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January 2018 Moms
whitta1015
member
STM+ - Biggest Surprises About Going Into Labor
whitta1015
member
I saw this on the December '17 board and thought it was really interesting to read through the answers!
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STM + - What surprised you the most about:
- Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
- The laboring process
- Delivery itself
- Recovery
Also, any tips for getting through these surprises?
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STM + - What surprised you the most about:
- Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
- The laboring process
- Delivery itself
- Recovery
Also, any tips for getting through these surprises?
Re: STM+ - Biggest Surprises About Going Into Labor
Hmmmmm, let's see...
I guess what surprised me the most about going into labor was that it wasn't obvious to me that I was in labor. In the movies or in stories you hear about very specific symptoms or events that occur (water breaking, incredibly painful contractions, etc) that just didn't happen for me. If I hadn't gone to my OB on a whim that day, I may have birthed a breech baby on my own (well, maybe not but who knows?) - literally 2 hours after I arrived at my appointment I was entering transition and having to immediately get into the OR for my C-section.
What surprised me the most about the actual C-section was how quick it was. Once I got my spinal, I swear she was born within 5 minutes.
This is going to sound silly, but having a C-section I just didn't anticipate bleeding so much after (lochia). I mean, it makes total sense but it just didn't occur to me.
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
The laboring process: I headed to the hospital after I took a shower. Contractions started in the car and I was surprised at how strong and close together they were immediately. I never got the weaker beginning contractions. I always saw on tv how they tell women in labor to breathe through the contractions and thought that seemed unnecessary, but that was me. It took a while before I got used to it. I got my epidural shortly after arriving, I believe I was about 4cm at the time. It was my favorite thing ever and I don't regret getting it for a second. Laboring for me was actually a pretty quiet process. I expected to feel way more emotions, but mostly I laid quietly in the bed not feeling much at all.
Delivery itself: Delivery was also not nearly as bad as I anticipated. I only pushed for about 15 minutes. It took a few contractions for me to really figure out pushing. I thought it would come more naturally, but that is a downside to the epidural and not being able to feel much.
Recovery: My physical recovery was probably the biggest surprise: it was super easy. I was so distracted by DS that I was able to easily ignore most of the pain. When I'd move and make a pained face DH would get me ibuprofen and that made everything very manageable.
I think my overall biggest surprise was that I enjoyed labor and delivery waaaay more than pregnancy. It was mostly calm and peaceful. Definitely a day I will remember so many details to forever.
I like this post because I would have liked reading these things when I was pregnant with DD. And who knows, this might apply to someone!
Going into Labor: My biggest surprise was my water “breaking.” I guess I assumed it would be some obvious thing but no. Some women (me!) get a tiny leak instead of a break… so I was 39 weeks + 3 days and just felt a very short, weird “gush” of fluid when I was walking… but it wasn’t much but still noticeable. I put a liner in and felt it once more that day at the gym. It was pale pink. So I went into the doctor. She swiped me and tested it and said it was NOT amniotic fluid and that pregnant women get “lots of discharge.” I had no contractions, pain, anything. The next day, the same thing happened. I just knew it wasn’t discharge. Even though I felt like a fool, I went in and they swiped me… it WAS amniotic fluid! And I needed to be induced ASAP because the risk of infection is high. This doctor said that the day before DD’s head had probably moved and was covering my cervix so the leak was totally stopped and there was no fluid when she swiped, lol.
The laboring process: Dear God did it take my body forever to dilate fully… and also I was surprised how bad I was at pushing, lol.
Delivery: I truly don’t think DD wanted to enter the world yet (true to form—she’s very stubborn). I ended up needing forceps, an episiotomy, and had a 4th degree tear… but you could not tell for one second she had forceps AND even with all of that, it wasn’t so bad!
Recovery: The baby blues are short but very real. I agree with @maueraa07 though… the pain was almost not present because I had this amazing little baby to hold, love, and feed.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
I was induced. I don't think anything there really surprised me.
The laboring process
I was induced early in the morning, they broke my waters at about 10 a.m. (I wanted to ask them to wait, but didn't speak up. In hindsight, I wish I would have spoken up about my wishes.) I made it until about 2 p.m. without an epidural, then the pitocin sucked, so I requested one. Apparently, you can often still move your legs to an extent with an epidural (help move them, wiggle toes, etc.). I did not and could not feel a single thing below my abdomen until after DD was born. They had to have nurses come in and move my legs for me and they had to tell me when I was having a contraction. I apparently am not a good laborer. My contractions would get really close together and strong, then fade back out to 10 minutes apart. I was sitting in the same position for hours on end and made absolutely no progress. When the day shift nurses were leaving, they told me I would likely be sectioned due to how long my waters had been broken (hence, why I wish I would have spoken up). The night shift nurse came on, asked how long I'd been in that position, and when I told her hours, she told me she was going to put me on my side, then flip me shortly after. I went from not progressing at all (ok, maybe a half cm) from about 5 a.m. until the night shift came on presumbably around 7 p.m. to having her around 10 p.m.
I guess my tips here would be to speak up for what you want and if you do get an epidural, ask them to move you and not leave you in one position.
As an aside on this point, I also didn't know you would get a catheter with an epidural. I don't even remember getting one, but apparently they waited too long, so the next day, I stood to go to the bathroom and could not hold it. It was super embarassing. So, that can happen...
Delivery itself
As I mentioned above, I could not feel anything at all. They had to tell me when I was contracting and to push. I only pushed twice and she was out. Because of that, she didn't have time to have the amniotic fluid squeezed out (didn't know that was a thing), so she was coughing and sounded like she was choking all night. It was absolutely terrifying, but normal.
