UO Thursday 8/17

skc040512 · August 2017

I'm ready to be blasted for this, but I think the term "rainbow baby" is so freaking stupid and refuse to use it. DD1 came along just over a year after I lost my first as an ectopic. Still really hate the term, and I totally low key judge people when they use it. I have no idea why, but it's just a visceral reaction every damn time I see/hear the phrase.

EmilyLove25 · August 2017

Lurker from January but just coming in @peachy13 to say I love your Gif... and maybe this is an UO, but I miss openly mean Tamra.

peachy13 · August 2017

@Skcobb i agree, and I refuse to use it as well. I feel like all I'm doing is highlighting the fact that I had a MC when really I just want to focus on the healthy baby growing inside of me.

AFM, I applaud parents who bring their baby out and about with them, even to things that aren’t typically baby-friendly (for example I was an outdoor night concert recently and a new dad near me was wearing his baby who was maybe 3 months old or so). I am fully on board with bringing our baby around with us in order to get her accustomed to new places, new people, new sounds, etc. As an added bonus, it would help keep our social life somewhat exciting. All within reason of course... I don't plan to bring her to a heavy metal concert when she's 2 weeks old or anything. In my circle of friends, most of the parents are pretty good about going out with their babies, but there are a few who have turned into hermits and only leave for special occasions -- I can't wrap my head around this.

ameliabedelia-2 · August 2017

This isn't really an UO, it's probably more popular than not....but the news makes me want to rip my hair out. I think the political coverage/commentary now may be more obnoxious than during the election, which I didn't think was possible. It's just 24/7 all day everyday on every channel, and on facebook and people talking in the office. I wish I could mute words like Trump, alt-right and Twitter. Where can I find a news network that only talks about sports, weather, the lottery, and the latest celebrity scandal?? God bless

whiska · August 2017

@Skcobb I'm not a big fan of using it for my experience either. Some people find a lot of hope and promise in that term; I'm just not one of them, but to each her own.

MJDsquared · August 2017

I don't find Benedict Cumberbatch attractive.

failuretofly · August 2017

Semi-related to @ameliabedelia-2

I don't see how facebook campaigns make any fucking difference in REAL social issues. How on earth does changing your profile picture to that 'we will not let hate win' filter change anything? There are so many people who just broadcast crap all over their feed, then behave completely differently in real life.

ameliabedelia-2 · August 2017

@kvacmak, oh I know SO many soapbox facebookers that make a stand about some social topic and act completely different in real life. I have unfollowed most of them because it takes everything I can to not call them out and be like "how about your practice what you preach Mother Theresa"....ugh. People suck.

txmomma16 · August 2017

@Skcobb I'm on the fence with that. I wouldn't use it myself, but I don't want to judge others that find the term empowering. I have several friends who use it as a way to remember and honor.

anewadventure · August 2017

@peachy13 i'm all for going places with your baby, ESPECIALLY in the first four months when they will sleep literally anywhere. however. i am a legit sleep schedule maniac. i definitely found that making sure my son was adequately rested, and that he remained on his nap schedule, to be far more important than lugging him around to every possible event going on. did it make for some missed events? yes. was it obnoxious to have to schedule my day around his naps, especially when he still took two per day? absolutely. were we hermits? no way. people that were willing to also be flexible, and work within the hours we had available, were godsends. the period of life where nap schedules are important is relatively short, when you think about it.

this behavior is partly selfish. when your kid is on a schedule, and well-rested, things just go better - all day and all night long. when your kid is "off" or tired, all hell can break lose at the drop of a pin. we quickly came to the conclusion of "it's not worth it" for a lot of things. some kids are flexible, some aren't. i also view it as my duty to protect my son's sleep quality / quantity, as part of my job as a parent, as it is so important for his health and development. sleep topics (nap schedule, how you handle wake-ups at night, all that) is definitely an area where YMMV and your personal philosophy will reign.

elcd458 · August 2017

@ameliabedelia-2 Agreed. I don't want to minimize the importance of discussing the significant events of the past week in the US but if literally any of the programs on NPR would talk about something else for at least 5 minutes it would be great. This is why I end up spending all my time listening to murder podcasts and having nightmares someone is breaking into my house.

