Being Social... and when to share the news?!

pippi0606 · October 2017

Hi all!
FTM here and I'm hoping for a little advice on how to handle social situations where drinking is involved. I'm known to like an adult beverage so I think it looks very suspicious for me to not have one. Been thinking using the ole "on antibiotics" lie. Any other suggestions?!

Also: We are planning on telling our parents this coming weekend, like the rest of you I am due in June (i'm 5.5 weeks today). Is that too soon? I'm a nervous nelly with test results and still haven't been to a doctor. Advice would be so helpful.

x

doxiemoxie212 · October 2017

Hi @pippi0606 welcome! First, would you mind intro-ing on the introductions thread and reading through the READ THIS FIRST thread pinned to the top of the board? Questions like this are generally really great for the weekly questions thread since so many of us are dealing with the same issues, so it prevents having a bunch of threads repeating the same 5 questions over and over.

But since you asked I will give my two cents.

Personally, when I (TW) had a MC last year, I told all our friends and family. Given that I would tell them again if anything bad happens, I don't see a problem telling them I am pregnant this time - we'll tell our parents next week (7/8 weeks) and our close friends the following week (8/9 weeks). I understand some people might see this as a jinx, but I'm choosing not to. It's a personal decision. We will not announce publicly (make any mention on social media, etc.) until mid December because un-announcing to that many people seems annoying AF. We will tell our parents/friends that they can tell whoever they want to, but if they tell someone and we MC again, they are responsible for immediately un-telling them.

May14th2011 · October 2017

I'm going with the "I'm trying to be healthy" line. We'll see if it works lol.
We'll probably tell our families around 6 weeks. It's not too early, imo.

bitzyg · October 2017

At social events, I’ve had good luck with finding a bartender or server that takes my hint well if I say that I need to look like I’m drinking, but can’t have any alcohol. It’s kind of fun and totally works! Ordering a club soda on the rocks with a lime does the trick, too!

lalalaj · October 2017

I usually tell my BFFs right away- they're the people I'd tell if I miscarried, so I'm totally fine telling them the day I see that second line.

We like tell our parents after the first u/s (my doc does the first at 6 weeks) - I feel a lot better after that. I know they are so emotionally invested, I don't think I would tell them if I had an early m/c or chemical pregnancy... so seeing the heartbeat seems like a good time.

Then I usually end up telling my coworkers when I'm so sick that it's obvious something is wrong (about 10 weeks or so).

As for the drinking part, I have walked around with a glass of wine all night- No one noticed that I didn't drink it. I would splash some in the sink when no one was looking. Or, get club soda in a rocks glass with a lime. Easily passes as vodka/soda.

marcus7676 · October 2017

I've used the "I have a cold" excuse for not drinking or just drink club soda and lime - it looks like vodka but it's not.

Telling people is is a personal decision. Last time, I told my sister and BIL at 10 weeks, my grandmother at 12 weeks, and my coworkers / social media at 20 weeks. This time, I've already told one coworker. But I probably won't tell my sister until after the first ultrasound. my rule of thumb: if I would tell them about a loss, then I'd tell them about a pregnancy.

kbrown2385 · October 2017

We've told a couple close friends, but since I've had 2 previous miscarriages we are choosing to wait until Thanksgiving for our family. They tend to be squirrelly when it comes to miscarriages so it's easier to wait with them. We will then tell everyone else closer to Christmas.

pippi0606 · October 2017

thank you! i believe i intro'ed but it might under the "knottie" default avatar. sorry to break a rule and thank you

BlackAndGold09 · October 2017

No advice on being social, I'm a total homebody. But with sharing. With dd we waited until 9w to tell family and 11w (after first us) to share on fb. With ds most of our close family/friends knew the day of or a few days after we found out, late week 3/early week 4. And shared on fb after we saw an us at 6w. This time we told people we see in person regularly at 5w and are supposed to hold out until after the US at 9.5w but I'm having trouble keeping my mouth shut

I feel if something were to happen, I'd want people to know to help me grieve.

ncm1919 · October 2017

At brunch I ordered a Bloody Mary today. I intercepted the server before she rang it up and asked for it virgin.

However, I just realized they charged me the full price...so I just spent $11 on a glass of tomato juice

Dashaina · October 2017

@Natinat6 well the bright side of the Virgin Mary....Maybe they used a mix like we did when I used to bartend, so hopefully it had all the spices and such that should be in a good one.

NOT that I think you should have been charged that much, that was waaaay uncool of the server

meagster13 · October 2017

With DS most of our immediate family found out between 6-8 weeks. Extended about 12-13. Social media after that.
I'm 6+1 atm and we told parents last weekend, siblings this weekend, and some of our closest friends know already too.
Like others have said, in the event anything negative happens, these are the people I would tell/want support from.

Last weekend we went out with DH buddies. I drank water with lemon and lime all night. Do you drive? You can use the designated driver title as your excuse.

PatientlyWaiting10 · October 2017

With DD and DS we told our families around 13-14 weeks and had told some of our closest friends around 6-7 weeks probably. **TW** With one of our miscarriages we told family and around 9 weeks then had to untell them. That's definitely no fun...but like others have said, they would know either way anyway and I'm thankful for their support after the loss anyway.

