Without telling anyone people have already figured out I'm pregnant

secretsmama · July 2017

What do I do? I didn't want anyone knowing until after the 12 week super dangerous period but almost everyone who sees me daily has taken one look at me and flat out says "your pregnant aren't you?!"
The only person besides me who knew was my husband and he definitely hasn't said anything.
How can people tell??

harpseal135 · July 2017

secretsmama said:

What do I do? I didn't want anyone knowing until after the 12 week super dangerous period but almost everyone who sees me daily has taken one look at me and flat out says "your pregnant aren't you?!"
The only person besides me who knew was my husband and he definitely hasn't said anything.
How can people tell??

My face bloated out nearly immediately, as did my belly.

Have you changed any habits that people noticed?

JennyColada · July 2017

To be honest, true or not, that strikes me as a super rude thing for them to say. Even if you're 8 months pregnant, let you come out with it on your own time.

so my reply would be something like "wow, um...that's definitely a question. Hello to you too."

whenwillieversleep1 · July 2017

Someone at work told me they could tell i was pregnant because my butt was growing so large. She said she couldnt tell from my belly (because of my baggy shirts even though i was showing at 6 weeks thanks to progesterone supplements). Terrible thing to say right??? But for some people our bellies and the rest of our body just start to grow a lot earlier than 12 weeks and people just know.

MrsJ2410 · July 2017

Someone did that to me at work and I was so surprised I couldn't even lie. I feel like I look obviously pregnant but still,RUDE, no one should be commenting on your body no matter what!

clehman1525 · July 2017

I'm not sure why any woman is offended when people ask if theyre pregnant WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY PREGNANT cmon, lighten up ladies you're mad because they are noticing something is different...because it is

kiki75 · July 2017

clehman1525 said:

I'm not sure why any woman is offended when people ask if theyre pregnant WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY PREGNANT cmon, lighten up ladies you're mad because they are noticing something is different...because it is

1. Because it's none of their dang business. If someone wants to share that they're pregnant, cool. If they don't, it is incredibly rude (and in a workplace could also be an HR issue) to out them.
2. Especially in the workplace, there are career-based reasons a woman wouldn't want to share that she's pregnant. Such as in the process of applying for a promotion or asking for a raise or not being relegated to only the unimportant projects. Only someone incredibly rude and petty who can't stand on their own merit would do that to a person.
3. You've never had a loss, have you? Clearly you don't understand that people don't want to share that with everyone. I am not at all ashamed of my miscarriages but I also have chosen not to share them with the world at large at this point in time. It's private medical information.
4. Private medical information is private. I bet you wouldn't like someone saying in a public setting, "Check out that cold sore! How long have you had the Herp'?!" Because by your logic, "they are noticing something is different...because it is." So that would be okay too.
5. Saying basically, "Whoa! You got fat! Are you pregnant or just a pig?" Is rude.
6. Let me guess, you do this to people all the time and think it is funny/cute/acceptable. It isn't and people hate it. And you can follow the logic from there.

kamio92 · July 2017

I'm so sorry! That sucks! I wasn't able to reveal my pregnancy in the way that I had wished. Maybe it is the way that you hold yourself? I don't know... I've always been able to tell with one friend that I have whenever she is pregnant. I can't explain how I know...I just did. I never flat out asked her though. I waited.

ishmoney · July 2017

It's never appropriate to comment on anyone's body. And I agree, outing someone is not okay.

kaitie12-27 · July 2017

I had one person at work figure it out a few days before i was planning to announce it to everyone there. She said i was glowing and she noticed i was running to the bathroom more often than usual. Also i had put on a bit of weight in my stomach. And i wasn't offended because she is a mom so she knows what to look for. For me it was more just wondering what gave me away.

TheAnalyticalMommy · July 2017

So rude! When i was pregnant with my 3rd my boss figured it out and he started to say "OMG YOU"RE NOT...." and then closed his mouth, turned around and left ! LOL

We didn't talk about it again until i was ready to announce it.

At least he had the common sense to stop himself - or maybe he was afraid of HR!

lovehopejoy · July 2017

I'm so afraid that people will figure it out before we announce it. I wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester but there's no way I can hide my belly that long. It seems like my boobs and belly got bigger as soon as i got my BFP. So we are announcing it after our 6-week appointment. It doesn't help that 80% of my clothes are form-fitting so I've had to go out and buy drapey clothes to try to hide it. I've been avoiding family and friends because my bloated belly makes me look 4-5 months preg when I'm actually 5w3d. I have 2 family events this weekend and I'm sooo scared to go because someone is going to notice and make a big deal of it and I haven't even told my parents yet. Luckily no one has said anything at work yet, although I feel like they already know. I caught my boss staring at my stomach on two separate occasions recently so I feel like he knows.

babybro218 · July 2017

Nothing infuriates me more than this. Because of gossipy a-holes at work spreading rumors and asking me questions before I was pregnant (But quietly TTC via IVF w lots of disappointments), I stopped eating lunch with co-workers. Now that I am actually pregnant, it's still none of their business until I want it to be. If anyone at work asks, I will not hesitate to tell them how incredibly rude, selfish, and insensitive they're acting.

pettycrocker · July 2017

Just stopping in to say the whole "Don't announce until after 3 months" was popular before early u/s existed. Once a heartbeat is confirmed (as early as 6wks gestation) the m/c rate drops significantly.