@MJDsquared

I'm not convinced he doesn't have some sort of syndrome

elcd458 · August 2017

Update to my UO from last week: neighborhood dog stroller lady has officially upgraded to carrying her yorkie around in a BabyBjorn as of yesterday

anewadventure · August 2017

elcd458 said:

Update to my UO from last week: neighborhood dog stroller lady has officially upgraded to carrying her yorkie around in a BabyBjorn as of yesterday

Is this even anatomically possible? i need a picture. get on it.

ameliabedelia-2 · August 2017

@elcd458, omg I have like 200 episodes of dateline and 48 hours taped that I watch at night since everything else is so depressing/annoying. Then I lay in bed thinking about all the horrifying things that happen to people and have nightmares.

elcd458 · August 2017

@anewadventure I will do my best. I am thinking they are new to the 'hood because I've never noticed them until last week!

@ameliabedelia-2 Yes. Maybe we should start a Facebook campaign where we change our profile photo to say "This is the face of someone who has anxiety because all you people ever want to talk (aka yell and curse) about is politics"

ETA: Keith Morrison is bae (do the cool kids still say that? Or am I so 2016.)

wabash15 · August 2017

@skcobb @peachy13 I don't have a strong feeling about the term one way or the other. I do however feel strongly that MC/infant loss is not talked about enough. It can be incredibly isolating but when people start talking about it there are so many women/families that have had to deal with these struggles. For me being more open about it helps healing on my end and my ability to support other mothers that have gone through/are going through a loss. In my ticker I list my twins as rainbows mostly because I think it opens the door for a discussion of loss if someone needs to talk.

@anewadventure
tv reactions amen preach GIF

tv reactions christina aguilera amen actions GIF

because one gif is not enough to express how important a good sleep routine is in our life!!! do we occasionally fudge it, yes but if we stray from our nap and bed times all hell breaks loose. The last thing I want in my life is a twin meltdown.

acgonzalez22 · August 2017

I get annoyed when women round up there pregnancy weeks or make comments like "Almost in the 3rd trimester" at 23 weeks. Um...no...you have an entire month and 1 week until you are at 28 weeks. These are usually the same people that post at 37 weeks, "we are ready for you" with a picture of an eviction notice. Or start asking internet strangers for natural ways to bring on labor. Again. No. Why are you in a rush to have your child early if it is not medically necessary?

Also, I've never used the term Rainbow baby for any of my losses, but I don't knock any person that uses it if it comforts them in some way.

@elcd458 yes pictures!!

anewadventure · August 2017

oh, and i'll bring it up yet again, perhaps UO is the right place, because i've been trying to spread some love around in the last week or two since @Tennis11785 pointed out (rightly) that we seem to be a stingy group in terms of "love its" ... still totally seems to be true. i mean, you don't need a love it for vomiting random words into a post, but let's loosen up a little in here

whiska · August 2017

I don't have a problem with people discussing politics or ideologies on facebook - it's great to see civic engagement. I do have a problem with one particular issue becoming the locus and focus of every gd post for a week and everyone feeling like they have to weigh in one way or another. Because these things are polarizing and you see the most useless, drawn out facebook fights where everyone all of a sudden thinks they're some scholar on that issue and no one changes their mind. I used to engage but now I write my reply to work out my own opinions, delete it, then back away.

elcd458 · August 2017

whiska said:
Because these things are polarizing and you see the most useless, drawn out facebook fights where everyone all of a sudden thinks they're some scholar on that issue and no one changes their mind.

