Regrets, Surprises, and the Finish Line

elcd458 · November 2017

Since the board has been a little dead lately, I felt like starting a new thread. I know we have another thread for last-minute to-dos and advice, but wanted to create one focusing on any surprises, regrets, or overall reflections on our pregnancies... plus it may help our lurkers from future months gain some wisdom! (Interested to see if it will be different between FTM and STM+!)

elcd458 · November 2017

I think my biggest regret has been my lack of activity. It's not like I've been a total couch potato (maybe 75% couch potato), but I really didn't adhere to any of the goals I had in my head as far as physically preparing for pregnancy and birth. I got smug about having minimal weight gain and, when the fitness center cancelled the prenatal yoga class I had hoped to take, I pretty much quit trying or even thinking about trying to intentionally stay fit. Now that labor and delivery are rapidly approaching and my aches and pains are ramping up, I seriously am so pissed at myself for not putting in more (aka... any) effort. It's hard to suddenly start doing stretches and squats at 34 weeks when you can't see your feet!

ETA: This is not so much about my overall health/fitness as it is getting my body ready for birth. I'm convinced I'm going to have a horrible L&D experience because my body has just been like "whatevs" for 9 months.

KayLee77 · November 2017

I have 2 regrets - one is also my lack of activity. I mean I do a lot, I don't sit around much, Im talking more about exercise. I started exercising right before I got pregnant but I was so sick and tired that I didnt continue and I kept telling myself I would start when I felt better. Which wasn't long after but here I am now 35 weeks and I never started. Even though I haven't really gained a whole lot, I just wish I would have gone back to doing something.

My other regret is, I didn't take any belly pictures. With my other two, I took pictures on the same date (like how far along I was) to do a comparison photo. I didn't do one single one. It makes me sad, I did get maternity photos done, so I do have some pictures but it bums me out that I failed on that.

A surprise for me, is the fact that I stuck with being team green. We have had 2 u/s and going for another one today and Im staying strong of making sure we don't accidentally find out. Which its so hard to not know but its so fun at the same time.

elcd458 · November 2017

@KayLee77 I don't really have many bump photos ether! It took FOREVER to actually start looking pregnant instead of just fat, (we're talking 20-something weeks at least) so by the time I was actually showing, taking pics of myself pregnant just wasn't a habit, I guess?

peachy13 · November 2017

Great thread! And @elcd458 I agree completely. I regret not being more active and eating healthy. For most of my pregnancy I was "all belly" and really happy with my appearance, so I never changed my bad habits (eating everything while being inactive). However it all caught up to me in the last 2 months and now I'm huge and uncomfortable, and I regret my total weight gain (30-35lbs at the moment). I should have been healthier.

I'm surprised at how fast it all goes by until the end... weeks are really crawling by as I wait for my due date to approach, not sure if anyone else feels this way. I'm also surprised by how the nesting instinct kicks in. I'm usually pretty productive and work-focused and even on days off, want to go out adventuring. But lately? Ugh. Give me some household chores and food to cook, and don't make me go outside.

And just a general reflection, I'm happy that I stayed positive during pregnancy. I didn't let the bad symptoms wear me down. Am I uncomfortable and waddling like a penguin? Yep. Hemorrhoids and heartburn? Yep. Sleeping horribly? Yep. Haven't pooped in days? Yep. Ready for some red wine? Yeppppp. Most likely all of you are in the same boat as me, as are most pregnant women near the end. But I never felt the need to complain about it to family and friends, because I really don't think it's that big of a deal. When people ask how I feel (which is daily, right?), I say "really good," with a smile, and I mean it. I'm still so happy that I'm pregnant, 9 months later, and that me and the baby are healthy, and that I have a cozy house to bring her home to and a loving husband who is going to be an awesome dad. So I just keep those pesky complaints to myself (well, and sometimes to you ladies, and to DH on particularly bad days), but really... it's a short blip of discomfort in the grand scheme of things, and I think it's better to focus on the positive instead of having a daily bitchfest about each little annoying pregnancy thing.

