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October 2017 Moms
twinning2017
member
I need some mom advice, no it's not medical lol
twinning2017
member
so, the father of the twins I'm currently pregnant with and I split almost three months ago, it wasn't a pretty breakup and I saved everything from the break up showing he is mentally unstable. With that being said, his sister has contacted me a few times here and there asking how the babies are and his mom has once. It took him two months to finally ask about the babies but he eventually did. I'm pretty bitter about the whole situation with him, not his family, due to the fact that in general I'm a tiny person and this pregnancy has been pretty rough on me and when we broke up he made it even harder. I wanted to go in to have the twins as a private patient, but I don't wanna piss off/upset his family that has been concerned. I haven't seen him or spoken to him in person since the break up and don't really want the first time to be after having the babies. I guess what I'm wanting is advice from other moms to see what their thought is about this.
If you want some back story from the break up here it is. He had a HUGE problem with hitting his three year old WAY to hard. For example slapping him to the ground, whipping him with a belt and constant slaps to the face, not the mouth his face. Another issue was lying, he was still contacting his ex, they share no children and it was almost 90% of the time sexual. I confronted him multiple times about how the hitting was a little extreme and the lying needed to stop. It didn't and after we took a 'family vacation' with my mom, step sister, my cousin, his two children and my son I found out that while we were on vacation he proceeded to slap his son across the face for 'sneezing in his face'. This was in front of my step sister and cousin. That and the fact that he had lied to me about what my father had said drew the line and I broke things off. I told him I would still help with his kids, he works 7 days a week and didn't really have a babysitter lined up, until things were figured out. He took matters into his own hands and at 11 at night dragged his kids out of bed, hopped in my car and took off. He then took the muffler off of my car, taped a hose to what was left and taped the windows of the car with the other end of the hose in the car. (Attempting suicide) meanwhile sending me texts and pictures of this, this is what I meant by I still have evidence. I called his mom who proceeded to call the police and finally around four I was contacted by the police about them finding him dragging the hose from my car and telling me it was in the middle of the road and I needed to come get it. After I did that he was admitted to the hospital and was under a 72 hour watch, which if his sister and mother hadn't told them that his sister would move in with him and if he wasn't at work he would have someone there with him they were not going to let him go. Being pregnant I got most of my belongings from the home, had told both of his jobs he wouldn't be in for a little while due to personal reasons and if they needed more information they could talk to his family or him. I finally got the rest of my stuff and that's been that.
Sorry for the book, just making sure I clear the air and whoever has advice gets all the information needed.
If you want some back story from the break up here it is. He had a HUGE problem with hitting his three year old WAY to hard. For example slapping him to the ground, whipping him with a belt and constant slaps to the face, not the mouth his face. Another issue was lying, he was still contacting his ex, they share no children and it was almost 90% of the time sexual. I confronted him multiple times about how the hitting was a little extreme and the lying needed to stop. It didn't and after we took a 'family vacation' with my mom, step sister, my cousin, his two children and my son I found out that while we were on vacation he proceeded to slap his son across the face for 'sneezing in his face'. This was in front of my step sister and cousin. That and the fact that he had lied to me about what my father had said drew the line and I broke things off. I told him I would still help with his kids, he works 7 days a week and didn't really have a babysitter lined up, until things were figured out. He took matters into his own hands and at 11 at night dragged his kids out of bed, hopped in my car and took off. He then took the muffler off of my car, taped a hose to what was left and taped the windows of the car with the other end of the hose in the car. (Attempting suicide) meanwhile sending me texts and pictures of this, this is what I meant by I still have evidence. I called his mom who proceeded to call the police and finally around four I was contacted by the police about them finding him dragging the hose from my car and telling me it was in the middle of the road and I needed to come get it. After I did that he was admitted to the hospital and was under a 72 hour watch, which if his sister and mother hadn't told them that his sister would move in with him and if he wasn't at work he would have someone there with him they were not going to let him go. Being pregnant I got most of my belongings from the home, had told both of his jobs he wouldn't be in for a little while due to personal reasons and if they needed more information they could talk to his family or him. I finally got the rest of my stuff and that's been that.
Sorry for the book, just making sure I clear the air and whoever has advice gets all the information needed.
Re: I need some mom advice, no it's not medical lol
Not to sound too scary here, but slapping his son across the face for sneezing (!!), and trying to commit suicide in the car as a manipulation tactic- these are precursors you hear in news stories to injuring a child or, god forbid, bringing the kids into that car with him.
((Hugs)) I wish I had more to advise, but I really think your instincts have served you well throughout this ordeal and you should continue to listen to them, and not let him or his family guilt you into anything.
Personally, and this is just me on what I would do in a scary, stressful situation. I would not care about looking "mean". This is about YOU and your babies. You did not join into this guys family, and therefore, they are nothing to you. Their father will always be their father, but that does not mean he is safe or loving, or whatever have you. Sure, I feel bad for grandma obviously wanting to see the twins, but she raised her son first, and her loyalties will stay with her son regardless. If you did feel like being kind to the family, I would suggest only ever meeting in highly public places and you with a support system ready. Your babies may want to know that side of their family, which is understandable. I would find it very hard to prevent them from seeing their family but given the circumstances, like I said, I would not feel safe visiting or showing the babies to anyone in a private setting without someone nearby you. I really wish you well. I encourage you to take your power of your babies and implore you to not feel "mean" because you are making sure they are out of harms way.
You are not mean, you are their momma and you keep them safe.
Hugs to you, @twinning2017
BFP#3: 2/9/13 EDD 10/18/17. Team Green for Round 2!