PGAL Check In (week of Oct. 4)

justkeeptrying · October 2017

This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.

How far along are you?

Any appointments coming up?

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?

justkeeptrying · October 2017

How far along are you? 15+2

Any appointments coming up? Tuesday, 16 week check up

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): Physically much better. I haven't thrown up in over a week. Mentally, I've now passed my loss milestone, as well as the due date of my MC. So those were big things for me. I will feel a lot better after my appointment on Tuesday. I remain fearful that I'll go and my world will come crashing down.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue? I wish we had a bigger yard. We have very limited space, which is great because we hate yardwork, but sucks in terms of having outdoor space for DS to play.

mdfarmchick · October 2017

How far along are you?

18+5 ((yes I just checked TB for that—partially because I don’t even know what day of the week it is))

Any appointments coming up?

Anatomy Scan on 16 October

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I’m okay. The acid reflux/GERD is pretty annoying but it’s okay. I like it better than the throwing up. Mostly. Haha. As far as mentally, now that I’m moving into the range of feeling more kicks, I tend to worry less. I’m really looking forward to the anatomy scan.
Best moment ever?? Last night 2.0 ((who sadly still needs a name)), was kicking the crap out of my side and I realized I could feel it on the outside. So MH got kicks last night and it was just as magical as it was when it happened with DS for the first time.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?
Well I’m gonna cheat a little... I’d tear out the kitchen and redo it—but we have the same tile floors throughout so that would necessitate changing all the tile.

I hate the layout of my kitchen, the stupid GE monogram appliances that cost so much but always break, and I especially wish we had a regular island instead of a super narrow barstool area that just collects the mail and things we don’t want the toddler to reach yet. Oh and I think granite is way less impressive when it looks like it’s been puked on as the pattern. I want white quartz.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@mdfarmchick, that's AMAZING that your DH got to feel some kicks!!! That is such a special moment for dad's!! It makes it so much more real for them.

I remember with DS shining a light on my stomach and him rolling to the other side of my belly away from the light (super cool that they do that). And DH freaked out at me saying "don't make your stomach do that!!" I was like "I couldn't do that with my stomach if you paid me!! That was allllll baby!!"

senora76 · October 2017

How far along are you? 14+4

Any appointments coming up? Nope

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): Relieved with the tay sachs results we got back this week... wish I felt this baby move around more...I've only felt a few bumps here and there, but days go in between with nothing... I honestly can't remember when I started feeling Mars but I know I felt Vance consistently from 13 weeks on... Zane from 16 weeks on... so hopefully I'll feel some consistent bumps soon...

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue? We rent...and I'm so soured from buying my house with my ex that I lost my entire life savings in... so I'm way too scared to buy anything in the US now, especially not in LA - we are hoping to buy in Barcelona soon... we are going to look at some places and talk to the bank when we are there next month... But... if money were really no issue, we'd buy a place in Barcelona, and buy a place in Joshua Tree...we love the desert. For now, we spend the weekends planting orange flowers all over our front yard...orange for our ginger love baby Mars.

@justkeeptrying I know how difficult each of these milestones are... I hope you can try to relax and enjoy soon... I'm right there with you...we are coming up on Mars first birthday Nov 15 and ever since I got that stupid "first birthdays" catalog I can't stop being fixated on that day.

@mdfarmchick WORST acid reflux ever with my prior pregnancies- with Mars I'd wake up choking on vom... so gross... Hey you are in Las Vegas, right? I am sure the mood is quite gloomy there... Glad you are okay.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@senora76, I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear you got your results. Such reassurance for you I'm sure! Milestones are so hard. I'll be thinking of you over the coming month. I can't even imagine how that feels.

kikikav · October 2017

I'm 15 weeks tomorrow!

