I thought this topic deserved its own thread because, let's face it, people say a whole lot of stupid sh*t over the course of this 9 month experience. Let's complain about it here.
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-my 5 year old. Her: how does your tummy get bigger and bigger every day? Me: the baby is growing. Her: *sideways glance at my belly* I think that's going to be one big baby.
-acquaintance from HS on Facebook: Her: you're having 4 kids?!? You realize that means they're all going to be in high school at the same time, right??? Me: they're all almost exactly 2 years apart, so you do the math.
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I don't think there are any comments that bother me at all. So mine isn't a complaint, it made me laugh. DS is 4. I picked him up from preschool yesterday and he said something like, "You can't drive mommy." And I said "why?" DS: your belly is gonna be too big to drive. Lol
There's not a ton that really bothers me anymore, but what DOES get under my skin are comments about my husband's age. We met a little later in life than the average couple (when we went on our first date, I was 31 and he was 44) and it's not uncommon for us to see pictures on FB of his friends from high school attending their kids' college graduations. But it is what it is. This is how it worked out for us and we're thrilled about it.
That being said, we're always running into d-bags he knew growing up (we live in his hometown). Just the other day, one guy was like "holy shit! You know he's going to be, like, a legit senior citizen when your kids head to college, right?" Stuff like that rolls of my back but it CRUSHES my husband. I want to throat punch every single asshole that makes that kind of comment. It's so awful.
I am struck by how often, with both pregnancies, I've gotten: "is (DH) excited?"
why the heck wouldn't he be excited?! I realize people are just trying to "include" him when they talk to me about baby, but come on. Think of a better way to ask me how my husb is doing.
When I went home to visit last week, I announced my pregnancy to extended family. They immediately asked if I knew what we are having. I said likely a boy given the US tech guess and DH family history.
My aunt immediately says to my mom, "Oh poor Jae, maybe Melissa (my sister) will give you a sweet little girl someday." I was pretty upset with the comment, but didn't say anything. My child likely having a penis doesn't make him any less special, and if anyone gets to be bummed about not having a girl, it's me.
The stupid wife's tales are getting to me. First tri it was " you're looking tough. It must be a girl stealing your beauty!" Well actually I had the stomach flu, then my grampa died, then I had mastitis all the while chasing my 13 month around and fighting morning sickness. Thanks for noticing. Now it's "you're carrying so low this time it must be a boy". Well actually I have some diastasis recti from my first and my uterus is no higher then my belly button. So yes my lower belly is bigger then my upper belly that contains no baby at this point. smh. ETA:my first was a boy so if I'm "so low this time" it seems as though #1 should have been a girl. No?
DH(27) + Me (27) = 1/14 Baby #1: Aug. 2016 Baby #2: April 1st, 2018
This girl I work with (who also has a kid) has mentioned to me twice now that premie clothes are so cute because of how little they are and has asked if I have seen them. Um no, not really browsing for the premie section... kind of hoping to have a full term delivery.
@okayrunner ugh, we got similar comments from my husband's family after finding out our second child was a girl - "oh, at least [DH's brother] is having a boy to carry on the family name" and "oh, DH must be so excited about having to pay for two weddings!" It's like, I can't even begin to explain all the sexist nonsense that is wrong with those statements not to mention that, as you said, if anyone is entitled to feel any degree of (temporary) disappointment about the sex of the baby, it's you and DH.
@dirtyboots, anyone who tells you that the baby is "stealing your beauty" deserves to be throat punched, for real. Everyone knows that babies and toddlers of both sexes absolutely do steal your beauty (primarily in the form of your sanity and your sleep) but it is not even a little bit polite to make comments about these things.
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This doesn’t really bother me, my mom is Korean and English is her second language, so the things she says seem rude, but really she is just blunt. When I told her I was pregnant she just said “Oh”, and I asked if she was excited. She said “I already have 3 grandkids, so it’s not that exciting.” DH and I got a good laugh out of that. She wasn’t being mean, even though it might seem that way. She visited us a couple weeks ago and in person she seems genuinely happy to have another grandkid on the way.
"Omg I just heard you're pregnant, congrats!! I noticed your belly and thought you had just gained a lot of weight!"
cool, thanks.
Other than that I haven't gotten too much yet and no prior stories since this is my first. Just a ton of sex predictions based on literally nothing at all and people being irrationally bothered that we are Team Green. Bring on the belly touchers, I'm practicing my karate chops.
I am enjoying much less shitty commenting this go-around, I have to say. I should withhold judgement until I reach epic size in third tri, but in general things are going much better from the peanut-gallery standpoint.
