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December 2017 Moms
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FFFC* 9/8

MJDsquaredMJDsquared member
in December 2017 Moms
*not guaranteed to be flame free

Me: 29 || DH: 29
TTC #1 4/2016 || dx NIR PCOS 7/2016 || BFP 4/2017
DD - 12/28/17 <3

TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
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Re: FFFC* 9/8

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  • skc040512skc040512 member
    I finally caved and got maternity jeans. The FFFC part is that I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm wearing them is because I've eaten nothing but junk for the past 3 weeks. Chips. Cookies. Ice Cream. Very little veggies or fruit. Poor bany girl os gonna be born addicted to sugar. Also, I hate zippers and buttons (that's probably not flammable). 
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  • elev2017elev2017 member

    @Skcobb I just got my maternity jeans delivered yesterday from Old Navy and I'm in love with them! They're the only maternity pants I own that have pockets and they're comfy!

    @MJDsquared my cousin gave me a ton of maternity clothes and there were several Christmas themed pregnancy shirts, which I gave away since I'm Jewish (she is too, so I thought it was a little weird that she had them...), but now I do sort of want a cheesy fall shirt too. Or maybe a Thanksgiving one (but they could be born by then, so I don't want to jinx it).

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  • kyrwynkyrwyn member
    @MJDsquared @leilagphillips I, too, have been wanting a cheesy halloween tee to wear!  I'm leaning pumpkin-ish or jack-o-lantern-ish but haven't found anything yet that I absolutely wanted to buy.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • cait5413cait5413 member
    I think they are cute, too, but they're often more expensive than I want to spend! So, I'm not sure if I'll grab one or not.

    My FFFC is that when we announced our pregnancy, one of my friends offered me all her fall/winter maternity gear, which is awesome because I was preggo last time in spring/summer, so I don't have anything for cold weather, really. But....she hasn't actually given me any of it. She had twins and is done, so she won't need it again. But I feel weird about reminding her she promised it to me. And she lives 3 hours away, so she would either have to ship it or wait til we visit again (probably next month). The FFFC part is I'm kind of annoyed she told me she'd give it to me and hasn't. But I also don't have any RIGHT to it, and some of the stuff probably still fits her (since she had twins and they were born in June, she could still be wearing some of it, which she may not have realized when she offered it). This same friend and her wife made us an awesome slide show for our rehearsal dinner, promised me a copy, and has never given it to me. I kinda want to ask for that again, too, but we've been married 3.5 years now, so I don't even know if she still has it!

    Married May 2014
    DD born August 2016
    Baby #2 due December 2017
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  • breezybeebreezybee member
    @cait5413 I would just ask her again. Girlfriend she twins, it's totally possible she forgot!
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  • Piccola1988Piccola1988 member
    My in-laws are staying with us for a week starting the day after baby's due date (and SIL is coming the day before) and honestly I really don't want them to.  They live across the country and I would never tell them not to come meet their grandson or make them get a hotel, but I am just really not excited about having guests in my house while we're trying to get used to being parents.  Maybe that makes me a shitty daughter in law but I am really annoyed I probably have to leave and/or come home to people staying in my house.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • elcd458elcd458 member
    @cait5413  I can somewhat relate. One SIL handed down all her maternity stuff to my other SIL, but now I don't get any of it because the SIL who currently has it "isn't sure she's done having kids" although I'd be hella surprised if they had another.  Thankfully a girlfriend of mine gave me a bunch, but it's mostly winter stuff so I can't wear it yet.  Zulily has been my go-to so far.  I am having a hard time justifying buying clothes for myself because I honestly don't know if I want to have another kiddo after this. 

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  • balletnerdballetnerd member
    @Piccola1988 same exact situation. And we just tried to address it with my MIL the other day and she took it HORRIBLY. We asked if she could possibly book a hotel... and she lost it, now they are threatening not to come at all because they aren't wanted and that they won't see her till she's a year old. Lots of drama... so frustrating. We were just seeing if she would be able to get a hotel so we all would be more comfortable. But apparently that's insulting.also asking her to watch the dogs while I'm in the hospital was apparently rude... so now we might have to find an emergency dog sitter and pay them. While she sits and waits in the  waiting room at the hospital... If they even come now... such a mess. I don't think we were asking anything terrible. Good luck to you!
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  • Piccola1988Piccola1988 member
    @balletnerd that's brutal.  I'm so sorry you're dealing with that!  I'm actually certain that MIL/FIL wouldn't take it badly if we suggested a hotel, but I'd feel guilty asking. My husband also doesn't see why I'd be uncomfortable in the first place so that puts it all on me :|  Good luck to you - hoping it all works out!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • whiskawhiska member
    @Piccola1988 That's a hard no for me and I just talked to my MIL about it this past weekend. They live far enough away that if they drive they want to stay for a few days, but trying to figure out being a parent is not something I want anyone to have front row seats for. H doesn't really get it, but he's with me because he knows if I'm this anxious and adamant about it now, I will be an absolute terror if his parents step out of line or try to correct me if they're staying with us (he's really worried about postpartum hormones lol). Maybe your H can get on your side and help mediate with them if you're more detailed about your feelings and the possible scenarios you're imagining that would make it hard. 