I have an appointment tomorrow with my OBGYN and another ultrasound/appointment with a perinatologust next Thursday.

physically, I'm feeling ok! First trimester nausea is gradually disappearing, which makes me a little nervous. As much as the symptoms sucked, they were reassuring! We are having identical twins, which makes my pregnancy high risk, so I've been worried about keeping not 1 but 2 babies safe and am looking forward to the appointments for reassurance, even though I'm always afraid my world will come crashing down at each appointment, like it did at 10 weeks with our angel baby last spring.

mdfarmchick · October 2017

@senora76 Thanks for asking—Vegas has rallied and it’s amazing to me how quickly every need has been met. Both Clark County and the local charities, like Ronald McDonald House have received every single item they asked for to the point that they have no where else to put more donations. Mostly I feel pride at all of the people who stopped to help even with bullets still flying, and all of the regular Las Vegas locals who went into work at 10:08 pm Sunday night to help even though they were off-duty/not on call. And the ones who lined up at the blood banks 5 hours before they opened. There is so much good and kindness in our city and one man cannot take that from us.
Ps, I love your plans to buy a place in Barcelona. Should I look for you guys on House Hunters International??

senora76 · October 2017

@kikikav wow identical twins!

@mdfarmchick thats inspiring to hear... its a shame and super scary this stuff happens way to frequently- its nice to hear how everyone rallied and came together. I love house hunters international! haha

syssa-o · October 2017

How far along are you?

16+1

Any appointments coming up?

We were supposed to have a 3d ultrasound but that got pushed back a week till the 19th. I also have a routine appt on the 17th. My dr office didn't forward my ob the autopsy and it's something he really wants me to bring in to make sure we are doing everything we can

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I'm good. I'm getting to the appointment/work heavy part of the month so I know I'm going to be overwhelmed for the next 2 or so weeks. We also have thanksgiving on Monday. I know it sounds silly but last year we skipped thanksgiving because well... we weren't really thankful for anything. We just decided that we are going to do thanksgiving with just the 3 of us. I'm a bit excited but the family holidays always leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?

welll we are absolutely nuts and decided to list. We are house hunting right now because our place had room for one more baby but not two lol... hoping we can find somewhere that ticks all the boxes.

senora76 · October 2017

@syssa-o hugs... I cant even handle the autopsy in my posession... talking to he medical examiner was hard enough and my genetic counselor doing the post mortem tests said the lab needed it... so I made the request but had it sent directly to her... I have a hard time just thinking about it... Thanksgiving is also a trigger- we proudly brought our 8 day old over to my brothers last year plus I had my older sons (sometimes they go to their dads) so it was an absolutely wonderful year... but this year we are purposely traveling in november over thanksgiving to a land they dont celebrate it in, completely skipping it this year... hard enough to go through Mars’ birthday next month, can’t do Thanksgiving too. Good luck on the house hunt...! That is exciting... You might need a new car too! that was my biggest concern when I swore I was having twins haha.

I might be the only one here that has brought home each one of my babies to an apartment with no room for a nursery LOL.

syssa-o · October 2017

@senora76 I hear you on having the autopsy. I had to go pick up medical records at the hospital shortly after and I broke down in the hallway and had a full panic attack. They had to go find my H in the parking lot.

This pregnancy is helping us with thanksgiving this year. It also helps that we are just doing the 3 of us. No expectations or anything, just a family dinner a little bit nicer than usual.

Thoughts will be with you over Mars' birthday. That was a very hard time for us. Take it easy on yourself and don't over schedule.

I'm super nervous about the house hunting thing lol.... DS starts school next year so it's gonna have to be a nice school and all that. I laughed when you mentioned the car.... in the summer we bought a brand new (our first ever brand new) truck and it cost more than I even want to think about. When I found out it was twins my first thought was "holy f .... if 3 car seats can't fit across in that backseat what the mother f are we going to do?!?"

luckily we will have more than enough room!

chasingroygbiv · October 2017

How far along are you?

20+ 3

Any appointments coming up?

I think 2 weeks from now is my next u/s and check up.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I’m ok. I don’t like these BH, but I know it’s all part of pregnancy as I had them with my other 2, just not this early. I love feeling baby move and it helps my anxiety— until she’s sleeping. Then I’m back to square one.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?
Our flooring. We need new (not bright white) carpet so bad and our year old kitchen floor is JUNK. Never getting laminate wood again! It wasn’t entirely our fault. We asked for true oak and came home to laminate but unfortunately said whatever... I was going through my first miscarriage and just wanted it done and people out of my house. Now I regret not demanding they rip it out and put in what we asked for/planned on....

chasingroygbiv · October 2017

Hugs to all and extra love to those coming up on triggers the next several weeks.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

