@Chillpr, fingers crossed that all goes well. I spotted in the first and third trimester with my now 2 year old son. (Still scary, of course.) And people can say such insensitive things around pregnancy/miscarriage.
Any appointments coming up? Yes. Tomorrow. I had an ultrasound at 6wks4dys because I had to go to the ER with severe pain. My 2nd one is tomorrow. I hope to hear his/her heartbeat.
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I lost my almost 1 year old daughter last July due to a negligent doctor, and it's even harder than dealing with my miscarriages. I cry, and I talk to her, and I wrote my first letter to her on her 2nd birthday July 16th. My husband and I look at her pictures and share her memories. We haven't gone to counselling, though we have the opportunity to do so. But I feel we will eventually, being pregnant makes it harder for me. My co-worker bullied me into telling her, even though I wasn't ready. She noticed changes in my eating habits, and me feeling sick at work. But we are ok. I've only told a few other people like my mom, step mom, my sister and another coworker. I also had to tell my HR and benefits manager, and Supervisor and by extension Manager. Because I feel very sick some days and have to call out from work. GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? On days that I stay home I sleep as much as possible. I'm in school as well pursuing a Masters in Health Care Administration, so I have to deal with that. Totally exhausted!!! I do the work when I feel up to it. I watch a lot of Disney channel, and just chill. Trying to stave off the negative thoughts.
@Daylianna, I am so so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you have felt. Please know that we are a supportive community and we want to be here for you throughout this journey in any way that we can.
@Daylianna, welcome and I am so very sorry for your loss. Any supportive resources you have are a blessing and I hope you find this community to be one of them.
Me: 39 DP: 49
TTC since Jan 2017 BFP #2 7/11/17 | EDD 3/24/18 BFP #1 5/2/17 | EDD 1/12/18 | MC 5/18/17
Any appointments coming up? 1 more u/s next week with the RE, but he graduated me and I have an appt with an OBGYN on 8/21!
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here). Doing okay. I have way more symptoms with this pregnancy than I did with either of my two losses, so that is making me feel better. This is the first week since our IUI that I feel that I have not had an appointment and it is actually nice not to stress an appointment so much
GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? DH. He has been so great. Getting me any food that sounds remotely good and really picking up the slack since I have been pretty useless. Also my pup - pup snuggles all day
@justkeeptrying my parents and sister know, as well as a co-worker who knew about our IF treatments. That is all. I think DH's family suspects because I all of a sudden didn't do a 100-mile bike ride race I had been training for, but given our history of losses they won't pry. I am like you in that I still want to tell people, but DH doesn't want anyone to know so we will probably wait until 12 weeks to tell his family. Then a long, long while to tell the world.
@hullabalou I like how open you and your DH are. I think it is wonderful you posted during Loss Awareness month. Also - 9weeks, time is flying! So excited for you
@becausescience you will be in that u/s thread before you know it
@eller-2 I hope that Friday wasn't too difficult for you *hugs*
@mchance100 good luck with your appointment today!
@chillpr ugh I am so sorry your co-worker is a douche canoe. IMO screw them. You do you.
@daylianna I am so sorry about your loss This is a wonderful community of women who are supportive and understanding. Glad you have found us and will be hoping so hard for an easy and unexciting 9 months for you
Was hoping today would go better...U/S measured only about 5 1/2 weeks, but I expected to be closer to 8 - 9 weeks. I've been highly irregular since my D&C last year, so I could see 1 or 2 weeks off, but 3 or more just seems impossible. Since you often don't find a HB at 5 weeks he wants me to come back in one week to make sure, though if blood work comes back tomorrow with higher hormone levels that pretty much seals the deal. In that case I just wish mother nature would have given me a heads up sooner so we can carry on with our lives. I guess it doesn't always work out that way, right?
Will check back in with the group if a miracle happens, but otherwise...it's been great to see the support in this group and other forums. I'm thinking good thoughts for every one of you for happy and healthy pregnancies.
I'm so sorry @mchance100 you didn't have a better u/s. I'm in a similar situation where baby was measuring behind and, while it had a heartbeat, it was too slow. I have to go back in a couple weeks to re check as well. I really hope things go well at your next scan for you and you get your miracle.
@mchance100 I am so sorry. I especially feel you on "In that case I just wish mother nature would have given me a heads up sooner so we can carry on with our lives." It's like the MC extra kick in the ribs while you're down. I hope that your ultrasound next week surprises and delights. Take care of yourself.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@mchance100, I am so sorry. Hoping for time to pass as quickly as possible for both you and @JournoGrl23 until you have more certainty, and hoping for the best possible outcomes.