    You are NOT a bad daughter in law! Don't let them make you feel that way!! You have a right to privacy and bonding time with your child s/he comes. 

    I think our plan is to let them know when baby is born - they can drive and meet him/her in the hospital and use our place as a hotel for a night. Visit a second day and then I hope they go home. Then after a month or so they can visit for a weekend. And they're free to take day trips during that time if they're up for it and "visit" like we lived in town. 
    Me: 36  | DH 35, Married 2007
    TTC #1 June 2015
    April 2016 - AMH, FSH, Progesterone normal
    June 2016 - HSG clear
    *TW* BFP - Aug16, demise confirmed Sep16, incomplete m/c, D&C Nov16
    BFP 3/27/17, edd 12/7/17
    DS - 12/9/17      <3 
    TTC #2 December 2018 
    BFP 2/22/19, edd 11/4/19
    DD - 11/1/19 <3
    My Chart

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  • eazybreezy225eazybreezy225 member
    I totally understand where you all are coming from, because I was the exact same way when I had my first two kids. I didn't want any visitors at all and I didn't want to entertain anyone. But with each baby my mom was a gift from the gods. She took care of my kids, Did all the housework, helped me shower the first few days after a c-section when I couldn't stand without needing help. She was all in, guns blazing with the "whatever the f you need, I'll do it!" attitude.

    My biggest struggle was how things were being handled when I had my 3rd baby. I liked my mom and MIL there because I really needed their help with my other kids. However, my MIL was the hardest part of everything. She took it upon herself to invite (without asking me how I felt about it) her late husband's brother and his wife, who I barely know, to our hospital room the day after I had the c-section.
    I was struggling with severe post-partum depression. I hadn't been given clearance to eat normal food and was still on the hospital liquid diet, so i was STARVING. I could barely stand and walk 6 steps to the bathroom without needing assistance and then feeling absolutely exhausted from just that short walk.
    I felt so incredibly vulnerable. And my MIL comes waltzing in with two "relatives" That she absolutely adores, and I had only met once. Then had the audacity to complain the next day that I wasn't being a good "host" when these people were here. Like it was my job to put on a show for them.
    The worst part of everything was that my husband took her side.
    I feel like I'm in such a better place in my life with who I am and expressing my needs, I have no problems being clear with my boundaries.
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  • oldersisoldersis member
    edited September 2017
    @easyBreezie I can't believe your MIL! I would lose my mind. She would lose visiting privileges for this baby.

    I'm echoing @breezybee. This is your first chance to set boundaries with people. And you will be recovering from a medical procedure. Make this the experience you want.
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  • kickball7091kickball7091 member
    @Piccola1988 I think everyone's experience is different, which is why I'd vote for them to get a hotel, just in case you're overwhelmed having people in the house 24/7. That way they can pop over and help and visit for good portions of time, but you both know that there's somewhere else for them to go, if needed.
    In my case, I spend a good portion of everyday those first few weeks in either a bra or tiny tank top trying to pump and nurse, so I wouldn't have wanted someone there all the time.  Other people may love it, but I'd feel more comfortable of there were other options available, just in case you're feeling like "OMG get out of my house".
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  • MandaynoMandayno member
    So the posts about people staying at your house just reminded me of my anxiety about visitors post baby. I know I've mentioned this once before, but I absolutely don't want to see anyone during labor or after delivery. I really just want to be left alone, and to have some time to figure my body out afterwards and get used to the baby. I feel too that when people come to your hospital room they expect to be entertained and I want no part of it at least until the next day. DH completely disagrees with me and told me that I just can't do that to my family. He doesn't support it at all, and I know my family would be crushed. So basically I feel stuck doing exactly what everyone else wants, and will have a waiting room full of people come labor time! Basically my FFFC is that I feel it should be about me and my wants! No one else in the family seems to agree with that! It's my one time I think I should get to be selfish, but I just can't stand up to everyone because it would be "going against the norm and expected".

