Baby shower for baby #2 greedy or ok?

zuercherk · September 2017

hey guys need your opinions. Is it ok to have a baby shower for baby #2? My best friend and mother in law want to do one but my mom said it's greedy. Other options? What is your honest opinion? I'm torn on what I think.

IrishPiratess · September 2017

I know that I'm not in the "popular opinion" on this one, but, whether you call it a shower or a sprinkle, if someone wants to do one for you, and it's within reason, (something small) I say go for it. My best friend is throwing me a sprinkle, and we're only inviting 10 people (including the two of us) to go to lunch. Not asking for presents or anything, just for them to spend some time celebrating and having lunch together. If people want to bring something, that's fine, but not making requests or a list or anything like that. Just small and simple. I wouldn't do this for myself, or even ask for one. But she's my bestie and is excited to do it.

Edit: grammar

missblaze · September 2017

@zuercherk Hi! I don't recognize your name here and I hope you'll introduce yourself in the Introductions thread so we can get to know you better. If you're a STM, you should also check-in on today's STM check-in as well, as your question is actually one of the questions asked!

Like @IrishPiratess I'm having a sprinkle thrown by relatives. While many people judge showers/sprinkles for 2nd babies, I think celebrating each baby is great! I think it's nonsense to turn someone down if they are excited and want to throw a party for your new LO. I am living in a new state and I have a number of relatives that are practically chomping at the bit to start buying things for this baby, and while I expect nothing (and actually have most of the stuff I need from my 1st baby anyway), I know that they would be crushed if I told them they weren't "allowed" to get anything due to some bogus unwritten rule.

ryannenikole · September 2017

It can be done tastefully, IMO. Keep it small, simple, no registry. If someone wants to celebrate your pregnancy, I think not letting them could do more damage than a potential social faux pas.

EmilyLove25 · September 2017

Oh I don't think it is is greedy at all. If other people want to celebrate your baby and your pregnancy, how on earth is it greedy to let them? Perhaps there is an argument to be made re: a second registry being greedy (I wouldn't judge though). I'm on record on this board having said I hope someone throws me a second shower, lol! How many times in your life are you going to be pregnant? It's always something to celebrate!

supercoolstephy · September 2017

I'm always down to receive gifts if someone wants to get me one... but only if cake is present. What's a party without cake? bahaha

madcouplewithabox · September 2017

I'm of the mindset that if you are not asking for it then it's fine. It also depends on what the age spread is between the kids. If the kids are so close in age that you should obviously still have their baby items then it's a little odd to have a shower (shower implies showering you with gifts). I would maybe ask them to call it a celebration instead of a Shower in that case. Also maybe making mention on invites *please no gifts*. I know when I go to parties to celebrate a specific someone, I always feel like I have to bring a gift and a mention to specifically not bring one sets my mind at ease. (I might be the UO on that one though)

[Deleted User] · September 2017

madcouplewithabox said:

I'm of the mindset that if you are not asking for it then it's fine. It also depends on what the age spread is between the kids. If the kids are so close in age that you should obviously still have their baby items then it's a little odd to have a shower (shower implies showering you with gifts). I would maybe ask them to call it a celebration instead of a Shower in that case. Also maybe making mention on invites *please no gifts*. I know when I go to parties to celebrate a specific someone, I always feel like I have to bring a gift and a mention to specifically not bring one sets my mind at ease. (I might be the UO on that one though)

Agree with all of this.

sbishop426 · September 2017

I think it depends on spacing of your kids/gender. For me, with this being my second boy (and 18-19mos apart) I am definitely not expecting a baby shower, and we have all the clothes and gear we need for this baby. My church may throw us a diaper party as all we'll need is diapers/wipes and we're set. My sister-in-law had a baby shower for their second girl (fairly close in age) and I side-eyed her because they planned on another baby but for some reason decided to throw out/give away/whatever they did literally ALL of their baby things because, in my opinion, she's greedy and wanted all the gifts.

But I genuinely think most people love baby showers and are more than happy to bring gifts depending on the situation! If you have all the gear/clothes, etc you need I don't think there's any shame in hosting a diaper party and having family/friends over for a low-key cookout

Cricket99 · September 2017

We have done a few sprinkles for some of my friends. Usually the mom to be requests diapers in a certain size or brand and maybe some cute outfits if the baby is a different sex the second time around. I don't see anything wrong with it if someone wants to throw you one!