Another surprise was that they told me I could "watch" and pulled up a mirror. It creeped me out, and I asked them to move it immediately, but if you are motivated by seeing results, you may be able to have a mirror so you can watch your progress.
Recovery
My recovery wasn't too surprising from what I can remember, but I had a lot going on in those days, so I don't really remember. The only thing I can say, is to watch out for PPD and PPA and to make sure not to try and ignore any signs. We are often so focused on the babies that we ignore things in ourselves.
Also, any tips for getting through these surprises?
- The laboring process how much pain I could handle! I wanted to go med-free as long as possible, besides the pitocin, and made it until 2 or 3am Sunday morning before needing the epidural. Pitocin contractions are also the WORST so I was kind of feeling like a rockstar after the fact.
- Delivery itself so Sunday am, the OB broke my water and the nurses told me I could labor down for an hour or two before I'd be ready to push. About 15 minutes after that, I felt this overwhelming instinct to push. I started shaking super hard and had DH push the call button a million times because of how strong it was. I'm still in awe of what the female body is capable of, and was so surprised by the raw instinct I felt. I also watched the entire birth in a mirror, as did DH. It was incredible. Also, pushing was so difficult for me! It took 3 hours before we finally met DD.
- Recovery So much more painful than I had thought it was going to be. I had a 2nd degree tear and the stitches hurt so bad. I also was an emotional wreck for about 2 months after. I didn't expect to feel the way I did. Also, no one warned me about the PP sweats! They lasted months.
Edited for spelling
I was put on hospital bed rest for Pre E at 34.5 weeks. I was aloud 1 30 minute wheel chair push around the hospital per day. It sucked. At 37 weeks they decided DD was big enough and would induce me.
Induction process:
I had heard horror stories and was very scared of being induced. I was 1 cm and high and tight. They started with a cervical rippener at 930 am (this hurt like a MoFo being put in, I didn't expect that) after 30 minutes DD started having heart deceleration and they removed the cervical drug. They said I would have that drug in for 12 hours and maybe make it to a 3cm. They checked me and miraculously I was at a 5 cm after 30 minutes. From there is a blur bc of the pictocin contractions hurt a lot.
My water literally exploded from all the pressure ( that was very painful and I started crying and requested an epidural). It all went quickly from there and DD was born at 936 pm almost 12 hours to the minute. Unheard of for an induction, that was unexpected.
Recovery:
I was so miserable with being pregnant, having SPD and being in the hospital. That I felt AMAZING post partum.
Unexpected:
After returning to work i developed PPD and PPA. I didn't even realize there was a problem. I quit my job and got a new one thinking that's why I was unhappy. I ended up having a nervous breakdown after 6 weeks at my new job. Best advice I have is, be open about how you are feeling and know that you can get a perinatal mood disorder up to 12 months post partum
Kind of a novel...
Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
With DD I never went in to spontaneous labor. At 41+4 I arrived at the hospital for an induction at 7pm, I was fully effaced and at 1 (I think?) but no signs of advancement/progression since my doctors appointment earlier in the week. That night they started me on the cervadil and hooked me up to all the various monitors and started me an IV of just fluid in my arm. NBD to be honest. They gave me a sleeping pill (Ambien?) that night to hopefully help me sleep since it'd be my last chance to get a few solid hours of uninterrupted sleep. It did NOTHING for me. I think between nerves and the IV fluid making me need to pee every 2.5 minutes I wasted a perfectly good sleeping pill.
The laboring process
The next morning my midwife came to check on me around 7am, no changes in my cervix or anything fun so they decided to start the Pitocin at a low dose and see if that would jump start things. She came back around 10:30 to check on my status, no significant change (maybe I progressed to a 2 at that point, but I really don't think it was a measurable change). She broke my water, upped my level of Pitocin (the nurses had been upping it slowly every hour, but my midwife made a big jump in dose). Hoo boy, the contractions really kicked in and with each one the amniotic fluid essentially SPRAYED out of me.
At about 2:00pm the contractions were insane and I finally asked for an epidural. They came in and placed the line. It helped, but I could still feel ALL the contractions right on my left hip bone. It was a bizarre (and extremely painful) situation. The nurses tried placing me in different positions to try to get the epidural to full "take" but no luck. In the meantime my midwife had to leave-her daughter was at cheer camp and apparently broke her arm, so my care team suddenly changed. While in the process of getting a second epidural placed the new midwife in charge of my care came in and introduced herself and read all the reports and chatted with the nurses about everything so that she was up to speed. Thankfully the second epidural worked beautifully and I, blissfully, felt nothing. But at that point I was finally able to actually pay attention to the nurses and my midwife. Their body language and quiet communications between each other made it clear that something was not ok.
Delivery itself
What was not ok is that with each contraction my daughter's heartrate would absolutely crash, then once the contraction would pass it would soar back up to a super high rate. My baby was in distress. They calmly came over to me and called my husband over and expressed that with my lack of progress (I was only at a 4 at this point) and the baby's continued signs of distress I was going to need an emergency C-section. I looked at my husband, who had the deer in the headlights look on his face, looked back at my care team and said "Ok." From me saying "ok" in my L&D room to me being in the OR with the doctor introducing himself and me being "arranged" on the surgical table was about 8 minutes. It was unreal how fast things went (my husband almost didn't make it in to the OR because he was trying to text my mom the update and get dressed in scrubs). Like @MissBlaze said, the actual surgery to have my daughter took no time. By the time I was able to process what was going on, they were already starting the procedure. It seemed like it took no time to deliver her. It took a few more minutes for them to get me cleaned up and back in my room with her, but honestly, the whole thing from "Ok" to being back with my baby was maybe an hour at absolute most...I don't think it even took that long.