KayLee77 · November 2017

@elcd458 I don't think I took a photo with my boys until I was 17ish weeks (for the same reason you said, i didnt looj pregnant just chubby) and it was it's a hard habit to get into if you don't do it every single week. I even set up reminders on my phone for myself and everytime it was time we were on vacation or camping and it would slip my mind. It doesn't help that I never announced I was pregnant on fb so I wouldn't share it with anyone so therefor it's not reminding me to take the photo either.

babybison · November 2017

Image result for were the millers regrets

I agree about the exercising, but I never did that before being pregnant and I just can't get motivated for it.
I do regret not doing more preparation exercises though, like squats and kegels (shh don't tell @failuretofly).

cait5413 · November 2017

What has been somewhat surprising as a STM is how less "tuned-in" I have been to this pregnancy. Between DD and work, I have been so busy and tired that there have definitely been fewer moments of connection with the LO on the way!

elcd458 · November 2017

I also regret not hiring a doula. I'm not a crunchy lady so it seemed silly before, but I am not confident in DH's ability to coach me through birth. He's fabulous and I love him dearly despite dissing him a lot today on TB apparently, but... yeah.

skc040512 · November 2017

I wish I had stretched more/done more yoga earlier in this pregnancy. I did with DD and I think it really helped with hip pain in the last tri. This time, DD crawls all over me every time I tried anything so I just gave up. I'm now at the point where even thinking about stretching makes me hurt lol. But I could really use the relief!

Also, totally agree with @peachy13 with everything flying by. But then I hit like 30 weeks and it has been dragging ever since. I don't think it helps that my nesting urges hot by 32 weeks so the apartment was spotless THEN and an absolute wreck now...

failuretofly · November 2017

I really wish I had taken more photos! With DS I took weekly photos religiously, from the day I found out on... even while I was in labor since my water broke on 39 weeks and then another at 40 weeks holding him.
I honestly tried to do it with this one, but I had gotten a new camera and it was fucked up and I had to wait a few weeks to get it all sorted out so by then I was showing and it felt like a waste... Ugh.

I definitely haven't been as active, like the rest of you. With DS I walked almost daily... now I'm lucky if i get out once a week! I mean, caring for a toddler is still active, but it's not the same.

I was surprised to find how hard it is to be pregnant with a toddler. Everyone always talks about how busy you'll be after baby arrives, but no one says 'oh BTW, you'll be exhausted your entire pregnancy too'. I am so over this mom/pregnant combo right now... But I can't say I'm looking forward to being the mom of a toddler and a newborn at the same time either! Eeeeekk!

skc040512 · November 2017

@failuretofly YES! Why did no one warn us about chasing toddlers while being roughly the size of a bus? I mean, I think I briefly thought about the possibility that it would be more difficult but nothing prepared me for the constant need to sleep, or at the very least, sit down!

MJDsquared · November 2017

My regret is also my level of activity...coupled with how I've been eating. Ugh.

anewadventure · November 2017

i know it's natural to focus on the negatives (especially as we all feel like garbage at this point) but let's try to get some positives too!

i've met my goal of staying active this pregnancy. i was a total sloth last time around. ironically? my weight gain is THE EXACT EFFING SAME. that is apparently not unexpected, but still mentally challenging. however, i am physically in much better shape than i was at the end last time, i feel healthier, i am sleeping far better (not well, at this point, i'm still the size of a house, no bladder capacity, all that...)

i think the motivation to exercise really stemmed from not doing so in my first round. don't beat yourself up if you didn't stick with it.

kyrwyn · November 2017

I regret that I haven't taken more time out to enjoy my third tri. I've been so focused on managing my GD -- eating right, walking after every meal, meal planning, testing, appointments, etc -- that I haven't had time to read up on parenting, or marvel at the tiny human re-enacting Aliens or Jurassic Park in my abdomen, or participate in my favorite season (Fall). I feel like I'm scrambling to close out things at work, and scrambling to get the nursery ready, and carefully negotiating my schedule to allow for naps (because without naps, nothing gets done). Then all of a sudden we'll have a baby and I'll be utterly unprepared, exhausted, and recovering from childbirth.

