TTCAL check-in week of 7/31

dpjennifer · July 2017

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero?

dpjennifer · July 2017

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Back after helping my sister recover from tonsillectomy. Doing well I think. Weight stayed the same, despite eating ice cream with my sister! So that's good. Down like 7.5 lbs.

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? Probably Black Widow.

dragonette505 · July 2017

@dpjennifer yay that the icecream floated off to space instead of sticking around! 7.5 is so good!!!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 4 losses, AMA

Status: WTO, Then estrogen priming and IVF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I continue to always struggle with hope. Whats going great is I have been feeling physically better and also have been able to reduce the amount of focus I generally expend on TTC

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I will go in for BW and US whenever I O

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? Hard to say... I grew up reading comic books so my 2 fave as a kid were Spider-Man and Professor X

acunamatada · July 2017

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
EP in May

Status:
CD 4 and officially off the bench

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
No complaints here, I'm officially off the bench and soo excited to TTC again. And my DF and I recently decided to elope in a small ceremony next month so we have so much to look forward to!

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero?
Probably Deadpool, because... Ryan Reynolds

rachelg777 · July 2017

@dpjennifer I hope you had a good time with your sister, glad you seem to be doing better! And 7.5 pounds! That's great, you are getting there!
@dragonette505 I'm glad you are feeling better physically! I can imagine hope can be a continual struggle. It sounds like things are starting to fall into place and I'll keep my fx that's the case for you this cycle. I hope O is soon for you!
@acunamatada Awesome! Off the bench and eloping! So happy for you!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Partial Molar Pregnancy in June

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm still WFAF. I have been charting and also started doing OPK's last week just to try and figure out where my body is at. I had fertile CM and got a positive OPK on Monday, and had crazy cramps. I was feeling great like woo hoo I ovulated and soon I will get AF and things will move right along. Well, I never had a temp spike so I didn't think I actually ovulated. I got my progesterone checked with my HCG on Friday which confirmed that. So still just WFAF and/or to ovulate. On top of that my doc left a voicemail on my phone this morning saying my HCG on Friday was 3, "which is good", but now she wants to repeat that monthly for 3 more months before we can try again. I'm sorry- I feel like I am always complaining, which is so not me. Anyway, rave? We went to a baseball game over the weekend and had awesome seats. Like first row behind home plate, it was pretty sweet!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? See above.

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? Not huge on superhero's but... spiderman? I also like Wolverine.

rachelg777 · July 2017

I asked this on the TTA/Benched check-in, but did anyone else have multiple LH surges with no O after loss?

dragonette505 · July 2017

@acunamatada yay to being off the bench!
@rachelg777 I love spiderman and wolverine too! My last cycle i couldve sworn i oed and i had all sorts of high fertility monitor days but according to ultrasound and bloodwork nope! didnt o

it can happen. Ive seen people have multiple surges and almost pos opks and still never ovulate

labgrand2012 · July 2017

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have been doing well on my cleanse, so I am pretty happy about that! We also made some zucchini salsa with items from out garden and it is so good. I was not sure what to expect, but I could have eaten so much of it.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just OPKs starting midweek

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? I am not sure I have a favorite super hero. Does Rainbow Bright count?

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@dpjenniferThat's awesome that the ice cream didn't stick around. I hope your sister is feeling better now.
@dragonette505I'm sorry your are struggling with hope, but it sounds like you are taking the right steps to focus on yourself rather than TTC.
@rachelg777Don't apologize for complaining, we've all complained about something at some point on this thread. And even though our situations are all different, I think we all understand the frustration, anger, bitterness, and limbo that comes after a loss. That being said, if your HCG reaches 0 next month do you still have to keep repeating the bloodwork the following two months?
@acunamatadaYay for no longer being on the bench!
@labgrand2012Good job on your cleanse and good luck with your OPKs!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC in June, dx as blighted ovum.

