New girl, introducing myself & our story
mcmullenk918
member
It took him a full year to FINALLY mention something to our general physician. With my DH being treated for worsening depression/anxiety our physician immediately wanted to test his testosterone (TT) levels. We were all floored when the results came back in. His free TT levels were at a 35. He was supposed to be in the 300s. He started on TT shots. After being on them for a bit, he weaned off, and we waited to see if it would “jump start” his system. It did not. His levels plummeted again. Not as low as 35, but he was in the 70s. Long story short, the physician basically told us he had no idea what was causing this and we would likely never be able to have a baby. He recommended staying on the TT. TT shots kind of work like a male form of birth control. Some men can still get their wives pregnant, but most cannot. We were devastated. As he was just starting out in his field and I was too, going to see a specialist was not something we could afford.
A year later, my DH got fed up. We went to another doctor’s office. There we met an amazing APRN who was shocked that our previous physician has never tested any other TT levels past his “free” count or ran a full CBC. We had no idea this was never done. She was legitimately very angered that he told us we would never be able to conceive. She ordered a full CBC and other tests. Those results led her to determine he had hypogonadism. She ordered an MRI to get a look at his pituitary gland & further tests to look at some of his other hormone levels. We now had a diagnosis. He has secondary hypogonadism. For whatever reason, his pituitary gland never functioned properly. It could be hereditary. A medication he could have taken when he was younger may have damaged it. We have no way of really knowing. Here is the frustrating part. We can’t stop the TT shots. Partly, because he’s been on them for so long it could cause some very serious issues just stopping cold. Also, because his levels are guaranteed to plummet again. His depression/anxiety would nose dive again. Not something we’re willing to mess with.
Our only other option is an endocrinologist. Yay, right? Not so fast. Insurance won’t cover him seeing an endocrinologist for his secondary hypogonadism. Since it deals with infertility and it’s being managed with the TT shots, they won’t cover it. They don’t see fertility as a health factor that is “essential” to his life. Our financial situation has improved somewhat, but not anywhere near us being able to fork over the hundreds of dollars just to see an endocrinologist. Any medication prescribed won’t be covered by our RX plan and we would be on the hook for any tests/procedures. 100% out of our pockets. Um. We don’t make a ton of money. We can’t exactly go take out a major loan for this. We have explored other options for starting a family and all cost a lot of money that we just don’t have.
After some time, my DH made his peace with it. He’s accepted he may never father a child. I’m struggling. You know what? No. I am beyond struggling. I can barely function. My best friend, my soul mate, my “sister from another mister” recently found out she is expecting her first child. Homegirl was off birth control for less than 30 days AND had a visit from Aunt Flow when she got pregnant. I love her more than I love my DH and I would never, ever take my frustrations out on her. BUT COME ON. I mean, really?!? I hate to sound whiney, but this is just not fair. I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a small child. Everyone, jokingly, nicknamed me “Mom” in college. I take care of others. I mother the people around me. Always have. I can’t make peace with the fact that it may never happen. It kills me every single day. It drives me further into sadness and despair every time AF shows up. Every box of tampons, every period cramp, every photo friends post of their gorgeous babies is like a punch to my gut. It breaks my heart in a million pieces. It hurts. Actual physical, real hurt. I ache to tell my husband I’m pregnant. I dream about telling him he’s going to be a father. I want to feel that joy, terror, wonder, and apprehension that comes with your first pregnancy.
I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. The emotional pain in manifesting as physical symptoms and I feel like it’s just getting worse.
Wow. That was a novel. If anyone made it through that, kudos
to you! If not…well, I kind of understand. 
Re: New girl, introducing myself & our story
I feel that in general, men are more okay with having/not having children. My DH is like yours, he thinks ***TW*** having our daughter is enough and he can be perfectly happy just being us three. Even when we were trying for my daughter, my husband would say that he's ok if we can never conceive ( took us 1 year the first time). I, on the other hand, like you, have dreamed of a big family since i was about 9 years old. No one should be asked to give that up. I had a serious conversation with my DH when #2 didn't happen and he realized how much i wanted this. My DH is actually working in Texas and i was working in Michigan. I quit my job and moved over to Texas to look after our young daughter while trying to get pregnant with #2. DH is now on board with all the RE appointments and procedures. I know he doesn't want this to the same degree as me, but i'm glad he's allowing me to pursue my dream. Whatever you decide, know that we are all here for you. I hope you do get your happy ending!
Age: 32 DH: 35
natural pregnancy DD 2012 TTC #2 since 2014
9/2015 chemical pregnancy
Initial workup:
AMH: 0.898 ng/ml
Antral Follicle Count: 5
FSH day 3: 6.56 mIU/ml
LH day 3: 5.24 mIU/ml
Estradiol day 3: 46.75 pg/ml
IUI 1-4 BFN
IVF #1 After ovulation was confirmed with progesterone levels on CD19. Cetrotide ½ dose X4 doses and minivelle was started CD 20 to continue through stim. Upon AF, started follistim 150 bid and menopur 75 bid on CD3. Started cetrotide 1 dose when biggest follicle reached 13mm. Retrieved 4 eggs out of 12 follicles, 2 PGS normal, FET #1 9/14/18 BFP beta#1 10dp6dt 369, 12dp6dt 1210
Feel free to come join us as well over on TTGP, as well. There is a weekly MFI thread, as well as a weekly testing and treatment thread. That board works a little differently than this one, but if you just lurk a bit, intro over on the newbie thread, and read through the newbie guides, you'll get the hang of it. Not sure if you are still officially trying with TI, but the daily TWW and WTO threads are there as well, and there's lots of support if you wanted to try temping. Not sure if your new doctor has given you any guesses on your chances that way? Or vs. IUI? Or IVF+ICSI? Has he had an S.A. yet?
