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ANYONE DH/SO suffer from ED? Need advice!

ndz2018ndz2018 member
edited October 2017 in Infertility
Not sure if I'm in the right group.. 
Here's the story. I am 37 and SO is 42. My SO and I are ttc this month, before we were just kinda not preventing but not trying. We are both taking our vitamins( me PN him Multi), Maca, zinc and start COQ10, he also is taking vitamin d Bc he's deficient. I am armed with my OPK(CBE digital one, the inexpensive ones I never quite got a positive), BBT for the last few months and ready to go! 
We have been to the urologist( they don't have a answer for why it happens all tests came back normal) and gotten viagra( it works sometimes), we have used the shots and he gets an erection but he can't ejactulate Bc it's so painful and it's not enjoyable for him or me to watch him in pain. With all that being said we BD 3 times last month and didn't have any issues or use any medication. So it's on and off.
last night I went to try to seduce him and he immediately shot me down. I'm WTO and it's only CD 5 so we have a little time before I O. I'm starting to get nervous that when it's time he's going to get stage fright and I will miss my O.
Is there anyone else dealing with this? Or have any advice? It will be greatly appreciated. 
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Re: ANYONE DH/SO suffer from ED? Need advice!

  • dragonette505dragonette505 member
    Hi,
    No advice on my part, but you are definitely in the right group.... Even in TTGP there are lots of ladies who may be able to relate...  Hopefully someone will see your post... if youre not using ART (IVF/IUI) you can post in TTGP where we have dailies (waiting to O and two week wait) as well as a host of other weekly threads that might fit. As  well as lurking/posting here since many of us have segwayed from trying naturally to getting more scientific...
    I am sure there is a male factor thread either in Infertility or in TTGP

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  • sarcasticowlsarcasticowl member
    Hi @ndz2018 I'm honestly not sure if this is precisely the right group for you, but my DH and I had an issue sort of like this. His issue is not painful ejaculation but actually getting there. It has to do with the way he has masturbated his whole life ("prone" - there is some stuff online about the issues it causes) so we kind of knew that we would need assistance with conceiving because of not being able to ejaculate on command. That's not the entire reason we sought help, but it was a small part of it.

    Is your SO okay with doing something like masturbating alone into a cup and giving you the semen to self-inseminate? There are women on other boards who have had to do that and if you're otherwise healthy and ovulating, you should have no trouble using a sterile pipette. It might take some pressure off your SO. I hope this helps in some small way; I do know a bit of what you're going through.
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    edited October 2017
    @sarcasticowl THANK YOU! Unfortunately he thinks his issue came from masturbation to porn his whole life. He has like no sex drive! That being said we have not tried it, so that's a fantastic idea! He had this issue prior to meeting me 2 years ago. We have gone to couples therapy, urologists, etc and we have not physically found a problem so my guess is it's gotta be mental. Though he swears it's not.
    I am going to pitch the masturbating idea to him tonight  and when it gets closer to my O we will see if that will take some pressure off. He gets so upset when he get an erection. It's not because he doesn't want to talk about it, he's very open with me about it . But as  a man he feels like a failure to me and to himself. He's a very open, loving , sensitive person and it hurts to see him get so upset with himself.
    @dragonette505 I will definitely post in there too!

    THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES! 
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  • sarcasticowlsarcasticowl member
    @ndz2018 You're welcome! There is a ton of stuff online about 'detoxing' from porn, so if he's really serious about getting help, he can do it. It's not easy, but it's totally possible. My DH was not thrilled with our initial setup (me self-inseminating) but when I sat him down and explained that it was the easiest on both of us and the least heart-wrenching, he did it. He was never happy about it, but it was less horrible than the alternative. Best of luck to you guys!
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    @sarcasticowl AGREE 100%! He has done tons of research in the detoxing from porn, but life seems to get in the way sometime, I will definitely bring it up to him again.
      It will totally take the pressure off him and honestly I don't think he'll have a problem with it but I do think porn will have to be involved in that process, I'm going to do some research tonight on self insemination. Did you have luck with it yourself? 
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  • sarcasticowlsarcasticowl member
    @ndz2018 Sadly, no. I have some uterine issues that likely got in the way. I can't imagine it wouldn't have worked otherwise. I was squirting that stuff up as high as I could and then climaxing to give it a nudge. It was all so bizarre, but I really did believe it would have worked if not for my fibroids and scar tissue from a previous uterine surgery :)
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    @sarcasticowl OH BOY! I had 2 small fibroids that were 2cm big like 4 years ago. Dr said they weren't a problem. I have an appointment with my gyno nov 15th guess I'll have her see if they have grown in the last couple years or maybe go right to the fertility dr?
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    Also that being said I do have fibroids but they also have never been an issue.. my periods are totally normal, 4-5 days at most, 1st two days a little heavy but that's it. Cramps nothing that Advil won't help. I think I may be freaking myself out lol
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    @sarcasticowl The squirt comment almost made me spit my water out
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  • adiratadirat member
    I think PPs gave good advice...I also wonder if a brief stint in therapy would help? If it's all mental, working through those issues with sex CBT might help.


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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    @adirat we went to a sex therapist for a few months 
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  • sarcasticowlsarcasticowl member
    @ndz2018 Any RE will have you get those suckers out before trying to assist you with conceiving. Even if your regular gyno doesn't think they'd be a problem, REs tend to like to work with as perfect a canvas as possible. They have fertility ratings to consider and they don't want anything to take away from their success. Mine likely wouldn't have been an issue but when they went in they found scar tissue, adenomyosis and some polyps. So it was worth the exploration if nothing else. And I haven't gotten pregnant yet so it remains to be seen if it was worth it but I'm glad I did it because we knew what we were dealing with and some repairs could be made
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    @sarcasticowl I think we're gonna give it try naturally for a few cycles if nothing takes then on our way to the RE we go! Just spoke to SO about home insemination, he said he'd be willing to try. I'd hate to jump the gun and think we have an issue and have unnecessary medication, procedures, etc if we don't need to. This cycle is the first one.
     I was pregnant many, many year ago when I was 18, sadly it ended. So I know it is possible but that's was a very long time ago and we all know how things can change with age. 
    Thank you so much for taking the time to advise me, you have no idea how nice it is to have someone to talk to about this! 
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