TW: Late-Term Miscarriage

This is mostly a XP from my month board, but I thought I would share here as well.  Hopefully it can help someone else in the future who deals with one of the conditions mentioned.

Update: 8-8 *TW*

I was induced Friday 8/4.  We went in at 8 am, I delivered at approximately 4:20 pm, had to have a D&C to remove the rest of the placenta and finally made it home around 11 pm after a trip to the 24-hour pharmacy.  We had no other complications and I've finished all of my scripts aside from my as-needed pain meds.  My bleeding has reduced to spotting.  My mom was a sweetheart and took the day off of work to come be with DH&I, sent me flowers, and has checked on me everyday.  Poor DH worked the 3rd shift the night before and didn't sleep or leave my side (or eat) the entire time.  We finally finished telling immediate family yesterday.  Both sets of my parents, as well as my brother & SIL have made a point to check on me daily.  The staff at my OB's office has checked on me several times over the past week since we found out as well.  I think DH & I are still processing all that has happened.  I don't think it's quite *real* for either of us at this point. 

Original Post:

Note: This post is one big Trigger Warning.  Writing is therapeutic to me and a lot has happened in the past 24 hours, so I apologize if I go into too much detail.  Loss, chromosomal abnormalities, hygroma and hydrops mentioned.

We confirmed a missed miscarriage of our little bean today, just shy of 16 weeks.  It occurred sometime between 13-16 weeks.  We're going to wait probably a week and I'm going to go hang out in L&D at our local hospital all day with DH and/or my best friend while they induce me with Cytotec.  

Misc info: I am just shy of 31, DH is 43.  We were TTC nearly 2 years prior to this pregnancy.  This is my first pregnancy.  DH has 2 healthy children from a previous marriage.

Long Story:  
For a bit of a recap leading up to yesterday: I had an irregular ultrasound on 6/28 at approximately 11.5 weeks with a suspected Cystic Hygroma.  I was sent to the lab for a chromosomal test and referred to a perinatologist in a nearby city and scheduled a follow-up with the local obstetrician on 7/27.  I had a follow-up ultrasound and visit with the perinatologist at just under 13 weeks and confirmed the Cystic Hygroma.  I was still cautiously optimistic because our little bean was wiggling around and still had a good heartbeat.  A few hours later the perinatologist's nurse called with my results from the chromosomal screening I had done a week and a half before.  It was abnormal, positive for Monosomy X (Turner's Syndrome), meaning our bean was a girl.  I spent next several days doing some research on TS trying to educate myself & DH about our very real possibilities of not making it full term, as well as what steps we may need to take or things we may need to look for if our girl made it home with us.  Aside from the risk of miscarriage/stillbirth, the actual potential symptoms or Turner's were very manageable with proper health monitoring and additional tutoring/occupational therapy if she ended up having issues with learning certain school subjects or social skills.  The perinatologist scheduled me for a follow-up for 7/31 & 9/14, the latter of which I would also be seen by a pediatric cardiologist for a full echosonogram.

Yesterday I had my followup at the local obstetrician.  Since I was now deemed high-risk, they no longer let me see the midwife and instead switched me to a patient of one of the physicians.  The ob they paired me with (whom I've never met) was on vacation so I actually met with the other local ob instead.  Since I was scheduled for an U/S next Monday with the perinatologist, they let me skip it before this appointment, so we just talked to start instead.  She went over the results of my chromosomal test and the results that she had in the computer were DIFFERENT than the ones given to me by the perinatologist's office.  The results at my local office stated that our bean was male and suffered from Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome).  We were both very frustrated and confused.  She tried to call the perinatologist's office about the mix up but they were already gone for the day.  She vowed to check it out the next day and get back to me.  She sat me on the table and got out the fetal doppler.  I know something was wrong because she immediately asked me if I had felt any kicking yet, which I hadn't.  I hadn't but hadn't really thought about it because I just saw our bean moving around with her?his? little heart beating less than 3 weeks ago and I wasn't quite at 16 weeks yet.  She couldn't find the heartbeat, kept asking me about moving, and eventually we swapped rooms with another patient so we could use the ultrasound in that room.  That's pretty much when I knew.  She tried the abdominal u/s first and couldn't see what she wanted.  I couldn't see the heartbeat fluttering or our bean moving at all.  She then switched to the transvaginal u/s to get a better look and during that she got called out for a birth at the attached hospital.  She asked me to wait if I could and that she would call if it was going to be too late that evening for her to finish my appointment.  I opted to wait and sat in the waiting room.  She called from L&D and offered to use their sono equipment instead.  Her nurse walked me about halfway to L&D and gave me directions when I just had one turn left.  We did a 3rd u/s up in L&D and she still couldn't find it.  She assured me that she's not a sonographer, but she's never been wrong, and wanted me to return at 8 am when the regular ob sonographer was in so I could be checked again.  I asked her about our options for once it was confirmed and had her go over it a couple of times.  I did fairly well over the evening.  I got some greasy fast food and DH & I mostly sat in silence on the couch.  I had been mentally preparing myself for the possibility, but I wasn't expecting it quite so soon.  My old friend insomnia (from First Trimester) visited me about 3 or 3:30am and I was unable to go back to sleep.

This morning DH & I were at the office when they opened at 8.  There was one ahead of us for sonography, but we were seen fairly quickly.  I finally started crying during the u/s, mostly every time I looked at DH.  This machine (which was better than the other 2 we used the previous day) was much clearer.  I could see it's little features in there, "sleeping."  No finger/arm movement, no feet kicking, no heart flutter.  The sonographer apologized for the results and gave her condolences and left DH & I alone in the room.  I lost it when she left.  I was able to compose myself long enough to clean off the gel and grab some tissues, but then I just sobbed and DH put his arm around me and held my hand.  After a while she came back and moved us to an exam room so we wouldn't have to go wait in the main lobby while we waited for the ob.  The ob from yesterday came in and gave her condolences and the rest of the results.  Bean was too constricted in the fetal position to properly measure for an estimated date of when the MMC occurred, and looked hydropic (which would have developed from the Cystic Hygroma and the likely COD).  She asked me if I had thought about the options she gave me the next day.  During that the perinatologist's office called back, still claims that their results were correct (this should have been the SAME results page, mind you, that they would have received from my ob's office) and that we should do a post-mortem test to be sure.  I found the whole thing ridiculous and irrelevant.  There's obviously an error *somewhere* since they gave me 2 separate sexes & separate abnormal test results, but it doesn't change the fact that there was SOME sort of chromosomal abnormality and our baby is dead.  To my knowledge, neither abnormality has an increased chance of occurring in a 2nd pregnancy.  The ob agreed another test was a pointless and unnecessary expense, and was going to have their office manager get ahold of the lab and have them send over a copy of the original results on letterhead to confirm either way so she could determine where the error in communication came from to begin with.  I've opted to be induced in about a week if the miscarriage doesn't finish on its own (it could have occurred yesterday or three weeks ago, there's no way to know).  The hospital will cremate the remains for us at no charge.  While I'm in a okay mood about it, I went ahead and let my nurse at the RE's office know of the loss and asked for advice going forward.  I think the both the hardest and best thing about it being chromosomal is that there's absolutely nothing we could have done differently, but also no one to blame.  We can just focus on ourselves and each other and then try again.