For us, my H has no sperm in the ejaculate. We still don't entirely know why, we did all the genetic testing and nothing popped up. But luckily the doctor did retrieve sperm to freeze. If your H has any present in the S.A., they may be able to freeze a sample that way, rather than surgically. It may be worth it to go off the T just for 2-3 months or so, long enough to get a good couple samples from him to freeze. Idk. But bottom line is, there is still hope! You've come to the right place, and we will be here to encourage you, and get creative with you if need be, while you find where your path leads. ❤ (((Hugs)))
Secondly... Holy! It sounds like you guys have been through a lot at are dealing with a lot! The finances, the insurance, the diagnosis... and that particular diagnosis would affect so many other things too - like mental health, etc. It must be crazy hard, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
I don't have much advice for you apart from what previous posters have already said. This board is mostly for women struggling with IF/actively undergoing treatment, and it doesn't sound like you're there at this point. That said, I think every single woman here knows what it's like to have doubts, to feel like it's never going to happen, and to want to curl into a little ball and cry. It is so unfair - brutally unfair!
But don't lose hope. Be honest with your husband, have the difficult conversations - push when you need to push - and be really clear with him about how much pain you're in. Then you two can, together, decide on the best course of action moving forward. The good news for you two is that you're still quite young, and chances are the sole issue you're dealing with is the MFI issue - you have a few years to figure everything out.
Much love to you! Courage!
As we move further into this struggle, the option of having a baby "the old fashioned way" isn't really something achievable. My DH suggested some time ago that we look into a sperm donor. Honestly, I was shocked he brought it up. I didn't know how he would feel about it. He told me he knows how important it is to me to be pregnant. To have those experiences and that if the baby can, genetically, be one of ours that is fine by him. He's 100% on board for it. I have a friend from junior high who has experience dealing with using a sperm donor and everything. I have even switched to the obgyn they use. Partly because I know he's skilled (they had their second baby 1 year ago) and my previous obgyn semi-retired and doesn't deliver babies anymore. It's still an expensive process. Shots, medications, the actual sperm donation, and the IUI are thousands of dollars. So, an option, but not a viable one for the near future.
Fostering/adoption is definitely an option we are open to. My DH is very adamant about wanting a child from as close to birth as possible. He had 2 older, adoptive siblings and it was rough. It had a profound effect on him and the rest of his family. So, I think he has apprehension about it, but he knows this could be the only way we have a family. We just are not in the right place in our lives right now. We're still struggling financially. We live in a one bedroom studio type apartment. It's a small, detached garage apartment. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful. My brother in law gutted it down to the studs. Did the reno himself and he did a wonderful job. It's tight with us and our 2 dogs. Where we live, we can go through Catholic Charities. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school. I broke away from the church in college and haven't been to mass in quite some time. We aren't members of a Christian church (which is required for Catholic Charities) and we cannot show we are financially stable. So that's a no go. Private adoption is costly. I have a friend who adopted 2 babies nearly 2 years ago. It was over $10,000.
For something like money to come between us and starting a family hurts. We work so hard and just never seem to really gain traction towards starting a family. It makes me so sad.
I know you were in education for some time, and leaving must have been tough - but it sounds like you and your DH are just starting your careers. When you take over your MIL's business, and in a couple more years' of electrician's work, you and your DH will be sitting pretty! Both of you are in the process of starting your own businesses - that would be rough!!
My H and I have been working for about 10 years, and honestly, both of us were kicking ourselves after we needed some electrical work last year - one of us should have become an electrician! LOL! We thought: "If you are smart and hardworking and good with paperwork and reliable, you could do very, very well as an electrician."
It is hard now - SO HARD! - but if you keep working hard and keep being smart (ie. advertising a little bit) and doing good work - word will get out there and it will get easier! Keep at it, you will not struggle like this for long.
I know it's tough. Honestly, 2 years ago, if someone had told me that we'd need to do IVF, I would have said: "How?! That's so expensive!" But about a year ago, all of our hard work started to pay off, and suddenly paying for IVF wasn't such an impossibility, even if we had to go into debt to do it.
Hang in there! An IUI and donor sperm or an adoption might just be in your future!
IVF #1 -2016 March, antagonist, 5 eggs, 2 fertilized, 3DT - 8 cell and 6 cell no frag, chemical pregnancy
IVF #2 - 2016 June, micro dose lupron, 3 eggs, 1 fertilized, 3DT 6 cell, BFN
IVF #3 - 2016 November, estrogen priming + antagonist, 9 follicles, 3 eggs, none fertilized
IVF #4 - 2017 March, testosterone priming + micro dose lupron, 2 eggs, none fertilized
IVF #5 - 2017 May, A/ACP protocol, 4 follicles out of 7 seemed to get to required size, ovulated before retrieval, converted into IUI - BFN
IVF #6 - 2017 July, A/ACP protocol, 3 follicles one stopped growing, LH rising, converted to IUI - BFN
IVF #7 - 2017 September, antagonist, 5 follicles, 6 eggs, 3 immature, 3 injected, 1 fertilized, stopped growing day 3
It's frustrating. I'm desperate to get him to and endocrinologist, but I think he's made his peace with that. I don't know that I can.
Having a hubs who is an electrician is AMAZING. He's so handy now! LOL. I think he just realized he's now the "family electrician". His brother calls him with any and ALL electrical issues. He's had to help out plenty of other tenants who also rent from his brother. He spent one of his very few days off doing electrical work for his parents who are knee deep in a total reno. He pretends it annoys me, but I know he likes feeling needed by those he loves. It does him some good.
Thinking of you, and hope you are taking good care of yourself!