Recovery
Recovery at the hospital was rough for me. Between having a new baby to take care of, guests visiting, and the hospital staff coming in every so often to check on me or the baby I didn't sleep at all. I also had a hemoglobin count of 4.8 the morning after my surgery-prompting 2 emergency blood transfusions. I honestly did not feel bad (or didn't recognize how bad I felt) until I got the transfusions and realized the fog that I had been in prior to them. However, once that was sorted out I really did not have a rough recovery so to speak. I was sore and tired, but I think that's typical of every new mom. It took me a couple weeks to recover from the sore aspect, but honestly, it wasn't an awful recovery for me.
My advice-PPD/PPA for some (like me) can be a delayed experience. I had my daughter in February and it honestly took until the week of the 2016 presidential election for me to recognize that I was depressed. While I fully admit the election did not go my way, I was absolutely despondent...like could barely function, cried nonstop, etc. I realized my reaction to things was not rational or normal (for me) and took a moment to evaluate a few things in my life. That was the "event" for me to realize I was struggling. So my advice to all of us, if (or when) you have that light bulb moment-whenever it occurs-please get help. My care team was amazing and supportive even though it had been several months since I had given birth.
Jan '18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
- The laboring process: We checked in and got to a room around 5am. Overall, labor was pretty calm. DH knew not to talk to me through contractions, haha. I definitely utilized a lot of the options the hospital provided for being comfortable. My favorites were the birthing ball and the bathtub. I was surprised that I even went for the bath but that was where I felt most relaxed! I wanted to hold off as long as possible on the epidural. They broke my water and determined meconium was present, so DH wouldn't be able to cut the cord because the doctor would have to quickly get DS over to the team of nurses in there to suction him really well (this was one of those things you don't think about as you're just ready to hold your baby, but it is a possibility especially when you go past your due date) I ended up getting the epidural around 5pm. The process of getting the epidural was not bad at all--that was surprising! The hardest part is staying still for it while simultaneously contracting. I progressed much faster when I was able to relax with the epidural, but I did miss being able to move around freely. I could still tell when I was having a contraction but there was no pain involved. I completely forgot about the catheter being there until it was removed!
- Delivery itself: I thought I would be soooo good at pushing, and I wasn't!!! My contractions weren't very close together either, so I ended up pushing for about an hour and a half. They offered the mirror and I decided to try it out. THAT is when I was able to push him out, being able to see!!! I thought I would get freaked out, but it was amazing to be able to see everything. Definitely try different things, even if you don't think you'll like it. You may surprise yourself!
- Recovery: When they removed the epidural, feeling came back pretty quickly for me. And oh my...my. butt. hurt. I had 2nd degree tearing and stitches. They let me hold DS for a few minutes but whisked him away (& DH followed) to the special care nursery because he was having a hard time transitioning (quick paced breathing). I laid in the L&D room all alone, trying to eat some cold chicken nuggets because that's what DH tossed at me before following them out with DS, but I hardly had the energy! You really do forget about the pain when you have this brand new, amazing, little life that you just brought into the world. It's all so exhilarating. But..my butt hurt. And it continued to hurt for almost 2 weeks. Take your stool softeners and your ibuprofen and take them as directed around the clock until you feel like you don't need them anymore! You'll know. The other surprise was passing a few blood clots a few weeks later. They say as long as they're not bigger than a fist or a lemon, that it's okay. Mine were smaller, but still *seemed* big-think golf ball sized! We had visitors and I was sitting on the couch when I felt something coming out down there and ran to the bathroom. It wasn't pretty, a slightly freaky moment, but it's normal! Like some others, I was surprised by the night sweats!! And the baby blues are very real and very normal-for me they lasted about 3 weeks post partum.
Mine also wore off on one side while I was pushing so they fixed it for me and I was stuck in bed for a super long time because my right side took longer to come back.
My ENTIRE going-into-labor process was a surprise! First, I went into labor early...which I didn't expect (11 days before my due date). I had worked that day (teacher), but had been feeling "off..." and was getting a cold. That same afternoon, I had an OB appointment. My doctor told me I was dilated to a 1, and that I would probably have the baby, "sometime next week." She recommended that I call in my sub, rest for the next week, and try to fight off my coming cold. I had braxton hicks for the rest of the day, but attributed them to the cervical check I had had that day. By 8pm, the contractions had stopped, and I was in bed by 10pm. I woke up at 11:30 with the most intense, back-to-back contractions (3 minutes apart). I was surprised at how quickly (and painfully) they came. I hopped in the shower, and when I got out, my water "broke." I was like, @EmilyLove25. It was a trickle...not a gush, and it wasn't until we got to the hospital that they confirmed my water had broken and that I was at a 6.
- The laboring process
I was surprised at how fast it went! I got to the hospital by 12:30, was in my room by 1:00, and had an epidural by 2:00. The next little while included getting settled in, talking about my birth plan, and trying to calm down despite the adrenaline. By 3:30, my nurse told me to sleep. Yeah right. Within an hour, the pressure had increased, and I called the nurse. She checked me, and I was at a 10. They prepped the room, and by 5:00, I was pushing.