I wish I'd understood how much a complication like this could change how I related to being pregnant, so that I felt even remotely prepared for the possibility of being anxious/sad/scared on top of grateful/happy/expectant.

On the flip side, managing my GD means a lot of my early pregnancy regrets have been handled. I was a couch potato until my diagnosis, and now I'm walking 3-4 miles a day. I ate all the comfort foods, and now I'm eating lots of veggies and better-balanced meals. I feel better, physically, even if I'm mentally still struggling with some aspects. By how they've handled my diagnosis and restrictions, my family has also given me a lot of good reasons to not care about their ridiculous self-centered requests. (Desperately need to be in the waiting room, do you? Not notified until 48 hours after birth you will be.) I feel a lot more prepared to stand up for myself, DH and LO than I did before this.

whiska · November 2017

This is shallow but I kinda wish I had done a maternity photo shoot. Who knows if I’ll be pregnant again and it’s something beautiful in our lives worth capturing. At least I have all my phone bump photos I guess! I’m hoping the hospital pictures are really good though, even if I feel like I look like a mess haha.

I also wish I had done more prenatal yoga and taken more walks. Just anything to make me feel a tad bit more prepared for the marathon of l&d.

Last regret is not doing some kind of belly book pregnancy journal. But you couldn’t have convinced me in the first tri that I’d make it this far, and at a certain point it felt like a jinx to prepare for this particular baby. So I haven’t written him/her any letters or recorded the milestones. It makes me sad but I don’t think I would have made a different choice because it’s also how I’ve protected my heart. Maybe after they’re here and safe I can go back through old posts, texts, etc to make something like a journal.

I’m most surprised by how much I feel the baby. I didn’t realize before that I would be feeling lots of little movements and nudges basically all day (and all night!) It’s helped me already fall in love with him/her in a way I hadn’t expected.

oncape100615 · November 2017

I was good about getting to the gym until mid-August. I was just so exhausted that fitting the gym in at 5am was just not working. I felt the benefits of sleep at that point were outweighing the gym-benefits. Plus, I have a 2 and 4 year old to keep up with, so I'm definitely on my feet a lot. I don't necessarily feel like I've been less active, just different active I guess?

failuretofly · November 2017

@oncape100615 same. Carrying a 30lb toddler around is no small feat, and he likes to be lifted and carried a lot. Plus all the getting up and down off the floor that comes with parenting definitely gets the joints lubed up haha

breezybee · November 2017

@peachy13 captured all of my feels. Like, yeah, I’m uncomfortable, but it’s to be expected, and in the long run, it’s no big deal.
Im happy that I was able to stay positive throughout most of this pregnancy (maybe not here, where I can bitch and complain, lol, but I’m the real world, I have been really
upbeat and happy). I’ve been able to ask for help and remain relatively calm about the chaos that was my effing remodel.
I do regret not taking more belly photos, but last night I took hella naked selfies after my nightly shower and I still look damn good! I’m really proud that I gained the proper amount of weight needed for twins (I’m at 35 lbs now, ill
probably get to 40-45 by the time this is over), without blowing up to a ridiculous level like I thought I would.
Were almost there you guys. We fucking did it. We should all be so proud of ourselves, because this shit is not easy!

rainbowdashh · November 2017

This is very likely my last pregnancy and I’m proud of myself for not letting anxiety win every single day. The last two years have been incredibly hard and despite the grieving I’m still doing, the prenatal diagnosis, and the daily injections I’ve let myself enjoy this pregnancy as much as I possibly can.