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? DH told told me on the weekend that the next time I get pregnant he wants me to just tell him rather than plan something special. This made me incredibly sad because our loss has taken away our desire to create memories from the very beginning of the pregnancy. It just made me aware that we will never have that "innocence" during a pregnancy again.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPT Friday

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? Storm or Jean Grey

labgrand2012 · July 2017

@dpjennifer Nice for weight still being down! I think you need to have a treats every now and then.
@dragonette505 I am sorry you are feeling down. Hugs It is so hard not to be consumed all the time by TTC. I am glad you are able to that and are feeling the physical effects.
@acunamatada Congrats for being off the bench!
@rachelg777 what you are going through is hard, and not something that is pleasant to talk about. I dont think you are complaining. FX for O soon.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@dpjennifer So glad the weight loss is doing well and you were able to spend that time with your sis.
@dragonette505 I'm hoping so hard that IVF gives you your take home baby. I am sorry that hope is difficult right now. All I can say is that is totally normal to feel, and also, hugs to you.
@acunamatada Woo-hoo! Happy you are off the bench. I love the Deadpool movie. I also love that Ryan Reynolds like, MADE it happen.
@rachelg777 You are not complaining, just sharing. I'm sorry for the roadblocks that are coming up for you. On your question - last cycle (my first cycle post-loss) my body did ramp up once and then not O for another 9 days. In my case, I started having fertile (watery) CM as CD14, and then on CD15 I started using OPKs, and in the am that day I had a clear negative and pm I had what was *almost* a positive (a very dark second line that fell just short of the other line). Then my OPKs when negative again and no temp spike. I ended up O'ing on CD24 I think, after like 10 days of fertile CM. I am a pretty early ovulater (expecting to O this month today at CD13) so CD24 was late for me. I do know you can also have false surges in an-O cycles. I'm sure you know this but you can have your dr trigger AF, I want to say the guidelines for that are if it has been 60 days or longer. (Not that you should do that, just an option). Also I have such a Wolverine crush.
@labgrand2012 Mmm, zucchini salsa sounds good. What did you put it on? I'm glad the cleanse is going well.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. First pregnancy ended in mmc in mid-June.

Status: WTO CD13 (thinking I should O today).

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Rave: Have an acupuncture appt this afternoon. TW re pg and birth:

My sister is 9m 1w pregnant today and went into the hospital last night to get dilated and this am they were supposed to start inducing. Have not heard from her since last night so I am assuming she is in labor (have texted BIL but no response there either). So excited to finally see my niece but also can't help catastrophic thinking of things that could go wrong. Will be very relieved to hear it is over.

Rant: Rant needs a TW too, re cancer. Sorry I'm such a DD today!

My stepmom was diagnosed 20 months ago with stage IV lung cancer. She has outlived all expectations but from the news I have been hearing I think she is fading. I didn't get to see her when I was up visiting last time because she wasn't well the day I was supposed to see her and I cut my visit short. One of the hard things is she isn't very honest about how she's doing. She has been in and out of the hospital this past week, but will say she is doing "great". Obviously she is not doing great but it's hard to gauge whether I need to drop everything to visit or if it will be safe to wait until early September. Uggh.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not other than peeing on every OPK in my house...

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero? I love super heroes in general so it's hard to pick one, but I'd say Batman. Mostly I have the most admiration for him because he's very clever but has no special abilities (except being loaded). Strong dislike for Batfleck though.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@ChloandCoco I'm sorry. That is really tough. I totally get it, it feels like one of the big milestones in life has been tainted by this sad thing. I told MH in a cute way the first time - nerd wife here and we have several dragon statues around the house and I moved a baby dragon statue in between two bigger dragons and drew MH's attention to the statues and was like "the baby dragon decided to move up here, for a special reason". Now neither of us want to put the baby dragon back to where it was before so we just have this reminder sitting in our living room.

hezzer78 · July 2017

@dpjennifer Congrats on the weight loss! 7.5 lbs is great! Are you following a specific plan/workout?
@acunamatada I think eloping is so romantic - I really wish we would have done that. Wedding stress was killer for me.
@ChloandCoco I'm sorry to hear that. My H is kind of the same way now, after 2 losses. He just got so heartbroken before - I think his guard is way up to prevent that happening again.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
First time posting in this thread - I've been in the TTA/Benched for a few weeks. 2 MC - Sept '16, March '17. Diagnosed with a septate uterus, had a hysteroscopy and septum removal on Friday.