- Delivery itself
I have watched three of my nieces/nephews being born, and with all of them, it took only a few pushes and the baby was out. Not the case with me! I pushed for an hour, and DD was born at 5:54 am. It didn't feel like it took that long, though. I was so focused, that the time seemed to fly. I had the world's BEST epidural (only from my waist to my knees, and I could feel everything...but the pain was mostly dulled). One surprise was the team that came in right at the end of delivery. They had thought that DD had ingested poop during delivery (they saw meconium in my amniotic fluid), and so they had an emergency team ready to deal with that, but when she came out, they saw that she hadn't, and the team quickly left.
- Recovery
Physically, it was a dream. I had a 2nd to 3rd degree tear, but it only gave me mild discomfort. Emotionally, I was a wreck. The baby blues and PPD/PPA are NOT FUN! I agree with what a lot of PP's have said. Take care of yourselves, ladies! It took me about six months to start feeling somewhat normal again, and about a year to fully recover. I wish I had given more attention to my depression rather than just trying to grit my teeth through it. I think I would have found relief MUCH earlier if I had!
Edited: words
@burnsmommy27 yes!!! Thank goodness for that nurse. Isn't it amazing what we forget about it all? It's fun to reminisce. I vaguely remember walking (very slowly) down the hallway with a nurse holding onto me and I asked her why people would want to do it a second time; it doesn't take long to realize the temporary pain is more than worth it!
I also just wanted to second what @missblaze said. There are countless scenarios for how we deal with this change in life, and just because your's doesn't look like someone else's does NOT mean there is something wrong with you. I wish I had known that before having DD because I dealt with a LOT of guilt in the early months.
I was induced and had the Foley balloon at first to get things going. From pitocin to delivery was about 5 hours however the total induction process was 24 hours for me.
- The laboring process Time went by very very quickly once they started the pitocin. I asked for the epidural when they told me I was at a 6. I was super disappointed with this number in correlation to how I felt. The anesthesiologist took what felt like forever to get there because he was tending to a Dad next door that passed out during the wife’s epidural. My water had burst just before he finally showed up. I was so emotional and completely irrational at this point. It was so incredibly difficult to sit still for that epidural. So very appreciative of that nurse who helped me to sit still. She was amazing! I delivered DS within 30 min of getting the epidural and about 2 hours after I initially asked for it. I would not have received the epidural had I know I was that close to delivery.
- Delivery itself I expected it to take hours to push DS out, but it took about 3 contractions.
- Recovery I didn’t tear but had abrasions. Boy do those hurt when urine hits them! Also I wasn’t too sore until about 10 days after delivery and then I didn’t want to get out of bed for a few days. It really hurts to get up and down because you use your pelvic floor more than you realize to stand up etc.
Like others have mentioned, I was not immediately over the moon in love with DS. I truly felt like we were strangers getting to know one another.
ETA more for clarity.
And, as a FTM, it is so reassuring to see that you've dealt with, in some various ways, a difficulty bonding to your baby. I felt like an alien when I wasn't immediately in love with a pee stick. And I've come to more of an excitement now but I also understand that things will be difficult and it might take some time to form that mommy and baby bond. It helps to be reminded that the baby is a stranger.
Anywho, just wanted to thank everyone for encouraging this FTM.
I was surprised that I was the only one of my friends to go in to labor on my own. )My three college roommates and I were all pregnant at the same time). I went in to labor at 39 +3. I was also surprised that I just kind of “knew” this was it. I felt crappy and crampy and just overall gross...even before contractions started.
- The laboring process
I was surprised that nothing went according to plan and that all modesty went completely out the window. I have always been super conservative but when in that delivery room (and after) I didn’t care who saw any part of me!!
- Delivery itself
I didn’t realize I would be terrible at pushing...and that it would take hours. I was completely exhausted...
- Recovery
I didn’t expect breastfeeding to be so painful or be such a process. It took a good couple of weeks - and lots of tears - for DD and I to figure it out. I also didn’t expect Day 4 to be such an emotional drop. I remember being at home and just crying and not even knowing why. I also didn’t feel the immediate connection with DD and she is now my favorite person in the world...but tv and movies always make it seem like you are instantly in love and I didn’t get that. Everyone also says how you’ll be tired with a newborn, but I didn’t have a real understanding or concept of what that would actually be like. It’s almost like you don’t even know what tired is before having a baby...
Re: not bonding with the baby, I was one who felt that right away. BUT when we got home I really struggled. There's one night in particular that stands out-she was maybe 3 weeks old and I was home alone with her and she wouldn't stop crying. I remember just sitting in the glider with her and sobbing because in that moment in time, I didn't understand why I had wanted a baby in the first place. But then eventually she stopped, DH got home, I took a bath, and I was past it. Momming is hard work, but so, so worth it despite the hard moments.
Going into Labor
I was induced at 38 wks because I had pregnancy-induced hypertension. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I didn’t have my hospital bag fully ready, I didn’t have all of baby’s things ready either. I had to go to the hospital immediately after my 38 wk checkup. I labored for 45 hours and I ended up having a c-section. As a FTM, I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of being induced. I didn’t know the process, the medications, NOTHING. I had a birth plan and all that, but I never planned ahead for having a baby before 39 weeks! I didn’t know it at the time, but my life was on the line because my blood pressure was so high. I was surprised that I had an easy, uneventful pregnancy and it turned out like this in the end.