shellac835 · November 2017

@elcd458 Is it too late to hire a doula? If it's something you want and would make you feel more confident going into labor you could try looking into it. I know my hospital has a volunteer doula program that makes it easier to find someone last minute. You will rock labor either way

elcd458 · November 2017

@shellac835 There are probably still some available, but with this LO being due on a holiday, I'm not sure how likely it is. Plus this late in the game I'm not sure if I'd be fully getting what I paid for, or be able to tell if someone was "compatible"

flowerpower5838 · November 2017

cait5413 said:

What has been somewhat surprising as a STM is how less "tuned-in" I have been to this pregnancy. Between DD and work, I have been so busy and tired that there have definitely been fewer moments of connection with the LO on the way!

Yes to this. I really did not connect with this LO in the same way I connected with DS until very recently. There's obviously the whole having a toddler thing, I also started showing later, LO isn't getting a nursery so there was no real prep, DS is 20 months so not a lot to buy, second kid so no showers, etc. There just wasn't a lot of excitement (aside from the whole having a baby thing, obvi!) so it took some time to slow down and connect. I take her crazy nonstop movement to be her first cry for attention lol. So that's a bit of a regret, but at the same time it made things go SO much quicker.

Like so many of you, I would have loved to have been a bit more active. Giving birth is a marathon and I am not ready for that.

Surprised that I gained WAY less than I did with DS even though I wasn't particularly active nor was I eating clean. I guess that's the difference of chasing around a toddler after work instead of going home and napping, waking to eat and going to bed lol. I did start 20 pounds heavier but I am looking at about a 25-30 pound difference (+20 right now, +55 total with DS).

Also a +1 for having a mostly positive pregnancy. I keep thinking that I had a super easy smooth sailing pregnancy, and while I mostly did, I had low HCG and progesterone levels early so there was the ***TW MC scare that I can't seem to escape with my HX of loss end TW*** I was on progesterone suppositories until I hit 10 weeks which led to a UTI and killer (TMI) yeast infection, I tested positive early for GBS (not a big deal, but still just another thing). I had an SCH that took a while to resolve itself and that of course comes with a DX of "threatened MC" so that was stressful. Thankfully most of my "problems" were done by the time I hit the second tri, but i feel like I've been much more optimistic and positive than I usually am and I feel great at 35 weeks so I can't really complain!

oncape100615 · November 2017

@failuretofly - 1000000% My son is like 33lbs of dead weight and he's such a momma's boy that he insists upon a lot of "hold meeeee" - I'm at the point where I can't really breathe and hold him at the same time so there's a lot of pick him up, find the nearest seat, and lower. Weighted front squats, just like being at the gym!

MJDsquared · November 2017

To be positive--I've had a really really easy pregnancy. So the fact that my only complaint is my activity/eating (which is 100% on me) is a really good thing.

babybison · November 2017

Is it weird to say I think my body was made to be pregnant? At least compared to a lot of you, and my family, my pregnancy has been super easy. The only test I had come back as bad was vitamin D, and that's my fault for being a skin cancer avoiding vampire. The whole process just kind of took me by surprise.

elvenchick92686 · November 2017

Regrets i have- 1) not stopping work sooner to focus on baby prep and just my general health since my paychecks really didnt matter much. 2) I wish i had done more belly pictures in the beginning. 3) wish i had a better diet in the beginning to where i could *maybe* have not had GD the entire pregnancy.

Surprises- I was very surprised how soon my mamma bear instincts kicked in and how much ive stood up for myself and what ive wanted and/or needed for support during the earlier parts of this pregnancy.

Over all---Even though I always say i am ready to meet to baby and how much complaining I do about hurting or drama. I am secretly freaked out i am only 16 days out from having my LO. I break down ugly cry at least once a day in freak out mode that she will be here soon and i will have a life to take care of. I know my mom, doctors, and this board will have my back and be here to help but i still dont believe ill be a good enough mom. *TW* I think its just because we lost our first few babies so this is my first actual baby but im just freaked out To have this tiny baby that i have to figure things out for and worried ill make wrong calls or do the wrong thing. Im excited we get to finally have a LO but im completely and utterly terrified at the same time. I try to put on a brave, wonder women, " ive got this in the bag" fave but yep totally terrfied!!!!