How far along are you? 17+1

Any appointments coming up? not until the 16th with my OB. He will be giving me my requisition for my 20wk scan at that appointment so I'm m really looking forward to getting that on the books.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

really well. I'm mostly feeling better and am finally feeling little BABY WIGGLES .... or atleast I think they are baby wiggles. I'm pretty confident. I could feel them my car ride home from work today and I laughed and cried the whole drive.

i am 2 wks out from the day I miscarried last year... and although I don't see that day as a milestone per se.... it will be a sad day. also, because I had a MMC, my actual loss occurred earlier ( I just didn't know) and the date for that is this weekend. So I'm feeling super sad as we head into thanksgiving this weekend (canada) but also grateful that this year we are pregnant again. We hadn't shared with our family last thanksgiving that we were expecting- so it will be nice not having such a big secret this year

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?

the floors - all of them. Also - a backyard reno

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@bb3vj3n, I'm hitting my miscarriage date soon too (in a few more weeks). And same as you, it was a MMC so I've already passed the date we found out. It was a hard day. My thoughts are with you.

I feel like the last while I've just passed so many milestones. It's a bit exhausting. I've had 2 losses, so now I have dates we found out we were pregnant, dates we found out we miscarried, dates we actually miscarried, due dates. April and October are really hard months as those were my due dates and loss dates. So hard.

heatherdubrow · October 2017

SEnding so many hugs to those with milestones and triggers coming up. My heart is with you.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

thanks @heatherdubrow

@justkeeptrying .... I'm banking on the pain fading in time. I don't think I'll ever not remember, but already - as we near the mid point of this pregnancy, I can feel the weight of the milestones getting lighter. Back in May - when we passed our due date, and still we were were not yet pregnant- it was excruciating. I kept thinking "i don't know how i will make it through October this year if we are still TTC". But here we are, October, and it doesn't hurt as bad this time.

Not trying to invalidate anyone's sadness surrounding milestones.... of course they are always so painful. I guess, I'm just so grateful to be carrying this baby right now and it's helping me overcome some of that pain.

senora76 · October 2017

@bb3vj3n agree... TTC was so much worse... TTC after a loss is “next level...”

@justkeeptrying hugs ❤️

mommytron · October 2017

Hello ladies,
I was out of town for a few weeks and haven't been on this site much. I hope that you all are doing well!
We finally got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler at my 18 week appointment. Such a relief!

How far along are you? 19.1

Any appointments coming up? My next appointment isn't for a few weeks. The anatomy scan is in a few days.

How are you doing?

I am doing well but I have been anxious thinking about the anatomy scan. I have been seeing my therapist monthly to maintain and that definitely helps. The last month or so I've been having bad headaches and migraines. Hopefully they taper off soon.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue?
Take off all of the vinyl siding and replace it with brick or stone. Is that even possible?

syssa-o · October 2017

kalawa · October 2017

@syssa-o Beautiful posting. I light a candle on this day for my niece who was born sleeping at 39w.

How far along are you?

18w1d

Any appointments coming up?
Oct.17 MW...Oct. 20 AS. I am nervous for it. But I am anxious to see if the twin sac has disappeared, how my SCH is doing, and how my cervix is. And of course to see the little munchkin.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Alright. Every day is a day closer to 24w. Now that I feel movement it's reassuring, until you have the day you don't, because movement isn't consistent yet and baby still small.

GTKY: What's one thing you'd change about your home if money wasn't an issue? My neighbour's ugly, unfinished fence. We rent, they started the fence, didn't pay rent, and moved out. Or maybe my WHITE ceramic tile kitchen floor. I wash my floor and 1.2 seconds later it looks like a someone spilt pasta sauce on the floor, and walkes in it with muddy boots. And this is when my kids are sleeping, and I'm alone.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

I'm feeling really positive today so I wanted to post. I often come here posting when I'm nervous. So I want to give some positive vibes.

