Hi ladies, I haven’t seen one of these in a while and I figured there might be some TTGP’ers out there who needed this space. I hope it’s okay if I post this
*please notice*
This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL "sister" thread.)
***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***
This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.
Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________
Are you benched or TTA?
What brings you here?
How long do you think you'll be here?
How have things been going?
Any R/R/CS/Q?
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie?
Are you benched or TTA? Benched (Not too upset about it though because I was going to TTA this cycle anyways due to a work trip to the UK)
What brings you here? Had my second early MC a few days ago and the doctor said it would be best if we didn't start trying again until next cycle.
How long do you think you'll be here? Should be just one cycle!
How have things been going? Good, actually! I'm feeling much better today after finally getting results and not being in limbo anymore. Last Friday, my doctor said I was definitely having a MC after seeing my HCG results (only went from 26 to 32 in 48 hours). But I saw a different doctor yesterday who seemed more hopeful that the pregnancy might turn out okay (and then I was terrified that I had already re-introed on TTGP!). But my HCG results from yesterday were only 11. I was getting really frustrated having everyone tell me something different, so I'm just glad that I know what's going on now. In the end, I'm very happy that the loss happened early instead of later in the pregnancy, which would have been devastating.
Any R/R/CS/Q? See above, I guess! I'm glad to be back on TTGP (considering the circumstances) because everyone here is so great! Question: I don't have to use TWs here for loss-related things, right? I can update the post to add TWs if I need to.
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? I'm not sure that I have a favorite, but lately I've been really wanting to watch Halloweentown (2000s Disney channel movie, for anyone who hasn't seen it). I'm a huge fan of all the Disney channel movies, no matter how corny they are!
What brings you here? Gestational trophoblastic neoplasm
How long do you think you'll be here? I asked the oncologist today how long, she said generally recommendation is 1-2 years, but she had compromised to 6 months before. I contemplate frequently just leaving the board for a while, but I either get bored, or I am checking in on and rooting for others!
How have things been going? Not the best. I was under the impression I would be waiting only a few months after chemo, so this was a blow today. I have to go get a depo shot this week.
Any R/R/CS/Q? None
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? I used to love scary movies and now I can't tolerate them. Not that it is scary, but I loved Tremors as a child.
@offtoneverland I'm sorry for your loss but happy that you are out of limbo and have a good plan going forward! @holly321 I'm sorry you'll be waiting longer than you hoped. That must be frustrating.
Are you benched or TTA? TTA.
What brings you here? Waiting for DH to give the green light. Waiting on a few things in life to settle and come together.
How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully only a few months.
How have things been going? Not too great. Yesterday one of my friends and my MIL both gave me very unsolicited and rude advice about TTA. They were on opposite sides of the argument to wait or not and it just made me more upset. I'm impatient and know that TTC can be a long road and having random people tell me what I "should" be doing is really aggravating.
Any R/R/CS/Q? My rant is that work has been so slow lately so I'm just constantly on here reading pages and pages back. At least if I were busy I could keep my mind off other things.
GTKY: Is The Nightmare Before Christmas a Halloween or a Christmas movie? I like that one but don't know if I watch it at the right time...? Of course, Hocus Pocus is a classic.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
Oh @holly321 that is so frustrating. My heart goes out to you right now. Waiting 1-2 years after chemo seems like such a long road and I hope your recovery is so quick you don't have to face that. Hugs friend.
@holly321 I'm so sorry you got that news. That is such a long time to wait and would be so frustrating. I have everything crossed for you that you'll be able to try again after 6 months. On a lighter note, DH and I just watched Tremors a couple of months ago. I had never seen it before. It was hilariously weird and so fun to watch. @mermaidca I'm sorry about the unsolicited TTA advice. It's so annoying when people butt in without permission. Hopefully your work picks up soon so you can get your mind off things!
Hugs to all of you that are benched. Hopefully your time in this thread is short. I debated whether or not to jump into this thread since we are TTA for timing purposes, but I wanted to contribute to more than just the randoms threads.
Are you benched or TTA? TTA
What brings you here? Killing time until DH is ready.
How long do you think you'll be here? May/June 2018
How have things been going?
Any R/R/CS/Q? Things are going alright. I’ve been worried about money a lot lately. DH and I agreed we’ll TTA until after a big vacation we have planned next year, which is turning out to be a lot more expensive than I thought and I feel like we’re spending money left and right. And trying to reign DH’s credit card in is a struggle.