Another surprise but totally unrelated to me---i just found out that one of my best friends is pregnant as well so fairy dust that it sticks and i can help her through things!!!

elcd458 · November 2017

elvenchick92686 said:

Over all---Even though I always say i am ready to meet to baby and how much complaining I do about hurting or drama. I am secretly freaked out i am only 16 days out from having my LO. I break down ugly cry at least once a day in freak out mode that she will be here soon and i will have a life to take care of.

Literally been doing this exact thing for the last 20 minutes. I think it finally hit me that I won't be going "home" for the holidays and I am majorly all up in my feelings about it, and officially being the adult at Christmas and not the kid.

elvenchick92686 · November 2017

@elcd458 glad to know im not the only one. I usually dont go home and just hang around SO family but now we have to coordinate holidays and im just not prepared for all the traveling and hecticness

tmk0325 · November 2017

@whiska you could still do a maternity shoot! You could probably find a local photographer that has some mini sessions available or could squeeze you in yet. You only need 30 min to an hour!

I don't know that I have many regrets this pregnancy. Considering I now have made it 5 weeks longer than I did with my boys, everything about this so far has been a positive, besides having to have weekly progesterone injections. Carrying 1 baby instead of 2, so much easier. I physically feel so much better than I did with them. At 36 weeks, I'm finally starting to feel it. While I haven't been working out (who has time for that?), I do work full time, get home and chase around 2 toddlers for 2 hours, so I consider that my work out. My weight gain so far has been the same as with the twins, however I have been eating much more crappy than I did with them. If anything I probably should of tried harder there.

I take weekly photos, I have a bump book (that I more often than not forget to write in), did maternity photos, and everything else. I guess I just didn't want to forget what will most likely be my last pregnancy.

There are a few things that I have left to do that I'm hoping to get done before this one arrives: purchase a mini van, install all the car seats, wash and sanitize bottles/pacifiers, wash the rock n play cover/activity mat, clean my house, make freezer meals, and finally get all my xmas presents wrapped. I'm really hoping we go to my scheduled C-Section date of December 8, so I can get this stuff done that week, because my last day of work is the 1st. If not, the biggest concern at the moment is the vehicle and my mom assures me (she sells cars), I'll have one soon.

collectiveliving · November 2017

I regret not having called on some friends earlier for help with nesting and getting set up in our house. DW is doing a lot, but she's super busy at work, our collective is helping out as they can, but I *finally* scheduled a work party for this Saturday (3 weeks before my duedate), to crank out some things that are just going to make me feel more settled and as "ready" as I can be.
Glad I'm doing it now though!

Thanks to all for sharing positives in here too, and quoting @breezybee, since I really needed to hear this today- "We're almost there you guys. We fucking did it. We should all be so proud of ourselves, because this shit is not easy!"

Piccola1988 · November 2017

I wish we had tried to close on our house a little earlier so I could enjoy the end of pregnancy and focus on baby instead of focusing on the house. I feel like I’m “ruining it” because I’m so stressed about getting settled and finishing my kitchen remodel. I have SO much to do for the baby.

I also wish I had taken more pictures, and not necessarily bump pictures, but pictures doing things with my husband, friends, family, etc.

That being said, I am proud to have made it to the home stretch, and I even more so because others have remarked about how little I complained throughout pregnancy. I wish I had worked out more, but truthfully I stayed pretty active and did not gain much weight outside of my belly. So...score on all of that and I guess I’ll try to enjoy this last month and take some damn pictures!

mdcd44127 · November 2017

Surprises... Somehow I was blessed with having almost no pregnancy symptoms and minimal weight gain/swelling, and have just felt overall fantastic and healthy this pregnancy. I'm so, so grateful for this super positive experience *TW* after horrible HG preceding a loss about 10 years ago, and infertility struggles for the past couple years *END TW* and now I somehow feel "ready" for this whole parenting thing (with the requisite amount of cluelessness and terror, of course). Since this will likely be our only child, I could not have asked for a better pregnancy experience.