I'm going to be 16 weeks on Monday and I just feel good right now. I'm getting a bit teary-eyed realizing that we will actually get to meet this baby in March. I'm just feeling really positive about this pregnancy for the first time. It's exciting to actually have some optimism.

mommytron · October 2017

@justkeeptrying It's wonderful to hear that you are feeling good! Thank you for sending out positive vibes.
This is what my daily calendar said today,"I have a positive attitude about life. I look for good, and I find only good wherever I go."
edit: oops, that was yesterday's message but i'll take it.

senora76 · October 2017

@justkeeptrying thanks for sharing ur good vibes ❤️ makes me feel positive too

My son Vance played a stellar soccer game today and I too noticed that for the first time since losing Mars I was genuinely on a high from watching this victorious game... I wasnt wrapped up with other mommies whispering about me or looking at me sad, or trying to avoid me... I wasnt worried about my pregnancy, and I wasn’t losing myself in sadness... I was present for one of my other kids for the first time in forever

SP128 · October 2017

@justkeeptrying @bb3vj3n Hugs lady. My mmc anniversary is also coming up a couple of weeks as well. I was actually thinking about it this morning while still laying in bed. I tried to put a positive spin even though I'm still so incredibly sad about it. By my mmc anniversary, this LO will be about 19 weeks along. For that, I will be thankful.

@bb3vj3n So cool that you can feel wiggles already. I think I felt some Friday and Saturday but I'm not sure. Nothing yesterday. I know it's normal, but I would love some affirmation.

@syssa-o Thank you for posting that : )

senora76 · October 2017

Hi Ladies - really am not feeling much baby movement at all here - not sure if girls are less active or what... I know shes okay because I have the doppler - but at 15 1/2 weeks I'm almost at the point where I felt Zane move (first baby WITH anterior placenta) - not to mention in a loooooooong stretch between drs appts... another 9 days to go... I can't wait to feel some more action... I don't have the severe heartburn or the bleeding... (which I am grateful for) so this pregnancy is vastly different than my other 3.

Hope everyone is doing okay - had a very weird dream last night... I still don't dream about Mars, but I did have a dream about him being gone already. I was in Wisconsin at an old house, and my grandma was helping me scoop her ashes into a little baggie. I wanted to keep them in a little box I have Mars' hair in... I also found a little box that was my grandpa's ashes and i was scooping part of him into a tiny envelope too - it was so vivid...then Jose woke up (he wakes up to pee like 5x because when im pregnant he seriously gets every one of my symptoms) - when he woke up so did I and I told him I had the most incredibly vivid dream, he said SO DID I and I NEVER dream about my grandma. I was like I was dreaming about my grandma too... It was 3am and the dead of night and I felt like we were surrounded... it was really trippy...and I can't stop thinking about it.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@senora76, I'm anxiously waiting for consistent movement too. I'm 16+1 and had an appointment today. My OB said "I'm assuming no movement yet?" And I said I'm starting to feel flutters. So I think it's still early even for a STM+. She didn't seem surprised at all that I am not feeling much. Although when she was looking for heartbeat, she noted baby kicking the Doppler and I didn't feel it at all.

mdfarmchick · October 2017

@senora76 I’m a STM and at my 17+4 week appointment almost two weeks ago my OB was very clear that I shouldn’t expect consistent movement yet. The past couple of days are the most movement that I’ve felt and I’ll be 20 weeks on Friday. I still wouldn’t call it consistent though. Don’t worry—every pregnancy is different. Hugs.

senora76 · October 2017

@justkeeptrying @mdfarmchick thanks... I KNOW in my head, I'm early 15+3... but i guess I've been anxious to feel movement since I felt last two pregnancies very early and was just hopeful I'd be feeling all sorts of things by now... Last time I felt any clear movement was last week...so now I wait...

I have heard that womp sound when ive heard the heartbeat so it does sound like kicks, I just don't feel it yet... It doesn't help that I found out I was pregnant at 9 DPO!!!!!!!!! So impatient...

heatherdubrow · October 2017

@senora76 hugs. As others have said, I’m 20 weeks this week and just now feeling more consistent movement. I know it messes with your mind though.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@senora76 also just chiming in with the same info. I'm 18wks tomorrow and although i think i have felt the very occasional flutter- i can't even say with real certainty that it's the baby. I imagine, ill start to fell wiggles much moor consistently by 20+ weeks.

It will be so wonderful when we are all at the point that movement becomes stronger and consistent - until then - be strong

SP128 · October 2017

@senora76 hugs lady. I'm a little over 17 weeks and may have and more probably haven't felt movement yet. We are all close though

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