The laboring process
My husband and I had prepared for labor doing the Bradley Method. My husband did great in staying awake and by my side, helping me through contractions. I’m still confused by it but I had intermittent monitoring but if I moved ever so slightly, the monitor would beep and beep, and a nurse would have to come in and adjust it. So because of that, I didn’t get to walk or use the birthing ball like I had planned to.
My mom was also in the room with me: worst idea ever. She was so worried about me and it just stressed me out even further. I also felt like labor was such an intimate moment with my husband and me, and I ended up not wanting her there.
I was given magnesium and a ton of antibiotics for strep B and the side effects were THE WORST. When the magnesium kicked in full-force, I felt so nauseous and sick, I couldn’t keep up with the breathing techniques and I lost it, and I asked for an epidural, at 7cm dilated. I also didn’t get any food for those 45 hours, only juice and broth.
Also, I want to add, I get kidney stones very frequently (12 so far this pregnancy) and people always tell me kidney stones hurt more than childbirth. THEY LIE. I was not prepared for labor contractions to hurt so bad.
Delivery itself:
I was surprised on how long it took to get baby in my arms after she was pulled out of me. It felt like forever! I also expected to look at her and be completely smitten and heart emoji eyed but actually, the first thing I did was inspect my baby lol! It was just my instinct to check her fingers, toes, everything! I felt attached, but relieved. My tears weren’t “I love you” tears, they were “I’m glad we are done” tears.
Recovery:
I didn’t expect to feel like a rag doll for months and months after my c-section. I never in a million years thought I’d have a c-section, so I had nothing prepared. I got myself some postpartum support underwear and a belly bandit and those two combined helped me be able to sit up and move like a regular person.
Stool softeners = BFFs 4 ever
Disposable mesh underwear from hospital: BEST EVER
I also used to think I’d bleed and bleed very heavily for weeks, and I was surprised the blood part only happened for a day or two after I got back from the hospital. The rest was never ending yellow blood stuff. I also didn’t expect to want sex so bad right after birth. It was terrible to wait so long.
Breastfeeding: I knew pretty much nothing about it before I had my baby. When she was born, all of a sudden I was expected to be an expert and know what a football hold was??!! I expected to exclusively breastfeed but I didn’t learn until months later that because of my PCOS, my breasts never developed fully to produce enough milk! I spent hours latching my baby, doing skin-to-skin, seeing lactation consultants.. I’d pump 15 min after every feeding... and I thought it was normal. NO ONE ever said, hey it’s ok, you can give your baby formula only. Mom shame and mom guilt are real.
eta: I was also surprised on how much I missed my dog while I was in labor. I kept asking my family who was watching her about her, I think it was my mommy instincts were going full force and I felt so worried about my furbaby!!
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
- Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
I am one of the odd-balls who never had Braxton Hicks with DD. (and to date, haven't had any with this LO either). So when at 11 days early, I started having contractions around 3am, I joked with Hubby (tat that time he was just my BF) that "Hey! I'm finally having some of those Braxton Hicks!". Well, being that he works in the ER and sees a LOT of people come in who have no idea that they are pregnant and in labor (yes, it happens ALL THE TIME!) he watched me for a few mins, and then said "I'm gonna go take a nap, just let me know how you are feeling in a bit." He knew what was up, but didn't want to say anything. So I laid in bed next to him, and finally said that I couldn't get comfy and was gonna go watch some TV before it was time to get ready for work. So I got up, and went to pee, and BOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Full on water breaking explosion.
I started laughing and screamed "Hey PIrate!" (yes, we call each other Mr and Mrs Pirate, as do all our friends) Him: "Yeah?",
Me: "What are you doing later today?",
Him : "Why?",
Me: "Just wondering if you have time to have a baby today",
Him "I was wondering when you were gonna figure out you were in labor". LOL Yeah, that's how our relationship rolls. So around 530, we called my parents (who have a 4 hour drive) and took a shower. Stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get treats for the staff and some brekkie for ourselves and then headed on over to the hospital.
- The laboring process
This was a bit of a whirlwind for me. When we got to the hospital, they determined I was 4CM, and it was definitely my water that had broken, BUT- there was meconium present. Apparently, DD's heartrate was already having issues, and the one nurse (whom works closely with DH and is a well respected nurse) looked me in the face and said "I don't like what her heartrate is doing. If it was up to me, I'd be sending you back for a C-Section RIGHT NOW. But it's not up to me. We'll see what the Dr says. ". She wasn't trying to scare me, just be honest and matter of fact. She's been in L&D for 30+ years, so she knows her shit.
Well, My OB was at a conference on the other side of the country, so it was her partner, whom I hadn't seen before, but had delivered a friend's baby. She was super nice (in the beginning). We got into my room, and this is where all hell started to break loose. I suddenly discovered that because there was a LOT of meconium in the water, and the heart decels, that I was not allowed out of the bed, and was stuck with an internal monitor. Which threw me into a panic because I wanted to walk. I knew I needed to not be in that bed. And sure enough, things started to slow down. (I was at a 5 at this point). The attending OB gave me a tiny bit of Pitocin and it threw me over the edge. I couldn't take it. I tried my best, but by the time I got to 7CM, I couldn't take it and needed the epidural which slowed things down even further. Once I got the epidural, I was so numb, I couldn't feel a dang thing. So, we waited for me to be dilated. I should have spoken up more and asked for less checks, and less poking and prodding....