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie?
+1 for Hocus Pocus.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@mermaidca@meggyme I can't see either of your histories right because I'm on mobile but based on your posts it looks like neither of have started TTC yet. As the original posts says: This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason.
If you haven't started TTC yet but just want to talk waiting for TTC it's recommended that you go to the babies on the brain (BOTB) board. Starting TTC and then having to stop is drastically different then being ready for TTC but not starting yet. I'm not saying that either of you have done it, but in the past it's been hurtful to see ladies who just want to complain about how their spouse isn't ready especially since we have ladies here who are TTA due to loss or serious medical issues.
@holly321 Hugs sweetie! FX so hard that your oncologist will compromise with 6 months.
@KariAnn323 After I posted I figured I was in the wrong place. I apologize for seeming insensitive. I understand it would be hurtful to those who had to stop due to reasons they have no control over when my is no where near as serious and that definitely was not my intention.
BOTB is a bit slow and I wanted to get more active on TTGP so when the time does come I can jump onto all the threads with both feet.
Again I apologize!
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@KariAnn323 I also apologize. I skimmed the top post and thought I understood the purpose of this thread.
I just felt bad taking part just the fun times thread and wanted to participate and be able to support and get to know some of the ladies in the other threads, but I obviously didn’t fully understand the point of this one. I’m sorry.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@offtoneverland Again I’m really sorry for your loss and am so glad that you’re feeling positive about everything!
@holly321 I am so truly sorry that you got this news, I’m thinking of you and keeping everything crossed that your wait is as short as possible!
@mermaidca sorry about the unwanted advice, I’d just try and distract them and leave the room so they can carry on between themselves nobody needs that drama.
@meggyme have you guys got specific markers set to meet before you start trying? Like a specific amount in the bank etc I’d just be worried that if you don’t have a set goal to work towards it can easily be pushed back again and again.
Are you benched or TTA?
Benched.
What brings you here?
**TW loss** Miscarriage 3 weeks ago at 9 weeks. **End TW**
How long do you think you'll be here?
Hopefully just for a cycle or two but we haven’t really discussed how we’re doing emotionally after this loss yet.
How have things been going?
Generally okay, I feel like I’m starting to get emotional but I’m optimistic that I can handle if.
Any R/R/CS/Q?
I’m a bit stressed that more people know that we’ve had another loss now. If I had my way I wouldn’t tell anyone right now but Fi has told his family and several of his friends. I understand that he needs the support from these people but I would feel more comfortable not telling anyone right now.
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? I love scary movies! Imma say the paranormal activity movies and the conjuring/ Annabelle movies are the best kind of scary for me.
@CraftyG *TW child mentioned* we are planning to start ttc so that DD will be at least 2.5 when #2 comes along.*end TW* We also planned a big vacation with friends for May, so that is our big baby moon trip before we pull my implant out and start TTC. It also gives me something to take my mind off the wait.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
MC in August. I had been trying to post in the dailies and felt out of place being benched.
How long do you think you'll be here?
3rd cycle AL so hoping to get doctor go ahead in another cycle after some testing.
How have things been going?
Overall, not the worst. DH and I talked about where we’re both at and we’re feeling ready to try again. We're waiting on some testing my OB wants to do just to take every precaution she can.
Any R/R/CS/Q? Several rants, but it’s Friday.
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? Oh! I forgot about Halloweentown. I'll pick that one. I loved it as a kid.
@Spottedginger: Thanks for restarting this! It’s helpful to see there are others in similar situations.
@offtoneverland: I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like it's been a rollercoaster.
@Holly321: Hope your recovery is quick. FX you’ll be able to try in 6 months!
@CraftyG: It took me about two months until I was ready to tell people. Personally, it’s resulted in an outpouring of love from friends that I had no idea had gone through a MC. Having that support has really helped me. Definitely take your time though.
Thanks ladies. I am talking with my regular OBgyn on Monday. I am going to feel him out about the wait time. When he first told me he was referring me to he oncologist he said that I would probably have to wait 3-4 month, he thought 6 tops. And from everything I am reading, she is giving me outdated time frame recommendations. My doctor did refer me initially to my oncologist's partner, and maybe this was the reason.