Status: Benched until I recover - probably September.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going OK, I think. This recovery sucks. I thought it would be pretty smooth, but I've been cramping and bleeding and now I have a fever. So yay. Sorry - I'm just miserable. I have a balloon catheter in my uterus to hold it open and it's hecka uncomfy. BUT - It'll get out soon, I know. I know in a little while all of this will be worth it - just feels good to vent and gripe for a bit lol.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Balloon comes out on 8/11 - counting the days!

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero?
Can I say She-Ra? She was my favorite as a kid - I know she's not technically a super hero, BUT - she's pretty BA. I can also say Wonder Woman - but not because of the new movie. I used to watch the Linda Carter tv show when I was a kid, and I'd spin around in my living room wearing my WW underroos - just like she did in the show

Good times.

labgrand2012 · July 2017

@zamora_spin here is the recipe I used. We halfed the vinegar and brown sugar based on comments and added jalepenos as well since we had them. And I am so sorry things are not going so well with your stepmom, I understand wanting to be strong, but it is hard to know how they really are if they are not letting you know.

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@zamora_spin I did something special last time too, and like @hezzer78 said, it's his way of guarding himself. I'm very sorry to hear about your MIL and I really hope everything is going smoothly with your sister.
@hezzer78 I'm sorry you aren't recovering as quickly as you would like to. I hope things speed up for you.

dragonette505 · August 2017

Will come back and comment when im on a computer, but want to send quick hugs to @zamora_spin so much going on.... fc all is well with your sis and sorry about step mom...

catlady1215 · August 2017

introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
loss in sept 2016 and dec 2016

Status: wto cd3

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
well yesterday was my second loss' due date. I've remembered it all week... till yesterday. I just remembered it about 10pm. That's probably a good thing, atleast it was almost over. But I'm ok. I think knowing I have the consult set up for end of August for some testing has me kinda calm.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
nope

GTKY: Who is your favorite superhero?
umm I don't really have one

@dpjennifer good job on the loss!

@dragonette505 fingers crossed so so hard for you

@acunamatada yay for being off the bench! And that's awesome about the ceremony.

@rachelg777 please don't apologize if you think you're always complaining. I've been feeling like that too but telling myself that I need to get it out! That's why we're here. Fingers crossed for your numbers.

@labgrand2012 lots of luck this cycle!

@chloandcoco I know exactly what you're talking about with the 'innocence'. It's really sad to think about. I say if you still want to do something cute, go for it. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Lots of luck in the TWW.

@zamora_spin FX for O!

@hezzer78 I'm so sorry you're joining us. Hope you start having a nice smooth recovery.

dpjennifer · August 2017

acunamatada Oooohhhh Eloping! YAY!!!!

rachelg777 I don’t think I’ve had multiple LH surges with no O after loss. Although, I’ve had some weird cycles since last loss, so I’m not positive on that. Hope you get an answer!

ChloandCoco Sorry about the realization of loss of innocence with pregnancy. That’s a big sucky part of MC. I'm at the point that I can't even get excited about a PG or future PG until I know my betas are doubling, and I don't think I'll be able to not freak out about the PG until I see the HB on the 7 week ultrasound. Totally sucks to see people are their cute announcements and happiness when you know that seeing that BFP on a pee stick doesn't always (or ever) mean a live baby...

zamora_spin Wow. Sounds like a lot going on in your life right now. TW Update us on the sister and if she had her baby!

hezzer78 Not really following a specific plan. Trying to eat less/ not overeat. And trying to exercise almost every day, even if it’s a long walk.

zamoraspin · August 2017

@labgrand2012 @ChloandCoco @dragonette505 @dpjennifer Thank you guys for the warm wishes. TW update re my sis - her baby girl was born late last night and is healthy and beautiful. My sis did great. So relieved that they are both doing well. And, TW for my step mom - I was able to text with her some last night and she claims she is eating really well in the hospital (she has lost 50 pounds since January). She doesn't want to talk on the phone, only text. I am going to try to talk to my dad about it this week to see what he thinks but he is also not always the greatest barometer. end TW

@dpjennifer I have not been through what you have been through, but I understand what you are saying about essentially not trusting a BFP. A positive test has lost a lot of meaning for me - I was a poas addict and have seen so many positive tests and yet no baby. I keep hoping to be ku again but I know I will be so anxious when it happens.