The only thing I've gotten is someone asking me if I will try for another to carry on the family name. I told them "Sure, if you pay for it!". Also, my husband's family name is SUPER common, so I joked "I'll just have to rely on the other 2 billion "Smiths" out there to carry on the name.
@mikkimikey I have had people ask me if my pregnancy was planned too or if this is a "good thing". I'm 30 with this being my first so there's zero reason to believe my pregnancy wasn't completely planned but people can't help but to ask.
My MIL was disappointed that it was another girl because she wanted to have even numbers - a boy would mean the three oldest grandkids were girls and three youngest were boys, and that’s what she wanted.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
Oh now that I think of it...I did have something annoy me. When I told my brother and my dad (told them separately by text...we don't live close and don't often see them), neither of them understood the announcement pic at first. My brother was like "again?" And my dad said something along the same lines which annoyed the crap out of me. I'm thinking...AGAIN? I have 1 kid. And he's already 4, so it's not like its one after the other. You had 4 dad. A lot of people have 2 or more. I am allowed to have another.
I teach Culinary Arts, so I'm always showing up to school laden with all sorts of groceries. One of my co workers lectured me the other day about "not carrying too much" because she was "worried I'd hurt that little baby." GTFO. Then, a couple of days later, the same woman came into my room and asked, all worried "Are you feeling better?" and I've been feeling great, so I'm like, "uh...yeah" and she tells me that I look pale. Come on, I'm pregnant, not made of glass.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
Ugh @dirtyboots I would be super pissed if someone said anything like that to me.
Today i I had a coworker say to me that today I looked super cute and tiny, but on Monday I looked super pregnant. I was like uh - I don’t know how to respond to you.
Not annoying, but My 3 year old smacked my belly when I was leaving daycare and said “bye baby”. This could get painful by end of pregnancy lol.
@JJMNO1616 that girl CAN'T be for real?!? Why would anyone say that? Of course we are all hoping for full term babies, and she should be hoping that for you as well!!
@frenchiekinplusone I'm with you on the karate chops. I've already yelled at both baby's grandmothers about it. When there is something worth touching we will talk, until then, don't touch me!
@hedgepig the questions about how you're feeling: shoot me! Everyone at work keeps telling me not to lift stuff in the cooler (30pks of beer, cases of pop ect). I just want to shout, "I'm pregnant, I'm fine!"
@ftm_ohio Yes with the belly touching! My mom has been rubbing my belly since we told her, and I can't bring myself to tell her to stop because it makes her so happy, so I've just been gritting my teeth. It's driving me crazy! Now that there's something there, I don't think I will mind so much, but when it was just my pudgy beer belly, it was the worst! Luckily no one else has tried that ish yet...
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
I also have an aunt who makes too big of a deal over the sex of the baby! When ds was born she went on and on about how my grandpa “finally” got his great grandson, and how thrilled my husband must be to have a boy.
Umm, pretty sure grandpa adores all 6 of his great grandkids, not just DS; and DH was just thrilled to have an uneventful pregnancy with a healthy outcome. There was no extra joy because he was a boy. I don’t know if she knows yet (I let my dad decide who to tell when in his neck of the woods. I won’t be up there til Xmas)but I’m already bracing for the annoying comments.
I cant stand the people who ask almost daily “so how are you feeling” or worse all of third tri, “still pregnant, huh? Bet you can’t wait to be done”. TW. The fact that I do have a hard time “staying” pregnant, yes the fact that I’m “still pregnant “ at 30 weeks is a huge reason to celebrate and I’m not rushing anything! Let that baby cook, no matter how miserable I may be, no pregnancybsymptoms feel worse than being “not pregnant” too soon. End TW
I haven't had anything too ridiculous yet. MIL has a special way of annoying me though. She was definitely hoping for a girl. Her prediction was a girl because with DS I felt amazing and this time around has been rough af. So of course H was convinced by his mother's moronic reasoning and assumed we would have a girl too. He brought this up during our NT scan and I rolled my eyes and said too bad that's not how science works...I caught the u/s tech smirking and nodding at that. MIL also said I was going to be so thrilled to have a girl because she'll be my best friend for life. Seriously? That's not an automatic. I know plenty of ladies who do not have ultra close, best friend type relationships with their mother (myself included). And I feel like it discredits my relationship with my son just because he's a boy. She definitely had a fake excited reaction to our news of having another boy.
I love this thread! I feel like I am either always crying (and posting in that thread), or annoyed by the things people say to me (pregnancy and non-pregnancy related).
