Introduce Yourself - September

SaphireSweetie88 · September 2017

If you're new to the boards and / or have been lurking for a while, please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you so we can get to know you! No judgement here regardless of which group you would fall into (adopted / adopting / fostered / fostering / placed a child, etc).

SaphireSweetie88 · September 2017

I am not new but I am returning now that things are calming down for me so I will re-introduce.

I was born to a teenage mother who was (and still is) a raging alcoholic who was (and probably still is) in and out of jail. Due to her drinking issues (including while pregnant) I was born with a hole in my heart. A local church helped raise money for my surgery but she spent most of it on alcohol and who knows what else.

She was not a good mother (harsh I know) but I don't know if the blame can be placed 100% on her because the support system she had was not much a support system. At some point, she moved in with a guy and his father. They were really the only support she had. I grew up under the assumption this guy was my biological father (found out at 18 he wasn't). This guy was worse she was - in and out of prison. He also sexually assaulted me when I was younger (before I was adopted) as well.

While my mother was "working" with the courts to learn how to be a good mother, social services was called on her a number of times for missing appointments, me being severely sick and her not bringing me to the doctor / follow-up doctor appointments, etc

Before I was adopted, I was placed in foster care at 18 months old. The courts tried to help my birth mother a couple times to see if she was capable of being a mother. The courts eventually determined she wasn't capable of being a fit mother and eventually she lost all parental rights.

I met my birth mother again when I was 18 (the only change she made was getting worse). The only good thing that came out of meeting her was I no longer wondered "what if" when it came to her. I asked about my biological father and after some convincing she admitted the guy I assumed it was, wasn't my father and so she told me who my biological father was (he's no better than her).

I didn't contact my biological father for a few years after that because he is in prison for sexual assault of a child (his 2nd offense) and that hit home a little too hard for me. I did start writing him to get some information for medical records and things but we don't really talk about much of anything. He knows I'm married, etc but that's it. He has mentioned multiple times that he would like me and my husband to come visit him but I haven't visited so far.

I was sent to several potential families and sent back to foster care for one reason or another before finally being adopted just before my 7th birthday.

There's more I could mention but I am sure anyone reading this gets the idea. I am willing to answer any questions you may have.

SoonToBeMommaHowe · September 2017

Hi @SaphireSweetie88. I'm new to this board but not TB. I spent time on TTCAL, TTTC & the Infertility boards. DH and I decided to start trying for a family in Oct '13, in the nearly four years since then we've had *TW* one BFP, twin boys that resulted in a MC at 18 weeks. *TW*
After 3 failed IUIs at the beginning of this year DH and I chose to take a break and start pursuing our license for foster care and decided that perhaps FTA was the route for us to start our family.
We have completed the mountain of paperwork and the training classes. Just waiting for our first home study (NH does 4 visits) on Wednesday. Our resource worker said the other three visits would take around a month, so we're looking at being licensed mid to late October.
Anyone have any insight on the homestudy process? And things we may not think of to be better prepared?

jspence723 · September 2017

Hi everyone,
My husband and I have started the process of foster care to adopt. We've started the paperwork and begin our classes later this month. When we first started to discuss making family my husband suggested adoption. Then I did more research and decided foster to adopt was the right move for us.

With all our paperwork and everything we hope to be licensed by December. I'm getting more and more excited, nervous and terrified.

SoonToBeMommaHowe · September 2017

Hi @jspence723! Congrats on starting the FTA process. We started our process in June and just finished our first of 3-4 homestudy visits. Our SW said we should be licensed by the middle of next month so your December timeframe seems just about right!

britters314 · September 2017

@SoonToBeMommaHowe It seems like the home study varies state to state and agency to agency. I had been told it is very invasive and they even ask things about your sex life. I had also been told they check to make sure you have any medications locked up and all of that. Our home study was not nearly that invasive. They only checked that there was a bed in the room and our home was clean and there were no safety hazards like a pool with no fence around it. The questions weren't even that bad - they mostly asked us how we were raised and how we plan to parent. They did also ask us if anyone in our families has substance abuse issues or a history of incarceration, but don't sweat those questions - we said yes to both of them and we still were licensed (I think it's really only an issue if it's someone who lives in the house with you).

SoonToBeMommaHowe · September 2017

1st home study was a breeze. They did a house tour and asked about "concerns" from our original questionnaire. Which were literally like "you said your DH is sarcastic, what do you mean by that?" And "when you say you were stubborn as a teen what do you mean?"
SW said the next one would be a little more invasive with questioning and then they would finish us up with a third visit to ask misc questions and answer any we may have.

tamalahoops · September 2017

Hi all! First time posting here. @SaphireSweetie88 I think I recognize you from ttgp?

We have been ttc for a little over 2 years and after failed iuis and ivf that resulted in loss we are moving on to adoption. We are just starting to save and dip toes into the process but are hoping to adopt an infant domestically. I would love to hear how y'all chose agencies because that seems like the first hurdle.

I hope to see this board grow and become more active because I looooove the bump!

AnnieR81 · September 2017

@SaphireSweetie88 Hi. Welcome to the boards for Adoption. The process has been different for everyone I speak with. I recommend getting any questions ahead from you SW so you and DH can discuss your answer. I am not going through the Foster-to-Adopt but aiming for Domestic Adoption. Some of the questions we got ahead were great because we'd never thought about certain things.

@tamalahoops Welcome as well! Let's keep these boards active. I love the Bump as well.

tamalahoops · September 2017

@AnnieR81 Thanks! Where are you in your process? I'm feeling so overwhelmed just trying to choose an agency!

SaphireSweetie88 · September 2017

@tamalahoops - Yes I was on TTGP for a while.

@AnnieR81 - I think you may have tagged the wrong person or misunderstood my intro. I am not here asking any questions about the adoption / fostering process. I am here as someone who WAS adopted and is more than willing to answer any questions people may have for someone who has been adopted - kind of like from the child's perspective.

mommabmb · September 2017

Hi everyone! New to this board but not TB. We have been foster parents for almost 3 years and are adopting a sibling set of 2, a 4 yr old boy and his sister that is 2. We are almost done with the adoption- we hope to be final by the end of the year. We also have an open bed and crib being used just for tonight by a sibling set, but we will remain open after they leave tomorrow.

We also have 2 biological kids, a 4yo boy and a 2yo girl.

Im also currently pregnant, and due in May.

Life is a little crazy, but we love it!

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2017

@mommabmb

Welcome!

AnnieR81 · November 2017

@tamalahoops We are waiting to be matched with a birth mom.

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