- Delivery itself
It was finally time to push, but I couldn't feel a danged thing. So I'm trying and trying. And I think the attending OB was ready to go home. We had woken her up when we called to say that my water broke, around 530, and she had delivered three other babies, and had office visits that day. So she was worn out too. (I know this is no excuse, but it's what happened). So I pushed for maybe 30 mins, and then I threw a fever of 102, and needed antibiotics right away. So they started that. Then I kept trying to push, (again, I was useless because I was TOO numb), and they finally called it and said that DD's heart rate was not recovering at all, and we needed to go to the OR for a C-Section.
Here's where I was really surprised:
They jacked up my epidural even more, but in the OR it took them a good while to finally decide I was numb enough. I could feel from my belly button up, so they were a bit nervous. And rightfully so. Because once they started pulling my abdomen open, I could feel EVERYTHING. I couldn't feel them cutting, but when they said "you're gonna feel some pressure", that was total BS. I felt it ALL and was SCREAMING in the OR. And I have a
good amount of pain tolerance for stuff like this. (not the contractions, but medical procedures after dislocating an elbow are no big deal). They finally got her out, and I remember DH telling me to look up, but honestly, I don't remember seeing her face. I was in so much pain from them moving my innards around.
They finally got me back together and I accidentally freaked out one of the nurses because I asked to see my placenta. i was curious! I wanted to know what came out of me!
- Recovery
Recovery was rough from the C-section. I had no idea what to expect. And shortly after we got back to our room, DD started having trouble breathing because of the meconium getting in her lungs and they whisked her off to the NICU. So I was exhausted, crying because I didn't have my baby with me any more (I got to see her for about an hour), my FIL posted an announcement on FB before we could (even though we told him NOT to), and the next few days were hell. Everyone was holding my baby more than I was, it was hard for me to get to the NICU to breastfeed, and it was really overwhelming. We finally got to the Pediatrics Unit (down graded from NICU) and it was like homecoming since DH works there for one of his shifts. All the nurses took such good care of us, and helped to make not only DD feel better, but me as well. DH did have to step in and tell one Dr to eff off, because she was upsetting me too much (trying to force formula on me, when I was trying to breastfeed).
Happy to say that once we got home, everything settled down, and went much much more smoothly.
So, my words of advice- STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Don't worry about who's feelings you may hurt, this is about YOU. You are the one experiencing all of this. Don't hesitate to ask for a moment to calm down, and tell the staff to come back. It's YOUR care. Your body. YOUR BIRTH. You do what you need to do. Listen to what they have to say, but make your own choices and don't let staff, friends or family decide for you. (And Certainly set boundaries with family!!!!!! This is YOUR family now. They are now the "extended family", they are no longer immediate family, and do not get to dictate how YOU run your birth or new family".
*puts soapbox away*
Other than that, breastfeeding was hard and a lot of times I felt like giving up, but I stuck with it and it was worth it in the end, plus a great excuse for getting baby back if someone was monopolising him.
DD2: 9/12/13
Baby #3: Due January 2018
Personally, I breastfed for 3 months. I got to the point that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror (like, would actively look the opposite direction if I knew there was going to be one), sobbed everytime I had to breastfeed, DD would scream if she wasn't attached to me, I was under so much pressure that I just couldn't handle it anymore. Finally, my mom looked at me and sternly told me, "You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can put it on someone else. And, you cannot fill a cup from an empty pot." I stopped breastfeeding and started taking care of myself more. It was what was best at that point.
Moral of the story: Do what you need to do. We are all just trying to figure this whole motherhood thing out.
When we got home from the hospital I had your typical baby blues. I was super nervous, I was terrified to be alone at night. I would close all the blinds so no one could see in the house. I had dreams that someone would come kidnap my baby. This all eventually subsided around 3ish weeks post partum.
When I started back at work at 13 weeks PP. Is when my PPD and PPA really kicked in (I didn't realize)
PPD: I was very angry. I would flip out at DH basically over nothing. I didn't want to be a part of my family. I kept thinking I needed to be alone, maybe go on vacation and not come back. Right before I checked myself into a crisis center I was thinking things like " maybe if I just got cancer and could die" or "Maybe someone will hit me while I'm driving". I'd like to point out that I wasn't suicidal I just was apathetic to my life and would be ok if something happened to me but I wasn't going to hurt myself. Hope that makes sense
PPA: I was hyper aware of ALL the things i needed to do. I HAD to wash the bottles a certain way everyday. If I was feeling overwhelmed with no having enough time i would have a panic attack. I couldn't ask for help, I needed to do these things myself. Later an OB told me that women in the medical field are more likely to get PPA bc we are trained that things go in x,y,z order and we cannot deviate from that path (you can take that for what's it worth)
I hope sharing this very scary and difficult time in my life will help someone recognize that they may need to seek help. Admitting and telling DH that something was wrong with me was the hardest thing I've ever done
First, I want to say that I was never officially diagnosed. The reason? I was throroughly convinced that if I went to the doctor for it, that my baby would be taken away from me. I also had a lot of other stressors in my life at the time that did not help the situation. *Potential TW* I was in law school, which is hell in and of itself. DD caught a virus that quite literally could have killed her. I found out my ex-husband was cheating on me while I was pregnant (and I think he was continuing to do so while DD was in the hospital). *End TW*
Things that I experienced that lead me to believe I had it: I could not look at myself in the mirror (as stated earlier). I literally HATED myself. I do not use that term loosely here. I have never hated a human being as much as I hated myself in those days. Again, I thought if I told anyone how I was feeling, they would take DD away. I did what I had to do to keep moving, but I didn't really care about much. I was fiercely protective of DD, I would have done anything to protect her and keep her safe. But, I let myself go. I didn't care what happened to me. I didn't really care about school. Life just kind of happened, and I was just doing the motions. It is really a hard experience to explain, and I think it will, like labor, vary from person to person.