Like others, I get the "pregnant AGAIN?!" comment a lot. My DS is 1.5 years old, my DH is in his late 30's and I want my kids close together. It's MY choice. I also cannot stand when people ask if I want a boy or girl. I DO NOT care as long as the pregnancy and baby are healthy. Last pregnancy, I received a lot of comments on how big I got. It was so darn hurtful. And it came from other mothers, which just baffles me.
Probably the most annoying now is my family who is upset that I told them not to post anything on Facebook. I haven't "announced" my pregnancy (except to family, very close friends, a co-worker and my boss). I've been able to hide it at work, which is what I want. I work with a bunch of guys, many of whom have no kids and don't understand. My mom keeps threatening that she is posting all over Facebook once we find out the sex on Monday. I feel uncomfortable having any attention put on me, which is why I'm trying to avoid an announcement. I don't know if there is any way around it, though.
@hedgepig yes! I feel like once baby is moving, come feel, but the first 15 weeks I'm going "Listen B, I'm just 30lbs overweight, that's NOT the baby!"
Normally I wouldn't yell at my mom cuz we are close but I was having a bad day and my hormones have made me a bit touchy haha.
@beach_mama I'm SO sorry, that's truly terrible. I don't understand the licence people feel to comment on our bodies.
@jbn999 I totally get the family annoyance with Facebook! We found out at 4 weeks and honestly didn't wait to tell our parents, but I would have waited if I'd know both my mother and MIL would hound me EVERYTIME we talked "Can I tell so and so yet? Can I put it on Facebook yet?" For 9 weeks until we finally told everyone else! I know they are excited but I had to tell them both EVERYTIME "It's not YOUR news!!"
I had 2 random women comment on how big i am for *only* being 16w. I'm not standing for this sh*t anymore. It's so very hurtful.
People have no common sense. My mom's best friend's daughter is pregnant and she is stick thin. We went to dinner together one night and the daughter was complaining that she was already big. When I went to the bathroom I guess the other mom said "well look how big Angie is and she isn't even as far along as you." Luckily my older sister was there to tell them they were rude, but people say stupid shit. It is very annoying. Hopefully you develop some good comebacks!
I had one of my bosses (confirmed bachelor, no kids at 55) wonder aloud why I couldn't just monitor my portfolios (i.e. keep doing my job) during my maternity leave... in his eyes, "I wasn't going to be sleeping anyway". I thought that was pretty rude and annoying.
I've gotten some comments on whether this will be an only child seeing as I'm older (turning 37 next week) and my husband is "ancient" as deemed by a friend (he's 47 but looks younger than I do that s.o.b.).
I'm close with my sister in law, who has no filter, which normally I love, but she keeps asking me how freaked out I am to "completely lose control of my body". She isn't planning to have kids. Truth is, I am a little anxious about it, so I don't need it mentioned weekly, thanks!!
When I was pregnant DS I was CONSTANTLY asked whether I was having twins. Nope, just carry big but thanks. This time, though, when strangers ask when I'm due I lie and say February just so I won't have to have the back-and-forth debate about whether they know more about how many babies I'm carrying than my doctor or I do.
MIL's response when DH told her about the baby "This is IT, right?". Thanks for the congratulations, GRANDMA! And since, radio silence (with the exception of asking when we find out sex because BIL and SIL are expecting two weeks before us and depending upon what we have, expect hand me downs). She has not once addressed how I am feeling/doing or even mentioned the pregnancy to me. I see her nearly every day. We announced on FB yesterday (she's constantly perusing) and not a single like or comment from her. I would be lying if I said it didn't get under my skin a little.
BIL told DH he was only sort of excited that we were expecting because they were hoping to get all of our baby gear, since they'd gotten rid of everything.
last pregnany "we didn't know you were pregnant, we just thought you were getting fat" <----1 week from girving birth. I broke down in tears and worked from home the rest of the pregnancy. They don't deserve defense but I was military and wore my camo fatigues everyday so my pregnancy wasn't "noticable" until much later and I worked with a bunch of men.
@ekendall09@kaymaroo When I started telling everyone at work that I was pregnant EVERYONE said that they already suspected because I have been gaining weight. Apparently one of the male doctors started the conversation with other colleagues and everyone was literally talking about it behind my back! I had a feeling people were talking about me because I got that look from a few people (totally checking out my stomach). People were also surprised when I told them I was "only" 3 months along. One co-worker said, well you are going to be big.
@angiek1 One of my best friends is due 6 weeks before me and she just started showing. She is also stick thin so it's obviously going to take longer for her bump to become noticeable. Well my husband just HAD to point out that he couldn't even tell she was pregnant in a recent picture she posted online. He then said something really rude about how big I am. I will admit that when I got pregnant I was about 10 lbs heavier then my typical weight but wtf... I'm still pregnant and the weight isn't going anywhere anytime soon so stfu!