@CraftyG, I know how hard it can be for you and your SO to not be in agreement with who you tell. My DH and I are the opposite. While I don't tell everyone, I don't really care who knows and tell people as I please, he always wants to not tell people stuff.
@CraftyG That's frustrating that you and YH are not on the same page about who to tell about your losses. Do they treat you any different now that they know? Have you talked to him about how you feel about it? I hope that you guys will get to a place where you can discuss the recent loss and find out how you both are doing emotionally and when you can start trying again. Definitely take your time getting there so that you'll be in a good headspace. Also, in response to your GTKY, I don't like scary movies at all! @lunapup Good luck with your testing! I'm glad that you're starting to feel okay emotionally and ready to try again. Hopefully the testing goes quickly for you. About the GTKY, I found the digital copy of Halloweentown on Amazon for $3.99 and think I'm going to buy it! I really want to watch it! @holly321 Please let us know how your OBGyn appointment goes next week!
***lurking*** not to poke an old horse, but it might be helpful to edit the title of this thread. In the past when these threads were more trafficked, we even had three! TTA/Benched/BenchedAL. Yes, support comes in all forms. But the specifics of the conversation are very different.
Having been a long time bench-warmer, I noticed a difference between even the Benched and Benched AL threads. So I mostly still lurked and supported on the BAL thread, but the conversation fit my situation and felt more like home on the Benched thread. Don't get me started on TTA lol
Think about it. TTA for reasons more or less of your own choosing or convenience, strictly financial reasons, not having started at all yet and just waiting to get out of the gate. That is one thing.
****TW**** <div class="Spoiler">Trying, GETTING A BFP!!!!! And then losing the pregnancy for whatever reason - that all comes with its own heartbreaking set of challenges.</div>/***end TW***
And then being Benched. Truly benched for medical reasons beyond your control. Trying - sometimes for a very long time - and then receiving a devastating fertility dx that means ivf, and waiting for all those apts and financial things to get into place. Or receiving a fertility dx that requires much more testing and no real shot at ttc until more testing is complete. Or receiving a non-fertility dx that means throwing the brakes on ttc and addressing this whole other more critical, serious thing FIRST. Whether it's cancer or azoo or a separate Ute or blocked tubes or any number of serious medical issues that can put ttc at a full stop, not saying it's worse or trying to compare to BAL, but it's just different. Many of us have still never had a bfp moment. Or facing the challenges of being blindsided by something totally different when we thought our biggest problem was ttc. These members deserve to have a home thread on this board surrounded by their people. I may have moved off the bench at this point, but I will defend to the teeth the right for The Benched to have a place that fits where they are right now.
((((Hugs)))) @holly321. Hope you start to get some more clarity at Monday's OB apt and with everything else as you move forward. One step at a time.
FTR - not that my opinion matters more than anyone else's, but if the board wants to break out the B/BAL separately again, or keep the Benched Sisters together, that's totally a matter of preference. But I DO think TTA deserves it's own separate thread, bc it's just too totally different the places in people's journies. ;) imho *typos
@BusinessWife I had no idea about the old benched/BAL threads. Thanks for pointing it out! It does sound like a good idea to separate them, since as you said, the challenges that come along with the reasons for being benched are very different. We can try separating them this week to see how it goes, unless anyone has any issues with that. Since I've only been on TTGP for a few months, I'm not sure if there was a reason the Benched/BAL threads were combined in the first place, so maybe I'm missing some requisite knowledge! It doesn't seem like these threads are used super often, so perhaps that's why they were combined? I do also totally agree that the TTA thread should be separate. It doesn't really make sense to combine them imho.
@lunapup@holly321@offtoneverland thanks ladies I find your comments really reassuring and helpful! It’s just difficult isn’t it because at the end of the day everyone grieves differently and what will help one person may not help another. We’ve talked about it and I’ve said that I understand he needs that support so he can tell his family etc when he feels ready to but I don’t want to discuss it with them. I don’t really know why I’m worried about them knowing, maybe it just hasn’t really sunk in for me yet so then it’s weird that other people know? Anyway im ranting haha!
Also what’s the difference between benched and benched AL?
Just lurking to say that the Benched/TTA thread was always together? It was never separate threads?