I was also unsure how I'd feel if I found out I was having a son, since I had pictured myself with a daughter my whole life, but from the moment we found out I was having a boy my heart has been so full of love and gratitude for this little guy, and I've completely embraced being a boy-mom.

Regrets... Like many of you, I regret not being more active during this pregnancy... my plan was to regularly go for long walks and get into prenatal yoga, but between unpredictable weather, physical exhaustion, and various other excuses, that just never materialized. (Though DH and I did finally start going for walks around our (very hilly) parking lot at work during our lunch breaks around week 25, which was really nice.) I also should have been way better about not giving into this pregnancy-induced sweet tooth so often, because at this point I think my kid is going to be a hummingbird. The weight gain hasn't been bad, but I could have used waaay more self-control, and I know the post-baby weight loss is going to be that more more of a struggle now that I've developed such bad snacking habits.

Part of me also regrets not being more of an advocate for myself where my family is concerned. Not having had a baby shower with my family made me super sad, and I've discovered that I definitely don't have a strong extended support group like I thought I did, but I also don't know how I could have done much different on that front... it's not like I was going to demand a shower, and I might have tried to throw one for myself had I known earlier that my mom was going to back out. Oh well, chalk it up to lessons learned.

Overall reflections... I can't believe this is almost over! The first 10 weeks craaaawled by, I never thought I'd make it to this point, but then someone hit the fast-forward button and now here I am less than three weeks away from meeting my son! This sounds ridiculously corny, but I'm so glad I came to the Bump, you guys have been the hilarious, encouraging, sarcastic and totally relatable support group that I kind of lack IRL, and getting to know you all and sharing this experience has been so much fun.

abcola · November 2017

@djd0404 Maybe depending on how you're feeling post delivery you could have a 'sip and see'. I have only heard about them but basically it's like a shower but people come meet the baby and can also bring you gifts (since you didnt have a shower its not like you're asking for two gifts) You can have some light food, mingling, and oohing and ahhing at the baby all while people bring you diapers and other things you might need... Just a thought!

kimbo2015 · November 2017

I agree with so many of you about regretting not exercising enough! I've done 3 5ks this pregnancy but that's about it. I find it so much harder to exercise with a needy 2 year old on top of it. I also regret not eating as good as I should. DH is a super picky eater and it's just too hard to cook multiple things.

skc040512 · November 2017

kimbo2015 said:

I agree with so many of you about regretting not exercising enough! I've done 3 5ks this pregnancy but that's about it. I find it so much harder to exercise with a needy 2 year old on top of it. I also regret not eating as good as I should. DH is a super picky eater and it's just too hard to cook multiple things.

I’ve maybe walked 3 5ks this entire pregnancy, not as a coordinated effort. If you’re still up for that much walking/running, good for you! I was done by about 15 weeks lol

FakeFinn · November 2017

I also didn’t take that many bump photos, unfortunately. I do have a photo shoot today, so I’m sort of making up for it

I regret not starting my hypnobirthing sooner. I need to practice!

balletnerd · November 2017

I regret not eating healthier. Not that I have excessive weight gain or anything... I was just hoping to consume some more nutritious foods- but I’m so darn picky. lol

surprises- That pregnancy hasn’t really limited me. I thought by the time I hit 7 or 8 months that it would be slowing me down. But I’m still taking company dance classes, still up and teaching. It’s been fun to prove myself and others wrong. We can grow a child and be strong. Heck I was moving furniture yesterday lol.

Finish line- how are we already here?!? The months have flown by. Awesome job everyone!!! Can’t wait to see all the pictures!

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