@mchance100 I am so sorry your u/s didn't go as hoped. I'm hoping and praying that can somehow be pleasantly surprised.
@JournoGrl23 My thoughts are still with you as well.
afm I had my u/s today. Embaby is measuring at 7 wks and 1 day, I am 7 wks and 2 days but with the margin of error they said it is fine. We saw the flicker of a heartbeat and the rate is 132. I have never had a good u/s before. My next one is on Aug 17th before I graduate from my RE. Still many hurdles ahead but it is a day by day journey.
I hope everyone is well.
***TW*** Me: 36 DH:35 Married: 7/10/2016 TTC#1 - May 2016 BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016 BFP 5/5/2017 - CP IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161 Adam Born on 3/18/18
@mchance100, I am so sorry. I totally hear you on wishing Mother Nature had taken its course. I felt the same way with my MMC. Hugs, thoughts and prayers for you.
My first appointment is tomorrow morning (I'm 8 weeks 5 days) and I'm so scared I'm shaking. I'm shaking remembering the doctors face on our first ultrasound when she told us I'd miscarried. I'm so nervous I'm extra nauseous. I'm afraid if it happens again I won't be able to handle it. I can barely function at work because it's all I can think about. I just want a heartbeat. I just want that amazing first visit everyone has had. I want to walk out with an ultrasound pic and not another appointment for a D&C like last time. I wish I had some kind of text group chat to help me through tonight.
Any appointments coming up? 1st appt and u/s in 2 weeks
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here). Not bad. A little nervous and a little surreal. I just so vividly remember going in cheerfully for an u/s and it being an empty sac. Even though I've had a take home baby since then the memory is so vivid and it will be the same room.
GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Staying busy, Netflix, mindfulness
@maureenbioni I am so sorry you're struggling so much leading up to your US. Losing that pure, naive excitement going into an ultrasound is one of the crappy things about loss. The outcome of this ultrasound already is what it is. The only thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. Do you have an iPad or Kindle so you can buy (or check out from the library) an excellent mind-candy book that will really occupy your mind? Something in the realm of Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn or The Girl on the Train? What about starting a series or a movie that's easy to get really immersed in? Do make sure that you wait to go to bed until you're pretty sure you can sleep. At that, I would still take a book or a movie on your tablet that you can read/watch until you fall asleep. For me, if my mind is on its own for even just a couple minutes, it gallops away and there's no hope of sleeping.
I hope you have an excellent ultrasound tomorrow. But know that either way, you can and will handle it and you will make out out the other side. You may have to ask for help, which is absolutely okay but you are strong and resourceful. You can do this.
And we're no text group but we do have a lot of time zones covered.
*TW* Spoiler because I'm not sure if it will help or not but sometimes part of the problem is that it seems like everything always comes up roses for everyone else.
Remember that not everyone has had an amazing first visit. Okay? Loss just is what it is. It's not specific to you and it has nothing to do with what you do or don't deserve.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Thank you @kiki75. I am working tonight so that helps. And we've been decently busy. my coworkers are supportive and making me laugh. I plan on watching Forensic Files with husband tonight, we love silly detective shows!.
I understand not everyone has amazing first visits. I left the world of social media because I couldn't watch people posting their 9 week ultrasounds to announce while I am biting my nails hoping I'll make it there. I know I'm not the only one suffering. But in the moment you feel as though everyone around you has it all. It's just how I feel at the moment. It's very lonely to not be able to tell anyone also, when so many people announce with no fear. ITs hard not to be able to say why I'm a mess tonight.
My family is very supportive. I hate putting anything on them so I almost feel like if it's bad im letting them down too. Because then I hve to lean on everyone to get me through it.
just crazy PGAL thoughts that not many understand. That's why im very appreciate of this board. It's very helpful to know im not alone.
@maureenbioni I so know the feeling. Try to keep busy until like your a appointment as best you can. GO out to eat, a book is a good idea or a show that requires your full attention and is riveting (if you have hbo I recommends the Night of. Ozarks on Netflix is our currently binge too and both will keep your brain focused). Think binge. Keeping busy really helped me.
I had my first prenatal appointment today, and my midwife I said sending me for a follow up ultrasound thurs. last week I measure 5 days small but with a hb and I freaked. She truly didnt seem very worried which helps but was very understanding of my emotions. I love her lol. And I am so glad she isn't making me wait longer, only less than 48 hours. Fingers crossed for a week of growth.
@pghctwife we weren't sure about Ozark but maybe we will try it! We love Jason Bateman.