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  • kaymarieckaymariec member
    My MIL booked a ticket to come for 3 months without asking if I was ok with it. I don't really enjoy her company but I suck it up for hubby. I put my foot down and said she's not staying for two months before baby and a month after so she's going to stay with her daughter in Canada. Now I need to tell them that I would like 2 weeks with hubby and baby before guests stay with us. I'm also concerned bc she is always sick or in the hospital. My husband is making me be the bad guy and set the rules. She already hates me so I don't care telling her she has to wait to see her granddaughter. I also have to tell my SIL she cannot come down with her little boys unless they stay somewhere else. Too many people and too many germs. We only have one tiny spare room too!
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  • cait5413cait5413 member
    @Mandayno #1: yes, you can "do that to your family." We were lucky with DD1 in some respects because we moved 3 hours from my family (and we were already a flight away from Dh's family) a couple months before she was born, so there was no possibility of anyone popping in. If we had stayed close to home and if there was any possibility of family members not supporting our wishes to not come until invited, I would not have told anyone when I went into labor. They would have gotten a text when we were ready for visitors. As it was, I was induced over night and eventually had a c-section. DD and I were not together in our room until after 9 pm (we saw each other for about 10 minutes in recovery before that). No one would have been invited by til the next day, I can promise you. This time, we'll have a scheduled c-section, so I hope it will be early in the day and my mom will come up to watch DD. I imagine we'll invite DD and my mom to come meet the baby in the afternoon, but I still expect a couple hours of just DH, me, and the new babe. You can totally play the hormonal pregnant lady card on this one. Although it may seem to be the norm for people to be waiting in the waiting room (mainly because that is what we see on TV/movies), I know a LOT of people who did not do that, and I'm sure you'll find evidence here of plenty of moms with a "no visitors until I okay it" policy, so you can tell your DH this is the new norm. 

    #2: @skcobb is right--lean on your nurses. They are there to advocate for you and will totally find reasons to kick people out. 

    @kaymariec 3 months?! Does she live in a different country? DH's parents came for about 6 weeks after DD was born, but that was mainly because I had to go back to work a couple days a week and we couldn't put DD in daycare, so they were a huge help. They also left town on weekends (short drives to B&B's in cities nearby) so we could have time away from each other. 

    Married May 2014
    DD born August 2016
    Baby #2 due December 2017
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  • kaymarieckaymariec member
    @cait5413 she lives in Colombia, doesn't speak English so we have difficulty communicating and last time she was here for a month she caused so much drama and my husband and I got into a huge fight and almost called off our wedding. She hates not being the center of attention so I put my foot down and said no way is she staying that long. 
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  • babybisonbabybison member
    @Mandayno I can totally see where you're coming from and know exactly how you feel. Being a FTM, I just want time to adjust physically and hormonally and be with our baby without having to entertain family and friends. I don't do well when people hover, or give unsolicited advice, and I find that when my family and DH's family tries to help, it ends up a bigger thing for me to re-do/fix anyway. DH doesn't see why having everyone visit to "help and be with the baby" would be irritating for me. When I asked for 2 weeks for just ourselves he told me I was being selfish. The biggest stress I have about this baby is dealing with family following labor; I think about it all the time. I'm hoping that when he sees the horrid state I'm in he'll be more understanding, but I for now I just worry worry worry. 

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  • elev2017elev2017 member
    @babybison It seems like some husbands like to pull the "you're being selfish" card, but I think in this instance I'd feel okay in saying "YES! I am being selfish!" This time is supposed to be about you, your husband, and your baby bonding with each other. IMO, it's 100% okay to be selfish during this time in your life! Also, I'm not sure if you plan to breastfeed or not, but at my hospital tour last night our nurse mentioned that when baby is constantly being passed around to different family members and you don't get to spend that one-on-one time together it becomes harder for parents to recognize baby's hunger cues, which is obviously not in the best interest of the baby.
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  • MandaynoMandayno member
    Thank you all for some courage on this one. I really need to try to talk to DH again. I know that compromising may seem like a cop out, but there seems to be no one on my side for this one in my family. ALL of my family lives within ten minutes of me and the hospital where we will be at. I think that is part of the problem! Seems like I should have moved a couple of hours away by now  :D    I just feel that I need to figure out some hard rules that I won't give up on, such as no visitors during labor; and what ones I may be able to give a little, such as immediate family only can come 1-2 hours after birth after DH and I have bonded with the baby first. That way I still feel I have some control of the situation, but at the same time I don't have to be a stress mess for being the bad guy! 

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