One thing I think is discouraging is the stigma around it. Additionally, my medical providers with DD only asked questions about whether I thought about hurting myself or DD- I didn't. Kind of like @burnsmommy27 described, I felt apathetic about what would happen to me. So, I don't think them only asking those questions was useful.
Like @lmmjd, I was never diagnosed. It wasn't until I came out of my "cloud" that I realized my experience was not normal and a bit extreme. I also experienced the normal baby blues: nervous, dreaded the night time, just an overall feeling of sadness/what did I do?? This lasted about six weeks.Then, I went back to work, and things escalated.
At first, I didn't have any issues caring for DD. I did so willingly and gladly. I was working full time and running on about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I stopped taking care of myself, and my emotional well-being suffered. I started crying every single night. Before, I would just kind of dread the night, but when DD was about 7 weeks old, the dread turned into full-blown crying every day the sun started to go down. My anxiety would ramp up because I knew the nighttime (and the isolation) were coming. I would work myself into a panic, and then couldn't sleep, which exacerbated the problem further.
Here was what my life was like until DD was about six months.
I was always on high-alert and couldn't calm down. I didn't want to leave the house because I felt out of my safe-zone and small outings overwhelmed me and sent my anxiety through the roof. I constantly thought something was wrong with DD, and, again, couldn't sleep because I would stare at her to make sure her chest was still rising and that she was still breathing. I was FIERCELY overprotective of her, but at one point my emotional state was so bad that I didn't even want to hold her. I wanted her within my sight at all times, but I didn't want to hold her. That was the HARDEST part for me. I thought there was something wrong with me. Why did I not want to hold my own baby? Like @burnsmommy27, I had thoughts of death too. I remember thinking that if I just died, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. Definitely NOT suicidal. I just wanted an out from how hard my life had become. I remember resenting the HELL out of DH and thinking that he was an awful father (he was definitely NOT...my thinking was just totally skewed).
By about six months, these issues started to improve. DD was sleeping through the night, so I was more rested. But bigger than that, I started taking more time for myself. DH would force me to just slow down and focus on ME. He would send me out to get a pedicure. Or force me to get into bed and read a book (my first love in life). I stopped crying all the time. I had some clarity of thought and realized that my experience had not been normal. I started talking to people. I shared the thoughts that had brought me such guilt, and I learned more about PPD/PPA. My loved ones had NO IDEA I had been going through all of that and informed me that if I had just talked to them, they could have helped. I still dealt with some dark days/thoughts up until DD turned 1, but I recognized the signs, and would, again, force myself to slow down and focus on me.
Sorry for the novel, but I hope that it has the potential to help someone in the future. Ladies, you need to TALK. Tell people what you're experiencing and get the help you need! The life mask analogy is so true. You can't take care of someone else unless you're taking care of yourself.
It is a complex issue and most think of it as wanting to hurt yourself or your child, but there are multiple layers to it so I could see missing the signs when you aren't thinking of the "major" issues that are continually brought up. I appreciate those that are willing to share their feelings and realize I should have added that in my first post because I know it is hard to talk specifics on certain issues and it may not be something others want to hear about or discuss so my apologies first off for that. And major props for those that are willing to share their experiences because yall are amazing! I would rather go into this knowing (or at least pretending like I'm informed) about the good, bad, and ugly, rather than it come up 3 weeks in when I'm beside myself in general and a zoombie and try to figure out what the hell to do.
- The laboring process -- I had an epidural but I still had some back labor. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be for the majority of the time I was laboring. They took me off the epidural to push because I couldn't really feel what I was doing and that's when I started to panic but my nurse was amazing and she really helped me through the first few contractions after the epidural wore off and then I was able to remember some of the info from my birthing classes!
- Delivery itself -- It wasn't fun but pushing really did help ease the pain of the contractions! I had a pretty big baby and his shoulders we're big so they had to use the vacuum to get him the rest of the way out but after 2 hours of pushing, help was very much appreciated! It really surprised me how much better I felt after delivery! I felt no pain and was just so excited to hold my baby!
- Recovery -- I was surprised at how fast I started to feel better! The first week really sucked because I had quite a few stitches but once they loosened up a little, I felt a million times better! I was really surprised at how much bleeding I had but it slowed down after a couple of weeks and stopped after about a month!
My mom noticed the signs of PPA, and I’m glad she kept an eye on me
THANK YOU!!!!
BFP: May 6, 2017 EDD: Jan. 13, 2018
- Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
For DS1: I was surprised it happened early! I went my whole labor telling myself “babies come on their birthdays” (ahem hypnobabies) and mentally preparing to go 42 weeks and need a castor oil induction. Even when I lost my full mucus plug at 37+1 I kept telling myself “this doesn’t mean anything. (doula) had a client who lost her plug 4 different times (they keep regenerating). Don’t get your hopes up.” So when I went into labor at 38+1 at first I wasn’t confident it was happening, especially since it started out with fairly light period-like cramps.
For DS2: I wasn’t really surprised when I went into labor with him, it started out fairly similarly to my first: feeling super sick/nauseous/tired/diaherrea-y the day before and waking up in the middle of the night to light period cramps. I guess I was a little surprised it finally happened, after going post dates and having had that sick feeling a few times between weeks 37 and 40 there was a part of me that thought maybe it was a false alarm.