This right here.

sjis · August 2017

@anewadventure in regards to sleep/nap I too maintain and keep sacred her naps and making sure she gets adequate sleep. But with a new baby coming soon I'm stuck in the conundrum of how to maintain both sleep schedules when DD is ramping up activities and school. What are your thoughts on how to maintain both?

anewadventure · August 2017

@sjis how old is your DD? do you SAH or is she in daycare?

cait5413 · August 2017

@sjis at first, I plan to prioritize DD's schedule. newborns sleep SOOOO much and don't know any different (i.e., there is no real schedule they are used to yet since they are not used to being outside yet!) that I think consistency will matter more for DD. I also plan to have DH do drop offs and pick up for DD at first (since I can't drive right away anyway and I'll be home with the baby for a few weeks). My DD is only a year, though, so she doesn't have a lot of after school stuff to be carted around to; it's just daycare drop off and pick up. DD was a good sleeper in the car, though, so hopefully this LO will be too and we can kind of just roll with stuff.

failuretofly · August 2017

@anewadventure @wabash15 add me to the sleep schedule obsessed list. My girlfriend who is literally out of town 9/10 weekends and is constantly on the go, always is amazed at how much better my son son sleeps than her daughter who's a few months younger... I've tried to tell her it's because her daughter has ZERO consistency in her routine... but she doesn't change, just complains about her shitty sleep all the time.
My goal with this one is to do as much "out and abouting" as we can in those first months when schedules are kind of irrelevant, so we can settle in to sleep training when needed.

Also... I can't wait for the CIO vs PUPD vs cosleeping etc debates to start on this board hahaha those are always good for some drama!

sjis · August 2017

@anewadventure DD is 3.5 years and still loves to take her afternoon nap. Though I have a feeling she'll drop it in a year. I'm a sahm, but I also work from home.

@cait5413 yeah the newborn sleep is reassuring me that at first they'll sleep everywhere. But I'm hoping as baby gets older he'll still sleep everywhere or through my DD running amok in the house. I guess I'm stressing more than I should. Just gotta roll with it right?

rainbowdashh · August 2017

(TW loss mentioned) after a second tri loss and losing a newborn, I need something to hold on to, so I like the term rainbow baby. I also don't think miscarriage and infant loss are talked about enough and a lot of people sort of ignore it which makes it so much worse and more isolating.

I guess it's not SO unpopular, doesn't match the opinion of dear old 45, but tear down all the confederate statues. Bye bye!

peachy13 · August 2017

@wabash15 i very much agree with you that I don't think MC/infant loss is talked about enough. I fully respect couples who want to keep their losses to themselves, but I also think it's important to talk about it at some point. Like you, I found comfort in talking about my loss, even at the time it happened when it was very raw and sad. Now that it's been some time later and I'm gratefully pregnant again, I am even more open about it. I don't go around advertising it, but there have been a few times where a friend asks me about how long was I trying/did I know I was pregnant right away/etc., and I do end up sharing the info about my mc, and I always tell that person that I'm completely okay talking about it (and to get the horrified/sad look off their face). I share my experience but also share some information that I learned about miscarriages, like how they're common and whatnot, info I learned only when I was going through it. I do it not to scare my friends obviously but to share the knowledge and let them know that I'm okay and that everything worked out.

I guess I'm not crazy about the "rainbow baby" term just because it seems like I'm extending my mc journey to the completely different pregnancy I'm going through now, when really I'd like to keep them separate. Definitely not shy about speaking of my mc (info is in my sig too and I hope that anyone with questions would feel comfortable approaching me), but for me getting pregnant again was a restart, new life, new adventure. I don't judge anyone for using the term though.. it's a tough subject and anyone who has ever had a loss but doesn't give up is a rockstar in my books. xo

anewadventure · August 2017

@sjis i do think SAHM's will have more of an issue with conflicting sleep schedules. because my DS is in daycare M-F, we only have to worry about this on the weekends, at which point we will generally have both DH and myself available if we need to split up for scheduled activities for the older kid(s).

