Mother wants to throw me a shower, but I'm hesistant...

knottie1e8c1479b4d18e8b · September 2017

Hi ladies, I'm due in January of 2018. Its my first pregnancy. My mother offered to throw me a baby shower after I expressed I didnt think I wanted one. My sister urged saying I woupd regret it, my dad says its a chance to get free gifts. Other family just expects I will have one. The problem is, I find it kind of weird to celebrate a baby before they are born. I also dont like the idea of people buying gifts for me and being the center of attention just because I'm pregnant. I dont really care for baby showers. However, it seems like nowadays everyone has one, and people are almost offended if you don' or -think you're strange. Ettiquite wise, I thought the grandmother shouldn't throw it anyways and no friends have offered which I'm fine with. Will I regret not having a shower? Is it really that necessary??? All opinions harsh or not welcome. I've never gone through this before.

babymakes9 · September 2017

Showers are optional. I think they are just as much for the friends and family to celebrate the new little ones as it is for the parents. If you are having trouble celebrating the baby before it s born, suggest a sip 'n see after birth instead.

[Deleted User] · September 2017

Showers are not necessary. I second suggesting a sip 'n see instead.

cseley321 · September 2017

I believe a lot of moms throw their daughter's baby shower, so it's not that strange to have happen. If doing a sip and see after the baby arrives makes you more comfortable, go for it. But don't forget you will probably be exhausted beyond belief at that point (the lack of sleep for the first 3+ months is REAL.) Also it will be full blown cold and flu season in January. Personally I stayed locked away during those first few months to try avoid a sick infant.

I opted for a regular shower and while it's not something I would normally enjoy, I had fun. It gave me a last hoorah before my kid took over, lol.

knottie1e8c1479b4d18e8b · September 2017

Thanks for the replies. I like the idea of a sip n see, but I also agree that January flu season would be a horrible time for visitors around baby. Maybe I can post pone a sip n see for Spring? Would that seem tacky to push it that far away from the birth in Jan?

JennyColada · September 2017

Do you think that everyone would still come by to visit/see the baby even if you don't host a S&S? One of the main benefits (that I've heard, still TTC here) is that you get everyone over to see the baby al in one go, gather than having visitors rotate every few days for months. I think it just depends on you and what you want. If your S&S is so far out, you may get everyone say "well can I just come over now and see the baby?" Which ends up being a lot of hosting (read: work) on your part.

sasha29-2 · September 2017

I was in your shoes, til I realized it was easier to just let the shower happen than to fight it tooth and nail. It's a total hot mess, it's going to be ginormous (like 100+ people), and I'm going to want to hide in the bathroom the whole time it's happening, but at least it's all over in a few hours. In my family, at least, if someone wants to throw you a party and you refuse to cooperate, they'll just throw you a surprise party instead, and that to me is even more of a nightmare, so it's all about the lesser of the evils. So I'm just going to grit my teeth, smile like an idiot, let a bunch of old ladies fuss over me for three hours, and collect everything the kid will need til he's 45.

And quite frankly, although we'll probably end up exchanging a lot of stuff for diapers, it's nice to know I don't have to worry about buying a pack n play or our co-sleeper.

I guess the bottom line is if you know your family is going to throw you a party anyway, maybe discretion is the better part of valor here and at least make sure you know about it in advance.

neverblushed · September 2017

I think you should follow your gut and politely decline your mom's offer of a shower, for all the reasons you mention in your post. I honestly don't think you'll think much about this later. When the baby is born, both you and your family will be MUCH more focused on the excitement of the baby's arrival -- and later on the baby's development at each milestone -- than on whether or not you had a shower.

Your family is showing their excitement about your pregnancy through this offer of a shower.

If it appeals to you, maybe suggest that they throw a "meet the baby" party after the baby is born. That takes the emphasis off of gift-giving and puts it on celebrating the baby. People who want to get the baby a little something will still do so, of course.

This isn't going to be the last time you have to set boundaries around what you want and don't want when it comes to this baby, so just start as you mean to go on. Don't let your family pressure you.

lovesclimbing · October 2017

Showers are often thrown after the baby is born. This is very common, and I've been to several. Simply ask your mother to throw it afterward.

My sister was originally going to throw my shower after the baby was born. But then, I asked her if it could be before so I'd know what I'd still need to get. So she did.

Knottief337d60fd2e6eb43 · November 2017

I believe you should do whatever YOU want to do. I personally need the shower for the stuff. But if you can afford all the things that you would get at a baby shower and you don't want one then don't do it! I've been to a sprinkle and it was after baby was born and was an open house style event. Then people can come and go to meet baby but it's way more relaxed. Best of luck

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