it’s no ones business what we decide (this comment isn’t against you asking) i’ve seen way too many people express their opinions about this topic in an ignorant and cruel way so I try to avoid talking about it in a online forum. I also have three girls so I never had to worry about making the decision to circumcise or not until now. To be honest, we haven’t made our decision yet either and still weighing our options. Who knew so much thought would go into my child’s penis!

psm2462 · December 2017

I also agree with @seitzy3 -- it's extremely personal and ultimately comes down to what you and your partner feel is the right decision.

That being said, it can be helpful to know what kinds of questions or concerns led other moms to make one decision or another, so I hope we can all keep the peace and share our experiences in a respectful way.

soulcupcake · December 2017

I spent many months pouring through research when my eldest daughter was a baby and continued the research into the early months of my second pregnancy. My then-husband didn't feel strongly about circumcision at all and I presented the data and research and felt strongly against it. Then we found out we were having another girl. But with ds1 and ds2, we were decidedly against it.

And I went on to express my position to my now-husband when we were dating and discussing parenting philosophies, practices and choices. He knew where I stood and agreed wholeheartedly. He'd already done the research himself so we were on the same page. We're having a boy and our decision is the same as it was when we initially discussed it.

My ds2 will be eight this month. I've done nothing special as far as foreskin care. Just follow basic hygiene practices that have been standard practice in other parts of the world for ages. Let the foreskin retract on its own, as forcibly retracting it can lead to a host of problems, which was not uncommon in past generations in the U.S. when intact foreskin was less common and doctors and caregivers weren't properly informed on what not to do.

https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/foreskin-care

SunflowerMama428 · December 2017

I hate this topic. Ultimately you have to make the decision.

But, my ex husband was circumcised as a pre teen and he said it was traumatizing. I won’t go into his details as to why because that is personal to him but because of his personal experience, I made the decision I made.

LadyMillil · December 2017

DH and I disagree on circumcision. We discussed both options and came to a compromise that we are both comfortable with, with the caveat that if, for medical reasons, the doctor advises something different than what we've agreed on we will follow the doctor's advice.

ahoneycutt12 · December 2017

When DH and I discussed it before we found out that both DD1 (now 2) and now DD2 are both girls I told him ultimately I would leave the decision up to him as I feel we are both similarly scientifically minded and I feel like somebody with an actual penis would have a little more insight in to the debate... we ultimately were leaning towards not although we found out we were having another girl before a final decision was ever made.... as the other ladies said it ultimately comes down to what you and your partner decide and feel comfortable with and I just have to say that I love how civil and supportive this group is on such a hot button issue!!! I've seen many a groups dissolve in to judgy hell fire on such issues and it's awesome to have been so lucky to find myself in another wonderful birth month (I got lucky with my first bump group too!).

mblomq2 · December 2017

Some about our logic- I don’t have a penis and DH does so I asked him to do research and get back to me. I was not/am not convinced circumcising is the right and healthiest decision but I’ve been staying open about it. He came back and agreed that although there are some articles pro many are against, especially globally. We decided if the kiddo hates it as he grows older he can always get circumcised. Then the choice is left up to him as a developed person.

babymakes9 · December 2017

I feel like we discussed this very early on in this board already, but I can't find it.

My ex husband was Jewish and both of my older sons were circumcised by a mohl in my home in front of family.

My newest son will be circumsized in the hospital as my current husband isn't Jewish (I'm not Jewish either).

Side note: My MIL is from Germany where it is not standard practice, however my dh was born here with an American father and he is circumsized.

Also the procedure gets more painful as a child / man ages. And sometimes becomes medically necessary later in life.

I feel many articles written are geared towards why not to, instead of why to. If you are researching what to do and on the fence I feel you shound try to find articles research on both sides of the topic, and check out some of the other bump board discussions. As well as speak to your ob and pediatrician

hms1219 · December 2017

My boys are and DS3 will be as well. We did a lot of reading and research both for and against. The decision was ultimately weighted with DH’s opinion and some family history on his side made us lean towards circumcising.

Also fully agree @ahoneycutt12 with how nice it is to see this being discussed in a civil manner instead of imploding into anarchy as I’ve seen on other boards in the past.

karcerplus3 · December 2017

We researched and I decided to leave it up to my DH. I don’t have the right parts and life experience to make the decision.

rainafire77 · December 2017

DH and I discussed it and I told him that it's his decision but that if he chooses to do so then he is going in the room with our son while the procedure is done.

amb929 · December 2017

I feel like this subject has the potential to be extremely controversial, however, it seems as if the discussion has been conducted respectfully thus far so I'll opt to weigh in as well. Whatever people decide to do on the matter, I think conducting research about it and making the most informed decision is the only "right thing" for each individual's family and that it's important that everyone respects each other's decision regardless of what that is so with that said...my two cents:

When I was pregnant with my first son, my feelings on the matter of circumcising were that I don't have a penis and as such, my husband should be the one who drives this decision. He decided that we would be circumcising. We are not Jewish, in fact neither of us are religious at all. DH felt strongly that it was important to him and cited health reasons for his decision. Without going into great detail, he lived in rural Maine as a teenager and knew multiple men who needed to have the procedure performed as older children, teenagers, or adults for medical purposes. I didn't know much about it at all, and because of that, I had not even realized that I have never seen an uncircumcised penis. So in addition to feeling like it wasn't my call to make, I also wasn't confident in my ability to care for foreskin adequately. We talked to the pediatrician as well as the OB about the procedure and in the end, I fully supported my husband's decision. The only time I felt a little guilty about my decision was immediately post procedure on day 2 of our hospital stay. With all the wonky hormones and my difficulties breastfeeding, I was very emotional about it and cried. Once we talked through the care regimen post procedure, I realized that we had made the right decision for our family and that was all that mattered. So that was my experience, and I know that it won't be everyone's experience or decision and perfectly okay because truly it is nobody's business but your own as a family.

3plus1equals4 · December 2017

DH, DS1, and DS1 are all circumcised. DS3 will be, too.

My nephew had to have his done at age 3 and it was much more complicated at that age (under general as outpatient surgery) and painful for him.

In contrast, I stayed with DS1 when his was done at a week old and the procedure was very quick and easy. He only cried for about 20 seconds and was back in my arms right after.

jessilee15 · December 2017

I opted to do it with both my boys. As a doctor myself, I support families with either decision. What swayed me was 1) my husband had a preference to match his unless I had a solid medical reason not to do so and 2) it really isn’t a big deal as an infant, but it really sucks as an adult to have to have a circ. While not super common, I’ve seen many diabetics and older gentlemen in nursing homes that need catheterization and it becomes a problem, so I felt like it was worth it to do it early on. I was with my boys when it was done, and they barely cried because they get sugar water to distract them during it

awb1216 · December 2017

After researching both sides of the decision with DS, I ultimately left it up to DH as he had more experience on the physical and social aspects of it. (And honestly, I was glad not to have to be the one who made that decision.)

katefb17 · December 2017

This is a really interesting topic to me in a sort of abstract, cultural way, given different practices and beliefs around the world (and kudos to everyone for keeping it so civil!

). Like a lot of the posters here, circumcision was not something I even thought about, ever, until I dated a guy with an uncircumcised penis and he pointed it out to me (honestly, I don't think I would have noticed, otherwise! LOL). DH and a surprising number of my friends have very strong opinions on the matter, though.

My feeling was similar to other posters'-- I don't have a penis, DH does, so he has way more experience in that area. He has also done more research than I have, and I trust him to seek out reliable sources. He decided that we won't be circumcising our son.

I received some pushback from my mom when I told her (she is very concerned about being perceived as "weird"-- in all areas of our lives-- and brought up the locker room teasing argument), but otherwise I feel like it has become kind of a non-issue for us at this point.

TattoosandLace · December 2017

I’m glad it’s staying civil.

alice0218 · December 2017

Ditto on congratulating this BMB for being so respectful on such a "hot button" topic. I agree that neither option is a "bad" option and it comes down to the decision of the parents.

Personally, I was sooo thankful that when my DH and I decided to discuss it (months ago) we both wanted to circumcise so the discussion was very short. I am Jewish and would like our kids to be raised Jewish for sure. DH is not Jewish, but not religious in any other way so he is fine with our kids being Jewish and he also happens to be circumcised. I mean, it's not the end of the world if he turned out to be against it, and I know it isn't my penis, I just would like I'm letting down thousands of years of tradition. It just wouldn't feel right to me to have a son not circumcised. We are planning to have a small bris in our home on the 8th day and having a mohel perform the circumcision.

SarahFoley725 · December 2017

I think this BMB has largely been great about handling "controversial" topics. For me personally I don't think this is a one size fits all issue. I think it's something that people spend a lot of time thinking about and only want to do what they feel is best for their child and their family.

I also don't really mind talking about it or necessarily think it's weird to ask about. It's not like we are sitting in a coffee shop comparing our kids genitals in a sexual way. I think when people bring up this topic they're probably on the fence and want to hear from other moms to help them make their most informed decision. I have friends who are/have had little girls after me and I'm not bothered by questions about keeping her vagina clean etc. They're just walking into an unknown and looking for some guidance on something that seems scary.

clc515 · December 2017

I don't have strong feelings one way or another, mostly because I don't have male parts and partially due to lack of knowledge because of that. I appreciate this thread for the differing thoughts and info on it. I think Jan had the same topic that went pretty civilly too though I haven't looked at it in a long while. I find the topic interesting given no one's being a troll about it

I was going to leave this one up to DH because he has male parts lol. I expected him to say he'd want the same for the kiddo as he is, but he surprised me by wanting the other option due to his experiences growing up.

rainafire77 · December 2017

This has been a great non judgemental thread. On my FB birth group, at least one woman got kicked out because on EVERY "it's a boy" announcement she would comment. "Congratulations! Hope you leave your perfect baby boy intact like nature intended." They even had to ban discussion of circumcision altogether because it was getting ugly there for awhile.

alemarie1 · December 2017

Thank you everyone for sharing and remaining respectful. It's such a tough topic and I respect everyone's opinion on it.

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