@stalkinghorse your boss sounds like a treat! Did you tell him you won't be sleeping because you'll be busy caring for a new human, and won't give a "f" about your portfolio?!? What a jerk!
@BarefootContessa I'm so sorry about you ILs! I definitely feel like I should stop complaining about mine! I like @JJMNO1616 's advice!
@ekendall09 even if they didn't know WHY would you say that!?!?
@JJMNO1616@ekendall09 I am literally slack jawed at some of your co-workers. I also work with guys who speak without thinking... I like to pick on the guys' hair when they say things I find inappropriate. Men are so sensitive about their hair. Like oh, it's been looking thicker these days, have you been trying anything, <<smile innocently>>
I don't understand why people (I'm saying people, but I mean men) feel so very knowledgeable about size and pregnancy.
@JJMNO1616 does your husband realize that, at least for a lot of women, there's a direct correlation between how "sexy" (for lack of a better word) a woman feels and how inclined she is to participate in that activity? I feel like I need to sit him down and be like "listen dude, if you ever hope to get laid again...."
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Re: The things people say....
-my 5 year old.
Her: how does your tummy get bigger and bigger every day?
Me: the baby is growing.
Her: *sideways glance at my belly* I think that's going to be one big baby.
-acquaintance from HS on Facebook:
Her: you're having 4 kids?!? You realize that means they're all going to be in high school at the same time, right???
Me: they're all almost exactly 2 years apart, so you do the math.
That being said, we're always running into d-bags he knew growing up (we live in his hometown). Just the other day, one guy was like "holy shit! You know he's going to be, like, a legit senior citizen when your kids head to college, right?" Stuff like that rolls of my back but it CRUSHES my husband. I want to throat punch every single asshole that makes that kind of comment. It's so awful.
why the heck wouldn't he be excited?! I realize people are just trying to "include" him when they talk to me about baby, but come on. Think of a better way to ask me how my husb is doing.
My aunt immediately says to my mom, "Oh poor Jae, maybe Melissa (my sister) will give you a sweet little girl someday." I was pretty upset with the comment, but didn't say anything. My child likely having a penis doesn't make him any less special, and if anyone gets to be bummed about not having a girl, it's me.
Baby #1: Aug. 2016
Baby #2: April 1st, 2018
@dirtyboots, anyone who tells you that the baby is "stealing your beauty" deserves to be throat punched, for real. Everyone knows that babies and toddlers of both sexes absolutely do steal your beauty (primarily in the form of your sanity and your sleep) but it is not even a little bit polite to make comments about these things.
cool, thanks.
Other than that I haven't gotten too much yet and no prior stories since this is my first. Just a ton of sex predictions based on literally nothing at all and people being irrationally bothered that we are Team Green. Bring on the belly touchers, I'm practicing my karate chops.
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18
See, my daughter is 11 and my son is 8 and the first words out of their mouths are “oh my gosh, was this planned???” The second is “are you happy?”
First of all, no this wasn’t planned, but it was SOMEone’s plan.
Seond of all, I don’t see how it’s ANY of your business!
Third of all, F*@K YES, I am happy. I’m thrilled. Plus, I happen to make adorable kids.
So there!
The only thing I've gotten is someone asking me if I will try for another to carry on the family name. I told them "Sure, if you pay for it!". Also, my husband's family name is SUPER common, so I joked "I'll just have to rely on the other 2 billion "Smiths" out there to carry on the name.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
Today i I had a coworker say to me that today I looked super cute and tiny, but on Monday I looked super pregnant. I was like uh - I don’t know how to respond to you.
Not annoying, but My 3 year old smacked my belly when I was leaving daycare and said “bye baby”. This could get painful by end of pregnancy lol.
@frenchiekinplusone I'm with you on the karate chops. I've already yelled at both baby's grandmothers about it. When there is something worth touching we will talk, until then, don't touch me!
@hedgepig the questions about how you're feeling: shoot me! Everyone at work keeps telling me not to lift stuff in the cooler (30pks of beer, cases of pop ect). I just want to shout, "I'm pregnant, I'm fine!"
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
Umm, pretty sure grandpa adores all 6 of his great grandkids, not just DS; and DH was just thrilled to have an uneventful pregnancy with a healthy outcome. There was no extra joy because he was a boy. I don’t know if she knows yet (I let my dad decide who to tell when in his neck of the woods. I won’t be up there til Xmas)but I’m already bracing for the annoying comments.