WOrk died down so I'm trying to read a nursing book (I'm entering my last semester of nursing school) but keep reading the same sentence over and over so I'm probably going to put something on Netflix. (Don't tell the boss!)
its so so nice to Be able to say how I feel here! And have people understand.
@maureenbioni it's so good! Has a bit of a breaking bad feel. Jason Bateman is great. WE are 4 ep in. There was a line early in episode 2 that was possibly the most perfectly delivered straight faced verbal slap in the faces by bateman to Laura linney - I won't spoil it you'll know it when to hear it it. We were dying!
I know. It is so hard when you feel like everything is working out perfectly for everyone but you. And that they are so certain of everything being great that they're just dancing in meadows while you're curled up sick with worry. One of the very few times I've ever said the F word to my mom was shortly after my MMC when I was furious that "Jenelle F#%*ing Evans" was pregnant again.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@maureenbioni - I'm so sorry you're struggling and I've been there. I went to a lot of counseling after my first and second loss - and honestly - still go to counseling for tune-ups. And my best advice is don't "should" on yourself. Your feelings are completely legitimate and if you need a little extra support from your family - so be it. Validating your feelings and not feeling guilty for needing support (I really struggled with this) - takes a load off your already burdened shoulders.
After I opened up to MH about my fears/anxieties - it felt like I wasn't alone anymore, I had spent so much time in my own head playing out different scenarios. So if you have to talk someone's ear off just to get to a place where you can function - then do it.
There's no right way to feel - and you just have to do what you can do to keep pushing on.
@maureenbioni, thinking of you tomorrow! I know how nerve-wracking that first appointment is. PGAL Brain seriously ruins these what should be exciting appointments. Praying you get to see a healthy heartbeat!
6 weeks, 5 days and I am spotting light brown. i will be calling my OB tomorrow. I did have some bleeding with my DS and all was fine but that was around 9 weeks due to a SCH. This along with the decrease in breast tenderness makes me feel like I'm done. I don't have any hope left.
Baby #1: BFP on 10/12/2011, EDD 6/24/2012
Born: 6/16/2012 Boy!
Baby #2: BFP on 11/11/2016, EDD 7/25/2017 - MC 1/2/2017
@hdaley I torture myself about symptoms as well. My breasts aren't as tender today just the nipples and it scares me. But from everyone I talk to some people just have no symptoms and everything turns out fine. Let's try to be hopeful, as hard as it is.
@hdaley I'm so sorry about the spotting and loss of symptoms but I'm sending love, T&P your way. Keep us posted. I hope that your OB is able to reassure you tomorrow.
Re: PGAL Check In (07-26 week)
@Chillpr, fingers crossed that all goes well. I spotted in the first and third trimester with my now 2 year old son. (Still scary, of course.) And people can say such insensitive things around pregnancy/miscarriage.
Any appointments coming up? Yes. Tomorrow. I had an ultrasound at 6wks4dys because I had to go to the ER with severe pain. My 2nd one is tomorrow. I hope to hear his/her heartbeat.
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I lost my almost 1 year old daughter last July due to a negligent doctor, and it's even harder than dealing with my miscarriages. I cry, and I talk to her, and I wrote my first letter to her on her 2nd birthday July 16th. My husband and I look at her pictures and share her memories. We haven't gone to counselling, though we have the opportunity to do so. But I feel we will eventually, being pregnant makes it harder for me. My co-worker bullied me into telling her, even though I wasn't ready. She noticed changes in my eating habits, and me feeling sick at work. But we are ok. I've only told a few other people like my mom, step mom, my sister and another coworker. I also had to tell my HR and benefits manager, and Supervisor and by extension Manager. Because I feel very sick some days and have to call out from work.
GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
On days that I stay home I sleep as much as possible. I'm in school as well pursuing a Masters in Health Care Administration, so I have to deal with that. Totally exhausted!!! I do the work when I feel up to it. I watch a lot of Disney channel, and just chill. Trying to stave off the negative thoughts.
BFP #2 7/11/17 | EDD 3/24/18
BFP #1 5/2/17 | EDD 1/12/18 | MC 5/18/17
Any appointments coming up? 1 more u/s next week with the RE, but he graduated me and I have an appt with an OBGYN on 8/21!
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here). Doing okay. I have way more symptoms with this pregnancy than I did with either of my two losses, so that is making me feel better. This is the first week since our IUI that I feel that I have not had an appointment and it is actually nice not to stress an appointment so much
GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? DH. He has been so great. Getting me any food that sounds remotely good and really picking up the slack since I have been pretty useless. Also my pup - pup snuggles all day
@justkeeptrying my parents and sister know, as well as a co-worker who knew about our IF treatments. That is all. I think DH's family suspects because I all of a sudden didn't do a 100-mile bike ride race I had been training for, but given our history of losses they won't pry. I am like you in that I still want to tell people, but DH doesn't want anyone to know so we will probably wait until 12 weeks to tell his family. Then a long, long while to tell the world.