Also- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

MyNamesTaken · July 2017

joyjoyjoyjoyjoy said:

Just stopping in to say the whole "Don't announce until after 3 months" was popular before early u/s existed. Once a heartbeat is confirmed (as early as 6wks gestation) the m/c rate drops significantly.

Also- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

It drops even more significantly after 12 weeks. We had a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks and discovered a MMC at our 12 week US. We didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks this time. It doesn't matter how small the chance is, being that person who has to tell everyone about a MC is really hard. Can't fault anyone for waiting to tell until they're comfortable on whatever timeline they choose.

harpseal135 · July 2017

joyjoyjoyjoyjoy said:

Just stopping in to say the whole "Don't announce until after 3 months" was popular before early u/s existed. Once a heartbeat is confirmed (as early as 6wks gestation) the m/c rate drops significantly.

Also- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

Not everyone gets an early ultrasound

pettycrocker · July 2017

Yea, we lost 3, I am very aware of how hard it is to tell people you lost a baby. This is a very old school taboo that really does nothing but cause women to feel like they shouldn't talk about early losses. MyNamesTaken said:

joyjoyjoyjoyjoy said:

Just stopping in to say the whole "Don't announce until after 3 months" was popular before early u/s existed. Once a heartbeat is confirmed (as early as 6wks gestation) the m/c rate drops significantly.

Also- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

It drops even more significantly after 12 weeks. We had a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks and discovered a MMC at our 12 week US. We didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks this time. It doesn't matter how small the chance is, being that person who has to tell everyone about a MC is really hard. Can't fault anyone for waiting to tell until they're comfortable on whatever timeline they choose.

kiki75 · July 2017

pettycrocker said:

Yea, we lost 3, I am very aware of how hard it is to tell people you lost a baby. This is a very old school taboo that really does nothing but cause women to feel like they shouldn't talk about early losses. MyNamesTaken said:

joyjoyjoyjoyjoy said:

Just stopping in to say the whole "Don't announce until after 3 months" was popular before early u/s existed. Once a heartbeat is confirmed (as early as 6wks gestation) the m/c rate drops significantly.

Also- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

It drops even more significantly after 12 weeks. We had a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks and discovered a MMC at our 12 week US. We didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks this time. It doesn't matter how small the chance is, being that person who has to tell everyone about a MC is really hard. Can't fault anyone for waiting to tell until they're comfortable on whatever timeline they choose.

Every single person gets to share exactly what they choose to about their pregnancies, whether they end in a take home baby or a loss. I feel like your most recent comment tiptoes right up to shaming those of us who have chosen not to share our losses with the world at large at this time. It doesn't matter how many losses or live births a person has had, they don't get to have any say on what another family chooses to do. The whole point is that we each get to choose to share or not to share and we don't have to justify that decision.

pettycrocker · July 2017

Shaming people for not sharing? Get real. I am a huge advocate for women being able to share early losses without a constant fear of judgement from our society, and if you go to my ORIGINAL post you will see where I said to her :

- Tell everyone to mind their own effing business. You can just show up with a baby one day. You are under no obligations to share with anyone.

Miss me with that BS, My comments were all in reference to her "super dangerous first 12 week" statement, and
still never suggested anyone share or not share. Good try putting a bunch of words into my posts that never happened. See ya later, alligator.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/cg/7x0sao1w44ko.jpg

kiki75 · July 2017

Wow. That's a heck of a reaction when, "Yeah, I can see how it might be read that way. Sometimes it's hard to convey exact meaning over the internet." would have sufficed. Glad you changed your SN to something more fitting.

pettycrocker · July 2017

@kiki75

Why the F would I agree to you putting words into my posts that I never said. I'm glad I did too, saves a lot of confusion around these parts. #ImNotHereForThat

Share or don't share. What I SAID was it's none of anyone's business one way or another.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/vl/pqtcl37pipay.gif

kiki75 · July 2017

Look @pettycrocker I'm sorry I misunderstood your intention when you wrote, "This [in regards to @MyNamesTaken's comments] is a very old school taboo that really does nothing but cause women to feel like they shouldn't talk about early losses." and that we're somehow in an argument when it turns out that we pretty much agree.

pettycrocker · July 2017

Well I wouldn't call a couple pregnant chicks bickering on TB an argument, but I'm glad that's all done and settled.

All these hormones;

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/re/0myn5whmzr7a.jpg

mrssouthernyankee · August 2017

My coworker exclaimed "Oh my God, are you PREGNANT!?" in the middle of a staff meeting when she heard I had quit smoking.

And my 7 year old said to me- "Mom, you look like you're gonna have a baby." around 6 weeks. I asked him if it was because I looked fat and he said YEP!

babyhase2018 · August 2017

I had that happen with one of my coworkers. I work in a medical setting, so I am not surprised. She apologized for asking but said that she thought I had a glow and wanted to know if she was right. She used to work at an OBGYN, so I guess I'm not surprised. Another doctor has been asking me lately if I'm tired or unwell. May not be able to hold our for 12 weeks in this setting.

toesinthesand-2 · August 2017

I swear sometimes it's like people are just watching like a hawk to find out if people are pregnant....

I had lunch with a friend the other day and she immediately called me out for ordering a water with my lunch instead of a diet coke. It's like, damn, you can't even eat/drink what you want. I'm avoiding eating out with her because there would be NO WAY for me to hide it. I love sushi, rare meat, deli sandwiches, diet coke, etc. If we went out for lunch I would have to order something completely out of my norm and it would be a dead giveaway.

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