Hugs @ChloandCoco, thinking of you.

dragonette505 · August 2017

@ChloandCoco I actually understand your DH a bit in that i no longer want to do a cute BFP surprise with my DH. It feels foolish after several mc's. Of course i wonder if i'll regret it once it DOES work and i look back, but TTC is like something you have to survive in a way, and theres no right answer. Hopefully you can incorporate something adorable and memorable when you can do a gender reveal!
@labgrand2012 what cycle day are you? I'm OPKing as well!
@hezzer78 ugh.... fever is no good. Are you still on your post op antibiotics?
@catlady1215 Ugh.. loss due dates are rough... ive got TWO coming up in December and January and I'm dreading them... so much harder during the holidays! Thank you for the crossed fingers... its exactly what i need! Basically I'm living on luck and science!

ChloandCoco · August 2017

@dragonette505 @zamora_spin @dpjennifer Thanks for the understanding ladies. If it happens, DH and I will be nervous until we actually see a baby on an ultrasound.

rachelg777 · August 2017

Sorry for P&Ging yesterday!
@dragonette505 Bodies are so weird. That is definitely what is happening to me! I'm so bad at waiting.
@labgrand2012 Good for you, how long is your cleanse? I definitely need to do a reset for a few days at least.
@ChloandCoco I'm sorry, I totally understand the loss of innocence thing.

I hate that it robs you of those special moments. As for if I have to continue testing if my HCG is 0, unfortunately (unless my new doctor has a different plan). TW* With a partial molar pregnancy there is a small risk for something called Gestational Trophoblastic Disease (cancer). The common method Doc's use to follow this is to make sure your HCG does not go back up after reaching 0, which indicates that these abnormal cells exist. From my own research this risk is super incredibly small, so I think MD's have to give the advice to wait in order to save their own butt if it were to happen. But I didn't go to docta school, so I can't say for sure. *End TW*
@zamora_spin Thank you for sharing your experience. That is helpful. I definitely had a positive OPK, even the advanced peaked. However, I definitely did not O. *Shrugs* My body is trying! I'm glad your cycle has been behaving for you since then! I will keep in mind the CD60 thing. Ironically, I will be at exactly CD60 on my next appointment if AF doesn't come before then. *TW* I'm glad your sister & babe are doing well, that's wonderful! As for your MIL, is she on hospice care? Maybe you would be able to speak to one of the health professionals who can give you a candid idea of how she is? From my experience, people are doing fine until they really aren't. I don't know her situation, but I do know that if you are worried then that is your heart telling you something. I also know that if you did drop everything and go and come September she was still here, you likely would not regret a trip now. However, if the reverse were true, you probably would. Just my $0.02 and I think either decision you make is respectable. I'm sorry that is such a tough situation, hugs to you. *End TW*
@hezzer78 I'm sorry, your situation sounds so hard. Hang in there, lady. Hopefully 8/11 comes quickly for you and that the surgery puts your lady bits back in commission.
@catlady1215 I'm glad your appointment is keeping you in a calm mindset and you were able to get through yesterday without too much heartache.
@dpjennifer Thank you!

ETA grammar

dragonette505 · August 2017

@rachelg777 Yep... now i just hope i do O this cycle! If i hadnt gone to the doc for BW and US i would have assumed i O'ed and just had a wonky short LP instead of breakthrough bleeding after an annov cycle. Have you gotten down to zero yet on HCG? I didnt get AF till i was under 3

rachelg777 · August 2017

@dragonette505 I hope you do too! There are more signs pointing to O this time right? I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed! Yeah I was skeptical I did since I had no temp spike, and then bw confirmed that. I had some brownish tinged cm a few days ago so I thought I might start some break through bleeding. But nothin yet. Unfortunately HCG is still low - it's been stagnant at 3 for the last 2 checks (7/24 & 7/28).

labgrand2012 · August 2017

@rachelg777 we are going to have to take a bit of break this weekend as we have company coming to stay and we always make homemade pizzas. I will be trying to find ways to limit what isn't allowed, but there will be cheese. We are going to try to make it four weeks, and then slowly add some of the items back in but keep them limited. I am from Wisconsin, i could never eliminate dairy for good! mmmm, cheese!

rachelg777 · August 2017

@labgrand2012 omg yes I could never say goodbye to cheese forever, cheese is life.