- The laboring process
For DS1: I wasn’t actually surprised about much of the process here, other than how intense contractions got towards the end (once my water broke I went from a 5 to baby in arms in under an hour). Otherwise, my labor was fairly textbook: early, active, transition, etc. Granted all the stages happened quicker for me than I’d been led to believe, but I’d say they were fairly identifiable, especially in retrospect.
For DS2: How fast it was. Even though I had a relatively quick labor with DS1 (especially for a FTM) I was in no way prepared for precipitous labor. Also, my contractions never really hurt, just felt intense pressure, until it got to the point that I was feeling pushy (still at home with only DH) and my doula and midwife were telling me to not push that baby out. Once I started fighting my contractions (no doubt combined with the fear of an unassisted surprise homebirth) the contractions became excruciatingly painful.
- Delivery itself
For DS1: I was surprised at how fast it went, I only pushed for a few minutes. I was also surprised how much I didn’t care there were a million people in the room. And when I finally got my baby, despite not knowing the sex, I honestly couldn’t have cared less. The whole pregnancy I had this vision of wanting to find out being very motivating and a nice moment with midwife or husband announcing, but when it came down to it I just didn’t care. My doula asked “what is it” and I remember clearly thinking “it’s a baby! I just had a baby!” Also, I’d read about the post-birth high but nothing prepared me for how awesome it was. I seriously felt amazing after birth, like superwoman. DH jokes that I’ve been chasing that high ever since, and that at some point we’re gonna have to stop having babies lol.
For DS2: Once I finally stopped fighting my contractions to hold him in, he sorta just fell out. It happened so fast. I’d wanted to help catch and bring him up to my chest myself but I didn’t have the time/mental capacity to get there. Thank goodness for good nurses and an awesome resident. I think I was most surprised how shocked I felt after the whole thing was over. It felt like it was over before I even had a chance to wrap my mind around it actually starting. I basically went from telling DH I think something might be happening to water breaking to wanting to push in about 5-10 minutes. It was very overwhelming.
- Recovery I was really lucky with both to have good recoveries. I didn’t tear with either, had a tiny skid mark with both, but luckily the interior location meant I didn’t need stitches and it also didn’t hurt to pee. I’d started working with a lactation consultant prior to DS1 (anyone in the DC/VA/MD area the Washington Breastfeeding Center is seriously top notch and a great resource) so I was prepared to troubleshoot problems. DS1 and I had normal struggles getting him to latch at first, but nothing too bad, the hardest part was that he was such a cluster feeder (I have vivid memories of sitting on my couch for 10 hours straight on Thanksgiving just switching him from boob to boob). I also never got the baby blues, which I know was very lucky, and I credit to placenta encapsulation and luck. All in all, I was very lucky and had a good recovery. I’d read so much about baby blues and PPD that I felt on high alert for it, so I was almost surprised at how good I felt.DS2: Jan. 2016
DS3: Dec. 2017
Baby #4 on the way!
- Going into Labor (or the process of being induced or having a Csection)
Induced at 41 weeks. It was a long process. Admitted Monday night at 8:30 and he wasn't born until Wednesday at 12:39am
- The laboring process
I can't think of the name of the pill they placed in to ripen my cervix but that was done overnight- didn't do a thing for me so pitocin was started. My OB broke my water a few hrs after since I wasn't progressing. That part hurt so much. Sometime that afternoon the pitocin contractions were getting to be too much and I asked for an epidural after they checked me and said I had at least 10 hours to go. Baby didn't handle pitocin well (heart rate kept dropping) so they kept turning it down or upping the dose and I had to switch sides I was laying on. I had to wear an oxygen mask for a few hours. Late afternoon I still hadn't made much progress (4cm) and was told I would need a c-section if I didn't dilate to a 6 in the next hour since they were concerned about his heart rate. My husband and I spent a lot of time praying and I dilated to a 6! Many hours later..
- Delivery itself
This part was kinda rough. I pushed for 2 hrs. The pitocin had to be turned off due to heart rate issues and my natural contractions were 4 minutes apart so every time I pushed he basically went back to where he was. But I was determined to not have a c-section unless absolutely necessary. My OB finally decided to use a vacuum to help get him out. Several pushes later and he was finally born and I was so exhausted. The NICU team was there to assess his heart rate (surprise to me) and all was well. They took their sweet time doing their assessment and it seemed like forever until I got to hold him. I was starving since I hadn't eaten since Monday night so my dad picked up whataburger (choices are limited at nearly 2am) and I inhaled my burger and fries.
- Recovery
My OB did an episiotomy and I wish she hadn't because I sometimes feel the scar tissue. I don't think it was needed but they thought he would be 8-9 lbs for 41 weeks (he was 6lbs 13oz) and I have a small frame so I think my OB thought it would help. I had a second degree tear. Recovery wasn't too terrible, I felt pretty good about a week after delivery.
*The craziest thing for me was being put out of work a month early because of a hostile uterus with the doctors saying labor is imminent, then going almost a week past my due date. I also thought my water would break (it didn't). When my contractions were close enough to indicate I needed to go to the hospital, I was only a fingertip dialated and sent home. Labor never stopped and I was back at the hospital 24 hours later 6 cm.
The laboring process
*The epidural only worked on the left side of my body, so I still felt all of the contractions on the other side. It was nice, it let me know when to push.
Delivery itself
*How the nurses kept telling me to stop screaming/yelling and put that power into pushing. It also felt like the baby was going back in lol. I actually said that out loud and everyone had a good laugh.
Recovery
*I did not know I would still look pregnant after having th baby. I also didn't realize I would bleed for quite so long.