And the TTA portion was meant for people who had started TTGP, been a part of the community, and needed to TTA for whatever reason. This thread was my home for two years while I wanted to still stay a part of the community and give support to my friends, but didn't fit in the dailies. If I was pushed to my own thread, it would have been a completely selfish check in 99% of the time because there were only a few instances where other TTGP members had to TTA for a cycle or two.
Thanks ladies. My OBgyn texted me this morning and said he had gotten all my results from both oncologists, and was very happy with them. He said just to tell his staff that I need to talk with him tomorrow before I get the injection, since I was only scheduled to see a nurse.
Re: Benched/ TTA check in week of 10/24
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? I'm not sure that I have a favorite, but lately I've been really wanting to watch Halloweentown (2000s Disney channel movie, for anyone who hasn't seen it). I'm a huge fan of all the Disney channel movies, no matter how corny they are!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Are you benched or TTA? Benched
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? I used to love scary movies and now I can't tolerate them. Not that it is scary, but I loved Tremors as a child.
@offtoneverland , I am sorry for your loss.
@holly321 FX that you only have to wait six months. I'm glad that you gave an update. I had been wondering how you were doing.
@offtoneverland I'm sorry for your loss but happy that you are out of limbo and have a good plan going forward!
@holly321 I'm sorry you'll be waiting longer than you hoped. That must be frustrating.
Are you benched or TTA? TTA.
What brings you here? Waiting for DH to give the green light. Waiting on a few things in life to settle and come together.
How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully only a few months.
How have things been going? Not too great. Yesterday one of my friends and my MIL both gave me very unsolicited and rude advice about TTA. They were on opposite sides of the argument to wait or not and it just made me more upset. I'm impatient and know that TTC can be a long road and having random people tell me what I "should" be doing is really aggravating.
Any R/R/CS/Q? My rant is that work has been so slow lately so I'm just constantly on here reading pages and pages back. At least if I were busy I could keep my mind off other things.
GTKY: Is The Nightmare Before Christmas a Halloween or a Christmas movie? I like that one but don't know if I watch it at the right time...? Of course, Hocus Pocus is a classic.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@mermaidca I'm sorry about the unsolicited TTA advice. It's so annoying when people butt in without permission. Hopefully your work picks up soon so you can get your mind off things!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie?
+1 for Hocus Pocus.
@mermaidca @meggyme I can't see either of your histories right because I'm on mobile but based on your posts it looks like neither of have started TTC yet. As the original posts says: This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason.
If you haven't started TTC yet but just want to talk waiting for TTC it's recommended that you go to the babies on the brain (BOTB) board. Starting TTC and then having to stop is drastically different then being ready for TTC but not starting yet. I'm not saying that either of you have done it, but in the past it's been hurtful to see ladies who just want to complain about how their spouse isn't ready especially since we have ladies here who are TTA due to loss or serious medical issues.
@holly321 Hugs sweetie! FX so hard that your oncologist will compromise with 6 months.
Dating: 2/2007 Married: 4/2011
TTC #1: 9/2016
*TW*
BFP #2: 3/9/2017 - CP: 3/10/2017
08/2017: DH's SA = normal
08/2017: Low progesterone (4.6) all other BW normal
11/2017: HSG Clear; Pelvic Ultrasound Normal; and AMH, FSH, and Estradiol normal
12/2017: 1,000mg Metformin
12/2017: 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: 100mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: RE Consult
03/2018: 5mg Letrozole + 50 units Gonal-F + 500 μg Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #3: 4/1/2018 - CP: 4/4/2018
04/2018: 5mg Letrozole + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #4: 5/2/18
@KariAnn323 After I posted I figured I was in the wrong place. I apologize for seeming insensitive. I understand it would be hurtful to those who had to stop due to reasons they have no control over when my is no where near as serious and that definitely was not my intention.
BOTB is a bit slow and I wanted to get more active on TTGP so when the time does come I can jump onto all the threads with both feet.
Again I apologize!
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
I just felt bad taking part just the fun times thread and wanted to participate and be able to support and get to know some of the ladies in the other threads, but I obviously didn’t fully understand the point of this one. I’m sorry.
@offtoneverland Again I’m really sorry for your loss and am so glad that you’re feeling positive about everything!
@holly321 I am so truly sorry that you got this news, I’m thinking of you and keeping everything crossed that your wait is as short as possible!
@mermaidca sorry about the unwanted advice, I’d just try and distract them and leave the room so they can carry on between themselves nobody needs that drama.
