UO Thursday | 10.19

eggplantface · October 2017

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sabriel1 · October 2017

I'm sure this will be unpopular but I don't like the "me too" campaign going on on Facebook right now and I also think it can trivialize sexual assault. I have three examples I can think of off hand on my Facebook that just had me saying "really?".

One of them stated that her "me too" was because a make coworker noticed that she had gotten new glasses and said they suited her... She was left wondering his intent all day. I just find stuff like trivializes real serious stuff that people go through

magnolia305 · October 2017

@sabriel1 I can see how it can get trivial--but I think it's a great movement in general. It is causing people to have conversations that need to be had about sexual assault. Plus, I think it gives support/courage to survivors who haven't spoken up and helps them to feel less alone.

My UO is that I don't mind when veteran parents/older adults give the "just waits" or "enjoy this time, it goes fast". As a FTM, previously, I found it annoying. But after baby got here, it helped me to remember to enjoy every second. There are times when I NEED sleep or a sick baby has me at the end of my rope, but I remember, "Enjoy this, at least he wants me to hold him right now. He won't in 10 years."

babybro218 · October 2017

@sabriel1 I totally understand where you’re coming from. On one hand, I’ve seen instances where it has given women the courage to speak up, and the sheer number of posts brings awareness to the prevalence of this problem. On the other hand, I don’t think the hashtag or the posts are doing anything to help solve the problem. It’s, more likely than not, preaching to the choir. What I would like to see come out of this is more conversation about how to stop sexual harassment and assault before it happens, instead of having to tell a story after it happens.

SarahFoley725 · October 2017

Halloween isn't that great.

soulcupcake · October 2017

I have no beef with the campaign. There isn't a woman I know that hasn't been harassed or assaulted. I'm just not convinced the target audience is unaware of its prevalence. It's not new news. This shit has been happening for millennia as a structural system of society at every level. We see it in the "boys will be boys" mentality and excusing behaviors that were previously dismissed or seen as acceptable. Putting the onus on women to curb men's unacceptable and harmful behavior is part of the dynamic. It can be observed on the school playground, amongst friends, in the military, in the entertainment industry, in educational environments, in Silicon Valley tech companies, in places of worship, in the dating scene and relationships. Ain't none of this novel, so folks shouldn't act brand new to the realities and longstanding history of sexual harassment and assault. The focus should be on the system that protects the perpetrators and sympathizers who stand by and do nothing for fear of upsetting the Brotherhood and good ol' boys network.

And I'll be damned if folks try to play that "women are complicit too" antiquated bullshit.

My UO: I teach my kids to be incredibly discerning when choosing peers to associate with and/or befriend. Rather than assuming they should be friends with their peers simply because they share classes together. If they observe attitudes and behaviors that are antithetical to their ethical code, they understand it's best to distance themselves from such people. They won't stand for next-level bullshit, dudebro nonsense, low calorie racism and diet bigotry. They understand the importance of the Silver Rule, empathy and compassion.

I never understand being indiscriminate when it comes to choosing who you associate with.

sabriel1 · October 2017

@soulcupcake that is my parenting philosophy as well. There were some growing pains for my daughter at her new school, some days the girls were friends with her and the other days they were mean. She's since found some boys she is friends with and now that the girls hear that her birthday is coming up they asked to be invited. DD(turned 6 today) told them no because they aren't always nice to her. You know what? I was proud of her for not just being so happy to be accepted by them but instead keeping the people in her circle that bring her joy

winnie1122 · October 2017

@soulcupcake I hope my kids will learn to be discerning in that way too. My mom was pretty critical when it came to who I became close friends with and while she never outright told me I wasn’t allowed to hang out with so-and-so, she made her feelings about that person pretty clear and didn’t make it convenient for us to play together or hang out. It annoyed me a little as a kid but it also helped me be aware of why it mattered and I was able to find a small handful of very good friends and am still super close with two of them now as adults. I never got sucked into crazy drama or trouble or anything because none of my friends were into that and we were all good influences on each other. After teaching I get seriously worried about this when my kids go to school because I’ve seen so many good kids make terrible terrible choices because of who they choose to hang out with (obviously the kid making the choice ultimately bears responsibility but their friends certainly didn’t help them make a good choice and probably encouraged them to make the bad one). And unfortunately there are a lot of kids making really poor choices nowadays...a good influence and good friend is hard to find.

soulcupcake · October 2017

sabriel1 said:

@soulcupcake that is my parenting philosophy as well. There were some growing pains for my daughter at her new school, some days the girls were friends with her and the other days they were mean. She's since found some boys she is friends with and now that the girls hear that her birthday is coming up they asked to be invited. DD(turned 6 today) told them no because they aren't always nice to her. You know what? I was proud of her for not just being so happy to be accepted by them but instead keeping the people in her circle that bring her joy

Happy Birthday to your dd! Girls can be brutal. Kids can be so impressionable, and we often think they're equipped to handle interpersonal interactions on their own, but they're not the most discerning without the proper tools. My oldest dealt with a "mean girl" in 3rd grade. She was a known troublemaker and had a knack for lying and making up stories. But because she played Minecraft, my dd thought they could be friends, and this was after a spat that took place in class where the "friend" made her group members cry because she was being difficult and argumentative. The girls supposedly made up and wanted to schedule a play date, but the mom cancelled because the friend was grounded. Eventually, after further talks and discussing the importance of empathy and compassion, she realized this classmate wasn't a good friend.