GraceUponGrace09 · September 2017

I agree with most the above. Its vastly different when someone really wants to throw you a second one vs throwing one for yourself. However, I think throwing one for yourself is gift-grabby no matter which baby it is.
I second those who said to keep it small and personal and don't expect gifts.
Also, definitely join the community! Intro and join the boards; we'd love to have you around.

scatteringashes · September 2017

Yeah, I see no harm in a second shower if someone decided they wanted to throw one. If your mom thinks it's greedy, just let her know she's welcome not to bring a gift. If you want to build a registry, go for it. If you don't feel comfortable with gifts, try to tell people that and don't be surprised when they get gifts anyway.

IMO this is one of those old school etiquette things. I'd never heard of it as gauche until I started seeing people talk about it here.

cyanope · September 2017

I also see no problem with it. I'm with @EmilyLove25, I wish someone would offer to throw me one! I would gladly take them up on the offer, but let it be known that I don't really need much (in my case, just diapers, wipes, and boy clothes).

ionlyeatcandy · September 2017

We recently threw a surprise sprinkle for my boss at work. Her older daughter is two, so she still had a lot of things. We mostly bought diapers in all sizes and a couple cute outfits. There was also a pooled gift card from people that wanted to give something but didn't know what.
No one thought it was tacky or greedy, and it's always fun to celebrate a baby and play stupid games at work! Best one was guess the baby food, btw. That and the ridiculous questionnaire my co-worker thought up, he had crazy stuff like suggest a new name and what will she be doing when her water breaks.
As for registries, I set one up for myself to get discounts and coupons. It's all diapers and wipes, the only big item is a baby bathtub because I have no clue what happened to it in the last four years. I'll probably add some pumping supplies and bottles too since those are a little depleted between my kid and my sister's. I'm not giving that list out to anyone or expecting people to buy from it though. I'm sure someone will give me a sprinkle, but I'm not out right expecting it or demanding one.

BelhurstBride · September 2017

I'm one of the ones who does see it as a bit greedy.

We've turned down a few offers for one this time around, with this being our first boy. We still have all of the expensive stuff and DH and I both feel it's our responsibility and ours alone to clothe our children. That said, in our experience, plenty of well wishers sent along clothing after the arrival of both of our daughters. (We were Team Green with them.)

I agree that all babies deserve to be celebrated. We've hosted parties after both of our daughters were born. No one ever brought gifts and it was easier for DH and I to have everyone over at once rather than people constantly stopping by. We'll likely do the same this time, depending on what cold and flu season looks like in our area.

YorkieLove4 · September 2017

I don't see it as greedy, but I loathe the idea of a 2nd baby shower. I know people just want to love on the expecting mom and celebrate the 2nd baby, but even without a registry/presents, it irks me. I feel like I can best celebrate the mom and new baby by bringing the family a meal and visiting the new love once here. I see baby showers as reserved for 1st time parents. I'm sure I have the unpopular opinion here, as I also hate bridal showers, and I didn't let anyone throw one for me, ha. I think bachelorette party or bridal shower, but not both. It's exhausting for those involved in planning, attending and funding all of it. But back on topic, I find that most people will do a 2nd baby shower. All of my friends had one thrown for them, one ever for her 3rd. Some people simply love planning and throwing parties. My friends are requiring that they throw one, I stearnly said no. They settled with taking me to dinner. I'm good with that! I for sure am the "shower" grinch.

libbberty · September 2017

Etiquette says it's okay! I know many people find it all to be BS, but sharing the link (top question) for anyone who needs a little support for her sprinkle:

https://emilypost.com/advice/top-baby-shower-etiquette-questions/

auntieraindrop · September 2017

Where I'm from, everyone has a shower for every baby. Just because they're the second (or more!) doesn't mean they shouldn't be celebrated. IMO that's a sad way to look at it. Maybe people get fewer or different gifts. But every baby is worthy of a party!

Dani0329 · September 2017

I'm with most of the PP, a second celebration is warranted and can be done tastefully. Our DD will be 3 years old when DS gets here and I don't expect a shower. Work is throwing a small joint baby shower with another woman pregnant in our office. If someone offered I wouldn't say no, but I would ask that it not be called a shower. We bought neutral in all of our stuff initially, and don't need a whole heck of a lot.

crizz13 · September 2017

Nope. I think it's also dependent on what's done in your area and/or circle of friends/family. I would never accept a second shower or sprinkle and I would majorly eye roll if invited to one. Not that it's rude, just not heard of in my world.

JuliaGoolia719 · September 2017

I look at it the same way I did when friends who were getting married the 2nd time had small bridal showers, the people who want to celebrate you and what is happening in your life wont be offended and the people who are offended/think its tacky don't have to come.
A good friend just had her 2nd girl and another friend threw her a diaper shower, she got a bunch of diapers in various sizes, wipes and a few of us brought some cute outfits too, she has all the big ticket items and its her 2nd girl so she didn't need anything else really. It was fun to get together and have a cupcake and share her excitement.

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