since your LO won't consolidate the nap schedule til at least 4 months, your DD may well have given up the nap by then or be close. that way you at least don't have to worry about your one kid sleeping say 12-2 when that's the middle awake period of your LO between the morning nap and afternoon nap, haha. i'd be less concerned with the noise your DD makes at home (LO should get used to some noise, plus we loooove our white noise machine) and be more concerned about being "out and about" too often to give your LO a consistent schedule. luckily the multiple naps a day are only for a year or so...if you have to pick your activities for DD a little more carefully during this time, it's probably worth it. once LO is down to one afternoon nap per day, it should get far easier to coordinate activities!

the best we can do is try to think about a strategy in advance and then roll with the punches. all babies are different - maybe you'll get a unicorn sleep baby that can sleep anywhere at anytime! hah! don't stress too much now, you have plenty of time to be worried about this

GraysonsMama · August 2017

UO: we plan on isolating ourselves for the first 6 weeks. My first was born premature and we had to stay out of public because of RSV concerns. My second was born healthy in March but it still made me uncomfortable to take her out too much. I succumbed to my mother's constant criticism while she was visiting and I wish I hadn't. With this one my husband and I talked and made the decision that there is really no reason not to quarantine ourselves. I'm a sahm, he works from home, my kids aren't in school yet, we have no family here to visit, we live in Utah, and it's winter. Why risk it if we don't have to? I'm putting my foot down with my mom if she makes the trip out during that period.

Edited: just realized this may be more appropriate as an FFFC...

flowerpower5838 · August 2017

omg we took baby everywhere with us and were kind of devastated when he was getting a little too old and "aware" to keep taking to drinks with friends, to the movies, etc. I think we started getting serious about his schedule when he was around 4-5 months. But yeah, loved being able to plan a nice "date" day/night to dinner and a movie with a new-ish baby. We don't live near any kind of family and don't have a babysitter or anything so I miss that fo sho.

AFM, I can't really think of my own UO. I'll follow up if I think of something.

MJDsquared · August 2017

@elcd458 Hahaha that is hilarious. Also true.

I'm surprised how popular that opinion is! I feel like so many people are so obsessed with him, and I'm always like:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/s2/o70xgqowhj6o.jpg

(You have no idea how hard I looked for this in gif format... Sigh.)

skc040512 · August 2017

I agree with what @peachy13 said. My dislike of the term is legit just dislike of the phrase itself, not what it means. But I also never want DD to feel like I am comparing her to this other child I never even got to meet. I am all for talking about infant loss. It took me some time to open up about mine, but now the majority of people that I have regular interaction with know about my ectopic.

tamaraaaa · August 2017

I would 100% lose my mind if I stayed inside for more than a few days with a newborn. I love a good sleep schedule, but I need human interaction and my kid will survive.

wabash15 · August 2017

@GraysonsMama We can't quarantine ourselves but man sometimes I wish we could. DS had RSV twice (one of which required hospitalization), metapneumovirus (which acts just like RSV) and HFM 5 times.... yah that first 18 months was rough.

GraysonsMama · August 2017

@wabash15 Holy cow! We only had HFM once and I am so grateful. I can't imagine all of that!

wabash15 · August 2017

@GraysonsMama yah, thankfully his twin didn't get the respiratory stuff but he sure shared the HFM...

breezybee · August 2017

My good friend had twins 3 months ago and I hadn't heard from her in a couple weeks. Turns out her kids both got HFM disease and she said it was the absolute worst thing that she's ever dealt with and like traumatized her for life. Omg I felt so bad for her.

failuretofly · August 2017

@tamaraaaa
you don't really have to worry about the whole 'be home for nap time' business until the kid is like 4-5 months old... and by then they're only having 2-3 naps per day (instead of like 5 as a newbie) so you can usually schedule outings around naps pretty well!

tamaraaaa · August 2017

Months one and two are the best-I would put her in a carrier and do whatever I needed... I think it's months 3-10 I dread doing again. The point where sleep in a mess, teeth are constantly coming in and they are helpless. At least by a year they are turning into mini people that can try and communicate with you.

UO Thursday 8/17

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