She still remembers that whole ordeal. We have ongoing talks about friendship dynamics and the characteristics and attributes that make for a compatible friendship. I explained that it isn't just because you share a common interest in Minecraft or share classes together. She's grown even more observant and discerning in middle school. Her introversion likely plays a role in that.

My 5th grader dealt with a couple mean girls in 3rd and 4th grade. She tends to like most of her peers in small doses. We suspect she's on the spectrum and comes off quirky and very quiet, so she's an easy target, if she weren't so much taller than her peers. Lol Some of her classmates used to tease her about wearing glasses and being a nerd, but we've always told her that being nerdy is awesome and there's nothing wrong with it. Her BFF moved away last year, so she wasn't happy about that.

I've seen a lot of parents get worried when their kids don't have a lot of friends. But just having people in your orbit doesn't make them a friend. If they're asshats or exhibit questionable behavior and attitudes, they're not friends. My dd2 distanced herself from peers that had a thing for saying the "r" word, fat-shamed and called people names. That behavior shouldn't be tolerated.

ash0625 · October 2017

@soulcupcake YESSS. DH and I are so different when it comes to personal relationships that I think we'll struggle here. He is everyone's friend and the "good time guy" in ALL situations and he legitimately feels like people who share a space with him are "friends" because of the shared space. On the other hand, I am extremely picky about who I spend my time with and who I share with. I hope our kids can have the perspective you're teaching yours.

I know my UO is unpopular because I've seen it talked about here, but I LOVE showers (wedding showers, baby showers, baby showers for subsequent babies) and even did before I was married/pregnant. It never occurred to me that it was gift grabby/selfish or anything until I read about it on here.

smorzandoj · October 2017

1. I still hate mesh panties in case you all forgot.

2. I also still don’t read the majority all of your paragraphs. Paraphrasing and bullet points are you friends.

SunflowerMama428 · October 2017

To piggy back on @smorzandoj UO. I cant stand when people type one whole long paragraph. It makes me skim and move on. Unless people start commenting then I’m forced to go back and actually read it. If I like you

3plus1equals4 · October 2017

On the me, too topic: I don't make my kids spend time with, hug, kiss, etc anyone. I think teaching kids they have to leads to not knowing clear body boundaries or feeling uncomfortable saying no.

I also don't let my kids do sleepovers except at a very select 4 houses (all but one being close family)

jennifer_m21 · October 2017

I agree with @smorzandoj on lengthy paragraphs. I see it all the time at work, and it's frustrating. Either summarize what you need to tell me, or pick up the phone and discuss so I don't have to read your novel.

Brevity is key!

My UO: I hate when people end their sentence either in text or email with ... Isn't one period enough? Or just finish your thought!

ETA: words are hard today - is it Friday yet?

soulcupcake · October 2017

For those with an aversion to verbosity: I make sure my kids understand the importance of not choosing or associating with ableist, problematic, racist (including low-key/benevolent/microaggressions), appropriative, xenophobic, anti-LGBTQIA, slut-shaming, fat-shaming, misogynist, sexist, and asshat friends and peers.

Better?

On that note: I can't stand the NOTD thread, especially when targeting oppressed and marginalized communities with bogus urban legends deeply rooted in racist and anti-Black bullshit.

BrittaniLC · October 2017

smorzandoj said:

1. I still hate mesh panties in case you all forgot.

2. I also still don’t read the majority all of your paragraphs. Paraphrasing and bullet points are you friends.

I am refusing to wear the mesh panties this time around! Depends silhouettes all the way!

I also do not like the paragraph.

mbirdie · October 2017

@soulcupcake my bullet point is that your last post here made me want to be your best friend.

winnie1122 · October 2017

Ha I’m not a concise person, no matter how hard I try. So most likely I will always post paragraphs, skim away! I don’t mind reading long posts usually.

alwayssomethingnew · October 2017

I actually don't mind the mesh panties. I haven't done the depends, but I think there have been vast improvements in depends since my last babies 11 years ago. I actually swiped extra mesh panties from the hospital last time.

On an unrelated note, my iPhone does not want to let me use the word panties. It is not a predictive text option and it keeps wanting to autocorrect it.

soulcupcake · October 2017

winnie1122 said:

Ha I’m not a concise person, no matter how hard I try. So most likely I will always post paragraphs, skim away! I don’t mind reading long posts usually.

I have a knack for wordiness, and I care 0% if folks don't like it. *shrug*

On that note, my dating profile was 2100 words of awesomeness. My husband had me beat by 100 words.

TattoosandLace · October 2017

3plus1equals4 said:

On the me, too topic: I don't make my kids spend time with, hug, kiss, etc anyone. I think teaching kids they have to leads to not knowing clear body boundaries or feeling uncomfortable saying no.

I also don't let my kids do sleepovers except at a very select 4 houses (all but one being close family)

eggplantface said:

I’m with you in the sleepovers

kbrinks2 · October 2017

@smorzandoj I actually liked the mesh panties! I had a csection and I like that they didn't rub on my belly!
@olitwinturbosnprincess I also took a handful of panties too!

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