@mdfarmchick, I totally hear you! I was having this conversation with my doula a few weeks ago because I truly feel like a mom of 4 even though 2 of my babies are in Heaven already. It pains me when people ask how many children I have and I have to explain my story. BUT I also never want to dismiss the idea of my other children because they mean so much to me.
@mdfarmchick I feel you. I'm honest and just come right out with it... but I also don't get into it if I'm making small talk...I'll just leave it at 4th pregnancy and that's it.
I had a rough morning... we moved 2 weeks after we lost Mars and unbeknownst to us the family across the street had a baby boy the same age as Mars. I saw the little boy hobbling around walking this morning... I know Mars would have been an early walker... I was so ready to raise him. I wasn't ready for him to leave us.
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@senora76 I hear you there's a little boy who comes into the gym daycare I work at. When I signed him up I realized his birthday was the day Leah died. So it always hits me that we were in the (same) hospital at the same time experiencing such different feelings. I am always reminded of it when he comes in. It's sooo tough seeing kids who are the same age as our lost ones.
@heatherdubrow@SoFlaMommie1128 thanks ladies ❤️ @syssa-o I can’t fathom working at childcare- you are so strong. I’ve been able to totally hermit, and feel it’s been helpful that I am at the age where I don’t have many run-ins with children Mars’ age as most of my friends have teenagers and the schools I frequent are the boys high and middle schools- no babies there).but the neighbors I can’t hide from... I can see them as soon as i look out my front window...and hope that someday I can just feel happiness when I see their growing boy. And the hospital dichotomy... so heavy... ❤️ I have a lot of flashbacks about that hospital and am “lucky” that Mars was pronounced at a different hospital than we go to/ he was born at...because I can totally avoid it and look away when I have to pass by it...but sometimes I can’t look away and am right back at March 6... dont think the flashbacks will ever stop
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@senora76 for the most part, working childcare has helped me. I mean, I have my days or specific babies that make me think about Leah but with most of the kids that come in, they're so sweet that you can't help but smile. It was actually one night st work that made me realize I wanted to try again.... before that I was adamant that I was done having babies.
I got three baby girls that were all close in age to where Leah should have been and it struck me how badly I wanted it again. Different things help different people, of course.
@mdfarmchick Yes. I also cringe every time I say “baby number __”, because technically this is baby number 6... but people would look at me like I had 12 eyes if I said that without explaining right away, which more often than not I don’t want to do....
Re: PGAL Check In (week of Oct. 11)
I had a rough morning... we moved 2 weeks after we lost Mars and unbeknownst to us the family across the street had a baby boy the same age as Mars. I saw the little boy hobbling around walking this morning... I know Mars would have been an early walker... I was so ready to raise him. I wasn't ready for him to leave us.
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@syssa-o I can’t fathom working at childcare- you are so strong. I’ve been able to totally hermit, and feel it’s been helpful that I am at the age where I don’t have many run-ins with children Mars’ age as most of my friends have teenagers and the schools I frequent are the boys high and middle schools- no babies there).but the neighbors I can’t hide from... I can see them as soon as i look out my front window...and hope that someday I can just feel happiness when I see their growing boy. And the hospital dichotomy... so heavy... ❤️ I have a lot of flashbacks about that hospital and am “lucky” that Mars was pronounced at a different hospital than we go to/ he was born at...because I can totally avoid it and look away when I have to pass by it...but sometimes I can’t look away and am right back at March 6... dont think the flashbacks will ever stop
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
I got three baby girls that were all close in age to where Leah should have been and it struck me how badly I wanted it again. Different things help different people, of course.