We came out on social media probably around 16 weeks for both DD and DS.

As for being social, I have no advice...sorry!

pippi0606 · October 2017

@meagster13 thanks! I drive but live in NYC so it's non issue, good idea for others though!

pippi0606 · October 2017

@lalalaj love the sporadic dumping suggestion! Funny to think something so obvious could go un noticed but makes sense if people aren't looking for it. Thanks!

mytinc · October 2017

I was at a work conference last week where there are nightly receptions and alcohol is a given. I told people I'm in an exercise/health challenge that includes watching what we eat and no alcohol. I also told them it was just for the month of October (I won't see most of these people again until March). No one questioned it, and it gave me the out to complain that I wanted to drink but I'm too competitive to do so. It also helped me avoid the desserts, make healthier choices in restaurants, and drink a lot of water.

ffw0617 · October 2017

So on the day I got my BFP I was already scheduled to go to brunch with my best friend. We always drink (LOL) and I didn't tell her we were TTC and I didn't want to tell her yet (still haven't). So I pretended I left something in the car, and on the way out I told the hostess to tell the waiter to make whatever I order virgin bc I'm pregnant. AND my friend wanted to get a mimosa pitcher. So I had to talk her out of it (obvi) she would taste it and know. But otherwise the plan worked perfectly for me. My mimosa was mostly pineapple juice with a splash of soda for bubbles.

Dashaina · October 2017

@ffw0617 mm mm mimosas.

notaknottie912 · October 2017

I think my boyfriends family is on to me... 4 social gatherings later, and im still not drinking =/

firstbump98765432 · October 2017

Ohhh I love the idea of telling the waiter. I will use it next to weekend!

cupcakeforme · October 2017

I would go with taking some medicine. I work at a place where we have openly drink beer ( we have kegerator and all) On Fridays we have "beer and data" meeting 3-5 and we drink beer. Last two times I said I want something sweet and grabbed a soda.

ncm1919 · October 2017

knottie1d8638fb3fce9f73 said:

Ohhh I love the idea of telling the waiter. I will use it next to weekend!

This worked perfectly for me last Sunday. I got s Bloody Mary and just intercepted the server before she put the order in. Be warned- you might get charged for a cocktail instead of just a juice

momlyfe29 · October 2017

I did the whole tell the waiter my secret and she put on the receipt “mule- Shirley temple in a mule glass” so that defintely foiled my plan because it was a group receipt so everyone saw

oneblessedmess · October 2017

Saying you're on antibiotics or doing a cleanse should do the trick! Snagging the waiter is also a great idea!

With DD, we each picked one or two select people to tell at 8 weeks (I told my sister, he told his two best friends). The rest of our families found out at 13-14 weeks, and we didn't do a big Facebook announcement to the rest of the world until 20 weeks, after we found out the sex.

This time around I've already told some friends from church so they could keep us in their prayers. DH has told his brother and SIL as well as people at work. I'll probably tell my sister at 8 weeks again and then we're planning a Christmas announcement for the rest of the fam. We will most likely wait until 20 weeks to FB announce again.

pewpewpewme · October 2017

I told my closest friends right away. I'm completely alone in a new state and mostly all of my family has passed away so I messaged one of my closest friends the second I took a test all like "Plz halp am I seeing things??" S.O. told his Dad because he's been staying with us to help with remodeling and didn't want it to slip. He's been so giddy. He wants to announce it to everyone (social media and his extended family) but I am nervous as all hell. We both love Halloween so we were originally thinking of doing a fun Halloween announcement. I'm supposedly 7w5d. I guess I'll decide on Tuesday when I have the ultrasound and get a more accurate date.

As for the drinking, I used to partake in adult beverages often. S.O. doesn't drink and I haven't in quite some time. It was weird for me because I had the biggest craving for a Bloody Mary the other day. I haven't had one in so long it surprised me that the craving for a cocktail wouldn't go away. So I had some V8. Apparently, my body just wanted tomato juice haha.

morristhecatmom · October 2017

Natinat6 said:

knottie1d8638fb3fce9f73 said:

Ohhh I love the idea of telling the waiter. I will use it next to weekend!

This worked perfectly for me last Sunday. I got s Bloody Mary and just intercepted the server before she put the order in. Be warned- you might get charged for a cocktail instead of just a juice

When I waitressed in college I accidentally outed a pregnant woman to her in-laws accidentally by ringing in a virgin drink when she intercepted me and asked me to get her a virgin drink after ordering an alcoholic one. So maybe she thought if someone saw the bill you’d want it to look legit?

Luckily she was really nice about it, but ugh I felt awful.

yogamamabear · October 2017

We havent told anyone and my birthday is Sunday so my husband and friends have an entire weekend planned. We go to the same spot to hang out though so he is just going to brief the bartenders (my friends are known for doing rounds of shots) and Im the Margarita queen so i will have shots of water and glasses of lemonade to prevent suspicion. We told fam and friends the same week of our positive tests both other times i was pregnant thjs yr they both resulted in losees and personally rather wait this time. We arent telling anyone until 10-12 weeks

i dont think its too early it depends on your comfortability

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