dragonette505 · August 2017

@rachelg777 unfortunately i cant say i have *more* signs

But my temps look MUCH more stable, so i think i have a good chance of Oing. I sometimes feel like when HCG gets low it takes longer to go away

But you are in the home stretch for sure...
@labgrand2012 OOOooh! what type of cleanse are you doing. Im not doing a cleanse per se but going back to a tighter diet (since i had an outrageous food filled two weeks around my bday). I'm "pegan" for the most part (paleo but mostly plant based) but the past two weeks i had a bunch of sugar and some alcohol and i feel gross

rachelg777 · August 2017

@dragonette505 shoot. But stable temps! That's promising. I'll be rooting for your ovaries to behave. Yeah it has been below 50 for 4 weeks now so it feels like forever!

dpjennifer · August 2017

rachelg777 Well, at least it’s only 3 months you have to wait. That’s what really sucks about molar/partial molar PGs. Not only is it not a viable PG, but it can give you cancer so you have to put off TTCAL for even longer. Ugh. Total suck situation!

zamoraspin · August 2017

@hezzer78 I hope you heal soon, that is really r@RachelandEduardo
@catlady1215 I'm sorry for the EDD, that must be really hard. I'm glad you were distracted from it for most of the day and I have my fingers crossed for your appointment.

@rachelg777 I'm sorry you keep having to wait and I keep hoping there is a 0 coming up for you.The following is is a novel re my step mom - TW

My step mom is not in hospice - she has been living a pretty normal life until about June of this year, in fact, except for when she was first diagnosed (and a couple times in the months immediately following) she has only had to go to the hospital for appointments. But she has been losing a lot of weight and apparently what has happened is her meds have caused colitis, and it is bad enough she can't always make it to the bathroom and has been losing crazy weight. She is having some really bad vitamin deficiencies as a result. Her most recent scans all showed the cancer has been either arrested or reduced but she will be taking a break from chemo for at least the next several weeks. They did do her treatment about 10 days ago and that seems to have what caused the tailspin - I think that was a bad call on the part of the drs.

My sis would probably be the best person to get a read on the situation but she is obviously not available to do that right now, my other little sisters are off in other states, and I live half way across the country. Writing all of this out, my gut and my experience with my step mom is saying that she has at least another 3-4 months in her. She is not currently emergent, from what I can understand, but was on the verge of it not due to the cancer but because of nutrition/absorption related issues. I am kind of thinking that when she has time to cogitate on all of this she may decide to stop the treatments because originally her goal was quality, not quantity, of life. Of course she may change her mind about that now. My half sisters are still so young, just in their early 20's, the youngest hasn't graduated college yet.

Anyway, I think tonight or tomorrow we will book tickets home for early-ish September, and I will just keep trying to check in and see if I need to fly up sooner. Tickets are already $$$ for the month of August so it won't be much worse if I have to buy them on short order. I hate to go back up there again without MH, I had such a difficult time at my sister's shower, and it really would have helped to have him there, but he can't go up until September.

rachelg777 · August 2017

@zamora_spin

I'm sorry for this whole situation with your step mom, cancer is a b*tch. I imagine it is even harder when you are far away. I think your decision to go in September sounds like the best one. It sounds like you have a good read on how she is doing and what caused the recent events to unfold. And as you said, if things change, you can always get a flight sooner. *TW within TW* Before being a Trauma RN I worked in a Medical ICU. We often had oncology patients who ended up receiving end-of-life care. I always had the utmost respect for them and their families with the battles they fought. End TW* I'll be thinking of you and your family! I'm so glad your DH can go with you this time. Hugs!

looeeze · August 2017

**lurking**

@rachelg777 fwiw, my OB told me to start trying again once my betas were below 5. She said some women just have 0-5 even though they aren't pregnant, and anything under 5 is considered the same as a 0. The only thing she wanted to check was to make sure they didn't go back up.

_darth · August 2017

I'll come back to post when I am a bit more steady, but I just wanted to let you know that I am reading and send everyone virtual hugs.

rachelg777 · August 2017

@looeeze Thanks! That's good to know!

zamoraspin · August 2017

@rachelg777 Thank you for your good thoughts! It really is a b*tch. It is amazing what the meds can do these days though.

TTCAL check-in week of 7/31

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