@hullabalou I like how open you and your DH are. I think it is wonderful you posted during Loss Awareness month. Also - 9weeks, time is flying! So excited for you
@becausescience you will be in that u/s thread before you know it
@eller-2 I hope that Friday wasn't too difficult for you *hugs*
@chasingroygbiv so excited for your next u/s!!
@dani103 I will be hoping so hard for a great appointment on the 8th for you! Stay strong!
@mdfarmchick So excited for your appointment this week! I hope that you get excellent news and it can help ease your PGAL brain
@sp128 good luck with your u/s today!!
@mchance100 good luck with your appointment today!
@chillpr ugh I am so sorry your co-worker is a douche canoe. IMO screw them. You do you.
@daylianna I am so sorry about your loss
[spoiler]
Me: 28 Him: 30
Married: 11/15/14
TTC: 02/2016
IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS
June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d
August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d
June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!
Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)
[/spoiler]
Was hoping today would go better...U/S measured only about 5 1/2 weeks, but I expected to be closer to 8 - 9 weeks. I've been highly irregular since my D&C last year, so I could see 1 or 2 weeks off, but 3 or more just seems impossible. Since you often don't find a HB at 5 weeks he wants me to come back in one week to make sure, though if blood work comes back tomorrow with higher hormone levels that pretty much seals the deal. In that case I just wish mother nature would have given me a heads up sooner so we can carry on with our lives. I guess it doesn't always work out that way, right?
Will check back in with the group if a miracle happens, but otherwise...it's been great to see the support in this group and other forums. I'm thinking good thoughts for every one of you for happy and healthy pregnancies.
I'll be thinking of you.
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@JournoGrl23 My thoughts are still with you as well.
afm
I had my u/s today. Embaby is measuring at 7 wks and 1 day, I am 7 wks and 2 days but with the margin of error they said it is fine. We saw the flicker of a heartbeat and the rate is 132. I have never had a good u/s before. My next one is on Aug 17th before I graduate from my RE. Still many hurdles ahead but it is a day by day journey.
I hope everyone is well.
Me: 36 DH:35
Married: 7/10/2016
TTC#1 - May 2016
BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016
BFP 5/5/2017 - CP
IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161
Any appointments coming up? 1st appt and u/s in 2 weeks
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here). Not bad. A little nervous and a little surreal. I just so vividly remember going in cheerfully for an u/s and it being an empty sac. Even though I've had a take home baby since then the memory is so vivid and it will be the same room.
GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
Staying busy, Netflix, mindfulness
DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018
I hope you have an excellent ultrasound tomorrow. But know that either way, you can and will handle it and you will make out out the other side. You may have to ask for help, which is absolutely okay but you are strong and resourceful. You can do this.
And we're no text group but we do have a lot of time zones covered.
*TW* Spoiler because I'm not sure if it will help or not but sometimes part of the problem is that it seems like everything always comes up roses for everyone else.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I understand not everyone has amazing first visits. I left the world of social media because I couldn't watch people posting their 9 week ultrasounds to announce while I am biting my nails hoping I'll make it there. I know I'm not the only one suffering. But in the moment you feel as though everyone around you has it all. It's just how I feel at the moment. It's very lonely to not be able to tell anyone also, when so many people announce with no fear. ITs hard not to be able to say why I'm a mess tonight.
My family is very supportive. I hate putting anything on them so I almost feel like if it's bad im letting them down too. Because then I hve to lean on everyone to get me through it.
just crazy PGAL thoughts that not many understand. That's why im very appreciate of this board. It's very helpful to know im not alone.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
WOrk died down so I'm trying to read a nursing book (I'm entering my last semester of nursing school) but keep reading the same sentence over and over so I'm probably going to put something on Netflix. (Don't tell the boss!)
its so so nice to Be able to say how I feel here! And have people understand.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
After I opened up to MH about my fears/anxieties - it felt like I wasn't alone anymore, I had spent so much time in my own head playing out different scenarios. So if you have to talk someone's ear off just to get to a place where you can function - then do it.
There's no right way to feel - and you just have to do what you can do to keep pushing on.
Baby #1: BFP on 10/12/2011, EDD 6/24/2012 Born: 6/16/2012 Boy!
Baby #2: BFP on 11/11/2016, EDD 7/25/2017 - MC 1/2/2017