Badly need advice. Sorta Inf related. TWs of all kinds.

CowgirlK39 · October 2017

DH and I are coming off of a failed IUI and have dealt with the stress of bills from it. During all of this, my DHs best friend announced he and his girlfriend were expecting and it was very unplanned. His gf is one of the most obnoxious people I have ever met, so that made it even worse.

They came over today and I tried my best to put on a smile. But nothing could prepare me for what happened. DHs best friend pulled me aside and asked if they could have their gender reveal/shower at our farm. They own a home, but they want to have it at our place because we have a large garage that could hold a lot of people, and the way they want to announce the gender requires a large, outdoor area. I was completely blown away. The rest of their reasons for wanting it at our place revolves around "cheap" and "free." I didn't know what to say other than to tell him my DH and I had to talk about it. About an hour later, his gf started telling me she was so excited to have the party at our house! I just froze. I didn't know how to stop her, she just kept going on and on about her plans.

DH and I talked about it later and as usual, he said "I don't see what's the big deal." I'm so mad, hurt and honestly shocked that someone would just say "hey can I use your place for my party because I don't want to rent a place?" Please help me. How can I now tell these people we never said yes? How do I convince my husband this is not something I want? I should be hosting my own baby shower, not somebody else's "free" gender reveal/shower.

helloworld9 · October 2017

Wow that's so incredibly rude and presumptuous of them!

There are two issues here. First, your DH's "friend" is just inviting themselves over to hold an event at your home, without your permission. I would put your foot down and say you are not comfortable hosting their party at their place, and that they should consider just using their place instead if they cannot reserve space at a restaurant or something. If their place is too small, then too bad, that's their problem.

Second, your DH and you need to talk. It's a huge deal to have someone overstep your boundaries and barge themselves and their friends to your home. And he needs to understand how difficult dealing with fertility treatments are. It is hurtful to see others find success so easily while you struggle, and he needs to understand that so he can be sensitive to any potential triggers, like holding a sex reveal party at your home! Huge red flag.

babyhopeful442 · October 2017

@CowgirlK39 I'm sorry this is happening at such a difficult time. It is a very delicate situation since your DH is best friends with the father-to-be. I would be very upset if anyone (including my friends) asked to use my house. If i wished to house their gender reveal party, i would offer. My house is not their venue or a party hall free for all. It is rude to presume they can just use your house as they please. It also oversteps social norms of friendship boundaries.

Secondly, It wouldn't just be your house they are borrowing, it would be your time and effort as well. I'm sure you would have to help with the party decorations and food as well as the clean up after. That is a lot of stress (and money) that is not conducive to trying to conceive on top of all the stress we already go through.

My husband recently just okayed his sister's visit in December for 2 weeks to our house without talking to me about it at all. I was very upset! It is a lot of added stress on top of all the ones from my IUIs. I stress about having to entertain her and explain why i'm injecting myself everyday when i didn't want to share my infertility journey with her just yet. I stress about cleaning the house before she arrives and what types of foods i need to cook for her. It is just a lot to do anything right now besides working and going to my fertility appointments.

I understand where you are coming from, talk to your DH, tell him no! Hugs!!

[Deleted User] · October 2017

Wow, I'm so sorry. (((Hugs))) I agree - I would start by talking to your H and then address it with the friends however you need to. Either have him talk to the boyfriend, or address it via email, whatever you need to express your position as kindly, yet clearly as possible, while guarding your heart. GL!!!

CowgirlK39 · October 2017

So, I told my husband a couple nights ago that I planned to send this couple a message and "cancel" the party. He simply shrugged and said ok. I asked if he had a problem with that and again he shrugged and said it was fine. So I politely told the friend and his gf that it was bad timing and we have a lot going on. The gf immediately posted on Facebook asking anyone "with a lot of land" to host their party for them. I don't understand the nerve of some people but I guess it's not my problem anymore!

sarcasticowl · October 2017

@CowgirlK39 Why the hell does she need "a lot of land?" How many damn people is she expecting to come shower her with congratulations? Ugh, this might be a good time to step away from this broad altogether.

CowgirlK39 · October 2017

The way they want to reveal the gender is by shooting a target and having it release a colored smoke. That's why they need all the land. I already was not fond of this girl before she announced her pregnancy, but this just made it way worse.

sarcasticowl · October 2017

People need so much damn attention. <insert biggest ever eye roll here>

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Badly need advice. Sorta Inf related. TWs of all kinds.

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