@meggyme have you guys got specific markers set to meet before you start trying? Like a specific amount in the bank etc I’d just be worried that if you don’t have a set goal to work towards it can easily be pushed back again and again.
Are you benched or TTA?
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie?
I love scary movies! Imma say the paranormal activity movies and the conjuring/ Annabelle movies are the best kind of scary for me.
Are you benched or TTA?
Benched.
What brings you here?
MC in August. I had been trying to post in the dailies and felt out of place being benched.
How long do you think you'll be here?
3rd cycle AL so hoping to get doctor go ahead in another cycle after some testing.
How have things been going?
Overall, not the worst. DH and I talked about where we’re both at and we’re feeling ready to try again. We're waiting on some testing my OB wants to do just to take every precaution she can.
Any R/R/CS/Q? Several rants, but it’s Friday.
GTKY: what is your favorite scary or non-scary Halloween movie? Oh! I forgot about Halloweentown. I'll pick that one. I loved it as a kid.
@Spottedginger: Thanks for restarting this! It’s helpful to see there are others in similar situations.
@offtoneverland: I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like it's been a rollercoaster.
@Holly321: Hope your recovery is quick. FX you’ll be able to try in 6 months!
@CraftyG: It took me about two months until I was ready to tell people. Personally, it’s resulted in an outpouring of love from friends that I had no idea had gone through a MC. Having that support has really helped me. Definitely take your time though.
@CraftyG, I know how hard it can be for you and your SO to not be in agreement with who you tell. My DH and I are the opposite. While I don't tell everyone, I don't really care who knows and tell people as I please, he always wants to not tell people stuff.
@lunapup, Good luck with your testing!
@lunapup Good luck with your testing! I'm glad that you're starting to feel okay emotionally and ready to try again. Hopefully the testing goes quickly for you. About the GTKY, I found the digital copy of Halloweentown on Amazon for $3.99 and think I'm going to buy it! I really want to watch it!
@holly321 Please let us know how your OBGyn appointment goes next week!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Having been a long time bench-warmer, I noticed a difference between even the Benched and Benched AL threads. So I mostly still lurked and supported on the BAL thread, but the conversation fit my situation and felt more like home on the Benched thread. Don't get me started on TTA lol
Think about it. TTA for reasons more or less of your own choosing or convenience, strictly financial reasons, not having started at all yet and just waiting to get out of the gate. That is one thing.
****TW****
<div class="Spoiler">Trying, GETTING A BFP!!!!! And then losing the pregnancy for whatever reason - that all comes with its own heartbreaking set of challenges.</div>/***end TW***
And then being Benched. Truly benched for medical reasons beyond your control. Trying - sometimes for a very long time - and then receiving a devastating fertility dx that means ivf, and waiting for all those apts and financial things to get into place. Or receiving a fertility dx that requires much more testing and no real shot at ttc until more testing is complete. Or receiving a non-fertility dx that means throwing the brakes on ttc and addressing this whole other more critical, serious thing FIRST. Whether it's cancer or azoo or a separate Ute or blocked tubes or any number of serious medical issues that can put ttc at a full stop, not saying it's worse or trying to compare to BAL, but it's just different. Many of us have still never had a bfp moment. Or facing the challenges of being blindsided by something totally different when we thought our biggest problem was ttc. These members deserve to have a home thread on this board surrounded by their people. I may have moved off the bench at this point, but I will defend to the teeth the right for The Benched to have a place that fits where they are right now.
((((Hugs)))) @holly321. Hope you start to get some more clarity at Monday's OB apt and with everything else as you move forward. One step at a time.
FTR - not that my opinion matters more than anyone else's, but if the board wants to break out the B/BAL separately again, or keep the Benched Sisters together, that's totally a matter of preference. But I DO think TTA deserves it's own separate thread, bc it's just too totally different the places in people's journies. ;) imho
*typos
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Also what’s the difference between benched and benched AL?
And the TTA portion was meant for people who had started TTGP, been a part of the community, and needed to TTA for whatever reason. This thread was my home for two years while I wanted to still stay a part of the community and give support to my friends, but didn't fit in the dailies. If I was pushed to my own thread, it would have been a completely selfish check in 99% of the time because there were only a few instances where other TTGP members had to TTA for a cycle or two.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@CraftyG. Benched / Benched After Loss :'(