I cant stand the people who ask almost daily “so how are you feeling” or worse all of third tri, “still pregnant, huh? Bet you can’t wait to be done”. TW. The fact that I do have a hard time “staying” pregnant, yes the fact that I’m “still pregnant “ at 30 weeks is a huge reason to celebrate and I’m not rushing anything! Let that baby cook, no matter how miserable I may be, no pregnancybsymptoms feel worse than being “not pregnant” too soon. End TW
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d99dc" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
She was definitely hoping for a girl. Her prediction was a girl because with DS I felt amazing and this time around has been rough af. So of course H was convinced by his mother's moronic reasoning and assumed we would have a girl too. He brought this up during our NT scan and I rolled my eyes and said too bad that's not how science works...I caught the u/s tech smirking and nodding at that.
MIL also said I was going to be so thrilled to have a girl because she'll be my best friend for life. Seriously? That's not an automatic. I know plenty of ladies who do not have ultra close, best friend type relationships with their mother (myself included). And I feel like it discredits my relationship with my son just because he's a boy. She definitely had a fake excited reaction to our news of having another boy.
Eta - words
Like others, I get the "pregnant AGAIN?!" comment a lot. My DS is 1.5 years old, my DH is in his late 30's and I want my kids close together. It's MY choice. I also cannot stand when people ask if I want a boy or girl. I DO NOT care as long as the pregnancy and baby are healthy. Last pregnancy, I received a lot of comments on how big I got. It was so darn hurtful. And it came from other mothers, which just baffles me.
Probably the most annoying now is my family who is upset that I told them not to post anything on Facebook. I haven't "announced" my pregnancy (except to family, very close friends, a co-worker and my boss). I've been able to hide it at work, which is what I want. I work with a bunch of guys, many of whom have no kids and don't understand. My mom keeps threatening that she is posting all over Facebook once we find out the sex on Monday. I feel uncomfortable having any attention put on me, which is why I'm trying to avoid an announcement. I don't know if there is any way around it, though.
Normally I wouldn't yell at my mom cuz we are close but I was having a bad day and my hormones have made me a bit touchy haha.
@beach_mama I'm SO sorry, that's truly terrible. I don't understand the licence people feel to comment on our bodies.
@jbn999 I totally get the family annoyance with Facebook! We found out at 4 weeks and honestly didn't wait to tell our parents, but I would have waited if I'd know both my mother and MIL would hound me EVERYTIME we talked "Can I tell so and so yet? Can I put it on Facebook yet?" For 9 weeks until we finally told everyone else! I know they are excited but I had to tell them both EVERYTIME "It's not YOUR news!!"
I've gotten some comments on whether this will be an only child seeing as I'm older (turning 37 next week) and my husband is "ancient" as deemed by a friend (he's 47 but looks younger than I do that s.o.b.).
I'm close with my sister in law, who has no filter, which normally I love, but she keeps asking me how freaked out I am to "completely lose control of my body". She isn't planning to have kids. Truth is, I am a little anxious about it, so I don't need it mentioned weekly, thanks!!
MIL's response when DH told her about the baby "This is IT, right?". Thanks for the congratulations, GRANDMA!
And since, radio silence (with the exception of asking when we find out sex because BIL and SIL are expecting two weeks before us and depending upon what we have, expect hand me downs). She has not once addressed how I am feeling/doing or even mentioned the pregnancy to me. I see her nearly every day. We announced on FB yesterday (she's constantly perusing) and not a single like or comment from her. I would be lying if I said it didn't get under my skin a little.
BIL told DH he was only sort of excited that we were expecting because they were hoping to get all of our baby gear, since they'd gotten rid of everything.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
@angiek1 One of my best friends is due 6 weeks before me and she just started showing. She is also stick thin so it's obviously going to take longer for her bump to become noticeable. Well my husband just HAD to point out that he couldn't even tell she was pregnant in a recent picture she posted online. He then said something really rude about how big I am. I will admit that when I got pregnant I was about 10 lbs heavier then my typical weight but wtf... I'm still pregnant and the weight isn't going anywhere anytime soon so stfu!
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
@BarefootContessa I'm so sorry about you ILs! I definitely feel like I should stop complaining about mine! I like @JJMNO1616 's advice!
@ekendall09 even if they didn't know WHY would you say that!?!?
I don't understand why people (I'm saying people, but I mean men) feel so very knowledgeable about size and pregnancy.
@BarefootContessa I agree, @JJMNO1616 's response is pretty perfect.
@BarefootContessa that would irritate me for sure!!